Alpha Zander
Chapter 50

His apology is understandable and scary at the same time.

We were intimate, and I trusted him completely. I felt ready to tell people he was my mate and prepared to have strained relationships with my family over him. I gave him all of me; he was my first in everything.

While I understand his reasoning, it also hurts that he didn’t think he could trust me enough to realize that I wasn’t going to reject him, that I was there for support.

I feel the bond moving through us as he speaks to me, explaining his actions. How was it that he was able to keep away from me for so long if this is how l feel right now?

I see his confused face as I rummage through my bag.

I had already packed the little blue box and was going to give it back to him tonight either way.

I didn’t want to hurt him, but l also think it’s the right choice to give it back to him for now.

I watch the color drain from his face as I try to give back the little blue box. Taking a deep breath, I hope he hears what I have to say before freaking out completely.

“Thank you for being honest with me. I know that it was hard for you to be so open.

While I appreciate the explanation, as much as I still care for you, I also don’t want to feel like an obligation to you because it’s not fair to either of us if you can’t trust me.

I understand this is new for you, but the fact that you wanted to fight the bond every night to keep away from me showed me that you don’t trust me as a mate should.

I want you to feel like you can come to me with anything and not have all these unsettling feelings.

When you gave me this, you told me the significance of it, and right now, I don’t believe we are at the point where we have accepted each other entirely.

Maybe one day you can give this back to me and be 100% sure that I am your other half and that you accept me entirely, but until then, I think you should have it back.”

I felt a huge weight lifted as I explained my reasoning for giving back the hairpiece.

I loved that he gave it to me, I loved that it was mine, but he didn’t see me as his other half.

He saw me as an obligation, and until that changes for him, we can’t be together.

Zander stares at the blue box in my hands, confusion written all over his face.

Maybe he thought that if he apologized, we would be ok, and yes, the apology helped immensely, but we still have a lot to work on.

When he gave me this, he said it was his mothers, that his father and mother were equals, and they loved each other dearly.

Right now, it didn’t feel like Zander loved me. It felt like he was just with me because he had to be because of the bond of our wolves.

He stepped up today, but what happens after I forgive him? Will everything just go back to what it was?

We need to build some foundation and trust before he gives me something so significant.

“So, what do you want then?” he asks carefully. I can hear the hurt in his voice he tries to hide as he looks up, his confused expression whipped away, leaving me with a completely blank face. I can see his walls thrown up as he stares at me, waiting for me to decide our future.

Part of me knew this might happen, but I had a small hope he would understand how much he hurt me. I’d hoped this would help him grow.

“I think we should date, get to know each other a bit more.” I bite my bottom l*p looking at him, hoping he would be ok with this as I drop the box into his hand.

“1 didn’t think you wanted that until we accepted each other, so are you saying you want everyone to know now?” he asks, posture still tense, he removes his hand from my leg, and the warmth and tingles leave along with it, I almost let out a small whimper missing his comfort.

“l just think we need a bit more time together to build the trust so we can come to each other with anything. I want to apologize, too, I know before I have tried to reject you, and maybe things would have been different if we knew how to talk to one another. But I am here, trying to be a better person for you and support you in anything and everything.”

I move closer to him, putting my hand on his chest. I can feel him tense as I try to move closer. I know it hurt him to give something like that back, and l just hoped that he would understand.

I see gold rims in his eyes flash forward every so often, letting me know that Jace is present in this moment. I hoped Jace would help him understand my point.

Zander heaves a sigh, closing his eyes and trying to regain control. It seems there is a struggle between the two at the moment. Kia shifts around in my mind in response to Jace, I know she wants to be with him right now, but Zander and I need to sort us out before they get intimate again.

“It’s ok, sweetheart, I appreciate the apology, but it was all mostly my fault.”

He leans in, grabs my waist, and pulls me in further, so I sit on his lap, breathing in my scent to calm Jace down.

I feel the bond sparks dancing around me as I lean into him, and he wraps his hands around me tightly, kissing me on the cheek. I know we have just spoken about some heavy stuff, and I am so grateful we have sorted it out for the most part.

“I love what you did here. Thank you for making it special,”I whispered after an hour of chatting and finishing our dinner. We were now sitting in comfortable silence, holding each other, making up for lost time.

“l’m glad you like it, I should have done stuff like this sooner, treated you better, and now l have realized that I’ll never stop trying.” He says, voice all gruff as he mumbles in my hair, kissing the top of my head.

I nod gently, trying not to disturb the peace, before slowly drifting off to sleep.

I hear him whisper so softly I wouldn’t hear it if it weren’t for my wolf hearing.

“l love you so much, and I will strive to show you how much every day.”