Alpha Nicholas
Chapter 33 –

Bonnie

I wasn't lying when I told Nicky that I knew that he needed to go and run, I could feel how tense he and his wolf were and I knew neither of them would want to lose their temper in front of me or Lexi but that wasn't the only reason I convinced him to go. The truth is I needed some time on my own to work through everything.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy that he told me everything that he did and while it does explain a lot of things, it does still leave me with some questions but they're questions that I don't think he'll be able to answer, not really or maybe he won't want to, I'm not sure, so for me to try and figure them out for myself I needed him gone because when he's around it's hard to breath, never mind think.

Take away the asshole side that he carries around or at least the asshole side that he can appear to have and you've got everything I could have ever wanted in a mate. He's tall, strong, and incredibly handsome. He clearly loves his family, pack and of course, his daughter, and I don't doubt that he would do anything for any one of them.

He's also an Alpha which if we're being honest, to be mated to an Alpha is what most She-wolves dream about but for me, it's not everything I could want. Him being an Alpha makes no difference to me, he could be an Omega for all I care. His rank does nothing for me and in all honesty, the thought of being a Luna scares the shit out of me.

I know he's claiming to have seen past his wish to not take his mate but what if he changes his mind again? What if he claims me only to reject me later on? What if he thinks he wants me but then he decides he was wrong and sends me on my way? I've been through a lot of heartache in my lifetime but to live through that... Yeah, I'm not sure if I could survive that, not sure if I would want to. Which brings me to my other reason for wanting to be left alone.

I know he told me a lot but I also know that he hasn't told me everything. He's still holding back on the true reason why he doesn't want a mate and unless he's willing to tell me what it is then there's no hope for us. As much as it breaks my heart, I will walk away. If he can't be honest with me, his mate about a question that involves me then how am I supposed to ever trust him? The moment I asked him about why he didn't want a mate I knew he wasn't going to tell me the truth by the way his eyes shifted and his whole body instantly tensed up.

There's no way what he said is the main reason, it just doesn't make sense. I'm not saying that it doesn't have something to do with his reason but there's no way that it's the main reason. I can understand his anger towards Lottie's mom at what she did when she abandoned her and even when she showed up wanting money for her but if you dig deeper into that you can understand a little of why she did what she did.

I'm not saying that what she did is ok but she was a scared teenager forced to have a baby without consent. So maybe she did struggle and didn't want to raise her daughter but she must have been in such an awful place. I know I couldn't ever imagine going through what she did.

While his anger is somewhat justified I still feel like he's putting too much blame on her for all that happened and while some of it is her fault, at the same time things happened beyond her control and she couldn't handle it and I can't really blame her for that. Who knows how we would react if we found ourselves in the same position? Nicky was lucky to have the family that he does and who were there for him when he found out he had Lottie but not everyone is that lucky.

As for the She-wolf that cheated on him, yes that sucks but unfortunately, that's a risk you take when you enter a relationship that isn't your mate. I know of a lot of wolves that have had it happen to them and yes it sucked but it never stopped them wanting their mate. No, he's hiding something else and if he doesn't tell me soon then I'm leaving and I'm not coming back!

Sitting here thinking about everything has my emotions all over the place and now Nick's not the only one in need of a run, so are Lexi and I but I'm almost certain that he's got guards outside my room and I doubt that they will let me out of here without his permission or at the very least the docs ok, neither of which I have. Maybe I should wait a little longer, I don't want to set my recovery time back anymore especially if I'm gonna need to run, I'll need all the energy I can get, and I'll need to be at my fittest. "I want to run!" Lexi whines in my head. "I know Lex, I do too but I don't think it's a good idea, not yet anyway." She pouts like a toddler as she stomps around in my head. "We are fine to run, Bon. I'll be the one running and I've never felt so good. You won't use any of your energy. Please!" The girl knows how much I struggle to say no to her especially since I've started shifting again. That's another thing that I need to figure out too. How have I been able to shift since we came here? I hadn't been able to shift in months before we came here and now I've shifted a couple of times and I'm ready for more.

"It's because we're around our mate. The connection even before being accepted strengthens us and because he's an Alpha it's even stronger." Now she decides to tell me! I swear this girl knows how to test my patience at times. I've been driving myself mad trying to figure that out. "I didn't know myself until I woke up and spoke to Storm earlier. I wouldn't have kept that from you, Bon." It's a shame that he can't give me what I want because already it's clear to see that so much good could come from our bond, but it could also destroy me and I don't think my heart can take anymore.

"Fuck it! Let's go, Lex!" She makes me laugh when she does a little happy dance in my head while wagging her tail. "So how do we get out of here, Bon Bon?" I climb off the bed careful not to make too much noise and head straight for the window and breathe a sigh of relief when I see that we are on the ground floor, I don't see anyone around so we should be able to make a quick exit and with the forest just a few feet away I don't see us getting stopped.

"Ok, let's go!" She quickly shouts as I feel her excitement level build and it makes me smile. No matter what happens in my life that wolf always manages to make me smile and laugh. I really would be so lost without her. "I ain't going anywhere, baby girl. Now, less of the sappiness, and let's get our asses moving!" She doesn't need to tell me twice. I quickly push open the window and make a swift exit. I'm only in my hospital gown but I'll be naked soon so there's no point in changing.

We manage to make it to the wooded area rather quickly and hide behind a tree to strip off before I let Lexi take over and shift and then watch as she takes off into the forest. Every step she takes feels like more and more freedom and I feel myself breathing in a way I've never before, well not that I remember anyway. For now, it feels like none of the worries of my life are real. It just feels like it's me, her, and the world beneath our feet. Maybe it's a preview of what our life could be like if we do run, who knows? Either way, I'm going to enjoy this time before reality kicks back in and I have to start making decisions that I don't want to.