Alpha Nicholas
Chapter 39 –

Alpha Nicholas

"Telling Bonnie that final part of what happened has left me feeling so many different things and above all else completely drained. I feel like I could sleep for a month but on the other hand, I also feel relieved that she knows but more than anything I feel pure terrifying fear. Once I knew I wanted her with every fiber of my bearing I was afraid that she would leave after all I had put her through but now...

Well, now I'm fucking terrified that she will, and while there's a part of me that still wants her to so that I know she will live and can have the chance of being happy there's another part of me that never wants to let her go regardless of what could be. And while it sounds awful I'm only thinking that way because it's been a few days since we met and yet she's still alive so maybe we have a chance... Just maybe.

I'll pulled out of my wondering mind as my mate wiggles on my lap. She seems concerned but nothing like I thought she would be. I imagined she would be terrified, expected it even but once again she is surprising me with how she's handling this whole shit show. I'm not sure how Many times she has done that in the short time that I have known her but I can bet that it's something that she will always do and I'm more than happy to be around for it.

"When you said that you didn't want a mate, was that part of the reason?" For some reason I don't expect her question which in reality is stupid, of course, her mind has wandered back to that and I'm going to be nothing but honest with her from here on out. "It was the biggest part of it. To see Tony replace his soul mate just to have her ripped away from him in less than a day was one of the worst things that I have ever witnessed so trying to even imagine that happening to me completely threw me and so I decided that if I didn't have my mate, didn't except her then she couldn't get hurt. Of course, Storm was all for trying even if he didn't want to lose his mate, he still wasn't ready to give up on the idea. Everyone around me assumed it was just me being a miserable bastard but that wasn't the case. I was scared, really fucking scared and if keeping my mate safe meant living with a reputation of being a complete asshole then I was ok with that."

"Was there any other reason why you didn't want a mate?" This girl is smart and is good at sensing stuff and it's quite terrifying. "There was. Another reason was the fear of what would happen to Storm and me if we rejected our mate. We all know the stories of how some wolves can't get over not having their mate even if they have rejected them and go insane or kill themselves and I couldn't do that to Lottie, I couldn't do it to any of my family but especially Lottie, even more so after what her mom had done to her." "And Lottie was also another reason for it right?"

"How do you do that?" I smile at the look on her face. She appears to look confused by my question but her eyes show mischief, It's not something I've seen from her before, but I already know that I want to see it more and often. "Know what I'm thinking or what I'm about to say."

She shrugs her shoulder but I don't miss the glimpse of sadness that flickers in her eyes. Yeah... I fucking hate that sight, bring back her mischievous eyes any day. "Growing up like I did you learn a thing or do. Anyway, don't try and distract me. Come on, tell me your other reason that involves Lottie" It's a demand, not a question and it's hot as fuck!

"Within a few years of Lottie arriving here, she started asking questions about my mate. Why I didn't have one? Was I excited to meet her? And she often asked me if my mate would be her mommy because she had never had one and that broke my heart and developed a new fear in me of not just me losing my mate but also Lottie too.

What if the curse worked and I met my mate and she died, how would I explain that to my little girl? What if I met my mate and she rejected me or didn't want anything to do with Lottie, how would I explain that to her? I guess over time I just figured that if I rejected her without Lottie knowing that it would just make everything so much easier."

She gives me the cutest confused look as she scrunches up her nose while giving it a little wiggle. "Would it make it easier though? Who would it have made it easier for?"

"Maybe it wouldn't have been for my mate or even me but it would have made it easier for Lottie and saved her any pain that could have come her way. Since the day she arrived on my doorstep, it's been my job to protect her and I thought that by doing it that way that I was protecting her. Of course, as the years went by I often wondered if I had actually made the right choice for Lottie but even if I had changed my mind it wouldn't have mattered because apparently my mate was designed to be much younger than me and I've only now got to meet her."

She looks up at me with a small smile on her face and the look in her eyes leaves me breathless for a moment. "I'm sorry you had to wait so long." It's easy to see that her words are genuine but it's not her fault. "You have nothing to be sorry for, baby. We both know that the fate of who our mates are and when we meet them is all in the Moon Goddess's hands. If this is her plan for us then so be it. Besides, I reckon you're worth the wait."

Again her smile takes my breath away and before I can even attempt to stop myself I've already dipped my head down and gently placed my lips on hers. I know I said that I wouldn't kiss her until I knew for sure that she was staying but I just couldn't hold back anymore. What if she does leave and I never knew how it felt to kiss her, how she tastes so sweet. She leans into the kiss and it drives me fucking crazy. Her lips are plump and juicy and I swear I've never ever experienced a kiss like this in my whole goddam life. Almost straight away it becomes clear to me that this is more than likely her first kiss but that just drives both Storm and me even more wild.

She may be new to this but she's not backing down, she's letting me take the lead but also following my silent guidance like a pro. "Just think about all of the other things that we can teach her. Fuck, I can't wait to get my paws on Lexi!" Storm growls in my head. Now that fucker is always a horny asshole but I'm going to let him have this one. This has been a long and messed up situation and despite his wants, he has always known that he may never have gotten to meet his mate so I can only imagine where his head is right

now...

"Storm, fuck off. Now is not the time. Leave me enjoy this moment. And while I'm sure that your time will come very soon, it won't if we push her too far too fast so please, let me do this my way. I promise to do all I can to get you some time with Lexi and soon." He grunts his disapproval but doesn't say anymore, just whines as he retreats to the back of my head to sulk as I put my full attention back on my mate where it should always be and will always be if I have my way.

Her soft lips continue to brush against mine but I want more and swipe my tongue across her bottom lip and want to howl in joy when she gasps just like I wanted and opens her mouth which allows me to get my tongue inside her dream of a mouth and of course, it doesn't take her long to follow my guide and soon wer'e all tongues and teeth and it's fucking hot!

After a few minutes of kissing and running my hand up and down her back, I bring it down and place it on her leg, and gently rub it. I feel her tense up for a second and I'm glad of it, not because I want her uncomfortable or anything like that but because it's the reminder that I need to take things slow. Of course, it's at this moment that she also decides to let out a cock hardening moan and it takes all I have to remember that she was tense just a moment ago.

I think she's torn between wanting more but not wanting to rush so despite everything in me including Storm telling me to keep going I decide not to be that prick and instead pull back from our kiss and hold back my groan of disappointment. "We should stop, baby. I'm so close to losing my control that it's not even funny." At first, she seems a little worried that I stopped and I'd bet my last dollar that she went straight to that dark place in her head, the one telling her that I didn't like it or had changed my mind but she couldn't be any further from the truth.

"But I assure you that won't be the last time that we do that and I can already tell that it's only going to get better." Finally, she smiles at me while nodding her head and then she goes and bites down on her bottom lip and it drives me fucking crazy so I gently pull her lip away from her teeth and give her a quick peek. "Quit doing that or I'll quit being a gentleman." My words must trigger something in her because suddenly I see that mischievous glint in her eyes once more but as she goes to speak Ryan's voice suddenly bellows in my head and instantly has my heart racing.

"Alpha, Nick. Fuck, you need to get down the cells right now! Tony's here and I'm not sure how long we're gonna be able to hold him back!" Fuck, Tony!