Fayre
Chapter VII - I'm Not Crazy, You Are

I wake up from the dream, gasping in pain again but this time I wake up with my hand clutching the pendant at my chest.

The heart shape feels wrong - the weight, the energy, the memory.

I slowly drag myself out of the bed to stand by the window and stare out into the night. The moon is bright but the lake is covered by thick fog. It looks just like in my dream.

A little sliver of memory from the dream flickers in my mind and I try to hold on to it. I want to keep it. I play it over and over in my mind so that I won’t lose it.

He slips a shiny, star-shaped copper pendant that hangs from a black leather string around her neck. One side is carved with the image of the sun while another is a crescent moon.

The girl’s hand flutters over it. Touching it excitedly. “It’s beautiful, Ciarán. I’ve always liked it.”

“I know,” he says. A tiny smile curves the corners of his lips.

Slowly, I trace the shape of the pendant in my hand - wrong shape, wrong weight, and wrong feel. My heart craves for another.

A lonely tear runs from the corner of my eye slowly down to my chin. I’m sad. I’ve been sad for a long time.

Something moves in the foggy shadows outside but I don’t hide or cower away like I usually did. I know something is down there. It's not just my imagination.

I spend the rest of the night lying in bed, thinking. Remembering. I lie in bed till the morning sunlight dances around my room, chasing the shadows away.

Today, I’m weaker than yesterday but I’m eager to start my day. I have a purpose. I have something to do.

After I shower and dress, I walk purposely into Luella’s room. She’s already downstairs having breakfast just as I expected.

I hear the sound of mom’s voice floated from downstairs, so I stop on the threshold, a little surprised and a little anxious. I look back, to make sure that nobody’s coming before I go in further. I haven’t been in her room for years. I thought her room would look at least a little like mine but now I see that it’s not.

Mom had her interior decorator friend decorated my room. Everything is professionally planned- from the neutral dove grey walls to each piece of the furniture, from the funky, colorful pillows on top of my white ruffled bedsheet to the glittering chandelier above my bed.

I think Luella gets to decorate her own room. The walls are painted light blue with posters everywhere. The furniture doesn’t match but I know they’re exactly her taste. There are pictures of herself with Jesse and a few of her other friends taped to the mirror of her vanity. Fairy lights are hanging above her bed which is at a far end corner away from the wall of windows. The bedding is red with canary yellow and white flowers. There are red bean bags in another corner. Her study table is by the window with her laptop lays open. There is no theme or rhyme and reason to the way it is decorated but it shows her personality.

She has a big, wooden jewelry box on top of her dresser. I rummage through it, careful not to make too much noise. There is a lot of jewelry in there but not the one I’m looking for; a star-shaped copper necklace with a black leather string. The one with one side carved with the image of the sun while another, a crescent moon. The one from my dream, the same one mom gave to Luella years ago after she took it from me and replace it with the one I’m wearing now.

When I can’t replace it in there, I look in a smaller jewelry box on top of her vanity. Then I go through her drawers. Still nothing.

“What are you doing?”

I jump and turn to see Madison standing at the door. Her head is tilted to one side and her expression is quizzical and curious.

“I’m looking for something,” I tell her, shifting my gaze to look behind her.

“She’s already left,” she says, but she peers over her shoulder as well before she turns to look back at me. “I begged mom to let me go with you. What were you looking for?”

“Something that belonged to me,” I say, straightening up. “Let me go grab my bag so we can go.”

Madison nods and moves aside to let me through.

The drive to school is strangely quiet. Madison isn’t as talkative as usual and I don’t feel like talking at all. She doesn’t even change the radio to her favorite station.

“Do you think they will get a divorce one day?” she asks me all of a sudden.

“I don’t know,” I tell her as I merge onto the highway. What happened last night wasn’t something new. A family dinner is rare. A peaceful family dinner is more than rare. It would be a miracle to get through dinner without our parents fighting over something. One of the things they often fight about is the way mom raises us. Dad thinks that mom is smothering me while allowing Luella too much freedom. I hate it that they fight because of me.

“What do you think will happen if they did get a divorce?”

“What do you mean?” I give her a quick glance.

“I mean, what would happen to us? Would they send Luella back to her real family? What about you? Do you have to go back to your real family? And me, who do I go with? Mom or dad?”

I frown. “I don’t know.” I try to shrug off her questions but they stuck in my mind. Luella and I are both adopted but Luella knows her real family. She lived with them until she was adopted into our family when she was ten. But me? Who is my real family? Why didn’t they want me? Did they ever love me? Mom never told me anything about my biological family. My mind goes back to the flashes of me in the lake, cradled in the arms of a lady with long fair hair - the sweet lullaby and the gentle touches. I felt loved. But that couldn’t be real, could it?

“Maddy? What did you mean last night? When you said my light is too dim. What did you mean?”

Madison looks uncomfortable. Her eyes drifted away uneasily before they shift back to me. Her cheeks turn red as if she’s embarrassed. “I don’t know...it’s stupid. Just forget I ever said that.”

We reach the school and I stop the car at a parking spot instead of at the drop off as usual. “But it’s not stupid. Mads, I need to know what you meant by that. Please.”

She looks conflicted. “Promise me you won’t laugh or tell anybody about it?”

“I promise,” I tell her.

“Not even mom?”

“Not even mom. Promise.”

Still, she hesitates before she reluctantly says, “I think you’re different. I always think you don’t look the same as anyone else. I know you will think this is stupid but...I see light. You...glow. You used to be bright but now, you...it’s...dim. Every day it’s getting dimmer like it’s dying. I don’t know what that means but I’m worried about you.”

I stare at her wordlessly. I stare at her until she starts to fidget with the edge of her maroon blazer.

“Have you seen anybody else who...uh, glows?” Am I the only one?

“No, nobody else,” she answers. “Oh, wait...you used to have a nanny who did.”

I don’t remember us having any nanny but then, I don’t remember much of my childhood. “We had a nanny who...glowed?”

“You did. You had your own nanny because you were so naughty. But that was a long time ago...before Luella came to live with us. I was very young so...I might have mistaken,” she adds. She pauses for a while before she asks, “Do you think I’m crazy now?” She seems a little anxious and vulnerable as if she just revealed a big secret about herself and now she’s waiting to see my judgment.

I take a deep breath before I look out the windshield of the car. “Can you see that?” I ask her as I point towards a column closest to the entrance.

Madison trained her eyes towards where I’m pointing at. Then she stares back at me, looking confused. “What am I looking at?”

I look back at a couple of small furry creatures scaling down the white, round column. They could be mistaken for monkeys from where we’re sitting except for their long pointy ears and tails. “Those creatures. Those creatures out there. If you couldn’t see them, then you’re not as crazy as I am.”

“Creatures?” Madison stares blankly outside for a long while before her eyebrows furrow as she mulls over it. Finally, she nods and says, “You’re right, I’m saner than you are. I don’t know why I was so worried before.” She pats me on my shoulder sagely while grabbing her bag. “Well, good talking with ya. Glad that someone’s crazier than I am.”

I shake my head. At least the annoying Madison is back. I don’t know whether I’m glad that she’s not seeing what I’m seeing or disappointed that I’m the only one who can see them. Are they even there? Maybe it’s just in my head. Maybe I am crazy. “I’ll come to pick you up after school,” I tell her.

Madison opens the door and about to step out when she stops. “There are boxes in Luella’s closet. She keeps loads of stuff in there...you know, in case you’re searching for something.” She grins, then she opens the door and jumps out, waving at her friends who are waiting for her by the stone steps.

I let out a giggle. I know Madison goes through my closet and my stuff sometimes. I think I saw her wearing one of my tops to Wren’s party a few weeks ago. I’m sure she does the same with Luella. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew where everything is in Luella’s closet.

I meet up with Hailey and Lauren at the parking lot as usual. Hailey usually arrives with her aunt who teaches music.

I replace Emmet by his locker with his buddies. “Hey, babe. You’re okay?” He slings his arm around my shoulders. I really don’t like it when he does that. He puts all the weight of his heavy arm on my shoulders. It didn’t use to bother me as much but now that I’m so much weaker, it’s an effort for me to carry the extra weight. “You ran out during lunch. I was wondering what was wrong.”

He did send me a text asking if everything was okay yesterday. But as usual, I never answered his text and it never seems to bother him. Sometimes I wonder if this is how a normal relationship works. We went out three times in total. I kissed his cheek once and he kissed my cheeks countless times. The only time we meet is before school, during lunchtime, and between classes sometimes. Even then, he talks to his friends and I talk to mine. I don’t miss him when I don’t see him. Actually, I feel better when I don’t have to deal with him, his talks on sports, partying, and gaming, and his heavy arm. But mom wants me to go out with him. She said he’s the right one for me.

“I wasn’t feeling well yesterday. I’m better now,” I tell Emmet as I dislodge his arm from around my shoulders. “I’m just...going to go to my locker.”

I actually feel the changes of energy in the air and I know they’re here. I plan to avoid Ruen and Finley as much as I can today but apparently, I’m not fast enough.

They’re sauntering down the hallway as if they own the school. Both of them have their burning gaze trained on me. My eyes flit around them, searching for Luella but I got distracted by a creature perched on Finley’s shoulder.

It’s an ugly frog-like creature. It has clammy looking leaf green skin and a rounded belly. Its wings look like that of a bat, one of which is tattered as if it went through a fight and lost. Its bulging eyes are inquisitive and mischievous, like that of a naughty child. A very ugly naughty child.

The way Finley is moving is like he’s aware of the creature sitting on his shoulder. Could they see it too? Could they see “other” creatures like I can?

“Hey, Ruen, Finley!” says Remy, one of Emmet’s closest friends.

“Hey, man!” says Emmet to them.

I quickly move away, weaving my way through the student body to my locker. Lauren and Hailey are following closely behind me.

“I swear, Mel, you’re the only girl in this school who tries to get away from them,” says Lauren. “Just so you know, they made it into the team. They’re very good, better than most already in the team.”

“Did you go watch them play yesterday?” asks Hailey.

Lauren rolls her eyes. “Everybody did. Well...except for you two, obviously.”

“I had a practice with my band,” says Hailey. “We’re performing at the Crow Bar on Saturday.”

“Great! I’ll be there.” Lauren holds her hand up to Hailey for a high five. The Crow Bar isn’t really a bar but it’s where the kids from our school mostly hang out. It’s a big deal for Hailey and her band to be able to perform there.

I can’t help but feel resentful sometimes that I miss out on so much. Now is one of those times. I’ve never seen Hailey and her band perform. I’ve never been to Hailey or Lauren’s house. I’ve never been to the Crow Bar. I never attended a party. I never went on trips with my friends. Nobody ever asked me to go with them anymore because my answer would be the same - “Sorry, my mom won’t let me.”

I almost fell off my chair when Ruen and Finley step into our World History classroom. That creature is still perched on Finley’s shoulder.

“What are they doing here? I thought they’ve changed into a different class?” whispers Hailey into my ear. “Why aren't they with Luella?”

I shrug my shoulders. There are flutters of excitement from all the other girls in our classroom.

Ruen chose to sit on the seat right behind me while Finley sits next to him.

I huff in annoyance, fold my arms across my chest, and frown. So much for trying to avoid them.

I thought I heard Ruen chuckles behind me.