Bubba And The Mayans
Guatemala

Guatemala

When we walked into The Poison Giant Dahlia came from behind the bar to deliver drinks to our table, give us each a hug, and then went to replace her husband Osned.

Osned is a Pilifino expat who is quite satisfied living a simple life on earth. We had gotten involved with him due to an unfortunate golfing incident a few years ago. We became friends over time.

It was quite advantageous for us that Guatemala happened to be considered the center of Mayan culture and history on earth, since we had a friend there. Four rednecks from Kansas with a couple of other additions were not experts on anything in South America, although Arlo and I knew some of the more popular stories.

Now, I need to clear up a common misconception about the Mayan people. They did not all disappear. There are still a great many of them spread out through the northern areas of South America. However, none of their histories or stories explains the collapse of their civilization. There is also no way to dismiss the similarities between the Aztec, Incan, Egyptian, and Hindu cultures, pyramids, and even many of their laws and ethics. No one on earth, or in any of the databases we scoured through on the ship, had any viable proof of the relationships between these cultures. In fact, there was extraordinarily little Galactic information about earth except to avoid it and the savages that roamed the surface.

When we encountered beings on different worlds, we never tell them we are earthlings. Mostly, they would not believe us, but the myths about earthlings out there were similar to all boogey men stories ever told. Earthlings, if they were real, were violent, sadistic, evil creatures who would kill you for no reason but their utter love of destruction. I actually had encountered some people who fit that description perfectly before I was abducted.

Osned soon appeared at our table and took a chair. We spent the next half an hour drinking his special brew and catching up on events since our last meeting.

We stood out like sore thumbs in the bar. Bubba and Mikimo are about five foot eight and five foot six, respectively. Mikimo’s skin was a mix of grey and light green on her home planet of Lakanica, but all of us had grown pretty pale over the last couple of years in space. Dingo and I are both about six feet. He is rangy and about a hundred and sixty pounds while I hover near two hundred. Arlo and Danny Boy are both a bit over six-two. Danny Boy has a classic build and good looks from a fifty’s movie, while Arlo is a skinny nerd. Arlo, Bubba, Dingo, and I had been abducted by Pilifino warriors on a golf course in Kansas. Danny Boy was abducted along with two fishing buddies by a different group of aliens in the Bermuda triangle a couple of years before that. He had been in the arena with me when we fought and killed the Kelvekians. He was trying to get back to earth and had joined my crew after we were released. Osned was practically a giant in Guatemala at six foot six, but average on Pilifino.

I did not tell him about the Admiral, but I soon revealed why we were back on earth. Osned looked around the room for a few seconds before he waved his hand around absently. “They don’t know,” he said as he gestured towards the room.

“Who don’t know what?” Bubba asked eloquently.

“The Mayans that are here, they don’t know anything about what happened over the last ten millennia.”

“Um, we don’t either,’ I replied as I looked at him. “Do you?”

“I know a little about it. I did some checking on Pilifino while I was there. I have also been following up some here. I have a backdoor into some off-world connections. A lot of it has been scrubbed from the galactic data banks, but there are snippets here and there. Did you consider that maybe there is a reason no one wants this thing found?”

“I did,” I answered. “There are a lot of things on earth that have been considered too powerful or evil and have been hidden away somewhere. Most of them have some story attached that they will be found at the right time, or when there is a great need for them.”

“And we really need to replace this thing,” Dingo stressed.

Osned nodded his head. “I don’t really keep up with galactic news, but over the past few months I have heard you guys are being sought out on a few planets for a variety of charges.”

“Yeah, I’ve got a question about Janet,” I piped up. “Last thing I know about her was we left her lying on the living room floor in Kansas. One of the things we are wanted for is to answer questions about her disappearance. We have been accused of killing her.”

“Oh, she is very much alive.”

“That’s good,” Arlo commented. “How do you know this?”

“She was in here last year and then came back a couple of months ago looking for Jack. She was eager to replace you,” he said turning towards me.

“I’m pretty sure we are done,” I offered. “Did she say what she wanted?”

“After a few drinks she started rambling about being exiled from Ozkeria, how you ruined her life, killed her cousin, and few other misdeeds.”

“Nothing about breaking her heart, thank you very much,” I observed.

“Did you love her?” Osned asked as he gave a wistful glance towards Dahlia.

“I am not sure love is the right word. I definitely cared about her, but it was all a part she played. It was like what happened with Arlo and Hello, we were both betrayed.”

Osned lifted his glass in a silent toast, and we all drank. Bubba and Mikimo had each other, but Arlo, Dingo, Danny Boy, and I had not found anything lasting more than a few days in the past couple of years. Dingo was fine with that, but Arlo and I were a tad jealous of Bubba having Mikimo. Danny Boy never said much of anything about it, yet I could discern a bit of melancholy in him too. He hid it well though. Even now, he was over at a table talking to a couple of local women.

“Back to our objective,” I said changing subjects. “What can you tell us that might help, or at least keep us from running off in the wrong direction?”

“Have you seen the show Ancient Aliens?” Osned asked.

“We haven’t really been keeping up with what’s been going on planet side,” Arlo commented.

“I got satellite service a few months ago so the locals could watch soccer, but there is this show about all these alien hunters and conspiracy theorists and such. They have all these ideas about the Nazca lines and ancient Hindu texts, Navajo stories, and such. It is hilarious, but I do not think it is supposed to be.”

“Why’s that?” Mikimo wondered.

“Well, they are looking at everything through human perception, and most of their theories are way off base. The facts and artifacts they have are a good base, but they are limited by their lack of knowledge of how the universe really works as compared to how they think it works.”

“I know,” she replied. “The naiveté of these guys,” she said indicating us, “is somewhat perplexing sometimes.”

“Everyone is ignorant,” I offered, “only in different subjects.”

“A valid point,” Osned observed. “Where do you plan on starting?”

“We were going to check out El Mirador. What do you think?”

Osned looked at Dahlia for a moment. “You can get there from here, but it won’t be easy.”

“Somehow it never is,” Bubba commented. “Jack brought a few pounds of gold with him. Mikimo got it for us when we stopped by Lakanica for a quick visit on the way here.”

“Who knows you’re here?” Osned asked thoughtfully.

“No one,” I answered as I looked around at the group. “Mikimo’s father has been having some health issues, so we parlayed that into our reason for being back on this end of the universe. We are banned from a bunch of planets and did not want to be tracked through any of the space ports, so Lakanica and earth are the only places we visited.

“And, as soon as this wraps up, we will be heading several galaxies away.”

“I know a guy,” Osned offered, “he can get you local currency for some of the gold. Do you want any American dollars?”

“Yes, it would be good to have a bit of variety.”

“If we can rent some four-wheel drives, we can get around fairly well.”

Dahlia responded in rapid Spanish, but our translator microbes gave it to us in English. “You cannot drive to El Mirador; you have to hike. It will take several days of trekking through the jungle. You will have to deal with snakes, bugs, cheetahs, and local tribes. What weapons do you have?”

“We have a variety in the armory on the ship, but we are hoping to avoid any fights.” Arlo responded. He had never been overly aggressive, and after Hello was killed near Sesterisia he had become more passive and diplomatic.

“Natives have machine guns and machetes; you may want to think about that. They are doing some archeological digs up there, but not much due to the remoteness. Legends say El Mirador is haunted.”

“Legends say earthlings don’t exist, or that aliens are tall, skinny and grey with huge eyes,” I retorted.

“Or that Atlantis sank into the ocean ten thousand years ago,” Osned said with a laugh.

“Wait, you know what happened to Atlantis?” Arlo sobered quickly.

Osned eyed him slyly for a moment before taking another drink and nodded.

“Well, are you going to tell me?” he asked.

“That, my friend, is a story for another time. If you replace what you want at El Mirador, you may also replace the answer to that question.”

“Or you could just tell us,” I insisted.

“Some things are better learned firsthand than read about,” he replied. “Besides, all I know are the rumors.”

It only took a few seconds to realize I was not getting an answer. “How hard is it going to be to get to El Mirador? You say there are no roads. Couldn’t we just have Danny boy fly us down in the shuttle and drop us off nearby?”

“I am not sure you want a shuttle near El Mirador. Who knows what kind of defense systems are set up,” Osned observed?

“Wouldn’t the aircraft flying in the area, or the archeologists have set them off?” I wondered.

“Earth technology is not advanced enough for it to be a threat, and the archeologists have not really found anything yet. Do you have a clue about where to look?”

“Not much besides the general area. Arlo used the scanners to detect some Noibium in the area of El Mirador. We figured we would look around and see what we can replace.”

“Give me until tomorrow,” Osned offered. “I know a guy, who knows a guy. He can get you someone to act as a guide to El Mirador. You can go back to the ship and figure out what you want to carry with you. Maybe,” he said thoughtfully, “you can start out day after tomorrow in the morning. You can ride a bit of the way, fifteen or twenty miles maybe, but after that it will be hiking through the jungle.”

“Last time somebody knew a guy, who knew a guy, we got arrested,” Bubba offered.

“Last time we got arrested,” Dingo reminded him, “is the reason we are here.”

“Which means you,” Bubba emphasized, “are the reason we are here? Not my fault at all this time.”

“Hey, don’t chinchillas come from somewhere down here in south America?” Dingo asked.

Arlo slapped him in the back of the head.