Denying The Alpha
Chapter 45

"I am not going to reject you" I shrug out of his arms. "But it's a lot to take in right now." I shake my head repetitively like I'm trying to knock some of the horrible thoughts loose as I stumble to my feet. I need to run. I need space, I need...... to be honest, I don't know what I need right now, but some things got to give. I can't sit here and feel all of this. I have to move. "Be patient with me," I beg him as I turn on my heel and run. I make it only a few steps from him before I shift into Sapphire.

Take me home. Take me to Amy's, and I ask her before I slink into the abyss of our mind and allow her to take control. I hope that Kyle will be okay. I didn't want to hurt him, and that's why I had to leave. I was scared of saying the wrong thing, of letting my current emotions speak for me. I am so overwhelmed that anything that comes from me right now would be a mistake. He is still mine, I still want him, but I'm just afraid to feel all of this in front of him. He is in so much pain right now I can't expect him to carry mine too. We are almost home. Sapphires voice Slices through my inner turmoil.

Okay, get me to the front door, and then we can shift back. It wouldn't be the worst thing if Amy saw me naked. I shredded my clothes when I shifted in a hurry. I would have sapphire walk me in the front door to avoid being seen by others, but wolves can't open doors.

I stumble through the door. I can't seem to make anything work right.

"What's wrong" Amy rushes to me.

I just stare at her, blank faced.

"He told you, didn't he?" She whispers.

"Kyle isn't from this pack. But Amelio made it sound like they grew up together; how is that possible." How my mind managed to settle on such an insignificant detail, I don't know. I don't even understand what made me think of it.

"Is that really what you want to ask me?" Amy asks, obviously surprised. I was surprised too.

"Yes." I gaze into her eyes. I guess I just wanted something to be simple again, but I don't know if it would be. Not for a while, at least.

"Amelio wasn't born here. He was originally a part of Kyles first pack. When Kyle announced he was moving here, quite a few wolves of his previous pack were upset about it. They didn't want James to lead them. They wanted Kyle. Amelio and a handful others transferred to follow him." She explained, but I could tell she was just doing it to appease me. She looked very concerned.

"Oh, okay." I shrug. They made sense, I guess.

"What are you going to do?" Amy pulls me in for a cuddle, but I don't return it. I'm just stunned, but I enjoy the way she's holding me.

"What do you mean?" I utter into her shoulder.

Amy hesitates for a moment, but that doesn't stop her from asking.

"Are you going to let him mark you?"

I pull back from her and stare at her beautiful face.

"Of course I am" I can't help but feel the tiniest bit offended that anyone would think that I wouldn't.

"Why would you think that I wouldn't?"

"Because your here with me and not with Kyle because it's a lot, and you have already been through so much." She pulls me towards to couch, and we both drop back on the soft pillows.

"I only asked Faith because I want you to understand that I feel like you deserve a choice. We just don't want you to feel like we will think any less of you either way." She panders, but it annoys Sapphire and me a little.

"Gee, thanks." I pull away from her, and she sighs.

"That came out wrong. I'm just trying to be supportive. Please let me."

Guilt nudged its way in, and once again, I felt bad, my knee jerk defensive reaction was my fault, and it seemed others always took the brunt of it.

But that's why I had run from Kyle. I wanted to protect his fragile heart from the rawness of how I was feeling because I know me. I would feel different after I processed, but if I said the wrong things, I couldn't take them back just because I felt better later. "Do you know about what happened?" I finally asked her. Her shoulders sagged in relief, content that for now, I was going to let her in. "Yes."

"Who else knows?" I hope that, it isn't common knowledge around here.

"Everyone and no one. They know he was tricked into believing Eloise was his mate, that he killed her and her true mate. We have all been well aware that he has struggled with that. But no one blames him, you put ten wolves in his situation, and nine of them would react the same. But I suspect that's not what you are referring to. Is it?"

I shake my head. How could they not know about her death? One day they had a Luna, and the next, they didn't, you ask questions, and Kyle would have had to explain.

"They know nothing of the curse," she states firmly. But if it was such a secret, how did she even know about it. It wasn't like they were best friend's.

"How can you be so sure?" I cock an eyebrow.

"The night that it happened, Kyle showed up here. He had been crying heavily, and he was soaked in blood. Our first thought was that somebody else must have killed her because we couldn't get him to say a whole lot. Amelio was going to raise the alarm. But Kyle told him not to. We invited him in here, allowed him to clean himself up, and Amelio lent him some of his clothes. It's understandable, of course, but he didn't feel like he could trust anyone here. He had only been at Waning crescent for less than a year, and the only people he really got to know were his beta and that lying witch b1tch he thought was his mate. However, Amelio was his boyhood friend, someone who was loyal enough to follow him, and so this is where he came. He told us everything, the curse to make him love her, he caught her on top of another man, that he dragged me off and tortured them. That she cursed him and he killed them. But I promise. Only Amelio and I know. He begged us to keep his secret, but he didn't have to. It's not anyone else business." "So you know that if I have a pup of my own, it will die?" I sign and fiddle with my fingers.

"I do. And that's why Kyle believes you will reject him. You could have healthy pups with another wolf." she frowned.

"I don't want that. I don't want another wolf. I want Kyle." I stood from the couch and hurried towards the door. I was such an idiot.

"Where are you going?" Amy springs from the couch behind me.

"I'm a mess right now. I know that. But I should never have left him alone in those woods. If I want him and I do, then it's him I should be working through this with. Not you, no offence." I yank the door open.

"Faith, wait." Amy follows me out.

"What?" I snap. I needed to get to Kyle. He was probably thinking the worst right now.

She throws me a bunch of material, and I catch it.

"You are still naked. I'm proud of you, now go get your man." she smiles.

I throw the slim maxi dress on over my head, and I take off towards the packhouse.

I was about halfway when I seriously started to regret not taking the extra minute to put on some bras and panties. Why people thought that this was sexy, I don't know, it has to be a man thing because my boobs were bouncing everywhere, and it was seriously uncomfortable, but nothing was going to deter me from getting to my mate.