Cut the Cord
Chapter 10

His tears have extinguished the fire, just like he knew theywould, but Blaine still doesn’t feel numb. No, he doesn’t feel right, nowhere near in fact, but hedoesn’t feel numb either and he allows himself to revel in that for severallong, glorious minutes. He listens to his own heartbeat thrumming in his ears,slowly synching with Kurt’s underneath his head, and for the first time inmonths, he feels grateful for it. It’s a newly-appreciated reassurance that heis here, that he is a real, palpableliving thing.

He cries and cries until his eyes are aching, his nose isrunning all the way down his chin and the only thing he can taste is salt. Helets Kurt’s whispered nothings sink through his hair into his scalp, caressinghim from the inside out. Each time his breathing grows too fast, the airpuffing out of him too quickly as the sobs constrict his chest, he concentrateson the press of Kurt’s nose against his cheek, allows it to comfort him untilthe hyperventilating stops again.

A million thoughts are flicking through his head, butthey’re moving too fast for his brain to catch them. As soon as he grasps ontoone of them, starts to process something that he hasn’t thought about inmonths, it slides away into the jumbled mess of feelings spinning around insideof him. He doesn’t know how to start puzzling any of it out so he simply allowshis mind to do as it pleases, giving it freedom to think what it wants for achange without being carefully controlled.

He’s definitely stopped crying now, his cheeks stiff withthe drying moisture, but Kurt makes no move to pull away, obviously waiting forBlaine to decide on his own. But Blaine is terrified that if he moves so muchas an inch from the enclosure of safewarmcomfortfeelingthat is Kurt’s arms, he’ll give himself up to the numbness again. Eventually,it’s his bladder that forces him to shuffle sideways, Kurt’s arms falling ontohis own lap once more. It’s such a basic biological need, but it makes Blainefeel laughably human in a way he hasn’t for a while.

“I need to pee,” He says in explanation, and Kurt snorts,his worried gaze relaxing beautifully as he glances back to the forgottentelevision screen. “What? I do.” Blaine defends himself, but he feels anoutline of a smile glance off his face.

He follows Kurt’s eyes and realises with a start that thecredits of You’ve Got Mail areplaying. “We forgot the movie.” Blaine states dumbly.

“Hmm, I wonder what happens…” Kurt raises his eyebrows atBlaine, teasing, “It’s not like we’ve seen it so many times we can recite thedialogue in our sleep.”

“Exactly! I’m going to have to watch it at least twice morenow to pick up on all the bits I missed.” Blaine quips back, and Kurt grins athim in such a way that Blaine doesn’t even listen to the voice inside his head,the one telling him how disproportionately happy Kurt is over a bit of jokingaround.

“I thought you needed to pee…” Kurt says after a moment andBlaine sighs.

“Mmm I’m getting to it, but my feet are still waking up.” Heflexes his toes for extra effect.

“Well, don’t wait too long; dad’ll kill me if you make amess on the couch.” It’s a mindless joke, but both of them freeze as certainmemories resurface. Frantic, clumsy kisses; teeth scraping sensitive lips asshirts are tugged off; whispers of ‘hurry’ and ‘I love you so much’ and‘unf…feels good’; snatches of common sense drowned out by feelings of passion, Kurt’shalf-hearted reminders that they reallyshouldn’t be…mmm….doing this here and ifmy dad realises we—nhh Blaine—on his couch, and his own murmured repliesthat Kurt should take care not to get toomessy then, before all semblance of rational thought left him and hecouldn’t comprehend anything beyond Kurt,Kurt, Kurt.

Suddenly, Blaine is very capable of jumping up and headingto the bathroom, a muttered “Be back in a minute, then” thrown carelessly overhis shoulder. He doesn’t dare look at Kurt’s face.

When he returns, Kurt is idly flicking through some footballmagazine and if that phenomenon alone isn’t enough to expose his forced effortat normalcy, his stiff posture and unfocused gaze certainly would be. He looksup nonchalantly when he hears Blaine come in, and offers him a smile, but thistime it doesn’t show his teeth, nor quite reach his eyes.

“So,” Kurt says as he perches on the edge of the couch.“What would you like to do?”

Well, at least Kurt had asked his opinion this time,although suddenly Blaine doesn’t feel much like doing anything besides going home.

“Um, I sort of thought I’d head off actually—”

“—Let’s go for a drive.” Kurt says it so quickly and firmly,as if it’s an instinctive reaction to cut Blaine off.

“I—what?” Blaine is slightly confused as to why that wouldbe beneficial to either of them in the slightest. He’d tried long eveningdrives those first few nights after he had destroyed everything and quicklyfound out that empty roads and fading lights only made him impossibly lonelier.

“Let’s just—oh I don’t know, let’s go to the Lima Bean.”

“The…Lima Bean?” Blaine repeats stupidly, unsure what Kurtis aiming for here. Is he trying to be polite, make it seem like he doesn’twant Blaine out the door as soon as possible?

“Yes, it’s that coffee place on the edge of town. Haven’tyou heard of it?” Kurt’s attempting to joke again, but there’s an uncomfortableweight in the room now and the light is shining off Kurt’s fake attempt atjoviality, revealing the desperation beneath. The words fall flat.

“You want to get coffee?” Blaine asks, wishing Kurt wouldgive it up already because he hates this awkwardness so, so much.

But Kurt just nods and then catches Blaine’s sleeve and halfpulls him out into the hall, handing him his shoes and rummaging on the shoerack to replace a suitable pair of his own. He picks up two and briefly considersthem before settling on a pair of boots; Blaine wonders if the others hadn’tquite set off his outfit and that’s why they were rejected. More than likely,he thinks.

He slips into his own shoes and stands there awkwardly asKurt replaces himself a coat in the hall closet. For some reason, his hoodie feelstoo small all of a sudden, and no matter how much he snuggles into it, tugginghis chin into the neckline and his hands into the sleeves, he isn’t covered enough. He sort of hopes that Kurt willchange his mind and they can go back into the sitting room and watch anothermovie, and then Blaine will cause another argument and Kurt will yell at himand kick him out—

“Do you want to drive or shall I?” Blaine blinks at Kurtwho’s back in front of him, dangling his car keys from pale fingers.

“I can’t. I mean with the—the medication I’m on, I’m notallowed to drive.” Blaine doesn’t know why he’s blushing; it’s not like it’s ashameful admission per se, yet somehow it feels like it.

“Oh.” Kurt says and he clenches his hand around the keys,hiding them from sight. “Right, okay then, I’ll drive.”

Blaine follows Kurt out of the door, watches as he locks itand pats his coat to make sure his phone is still in his pocket. It’s such afamiliar routine, but so foreign at the same time, as if Blaine has returnedfrom a long trip and everything about his old life is covered in a thin butvisible layer of dust.

Kurt’s car smells just like it used to as well. Blainesupposes it’s only been sat in the Hummel’s driveway for months, waiting forKurt to come back from New York and its abundance of taxies. The only visible differenceis the lack of CDs in the central console; presumably Kurt took those with him.Kurt follows his gaze as he starts the ignition and smiles slightly.

“You can turn the radio on if you want,” Kurt offers,pulling off the driveway. They have to stop as a random kid clutching afootball and his mother walk past, presumably headed to the park a few blocksaway.

Blaine considers it, but as he settles back into thefamiliar seat and stares out the window, the streets no longer seem emptydespite the lack of other traffic, and the sky no longer looks angry. For once,Blaine needs no music to set the scene or distract him. For once, he is perfectlycontented with the stillness. So he shakes his head at Kurt who smiles brieflyand the beautifully comfortable silence lasts all the way to the Lima Beanparking lot.