He'll come through
Chapter 13 - Going back home

Chapter 13

Lilah skipped across the City, she always felt so much lighter after unloading to Janis. She wasn’t sure the book was what she wanted to do with her life, but in reality she needed money, and frankly beggars couldn’t be choosers. The money was a bonus, and it meant she had time to decide what she wanted to do with her life.

Right now, that was get to Lady Mary Immaculate School and collect Maria. She loved having her home, it was a breath of fresh air, and Maria she knew looked forward to it equally as much. Lilah was happy, after so much heartache, she finally felt that her life was back on track.

The school was nestled at the end of a quaint mews; you had to know it was there to replace it, which was a great benefit when it came to leaving a small child there alone. Maria was peering out of a window high above the streets as she always did and by the time Lilah had waited for the door to open the little minx was running down the stairs to the reception and about to launch herself from five steps up into Lilah’s arms, when a voice bellowed, “Maria Smith! That is not the way that a young lady behaves, STOP now!”

Poor Maria, she did try to behave, but Lilah grabbed her bag and bundled her out into the sunshine away from the restraints of the oppressive school. Holding Lilah’s hand Maria skipped happily along the pavement chatting randomly and furiously about the week she’d had. The main station that took them to the south west was a twenty minute walk, so enjoying the sunshine, they strolled leisurely.

“So one more week in school!” Lilah announced with excitement, “and then seven whole weeks off! How does that sound?”

Maria giggled, “Great! I can’t wait to spend EVERY day on the beach. And Gramps told me I can ride Hotdog EVEY day too!”

Hotdog was Lilah’s old pony now a thirty plus year old mare who was ridden very occasionally. Tonight she’d be in demand in the village offering trips in her father’s little cart around the village green, the children loved her, and Hotdog loved the numerous apples and carrot shaped treats that she got as a thank you!

“That sounds like fun, and then there’s the trip to see your grandparents! That’ll be SO much fun.” When she saw Maria’s face break into a scowl, she put her arm around her and hugged her to her side. “Look I know it may be a bit boring going to stay with them, but they miss you and they miss you Daddy, so it’s really important. And we agreed if you stayed in London that’d you would go and see them. If you don’t go and see them they might try and make you move out to Boston permanently. I don’t want that, you don’t want that. But we have to do this chicky, you can see that? Sometimes you have to compromise, and when you go out to see them then I guarantee they’ll spoil you! You’ll do nice things, eat nice food, you always have lots of gifts...”

The last comment made her smile and Lilah smiled too, at almost eight years old the thought of untold gifts seemed to be a great plaster for many a sore. The rest of the walk to the station passed in a much less stressed manner, and soon the station was in view.

The train was sat at the platform when they arrived, and as was now a usual Friday afternoon ritual Maria dived on and spent an age searching for their reserved window seats. Also as was usual, ten minutes into the journey Lilah retrieved the picnic that had been loving created and packed into a basket by her mother.

“Today we’ve got....” she pulled out the first foil wrapped package and unravelled some of the aluminium, “ah...sandwiches, and me thinks these may be your favourite....Guess what they are!”

Maria thought for a moment, “jam?” This was an optimistic guess, but the reality of cheese, ham and homemade chutney wasn’t a disappointment to the little girl. Within moments the sandwiches were joined by boiled eggs, sausage rolls and packets of crisps. The container of strawberries were home grown, and Maria loved them the most, she told Lilah repeatedly that the taste of them instantly reminded her of being home.

Lilah knew Maria thought of her family and her house in Cornwall as home. She felt sorry for Gavin’s parents, but with their deteriorating health and the sheer age, they weren’t the best people to be looking after her. She just hoped they’d realise that without too much torment. She planned on the big chat with them this summer. She half hoped that Maria would be too boisterous for them on her summer trip. That might make them realise that they couldn’t care for her full time, then Lilah could adopt her, make things legal. Hopefully then they could relax and start living a normal life.

The green fields of the south west countryside flew past the train and they enjoyed several games of eye-spy before Maria fell asleep. Lilah took that opportunity to drag out her Kindle and read a little more of the book she was currently engrossed in. She’d taken to reading any book she could replace about North Africa, conflicts, kidnapping, it was like a drug, like she needed some link to what happened constantly.

This particular book was a harder read; written by an ex SAS man and she could see Quinn in everything that Chris the hero of this book did. It scared her that this could have happened, could still be happening to him, and she had to replace out how he got out of the makeshift prison he was held in.

As usual her mind drifted off to Quinn, as it did most of every day. Why was she so angry? Why was she so hurt? They both knew that they came for polar opposite lives, and she’d never wanted him to give things up for her based on 24 hours of awesome sex. She wasn’t that naive of that selfish. But still she resented him, had avoided contacting him, even when there were so many reasons why she should. He’d not followed her. That was what it boiled down to. He’d retreated into her little shell at the thought of Johnny the wonderful dead woman that no living person could live up to. His animosity had been aimed at her, and it was not her guilt, not her pain to deal with. So he’d let her walk away, he didn’t even know if she’d got to her destination safely. She could’ve died, never made it to the embassy....Nah, he’d know she made it, she knew that much.

Sighing and dropping her head back against the seat she fought against the tears that threatened to fall, a year on and the pain was still that raw. He didn’t love her, didn’t feel that bond that she did, and her determination to avoid him was self preservation, so that she didn’t have to experience him walking away from her uncaring about her emotions all over again. She’d just thought that after a year the pain, the hurt, the disappointment might have eased a little. But it hadn’t.

The rest of the journey flew and she was almost annoyed when they announced her station was next and she had to bookmark her page. Never mind she’d finish it later when Maria was in bed. Waking the little girl and gathering their things together took longer than planned, and they were just making their way to the exit as the train rolled to a stop.

The next stop was the end of the line, but it was a large holiday town, so even though there were many people left on the train, they were the only ones disembarking at this stop. Aiding Maria onto the platform, she helped her ease her rucksack onto her little shoulders for the short trip into the village when she sensed rather than saw someone else jump off the train. Looking up she gasped. Pain lanced her body as she stared at the so familiar physique, though it was the first time she’d seen him in anything more formal than dusty old combats. This was surely her mind playing tricks, after thinking about him so much. But then she thought about him every day and he didn’t pop up in her kitchen or garden. Nope this was real. This was him.

There in a suit, Quinn, and he was staring at her with the same level of interest and intrigue as she knew she was bestowing on him.

Quinn, standing in her home town? What did that mean? And what did he want? Lilah took a deep breath as she walked towards him, ignoring the racing of her heart, the pain even looking at him caused.

Stopping just in front of him she nodded, “Quinn!”

“Is that all the welcome I get? I didn’t expect music and a trumpet fanfare, but I thought I might have had a hug.” He held her arms out in a tempting gesture.

Everything in her said don’t do it, don’t let him touch you. But seeing his open arms she heard herself almost mew like a kitten falling into his embrace. His arms were strong, warm, the smell that was Quinn filling her nostrils. His hard body was powerful against her and he supported her completely and she almost swooned, it was the first time she’d let her defences down in the last year, she had that feeling of security whenever he was around. Then she heard a little sound to her right and pushed herself free of him and squatted down to Maria’s level.

“Maria, this is a friend of mine Quinn, Quinn this is Maria.” He shook her hand and Maria smiled shyly up at him.

When she stood up Quinn had a strange look on his face, “is she....?”

Lilah sighed, taking Maria’s hand, “I used to look after Maria, and now that she lives in London we spend weekends together.” She said as much as she could without stating that she was her charge since Gavin died. Maria didn’t need to hear those words, it was still a raw subject, and Lilah only brought up the issue when she had the time to discuss it at length. She was learning this parenting lark as she went along, but it was a steep learning curve!

Quinn raised his eyebrows and nodded.

“What are you doing here?” Lilah asked him as they started to walk across the platform. It was a short walk to the village, and it seemed surreal trying to make small talk with the man she loved in an unrequited manner. She shook her head; she was starting to sound like Jane Austin.

“I would’ve thought that was obvious. We’re friends aren’t we? I’m back in Britain; I’ve been away so long...but the first thing I wanted to do was catch up with you.”

She bit back the emotion, the harsh words that threatened to burst out of her mouth, accusations, anger and pain had no place here, not now in front of Maria, it was the last thing she needed to become embroiled in.

“This is out of the blue Quinn, I’m busy, I’ve got so much to do, today, tomorrow...”

He nodded, “I only wanted to speak to you. I’ve booked into the only bed and breakfast in town apparently. Castle View?” When she nodded, he continued, “I was just hoping to get the chance to chat, spend a little time together.”

So that was all it was, a little catch up, for a moment she’d believed that it was more...that he’d really wanted to see her. But nope, he happened to be here and this was a convenience for all concerned. Great. She felt sick. This was likely to be a turning point in her life. How the next few days passed would probably define the rest of her life, and she could do nothing about that. There was so much she wanted to say, so much she HAD to say, but she was tongue tied, and wasn’t overly sure she wanted to hear the answers.

“I need to get Maria to the village...and then I have to go home.” She knew she sounded standoffish, but that is exactly what she felt she had to be.

“Are you brushing me off?”

“I’m saying I’ve had a long day, I’ve got lots to do, and I’m shattered. If you really want to talk can we meet tomorrow? Coffee? Breakfast?”

He questioned her with his eyes but she looked at Maria then back at him mouthing the words “not in front of her!”

They walked towards the village in silence and when they reached the bed and breakfast, she pointed it out.

“There’s a coffee shop up on the cliff top, I can meet you there around half nine?”

He nodded, crossing his arms over his chest....his broad chest; her eyes drank him in, “if that’s all I get, Blondie.”

Lilah tried to smile but that last word had been her undoing. Hanging her head she led Maria further into the village the young girl chattering wildly now that the stranger had gone. On the horizon she saw her father with Hotdog, a small but stocky black pony, harnessed to the small trap he toured the countryside in. The whole village came out for this festival and the pub on the green was overflowing with residents enjoying the summer evening. Marquees and various tents were also constructed around the green, selling cakes, biscuits and local homemade wines. Tomorrow was the huge cricket match. Locals stepped up to take on the local team, and it was more than a game, it gave bragging rights for the rest of the year, and was followed by a parade, and then a party. The excitement was palpable, and on seeing her father Maria dropped her bags and sprinted into his arms.

“I’ll bring her back later!” he shouted as he hoisted her onto the wagon and jumped up beside her.

Waving Lilah turned and made her way down the lane that led to her small house, a stone’s throw from her parents’ cottage.

Her mother was in her kitchen baking, she’d offered to supply cakes for tea at the cricket the following day, and the Aga in her family home was difficult to bake delicate cakes in, so she was glad of the chance to use Lilah’s electric version. Large sponges in various stages of completion adorned the table and after a quick hug she donned an apron and helped decorate the cakes, lifting them into boxes and stacking them on the table.

“So,” her mother washed her hands admiring the stash of cakes. “So what’s happened? Why are you so quiet? Bad time at the editor’s?”

Lilah wiped her hands and pulled the apron off, “something like that! I’m...Oh I don’t know, can we catch up tomorrow for a chat? I’m so tired. Thanks for being here today, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Her mother pulled her into an embrace and smiled, “it’s a pleasure, we’ll make time tomorrow, ok? I did think this might all be too much for you. Have a good sleep; Maria can sleep at ours if you like?”

“I’ll be fine. I don’t mind about that either way, if she wants to sleep at yours then that’s fine, otherwise I’m here for Dad to drop her back.” Her mother looked at her with concern for another moment, then nodded, leaving her alone.

Finally alone she slumped against the closed door. This had been the biggest shock ever, him arriving in her little world and invading her comfort zone. She’d spent months and months analysing and dissecting all that happened when she was in his presence, she’d fought emotions at every turn, ranging from hatred, love, desire, resentment often within the same thought. She was so confused, and now to see him, here, in her life....it was all a little too much.

Climbing the stairs she entered the smallest of the three tiny bedrooms, painted blue with gingham check curtains and small blue boats dotted around the wall. Looking down into the whitewashed cot, she looked at the cherubic face of her son....their son. The long lasting legacy of her ordeal. Someone she loved more than life itself, and someone his father knew nothing about.

Leaning over the sleeping child, she stroked his cheek and he stirred slightly, a chubby fist lifting to rub at his eyes. Her darling little boy four month old boy Freddy, with Quinn’s big brown eyes and his dimple in his chin, he was her little wonder. She’d been petrified when she found out she was pregnant. The sickness, fatigue went hand in hand with the depression she struggled to fight on her return home. So she was well into the pregnancy before she realised the real reason for her lethargy and malaise. She knew it was Quinn’s there was no question of it being Gavin’s he’d been away for a couple of weeks before the trouble had seen her ousted from his home. She wondered if she’d keep the baby if there was a chance that it was Gavin’s, but now that she had Maria in her life, she knew she would have wanted the baby regardless.

Freddy was a sweetheart, he was good, slept well, fed well, laughed and smiled all day. Her parents and Maria were all besotted with him, and she felt the same way herself.

“Hey baby,” despite her words he didn’t stir. “What a day! I missed you little man, but I’ve brought Maria back, so you’ll be spoiled all day tomorrow. But you’ll never guess what else happened. We’ve got quite a weekend ahead of us little man; can you believe your Daddy has turned up? Out of the blue. I don’t know what to say, do I tell him about you? Let him see those adorable little eyes?” She puffed, her breath blowing the hair out of her eyes, “I just don’t know darling, I just don’t know what to do!”

“How about telling the fucking truth for the first time in your life?” The harsh words were spat from behind her, she almost leapt out of her skin, and spinning around she came face to face with the man in question, and he wasn’t happy.