(Dis)content (Judgement Of The Six Book 5)
(Dis)content: Chapter 14

Something tickled my hair, and for a confused moment, I was certain I had a cockroach crawling on me. My eyes flew open, and I almost yipped in surprise when I saw Carlos not far from me.

As my mind tried to sort through the lingering dream and the recalled impression of our current motel, I noted other things. The sunlight that poured through the window. Carlos shirtless and on top of the covers. My bare feet comfortably tucked under the same covers.

I blinked at Carlos’ sleep-relaxed face as I tried to shake the dream that still clung to me. Ethan had visited me and a bittersweet pang remained.

In my dream, Ethan hadn’t said anything to me, just smiled gently and held my hand. We’d been sitting somewhere, but I couldn’t recall that detail, only the feel of his hand holding mine.

Something moved in my hair again, and I twisted to see what. Carlos lay with his arms behind his head, and his fingers tangled in the ends of my hair. I made to move away but saw his fingers delve deeper. Despite his closed eyes, he was awake.

I rolled toward him, trying not to stare at his chest.

“I dreamt of Ethan last night,” I said softly.

Carlos turned his head and looked at me, his dark eyes fathomless.

“I’m sorry he’s gone.”

“Why? You didn’t like him.”

“No, I didn’t. But you did. And I see how much it hurts you. I would do anything, even put up with another man in your life, to erase the pain I see.”

I hated when Carlos said stuff like that. I wasn’t emotionally ready to deal with it.

“Maybe that’s why he came to you last night,” he continued. “Maybe he was telling you he’s okay.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “He was letting me know he’s still waiting for me. He’ll be there on the other side, ready to hold my hand.”

Carlos remained quiet for a moment.

“I won’t leave you like he did.”

I scowled at Carlos and got out of bed.

“Given a choice,” I said as I rifled through my bag, “Ethan would have stayed with me.”

A hand settled on my shoulder.

“Let him go.”

“How?” I said, whirling to face him.

My budding anger fled at the sight of Carlos standing before me without a shirt. His gaze traced my face for a moment, then he stepped close. My breath caught as his hands curled around my arms. I could feel each finger pressing firmly into my skin. With slow deliberateness, he drew me closer until I was flush against his chest. A tremble passed through him at the contact. I wasn’t unaffected, either. I raised my hands to try to brace myself and win some space.

His thumbs skimmed over the skin of my arms, and his gaze fell to my mouth. Then I knew how he meant for me to let Ethan go.

My pulse leapt, and I struggled to come up with something to distract him.

“Aren’t you supposed to say some stupidly sappy thing to win me over first?”

“I could tell you I’d die for you,” he said in a low, measured voice. “But that would be cruel. I would never leave you alone like that. I’d rather die with you. So, even at the end, we’re still together. Do you understand? I don’t just want to be with you. I want to be with you forever.”

His hand rose, and his shaking fingers touched my cheek.

“He may be waiting for you on the other side, but I’m here…right now…waiting for you.”

He slowly bent toward me. My face flushed, and I felt a rush of yearning as his mouth hovered over mine. Conflicted feelings tore through me as he waited, watching me so closely. My attraction to Carlos was undeniable, but how could I feel anything like this right now?

I tipped my head down, away from the temptation and stared at my fingers on his bare chest.

“I know you’re waiting. And my answer hasn’t changed. I can’t.” I was still too raw on the inside to consider it. How many days had it been since I’d buried my friend? Now Carlos was asking me to let him go. Some part of me understood what he’d said. He wasn’t trying to pull Ethan’s memory from me, just my hold on our past. The hold that kept my chest aching hollowly and kept me from moving forward.

“I’ll still be here, waiting, when you can,” he said softly.

Why did he have to say that? The gentle press of his lips against my forehead along with the tremble in his hand nearly had me clenching my fists to keep from reaching for him. Then, he stepped away and left the room.

I groaned and hit the bathroom door in frustration. Why did everything have to be so damn complicated? No, not everything. Feelings. Emotions. I hated them.

Grabbing my clothes didn’t erase the feel of Carlos’ skin from my hands. And shutting myself in the bathroom didn’t stop my wayward thoughts. I was frustrated with how I felt, the direction of my life, everything. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. But more than that, I liked Carlos. He was an amazing spar partner and easy to be around. Sure, his detachment might annoy me at times, but mostly because I envied it. Plus, I knew he wasn’t really detached. He’d let me feel how he felt toward me. I braced my hands against the sink and hung my head for a moment.

He wanted me, and I wanted him. I really did. And that was the problem. Wanting Carlos felt like I was cheating on Ethan. I stepped away from the sink and turned on the shower before stripping down. The water didn’t wash away the guilt for Ethan or the guilt for turning away Carlos.

By not accepting Carlos’ kiss, I was sure I’d hurt him. Yeah, he’d said he understood my hesitancy and that he would be patient, but I wondered if he truly understood. I wanted him to understand. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t even Ethan. It was me.

I sighed and turned off the water and started drying off. Pulling on clothes over my damp skin was a pain, but I knew I needed to woman up and talk to Carlos and try to explain. If I didn’t hurry, I’d change my mind.

Just as I yanked open the bathroom door, someone knocked on the outside door. Panic, not my own, washed over me. Something was wrong. I ran to the door.

Gabby stood there, her eyes wide, with Clay right behind her, looking concerned.

“Carlos…” she said.

My heart seemed to seize in my chest.

“Carlos what?” I grabbed her arms and pulled in her panic. Clay grunted as she sighed.

“He’s a few miles from here. He went for a run. There are seven Urbat closing in on him. Grey is heading toward Carlos now.”

I glanced behind them and saw the rest of the group in the parking lot, staring off to the south.

“Carlos knows the Urbat are coming and that Grey is, too. And he knows Grey won’t make it in time.”

“Wait. What do you mean in time?” I asked, focusing on Gabby once more.

“The Urbat will catch Carlos.”

I saw red. This wasn’t going to happen. Not again.

“Phone,” I said, holding out my hand.

Gabby quickly pulled out her phone and gave it to me. I turned and searched for Jim as I started walking. Our eyes met.

“Keys.” I held my hand in the air, and he threw them to me.

“Isabelle, stop,” Winifred said.

“Make one move to stop me, and you all fall down,” I said without pausing my progress.

I opened the door to the SUV and looked at Gabby.

“Call me and direct me.”

I closed the door as I started the engine; then I wheeled the big boat of a vehicle around to the direction they’d been looking. Gravel flew, and the tires squealed when I hit the blacktop. A car honked at me because of my wide swing, but I ignored it and accelerated. Seconds later, the phone rang. I put it on speaker.

“Where?” I said, talking loudly so she would hear me over the roar of the engine.

“Keep going. I don’t have a map, so I don’t know how close they are to the road you’re on.”

I went from zero to one hundred in no time and kept it floored.

“You’re almost to Grey,” she said after a few moments of silence. “And they’ve reached Carlos.”

“Where, Gabby?” Carlos is strong and fast, I thought to myself. He’ll be fine. He isn’t Ethan.

“You’re halfway there.”

My foot was already pressing the pedal to the floor. Ahead, I saw a bend in the road.

“The road’s curving left,” I said.

“No…that will take you further…”

I eased off the gas.

“Jim’s got a map up on his phone. Keep following the road. After the curve, there’s a road to the right. I think you’ll want to take that. I won’t know until you’re closer.”

I took the curve going sixty.

“Keep talking, Gabby.”

“The right should be coming up.”

I flew past the faded marker on a gravel road and slammed on the brakes. The tires made a god-awful noise. Thankfully, there was no one behind me. I’d barely come to a jolting stop when I slammed the SUV into reverse and added to the blue smoke hovering in the air.

“Got it,” I said as I cranked the wheel.

“Go, Isabelle,” Gabby said. “Grey’s almost there, too.”

I gunned it down the road. Something ahead and to the left caught my attention. Not far into the trees, men and wolves fought, a sphere of piled, thrashing bodies. I could guess who was at the center.

“Slow down,” Gabby said. “To your left.”

“Got it.”

I skidded to a stop, threw the SUV into park, and shoved open the door. All movement stopped as both wolves and men turned to watch my approach. Carlos roared from somewhere under the pile of bodies. A wolf flew. Then another.

The rest backed away before Carlos could touch them. One wolf remained, his teeth sunk deeply into the spot where Carlos’ neck met his shoulder. Carlos, on his hands and knees, tried to lift his head.

One of the men moved toward me as if to intercept me.

I held up a hand.

“Stop.”

Whether because of my impatient tone or my angry glare at Carlos, the man halted.

One of the wolves transformed from wolf to man. He stood with his legs braced apart and crossed his arms as he smirked at me.

“Go ahead and pull a stunt like you did on the road. He’ll die.”

After giving the man the briefest of glances, I returned to glaring at Carlos.

“You read fiction and go for a run the morning after I pissed off Doofenshmirtz here? How did you not see this coming?” I asked, waving a hand at the seven men around him.

Carlos said nothing. I felt only a small twinge of pity for him at the moment. I was too full of the group’s anger and aggression that I’d been slowly siphoning since I’d stopped the car.

“Fine,” I said between clenched teeth. I stalked toward Carlos.

“Isabelle, go,” he said with his head still hanging low.

“I don’t think so. I have something to say.”

I reached him and bent, gently touching his cheek.

“You promised.”

Growls sounded behind me as the men realized I wasn’t angry with Carlos. I grinned, then twisted to come up swinging.

Something flew through the trees and crashed into three of the wolves coming at me. The new wolf tore into those Urbat while I tore into the four who were trying to rip into Carlos.

My knuckles cracked and bled with each furious swing. I kicked out and solidly found my mark. The half-formed man bent as if in slow motion then collapsed to the ground, wheezing. Behind me, I heard Carlos move.

“Stay…” I ducked under a man’s swing.

“out of…” I came back up with a jab to his throat.

“my…” Swinging wide, I caught another in his ribs as he tried to feint around me.

“way, Carlos.”

The half-formed man fell. Suddenly, everything was quiet.

“Wouldn’t dream of interfering,” Carlos said softly behind me.

I looked around and found all the men on the ground. Grey was still in his fur, standing over one. Blood covered his muzzle.

“Thanks, Grey.”

“He wants to know if you’re all right,” Carlos said. He reached around me and touched my fisted hand. I hadn’t realized I was still clenching them. His fingers skimmed over the skin just below my bloody knuckles.

“I’m fine.”

“Grey’s going to the SUV and getting some clothes. Gabby says things are clear now. Before we go, you need to get rid of what’s left.”

How did he know my skin still tingled with anger and aggression? It wasn’t much. I waited until Grey walked away, then moved further into the trees for extra protection before pushing it out. When I turned, I saw Carlos—really saw him—for the first time.

His face was swollen, and he had bruises around his neck. Bloody bite marks covered the base of his neck and his shoulders, his shirt was torn, and he was missing a shoe.

“You big, dumb fool,” I said in a burst of frustration.

He shuffled forward until he stood just before me. I could barely look at his face. Fear was pummeling my frustration. Images of what could have happened tormented me.

He reached up and gently wiped his thumb on my cheek. Once I realized I was crying, it just got worse.

“It could have been you, too,” I said.

He wrapped me in his arms.

“Never. I’ll keep my promise. I’ll stay with you.”

I cried, and he held me.

One of the men moved on the ground behind us. The sound brought my head up from Carlos’ chest. The man weakly shifted his hand from his side, bringing it up level with his shoulder. His pathetic attempt to lift himself landed him right back in the dirt.

My tears evaporated with my anger.

I pulled away from Carlos and went to the man. He attempted to right himself again and ended up on his back. It was the same guy from the road. Tilting my head, I considered him. There was no fear, only anger and resentment.

I squatted beside him, ignoring Carlos’ soft warning to stay away.

“Don’t like being my bitch twice, do ya?”

The man said something rude.

“Now, why would Blake send you after us when I told you I was coming for him?”

He didn’t say anything, just stared at me with his jaw clenched.

“Maybe you didn’t tell him. Or maybe he sent you because he doesn’t want me coming to him, but I doubt that. He sent fifty men to try to catch us. So why only seven this time? Unless…someone’s not being a good boy.

“Here’s what I think. I think you lost your temper the last time we met and convinced these idiots it was a good idea to chase one of us down. Not smart. You’re going to be in trouble when Blake replaces out.”

A sickening crunch cut off the man’s laugh as his chest moved oddly, almost as if inflating. I knew humpty dumpty would be ready to move again soon.

“You’re Blake’s,” he said. “But I told you, we’re going to leave you with nothing.”

Nothing. They’d meant to kill Carlos. And would probably come after Thomas, Emmitt, Luke…all of the men.

I stood, placed my foot on his chest, and pushed down hard. Whatever little boney bits that were trying to knit back together, collapsed again under my weight. The man rasped in pain.

“Don’t push me. You won’t like it if I lose my temper.” I lifted my foot. “Tell Blake he’s wasting his men. He’ll need every one of you when I get there.”

Carlos’ hand settled on my shoulder. I took it as a sign to go. Turning away from the idiot on the ground, I moved closer to Carlos and walked with him back to the SUV where Grey leaned, casually watching us. He was dressed, thankfully.

“You get to drive,” I said.

The SUV was still running, and Grey had Gabby’s phone in his hand.

“Everything okay with the rest?”

“Just fine,” he said, moving to the driver’s seat.

I opened the back door and stepped aside to motion Carlos in. I hadn’t looked at him since he’d let me cry. A gentle touch under my chin had me lifting my gaze to his.

“Sit with me.”

I nodded and waited for Carlos to ease himself in. Blood smeared across the back of the seat as he slid over. The sight of it worried me. I quickly got in and closed the door. Carlos sighed and leaned his head against the seat as he closed his eyes.

The touch of his fingers on my hand almost made me jump. Instead, I turned my hand so he could wrap his fingers around mine. He gave a gentle squeeze of reassurance a second before a faint rhythmic sound caught my attention. I looked down and saw blood dripping onto the seat from a bite on his arm. I wasn’t reassured.

The drive back took longer because Grey actually obeyed the speed limit. When we pulled into the parking lot, everyone still waited outside. I hopped out and worriedly turned to Carlos. He slid toward me and seemed to exit with more ease than when he’d entered.

Charlene gasped when she saw Carlos, and Thomas wrapped a comforting arm around her.

“He’ll be fine,” he said softly.

Fine? Carlos didn’t look fine. He had stopped bleeding, though.

“You two, go inside,” Thomas said, meeting my gaze. “Help him clean up. We’ll clean and load the car.”

I nodded and walked beside Carlos as he made his way to our room. The back of his shirt hung open in two flaps. Claw marks created jagged, bloody valleys in his skin, and my temper flared at the sight.

When he reached the door, he opened it and stood aside to let me in first. Courtesy over injuries. I would have said something snarky about that, but my voice wasn’t ready for snarky. It was still set on throat-closing worry.

Moving ahead of him, I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. My thoughts raced to what I would need for Carlos’ wounds. I still had the first aid kits, but I didn’t think there was enough salve or bandages to take care of everything.

When I turned, Carlos stood right behind me. His shirt was gone along with his shoe and socks.

“Isabelle,” he said softly. “Stop.”

I looked up and met his gaze.

“Stop what?”

“Worrying.” He kissed my forehead, then stood to the side, obviously wanting me to leave.

I hesitated, looking at the open wounds, drying blood, and coloring skin.

“Call me if you need anything,” I said, lingering at the door.

“I will.”

I closed the door then went to sit on the bed. Someone knocked on our door, but I ignored it. I couldn’t deal with anything else. Not right now. My chest hurt just as much as my hands. And though my gaze was trained on my hands, I didn’t see the dirty, bloody knuckles. Instead, my mind brought back the images of the blood smeared on the seat, the bite marks on Carlos’ arms, and, finally, the hole in Ethan’s middle. Life’s fragility hit me hard.

Never had I felt so vulnerable than right then. My gift, the way people always seemed to like me, the way I always managed to come out on top, had given me a sense of invincibility that I’d never recognized. My hands shook harder.

I could die. Everyone around me could die. And why? Because we were trying to stop some guy from a power trip. Who cared? Let Blake have his power. This Judgement business was probably a line of bull anyway. Yet, deep down, I knew that was a lie. It wasn’t bull, and we couldn’t let Blake have any power. He was a killer.

The water turned off in the bathroom, and I stood to get the first aid kits. One had an icepack, which I cracked and shook. It cooled in my hand as I set the case on the bed. The door opened, and I turned to watch steam roll out along with Carlos, a towel wrapped around his hips. His gaze immediately found mine. His left eye was almost swollen shut. I lifted the icepack, holding it out to him.

“Thank you, Isabelle.”

I nodded and looked away to grab the salve. The cap didn’t want to unscrew, and the tremble in my hands didn’t help. When I turned back to him, he was in the same spot, both hands at his side, the icepack seemingly forgotten as he watched me.

“I’ll start with your back,” I said, circling him.

Without his gaze on me, I allowed myself to wince at the gashes. As gently as possible, I soothed the salve over the cuts, big and small, then grabbed the bandages and tape to cover everything I’d treated.

After I finished with his back, I moved to the front. He tracked my every move. When he watched me like that, it made me think he didn’t care about the cuts, bruises, and swelling as much as he cared about me standing just inches from him.

I squeezed some more salve onto my finger and gently spread it over a cut above his right nipple. The skin under my fingers quivered.

“Sorry,” I mumbled.

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Don’t I? You went for that run because I wouldn’t…I should have—”

“Don’t, Isabelle,” he said, lifting the hand that wasn’t holding the icepack. He gently ran a finger along my cheek. “You spar to release energy. I go for a run. That’s all that was.”

I nodded and eyed the next cut. He let his hand fall to his side and continued to study me.

“You’re still worrying.”

“I think you need stitches,” I said, adding more salve to a particularly deep gash.

“We heal quickly. By tomorrow, the shallow ones will be scars and the deep ones scabbed over.”

When I had all the cuts coated, I grabbed the bandages and tape and started covering everything. He held still through it all. I finished with the bite on his neck.

“I don’t see why anyone would ever want to be bitten.”

“It would have been different if it were you,” he said softly.

He was right. I wouldn’t have tried to remove a chunk of meat with my teeth.

“I’ll see how the others are doing,” I said, moving toward the door so he could dress.

* * * *

Since Carlos’ eye was mostly swollen shut, Winifred drove the car. Carlos again sat in the back with me. I didn’t mind.

He kept the icepack on his eye and leaned against the door for the next four hours. I couldn’t be sure if he slept or not. Winifred must have thought the same because she didn’t try to make conversation.

So, I endured the boredom until my stomach rumbled loudly in the silence.

“We should stop and eat,” Carlos said, making me jump.

“How are you feeling?”

When he lifted his head, I noted he was careful to sit forward before he tried to straighten. I hadn’t considered how it would feel having those cuts pressed against the seat. He set the icepack aside as I studied his face.

“Better,” he said, meeting my gaze.

He didn’t look better. He looked worse. Purple-black skin painted his swollen eye.

His hand crept across the seat, and he tugged my pinky. My heart turned over at the playful gesture.

“Gabby says that there’s been absolutely no movement since your altercation. We’ll stop at the next place we replace.”

The next place turned out to be an ice cream and burger joint with outdoor seating.

“Forget lunch,” I said when I saw the sign. “I’m going for dessert.”

Everyone piled out as soon as we parked. I hung back to hover near Carlos as he eased himself from the seat. Once he was out, he stood there for a moment. There was nothing in his expression or in the air to give away the hesitation, but I was sure he had to be in pain.

“Why don’t you sit, and I’ll get us food,” I said, waving him toward the tables.

He nodded and veered off that direction. I went to stand behind the rest of the group and stared at the board. A gust of wind blew past, and I shivered, recalling Ethan’s comment about getting me a jacket. So much had happened since then, and the need for a jacket as we traveled further north had completely slipped my mind. I wrapped my arms around myself and studied the options on the board. They had ten different kinds of burgers, including a half-pound burger. I heard Emmitt tell the boy at the register he’d cover the order. Since everyone else was still deciding, I stepped up.

“Can I get two of the half-pound deluxe burgers? And can you add another patty to one of them?”

“Sure,” the boy said.

Behind me, I heard a happy noise from Jim.

“Anything to drink?” the boy asked.

I frowned trying to remember all the times Carlos had sat next to me during a meal. I couldn’t recall what beverage he’d ordered.

“Two colas, whatever you have.”

The boy nodded, and I moved away. Did Carlos like soda? Turning, I walked back to the tables where he sat waiting.

“What kind of soda do you drink?”

“A cola is fine,” he said.

I moved to sit across from him, but he stopped me.

“Come sit next to me. Please.”

It took a moment to untangle my half-completed bench mount on the picnic table. Then, I walked around and joined him on his side. Heat radiated from him, warming my right side.

“So, what’s your favorite, though?” I asked, continuing my train of thought.

“I prefer tea over soda and water over tea.”

He liked water. And I’d ordered him a soda.

“Sorry.”

He reached over and wrapped his hand around mine.

“Thank you for ordering for me, Isabelle. The burger sounds delicious.”

My insides went hot then cold, flustering me. I carefully extracted my hand. Well, at least I’d gotten part of the order right.

“What about ice cream? What flavors do you like?” I asked.

“My favorite is butter pecan. What about yours?”

“Anything vanilla with chocolate and caramel mixed in.”

The rest of the group started to come back from the window. Gabby and Clay were first and sat down across from us.

“You look tired,” I said to Gabby.

She just gave me a weak smile. I glanced at Clay. His attention was on Gabby. So I wasn’t the only one thinking she looked like she needed a nap?

“How much is she sleeping, big guy?”

“Not enough,” he said without looking at me.

“Gabby, you need to start sleeping. You won’t do us any good if you pass out when we need you most. They aren’t moving, right?” She nodded. “I don’t think they’re going to. Blake’s waiting for us.”

She sighed. “I just don’t want anything to happen again.”

“Again?”

“Ethan…”

My heart ached. “That wasn’t your fault. It was Blake’s and his men. I’ve put the blame where it belongs. You should too.”

Her gaze flicked to Carlos.

“And Carlos is a big idiot. He knows we need to use the buddy system now…don’t you, Carlos?” I said, turning to give him a look.

“Yes, ma’am.”

I turned back to Gabby. “Are you more tired or hungry?”

“Tired.”

“Then, check one last time and go take a nap in the car.”

“That’s what I’ve been telling her,” Charlene said, joining us.

“We’ll be fine,” Sam said.

Gabby looked at Clay, and a small smile tugged at his beard. I looked at Carlos’ clean jaw in comparison. It had a hint of shadow to it. I liked it that way.

I caught that he was watching me study him and quickly distracted myself by watching Emmitt and Michelle pay the bill. The boy said he’d bring out the food as soon as he had it ready.

Another gust of wind brushed over us, and I shivered despite my warm right side.

“I’ll be right back,” Carlos said.

It was hard for me to watch him rise to his feet. He didn’t have his normal graceful moves.

“Here are the sodas,” Michelle said, distracting me from my observation.

She and Emmitt each held a tray. I half-stood and took one of the trays from her. We sorted through the different flavors until everyone had what they’d ordered. When I sat back down, I twisted to look for Carlos. He was just shutting the trunk of the car. He had something in his hands. I stood again and went to see if he needed help. As I got closer, I saw he had a sweater.

He held it out to me.

“It’ll keep you warm.”

He was beat up and probably hurting all over and he’d thought of me? Swallowing hard, I reached for what he offered.

The soft knit of a neatly folded brown sweater warmed my hands. I shook it out and grinned. It was huge. I looked up at him and eyed his shoulders and chest. I was so used to facing bigger opponents I never really realized just how big Carlos was. I put the sweater over my head, and the bottom of it fell to just below my butt.

I held out my arms and laughed at the drooping sleeves that covered my fingertips.

“This is great,” I said. “How does it look?”

“Perfect.”

I glanced up at him and caught a fleeting look in his eyes. Yearning. My heart skipped a beat in response.

“Come on,” I said.

He followed me to the tables. Gabby and Clay were missing, and I was glad she’d decided to nap. Jim somehow had an order of fries and was devouring it, a handful at a time. The Elders sat together talking about the route we’d take since Gabby was napping instead of navigating. There was nothing to do but sit and wait for the food. And with Carlos’ sweater covering me, I didn’t mind the wait or the cooler weather.

Not only did the sweater keep me warm, it wrapped me in Carlos’ unique smell. It wasn’t something I’d committed to memory, but I recognized it nonetheless. It tickled my stomach and made it hard to breathe without blushing.

“Better?” he asked as we sat.

“Yes. Thank you.”

It only took a few more minutes for the boy to carry out the first tray of food. We ate quickly, then got back into the cars.