Chasing Cthulhu (Urf Oomons #2)
: Chapter 29

When Gloria is recovered and dressed, she tries to flee. Again.

The first time I mated her, she fled my presence and then disappeared from the space station. This was my mistake. I know that she likes me following her, and she likes me picking her up and holding her close to me. enough with doubts. Enough waiting for her to seek me out, to tell me what our relationship is, to show me human mating protocols.

She is mine. We are together. I will keep her close from now on.

So when she is dressed and she turns to leave with a human hand wave of farewell, I grab her hand.

I pull her back toward me and she allows it, she bares her flat teeth at me in a charming human smile.

When most beings, sentient, or animal, bare their teeth it is a threat. ‘Look at my sharp fangs. Stay away.’ But with humans, it seems to be the opposite. She seems to be signaling ‘I am harmless and cute.’

‘I need to go to the cafeteria,’ she says.

‘I will accompany you.’

She is agreeable but objects to me carrying her. This leads us to a compromise of a human mating custom, holding hands.

When two humans hold hands as they walk it is probably very easy for them, but I have some difficulty doing it. I have to stay close enough to do the handclasp but keep my tentacles from tripping Gloria. I move all of my tentacles to one side and that works but is still awkward.

I wish she would allow me to simply carry her everywhere.

As we are making our way to the cafeteria, we encounter another problem. Princess Peach comes trotting up beside us and then starts running and jumping around me in circles. Seeming to delight in nearly bumping into each of my tentacles.

When we finally reach the cafeteria, we replace Mandy with a fresh marker sitting at a clean table with Ken. She twirls the implement, ready to mark up this table when she sees us. This is table number three that she has decorated with her planning, the first two having been marked up with our Saving Gloria plans. Instead of cleaning off her markings when she is done, Mandy coated them in a permanent sealant. For Posterity, whatever that means.

‘Clearing. Lu’s. Name,’ she says, writing boldly along the edge. She decorates these symbols with underlines and pointy shapes. At length, she continues, ‘Okay, I’m going to be real with you guys. Things don’t look good. We don’t have a lot of evidence. Since I was the one that picked you up, Gloria, there’s no log of you agreeing to come. It looks bad that Lu was all camouflaged, stalking you so many times and then turned off the camera when you two were intimate.’

She looks from Gloria to me and then looks down to where we’re still doing the handholding.

‘The video that Sal sent us shows Lu in a very negative light.’ She points her marker at me accusingly. ‘Very. Negative.’

‘Okay,’ Gloria answers, ‘but won’t they take my word when I tell them what happened?’

‘Ideally they would. But I’m not going to count on it because Shawn has been teaching these alien cops about human psychology, with a focus on Stockholm Syndrome.’

I do not know what this means, but it enrages Gloria. She yanks her hand away from mine and yells, ‘That fucking tool!’

This is a very strange expletive. It translates to breeding—implement? Very strange.

‘I know!’ Mandy responds in equal outrage. ‘He is such a douche!’

Why are all human expletives to do with breeding, genitals, and such? It is so jarring. I do like hearing how negatively they both feel toward Shawn though. I admit that I was concerned to see Gloria so close with him at Sal’s residence. Knowing that she does not hold any warm feelings toward him is a relief.

Mandy brings the conversational focus back. ‘Anyway, so Sal and Shawn have managed to frame everything in the worst possible light. This could have some really bad, far-reaching repercussions.’

‘Like what?’ Gloria asks.

‘Well, it’s been a few centuries that Homeworlders have been isolating themselves and reproducing using breeding facilities, not hosts. If Sal brings it to light that Seven and I had kids in the old way, it could be a problem. Like, for all Homeworlders.’

I had not considered this. We are no longer citizens of Homeworld Two, but that does not mean that our actions have no effect on them.

‘And’ Mandy continues, ‘if Sal and Shawn succeed at making us human women look like mentally incompetent Stockholm cases, then Earth’s situation might come into question.’

We all three look at Mandy in confusion. What situation?

‘I set up that multi-planetary defense system, right? And I hired Oh’teck to mind it. I’m basically responsible for the guardianship of Earth right now.’

Gloria is suddenly scenting of alarm.

‘I wasn’t elected. I’m not a leader on Earth. If anybody looks into this, anybody with authority or power to challenge it, I’ll be deposed. I wouldn’t even fight it because I don’t have an argument for why I’m the one guarding Earth. Anyway, if anyone bothers to check, nobody, no government on Earth would support my presumption either.’

This situation is a lot worse than I thought. I had assumed that I was the only one being threatened and if I had to, I could just take Gloria and flee to some uninhabited sector. Only as a last recourse. But I am not the only one in danger here. Homeworlders, humans, and who knows who all else.

‘So what’s the plan?’ Gloria asks. ‘Do we need to assassinate Sal or what?’

Mandy smiles brightly at her. ‘Not just yet! But I like your attitude. First,’ she starts scribbling in Earth symbols on the table, ‘we send a polite message asking to meet and discuss this situation before things escalate. As badly as this could go for us, it could go equally bad for Sal. He is a known slaver, from a planet that condones and traffics in the sale of sentient beings. They are bound to have enemies just waiting for a political dust up.’

Everybody nods. It has always been strange to me that Seereechees are treated one way for engaging in slavery, but the lizard people of Salhuteck’s world are treated another way. Even we were willing to trade with Sal, but not Seereechees. Why is that?

‘There are some things that Sal wants that we can use as leverage.’ She draws a tiny circle on the table and begins to write next to it. ‘First, he has approached me a few times about wanting to have dibs on Earth-Human Art.’ Another dot is down under the first. ‘Secondly, he’s asked about access to Earth. Thirdly, we all know that he’s looking for a woman for Shawn.’

‘You can’t be serious!’ Gloria argues. ‘We can’t, under any circumstances, trade a human woman to Sal!’

‘Of course not. But what we can give him is access to the humans we rescue. If one of those women likes Shawn and doesn’t mind living on that planet and just wants to give herself over to that whole situation. I wouldn’t interfere.’ She holds a palm up when Gloria makes a noise. ‘I’m going to warn them. I won’t let them be tricked. But Shawn stays with Sal willingly, it’s possible that another human might too.’

Gloria scowls mutinously. ‘Sal lied to me. Tricked me into thinking I was in danger of being handed off to some unknown human-buying aliens, when he knew it was you. He tricked Lu into reacting the way he did! I wouldn’t have been clinging to Shawn that way, giving an impression like—anyway, this is all a manipulative set-up, and I don’t want to give into Sal on anything.’

‘Sweetie, we have to compromise somewhere. We can’t be the ones to instigate violence. We need to figure out a way to work with Sal.’

‘NO!’ I wrap a tentacle around Gloria, trying to soothe her because she’s getting very worked up. She ignores me. ‘We need to neutralize Sal somehow. If we give into his threats at all, he’ll just keep coming back for more. We need to kill him. Then we take Shawn and drop him off on Earth. That’s what he told me he wants.’

‘He said the same kind of thing to me. I don’t believe him,’ Tiny replies firmly. ‘Even if he really does want to go back to Earth, he won’t go with us, not willingly. He’s prejudiced against Homeworlders.’

Gloria starts to object, but Tiny cuts her off again, ‘And we aren’t killing Sal. I have dealt with him in good faith for a long time. I need to actually speak with him about this situation first before we take any extreme steps.’

Tiny takes a visible breath, calms down a moment then explains, ‘We weren’t accepted into the Trader’s Guild. We have no support from anybody. Until we have some kind of intergalactic standing as a people, humans should not go out assassinating trade partners, starting shit and making trouble. That shouldn’t be the first impression the universe has of us, okay?’

Gloria says nothing. She glares defiantly at the floor.

‘Honestly, I don’t give a shit about Sal, but how can I move forward with my plans? Rescuing humans, starting a sanctuary, keeping Earth safe? How can we do any of that if we are embroiled in a violent conflict with Salhuteck’s people?’

Gloria huffs, then agrees, ‘Okay, so we won’t kill him first thing. But I want you all to understand that he’s not our friend. He’s a threat to us. I don’t agree with giving him access to any of those things you listed. As the only other human on this ship, I feel like I should have some say in looking out for human interests.’

Tiny adds some more markings to the table and when Gloria sees them, she visibly relaxes.

‘Alright, if we can’t compromise on any of these issues, how are we going to negotiate with Sal?’ Ken asks tentatively. He looks a little shell-shocked. I think all this talk of murdering Sal is bothering him.

Gloria sits up and claps both her hands together in front her then declares, ‘I have an idea.’