Divorce to Destiny: Reclaiming My CEO Husband
499 Not Mother Material

(Lisa)

Dr. Harris's voice echoes in my head:

She's stable for now, but the next 24 hours are critical. Heavy blood loss. The surgery was successful, but we had to perform a hysterectomy to save her life.

Hysterectomy. That word affects a woman. I don't know, it's the finality of it, I guess. One of life's fundamental functions of the female body, taken away.

I feel guilty because here I am perfectly functioning and not wanting to be a mother. Some who want that more than anything never get to have it. But mothering, it's not for me. I'm a free spirit. I like to go with the breeze.

Kids are a lot of work and responsibility. I've watched Winona... I just don't have that in me. And that's okay. It's okay to want something different.

But hearing it for Winona and Jayden knocks the air out of me. They wanted this baby so much. I wanted it for them. But it was out of anyone's control. Now, all chances at miracles are wiped.

I wonder if Winona will see it as a clean slate or if it will eat away inside her for the rest of her life?

I glance at Jayden, standing just a few feet away, his shoulders squared but his face haunted. He nods at the doctor, asking questions, staying composed because that's what Jayden does now. He never was the one to keep it together when emotions are involved but he's come a long way.

Meanwhile, I'm drowning in my own head. Winona's miracle pregnancy, gone. Me not wanting kids ever. I feel a knot in my stomach, the unfairness of it all twists inside me.

Cass is beside me, her hands clasped tightly in her lap, her knuckles white. She hasn't said a word since Dr. Harris left, and I don't know if it's because she doesn't know what to say or because she's afraid she'll fall apart if she opens her mouth.

She's barely twenty, probably never considered herself with kids yet. But this is her big sister and she knew how much this meant to Winona. Their family has had so much loss, and here I am still angry because Lance chose to leave us.

I have no right to wallow in a decision I could never change when Winona has lost so much more over her lifetime.

Jayden finally turns to us, his face pale and tight. "They'll move her to the ICU soon," he says, his voice steady but hollow. "You two should go back home. Get some rest."

Rest? Like that's even possible.

"I'm not leaving yet," I say softly. My voice doesn't have the usual bite it might in a situation like this. I know I can't do anything for Winona by staying here. But the thought of leaving feels wrong.

It's the same feeling I had when she was in the coma and the long recovery to get her okay again. I never left her then and I won't now. Not until I figure out what I can do to help.

Jayden's eyes meet mine, and for a moment, the tension in his face eases. "Lisa..."

"I'll go home when I know she's okay. When you're both okay," I interrupt gently, folding my arms across my chest. "You both would do the same for me."

He nods slowly, and the gratitude in his eyes makes me want to cry. Jayden and I, we don't always agree, and we've had our fair share of fights, but he's like family.

Cass shifts beside me, finally

breaking her silence. "She'll make it through this," she says, her voice barely above a whisper. "She has to. She's Winona." Jayden runs a hand through his hair, the strain in his movements making my chest ache. "We can't lose her."

"You won't," I say firmly, more for him than for myself. "Winona doesn't give up. She's stronger than any of us."

"But it's not always up to strength, is it? Sometimes it's out of our hands..."

The door opens, and a nurse steps in. "We're taking her to the ICU now," she says. "She can have two visitors at a time and no drama. Jayden, you can meet her there now." Jayden jumps up. "I will, thanks." He hugs both Cass and I and leaves.

Once the door closes, the silence in the room is suffocating. Cass leans forward, her elbows on her knees, her head in her hands. I reach out and rub her back gently.

It's instinctive-something I'd do for one of the kids. Cass is like my kid sister too.

"She's going to be okay," I say softly, even though I'm not sure I believe it.

Cass doesn't respond, but she leans into the touch ever so slightly.

I don't know what else to do or say. I feel useless, like I'm just taking up space. Jayden needs some time alone with Winona for a while.

"I think I want check in on the kids?" Cass says, breaking the silence. "Anne could probably use the help."

"Yeah, that is a great idea. I'll drive." I flick Jayden a text so he knows what we're doing.

The walk to the car feels like a blur, my thoughts racing. I think about Winona, lying in that hospital bed,

and about Jayden, trying to hold net

everything together for her and the kids. And then I think about Lance.

What would he say if he were here? Would he tell me to stop doubting myself and step up for the people who need me? Would he remind me of all the times I told him he was

stronger than he thought he was?

No, he'd probably crack some stupid joke, take things way too far before dropping some pearl of wisdom in my lap. I miss him.

I feel a lump rise in my throat, but I push it down. This isn't about me. It's about Winona, the kids, and making sure everyone gets through this in one piece.

Even if I'm not sure how to do that, I'll figure it out. I may not be mother material but I can take care of those I love.

Because that's what family does.