Cursed Blood
58.Awaiting an Explanation.58

I considered her question, mulling it over in my head until I shrugged helplessly.

"I honestly don't know. I just needed to come here," I admitted, "your presence is comforting. It reminds me that this is real."

"Why wouldn't it be?"

There was a long, drawn out pause. I wanted to avoid her question, but at the same time, I knew this was one of the only places where I could speak my true mind. After all, Spirit died when people tried to turn her into what I was. I gave up, sitting down next to her on the frozen ground.

"Because I grew up on a farm, with no magic, and planned the entire time to just be a plain citizen. This is like a dream.

"Or a nightmare..," I added, resting my chin on my arms, which were on top of my knees that I'd hugged to my chest while speaking. Spirit hummed, going silent for a while.

"Do you want to go back?"

A frown came to my face as I turned to her. "What?"

"Do you want to go back in time? Stop the original attack on your family. Change your life, reset what has happened."

The question struck too close to home for my liking.

Would I go back to simpler times if I could?

A full family of six, all living and working on a farm together. Less use of magic, no worries about training. No Darkblood camps or angel wings or tattoos. The Prince would be just a leadership figure, and his warriors would be unknown. No power. No Rebecca, Dmitri or Daisy. Janora and Raeni would be non-existent to me. I'd still live with my mother, having girls' days and not realising she hated me.

"Why?"

It was Spirit's turn to look surprised. "Why am I asking you?"

I nodded, and she continued. "You're linked to the gods, dear Cloud. One of them could reset time for you, if you wanted."

"Why me?" I asked in a small voice. Why would gods do anything for me?

"You are special to them, Cloud. A part of someone that is special to them. That person is who you must replace," Spirit answered vaguely. I sighed, leaning my head to the side as if I was about to sleep under the frozen stars.

"I wouldn't give this up."

Once again, she looked surprised. I eyed her cautiously. "Did you expect me to?"

Spirit chewed her lip. "Yes, I did. I would've done anything to get my life back and stop the experiments. Stop everything.

"But," she continued, "if I did that... You wouldn't have been who you are. So it would've been selfish of me."

"You wouldn't have known," I shrugged, lights twinkling above us. Spirit and I were silent, our words already dampening our moods.

"Cloud, if you have really chosen this life, then I think you'll be able to figure it out just fine."

The woman got to her feet, brushing off her bottom before looking down at me.

"Just remember that I'm always here," she smiled. "By now, my only purpose is to help you."

Just like that, the world around us slowly faded back into reality, and Spirit flickered before disappearing. I got to my feet, dragging them along the ground as I left the farm. Once out on the street, I looked back to see that another light was on in the house. A mother, I'm assuming, bounced a baby in her arms, smiling at them like they were her whole world. There was an ache in my heart as I turned to leave, eyes on the ground. Part of me almost wished I could sit back and let whatever happened happen, but another part was in too deep to go back now.

With that, I went back home.

It had been two days, and all I'd done was avoid people and read books. The only person I spoke to was Janora, since I had yet to visit the Darkblood camp since the ball. I was avoiding my brothers and their worried stares, as well as the Prince and his warriors. Janora and I would read in the library together -- she would study history, and I would study my own thing. She seemed to understand it was personal and left me alone for the most part.

On the third day, I was alone. Stuffed into the corner of the library, an empty cup that once had tea in it beside me. Janora hadn't visited or stopped by at all, and I felt rather disappointed. Lonely, as well, with the silence of the library eventually getting to me. I had a lack of sleep and was easily irritable, the book flying from my hands to one of the shelves as I raged for a moment, throwing more than one.

When the mess around me began to get too large, I groaned and leaned back into the wall.

"Cloud," someone said softly. They were on the other side of the shelves.

I got to my feet, cheeks bright red. They probably witnessed my tantrum, I thought, rounding the corner.

It was Jason Taylor, advisor to the Queen. One of the old legendary warriors, one of Lillian's friends.

"M. Taylor, I am so sorry if I bothered you," I quickly rushed, bowing my head to avoid his eyes.

"I'm not bothered," he chuckled, "actually, Lillian asked me to send you to the nearest tea room to meet with her."

My eyes widened and I glanced back at the mess I made. Before I could dash to clean it, Jason put a hand on my arm.

"I'll fix this. Go meet with her."

I apologized and thanked him twice before scampering from the library. I wasn't crazy about having to see Lillian, but I also didn't want to disrespect her. Making it to the tea room in record time, I pushed the door open without a second thought and rushed inside the room.

It wasn't just Lillian, though.

Every table sat a group of people. Elijah and his favourite warriors. Dmitri, the scholars. My brothers and father. Janora, Raeni, Lillian. The Queen herself. Hell, Kai was lounging outside the window.

My throat closed, and I felt like I was going to vomit staring at all of them. They looked at me expectantly, as if I was the one who surprised them.

"What the hell is going on?" I eventually choked out. The Prince looked ready to respond, but my glare cut him off. Instead it was Terrance who strolled toward me, slowly explaining as he went.

"Janora, and Jason, have told us about your reading habits and how you've been obsessing over something. We just wanted to help, but we knew you wouldn't come to us yourself."

"So you gang up on me in here?" I snapped, taking a step back from him. My fingers itched, and there was a feeling of discomfort around my shoulder blades.

"We're just trying to help, Cloud," Terrance assured me in a soft voice. I couldn't tell why I was this defensive, but something about the room filled with people staring back at me made me antsy.

My brother gently took my hand in his. "Just tell us what you've been looking for. We want to help."

"You want to know what I've been doing?"

Angry, my eyes fell to the Prince's.

"I've been following some wild goosechase to get my own answers. Because some people are trying to keep them from me."

The Queen had the decency to lool ashamed as well.

"So unless you plan on actually helping, I suggest you get the hell away from me," I snapped, trying to pull away from my brother. His grip tightened, a twinge of pain appearing in my hand.

"We already discussed it. We've just been waiting for an explanation."

I ground my teeth together, yanking myself away.

"Fine. Then sit down and listen up, kiddies."