Honored (Book 2 of the In Search of Honor series)
Chapter 4: Dictators and Democracy

Pointy Beard flapped his hand at us, and then Lok was there,gripping my arm tightly and pulling me toward the door. I looked back, towardDan, and I could see the short woman that had walked in with him trying to dothe same thing, but he simply shook her off, and followed me, reaching out andgrabbing my other hand.

“Hold your tongue till we are outside the council room!” Loksnapped before either of us could speak.

The door was opened, and we were back in the narrow entryroom with Anne staring as we piled into her narrow little room. She stoodthere, starring till Lok spoke up, “So, are you going to give Liv her clothingor just stand there with your mouth gaping like a camel?”

He face turned bright red and se stuttered, and then grabbedmy sweats and thrust them at me. “Keep the dress.” She whispered, and thenstood back to let us by. As we walked by, I realized she was staring at Dan. Igripped his hand tighter in mine even as Loki pulled us toward the door, andthe small woman trailed behind Dan.

We were back in the same hallway that I had just enteredfrom not so long ago…

“Now we can all meet each other properly and you two canhave a happy reunion. The council room was not the place for that.” I wassurprised by how deep that tiny woman’s voice was.

“Oh, umm, Liv, this is my… mentor, trainer, ummm….”

“Name’s Catalyst, called Cat, since this bumbling fool can’tspeak directly. I am the weapons instructor and military historian in the wall.I can tell you about every recorded war in the history of mankind. I know howevery weapon worked, and I keep all of our copies in perfect workingcondition. I’ve been training yourfriend here in operation and firing of our firearms. He’s proficient in use ofmedieval weaponry and black powder musket, not, that I would expect much morefrom an outlander.” She was so direct, so up front. She stared me down like Iwas smaller than her.

I squared my own shoulders and glared back at her. “Myphysical therapist behind me is Lok, a cyberman.” I still had no clue what thatword meant, but I bet it impressed Lok that I remembered him calling himselfthat.

“And Lok, this is my friend, Dan. He taught me fighting andI taught him about our city and compass navigation.”

I continued glaring back at Cat. It felt like if I broke hergaze I would lose. This wasn’t a contest. I should look back at Lok, see if heshowed any emotion at all, or if he would only continue to disapprovingly glaredown at me.

Lok stepped in front of me, breaking our contact, “Now, Cat,play nice with my charge. You’ll get to beat her up later, right now I am stillexpected to keep her safe.”

Was he implying that this short woman could harm me? “I canperfectly well stand up for myself!” All three of them started laughing, thoughCat’s laugh was more of a cackle than a laugh and Lok kind of had a strangemechanical sound.

Lok turned to me, his voice perfectly controlled even as Danwas still working on getting his own laugh under control. “Silly girl. Mostpeople in our wall are scared to death of Cat. You would fear her if you hadany sense, which sometimes I doubt you do, one of those times being now.”

“There are more important matters to discuss than whatpeople think about me.” Her voice lashed out like a whip.

“Like the fact that we are supposed to get training onleading a rebellion…. Which, by the way, is there any sort of plan…? Or are wejust supposed to go in there, and say, hey peeps, lets rebel because the King’sgoing to want me dead?” All three of them were staring at me.

“Of course not. Are you an idiot?” Cat respondedincredulous.

“No, she just wanted to refocus us.” Dan reached out, andgripped my shoulder, offering his support.

I tried not to smile,but I couldn’t help it. I loved it when someone got what I was trying to do.And, it was nice to have him backing me. It was nice not to be looked down onas some stupid bumbling mentally disabled person all the time. “Dan’s right. Ijust want to know the plan, and, I figured I could try some… shock technique.”

Lok just stared at me and shook his head. Cat glared.

He nodded, “You should know the plan. You will not be mycharge anymore. I will pick you up every day for one hour of physical therapytraining. Marisa, a brilliant historian, will teach you about ancientrebellions, and Cat will teach you fighting.”

Dan snorted into his hand, and I elbowed him, “Thanks forthe vote of confidence,” I whispered.

“Is there a problem?” He asked, staring straight at me.

I shook my head, “No…”

“Have fun teaching Liv to use anything other than a bow. She’sfairly good with a bow… but abysmal at anything involving hand to hand combat.”I elbowed him again. I could at least try, even if again I couldn’t actuallyfight that well. Maybe this Cat could actually make me into a fighter.

“I’m willing to try. Maybe, Cat is a better teacher thanDan.” I knew it was harsh, but I couldn’t help it. After that show ofconfidence…

“Hey, just saying the truth here. And Cat’s just as good afighter as I am.” I could hear the hurt in his voice. Good. Served him right.

“If you two are finished arguing, I will take my leave andlet Cat show you to your new quarters. I will see you in the morning Elizabeth,for your continued physical therapy.” Lok turned and walked away, not waitingfor a response.

“Guess you two love birds are stuck with me.”

“Hey we aren’t…” I responded mortified. I couldn’t let Danthink I might like him as more than a friend.

She just shrugged. “And as too who is a better teacher atfighting; I guess we will replace out tomorrow. And Dan, you will continue spendingall day with me, training. Now, let me show you to your rooms, like some commonmaid. Which we will assign you one, you won’t have time to be cleaning yourapartment.”

She turned and walked away clearly expecting to be followed.Dan let go of my shoulder and grabbed my hand; his armor was cold anduncomfortable to hold, but I let him hold my hand, and guide us forward,falling into step behind Cat.

“I missed you so much Liv, when they told me you had died…there was so much I wish I’d told you. So many things to regret… I wanted torun into the city and kill anyone in my way…”

“It’s ok Da. I’m right here. I didn’t die, and one day, youcan tell me all the things you realized you wanted to tell me. We will getthrough this, together.” I smiled up at him, and he nodded, but his eyebrowswere furrowed.

“Dan, what’s wrong?”

“I have a bad feeling about this rebellion thing. I don’tknow. They make it sound so… easy. And it won’t be. We don’t have to just winbattles with a trained fighting force, we have to create a fighting force. Wecan’t win by ourselves.”

“Well, maybe they have a plan for that that they justhaven’t told us yet. Maybe some of the wall people will fight with us.” Theyhad said they wanted us to win. They had to make it at least possible for us todo that.

“I hope yar right.” I could hear the outlander slipping intohis accent. He was really worried about this.

We walked in silence for a while, until we got to a mover. Ilooked over at Dan as the wall opened up, but he didn’t seem surprised, infact, he was staring back at me, as if trying to read me.

“I guess ya’ve taken a mover before, haven ya?

I nodded, “Yeah…”

And then we were both laughing. I didn’t know what was sofunny about this… situation, but I don’t know. Maybe it was the strangeness.Here we were, from two different worlds, and yet this third world we were intogether was foreign for both of us.

“Come on. Get in!” Her voice snapped, her patience wearingthin.

I walked in, leading Dan forward this time. We sat down nextto each other and strapped in. I threaded my fingers through his shiny silvercoated hands, and leaned against the shoulder guards.

“Liv?” I jolted awake. I was in a mover, next to Dan, across from Cat. I tooka deep breath. Cat was unbuckling.

“We’ve arrived.” And he released my buckle. I must have beentired. In fact… I just wanted to lay my head back on his shoulder and fall backasleep. He stood up, and pulled me up. Guess I wasn’t getting to fall asleepagain.

“You’ll get to sleep soon Liv. Once we get to our rooms.”

I just nodded, letting him lead me forward. My legs weregiant rocks being dragged by my hips, and my eyes felt like they had turtleshanging off them. I imagined baby snapping turtles hanging onto my eyelids,pulling them down, and I burst out laughing.

Dan stopped, staring at me. “Are… ya okay…? His voicetrailed off.

I waved him forward with one arm, still grasping his otherhand. I couldn’t stop laughing, hysteria bubbling over and out my lips.

“Take a deep breath Liv, in n’ out.”

I stood straight,gasping in a breath like a fish, God a fish! A giant gulping funny faced fish!I gasped on the air, barely able to breath past the laughter.

“Liv, control ye breathing, calm ye self. In, n’ out.” Hisvoice soothed me some, and I felt myself breathing in time to his words, thelaughter fading away.

I was tired. That’s why I was laughing, like a… no. Nothinking. Reasonable. Logical. No funny images.

“So what was so funny that you just burst out laughing inthe middle of walking to our new room?” His voice was so calm, so serious.

I just shook my head. “Nothing.” He wouldn’t get it.

His eyebrows raised, “Nothing? You were laughinghysterically at nothing?”

“Yup.” I gave him my sweetest smile, and then a small giggleescaped my lips. “I’m sleep drunk.”

“Yea, I can tell… Come on.” His hand pulled me forward afterthe retreating back of Cat. Deep breaths. Don’t laugh. Have to make it to theroom.

She stopped and turned back toward us, waiting. “This isyour rooms. You have a kitchen and eating area, and two separate bedrooms. Itis normally a family unit housing… but recently the… residents… changedquarters. Your maid will wake you in the morning. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight!” I called after her retreating form.

Dan unlocked the door with a key… that he got fromsomewhere? I never even noticed him getting a key. Maybe he had it all along?Maybe she handed it to him, but I would have noticed that, wouldn’t I? Maybe,she left it in the door lock. Whichever one it was, he magically had a key to thisdoor, and then, the key doubled! He passed a key to me. “We aren’t guaranteedto be home at the same time, so she left us two keys.”

“Ummm, she did…?”

Dan sighed, “Yes, she did, right after she said goodnightshe passed me the keys. I think you might have snored a little.”

“I don’t snore!” He just smiled at me and led me. “But Idon’t!”

“Have you ever been awake to hear yourself at night?”

“Well, umm…” He had a point. But I was almost certain Iwouldn’t snore, especially not if I dosed off while standing up for just asecond….

We stood there, awkwardly for a second, and I looked around.There was a small table with three chairs, and a bunch of cabinets made fromsome gray colored material. It was plain, but it was ours.

I turned back to face Dan, and found him staring at me. “I…”He started and stopped, and then his arms were around me, holding me.

“I missed ye company,” He finished gruffly, releasing me andalmost running for the room closest to him. Guess he was claiming that room.

“I missed you too, you big oaf,” I whispered after hisclosed door, and then turned for my own room, rubbing away the moisture buildup in my eye. Lack of sleep was sure making a fine mess out of me.

I turned and went into my own room, and gasped. I justwalked into a fairy tale. I was surrounded by forest. The walls were paintedwith silver barked, dark green leafed, trees. White dots flew in swarms throughthe dark spaces between the trees. I ran my hands along wall, and noticed thewhite dots were actually pale white women with small wings and white dresses.

The bed was held up by four of the trees that were paintedon the walls. I’d never seen anything like this before.

“Amath.”

I jumped at the voice, and turned to replace myself staring atblack haired woman about my age with light brown skin. Another city reject?

“Sorry, Ma’am, didn’t mean to scare you. Amath lived herebefore you. She was an artist that felt trapped by the walls around her, so sheturned her room into a sanctuary. Made it how she dreamed the outside worldwill look. She was a skilled artist.” Her voice sound sad, almost nostalgic.She ran her hand over silvery green grass on the wall near her.

“Was…? What happened to her? Why am I in her room.” Thissounded… ominous.

“Amath… was my friend. We use to roam the halls togethergrowing up, but she got to go to special classes for wall dwellers while Ilearned how to clean…” Her voice stopped, her eyes staring at the wall.

Apparently even the Wall had their social orders. I waitedfor her to continue.

“I digress. She died.”

“How? Of what? I thought the Wall could cure everything.”That’s at least how they made it seem.

“Everything? No. They can fix some things. They are smart,they have technology, yes, but for all the wonders of the wall, they cannotcure a broken heart.” This woman was so cryptic.

“How do you die of a broken heart? And what broke her heartin the first place. In my experience you just keep surviving.” This Amathsounded week. She wouldn’t have lasted a day Dishonored., or out in theradiation desert.

“You should ask, how do you live with one? How do you livebeneath walls when all you want is to escape them? How do you live when youtest smart enough for a job you hate? Amath wanted to be an artist. She hatedthe work of chemicals. Hated learning about combining and manipulating them,but it was the job she placed into when she was only eight. She was brilliant,and beautiful. Many of the men of the Wall courted her, but she was in lovewith my twin brother. I helped them meet in secret. It was wonderful andexciting, and kept the depression of this place at bay.” Her eyes stared offinto another world; a tear fell unnoticed down her cheek.

“If only they left her along. Her parents dismayed of herfascination with painting, and took her paints away to force her to focus onstudying. They said she was an adult, and should give up on that nonsense. I…”Her voice stuttered. She took a deep breath. “They caught them together onenight. My brother, the child of a dirty city dweller, daring to kiss theirprecious precocious little darling. They sent him to the other side of theWall.” Her voice became flat, her face went blank. “It’s amazing how someonecan kill themselves in a place that can fix most illnesses.”

She stopped again, but this time she was staring down at thefloor, a flat solid surface painted with blades of silver green grass. She wasstaring at a spot that looked different. The grass looked more… dark green thansilver. She licked her lips, I could see her throat moving as she gulped. “Irepainted it. The spot where I found her. She slit…”

And then she crumpled to the floor crying. I found myselfstanding there, rubbing her back. I felt… sympathy for this girl. Not the girlthat killed herself. Yes, I might go stir crazy beneath these walls, but Icould never imagine just giving up on life. On purposefully hurting the peopleI left behind. Each death leaves a hollow space. My father. Annie. Fire. Thisgirl had her Amath.

“I know, she left you. You were her friend, and she killedherself without even thinking what it would do to you. You want to hate her forit, but you can’t can you?”

She shook her head, starring down at the floor.

After a little while I asked, “What’s your name?”

She jumped and looked up, as if she had forgotten I wasstanding here. “Umm, Maria, ma’am.”

“Maria, it’s a pretty name. And I’m not a miss here. I am acity dweller too. My name is Liv.” I didn’t want to be deferred to. I didn’twant her treat me as if I was some most Honored. We were the same here, CityDwellers.

Her lips quirked upwards at the corners, “RespectfullyMa’am, we of the servant class around here, see you as our hero. You are thecity dweller they teach their lessons to. You are the exile who found theoutside and brought it back. You are a chance of escape. You are the onewilling to fight to free our city. We honor you, most Honored Elizabeth.” Shestood, and swept her skits out in a curtsy.

What to say to that? “I umm, I haven’t earned…”

“Ma’am, don’t try and brush this off. When you start yourrebellion, we will be ready to crawl out of the Wall to help you take back thecity. Let these wall dwellers clean up their own messes, but for now, I am theservant that looks after these rooms, and the people in them. You lookexhausted. Come, I shouldn’t have let my emotions get a hold of me. I just…haven’t been in this room… since… since I repainted the floor.” She pulled metoward the bed, and then was gone.

A white night dresswas lay across the bed, and I quickly changed into it and slide between thesheets in this fairy tale forest.

Maria woke me up the next morning, shaking me until I woke,“Come on Ma’am. You must get up. You have a long day ahead.”

Oh great. Just what I wanted. Another long day. I glared ather as I drug my aching legs out of bed. Yup. I just wanted to go back tosleep. “Why am I getting up so early?”

“It’s not early Ma’am, you were given the full eight hoursof sleep time plus one hour. In fact, one would say you were allowed to sleepin.” Her cheerful voice was way to chipper for early morning. What happened tothe crying nostalgic woman of last night?

Arrrgh. “Why, why are you chipper? And there’s no light inthis slogging place to tell time by!” This depressing, walled in place where Icouldn’t see the beautiful blue sky.

“Well, truthfully, I’m excited. You’ll be goin’ to learn howto defeat the evil king, and that means I can go back to the city of my birth.

Oh yeah, I forgot. One of the “most Honored” now. I didn’t deservethat title. I hadn’t even done anything yet. I could hear Dan telling me in myhead, “Ya do everythin’ on ya own, and it doesn’t matter none what they say ordona say.” It didn’t matter if they called me Honored or not. I would free thekingdom not for my own honor or title, but because it was the right thing todo. I was glad Dan insisted on coming with me. His insights were always useful.

Maria scampered out of the room. I guess she had finisheddoing what she was instructed to. An undyed pair of white drawstring pants anda blouse sat at the end of my bed. Below the bed on the floor was a pair ofleather shoes carefully stitched together, much like what the villagers wore.

I changed and finished getting ready before going out intothe shared room. Dan was already eating breakfast. A plate with two eggs sat atmy place. “Our maid cooked breakfast before scampering off. She said that ourinstructors would come to get us for our separate studies. I would eat fast ifI were you, I’m almost done.”

“Of course, they’ll probably come for us as soon as I takemy first bite.” Who knew anything with these Wall people.

He just shrugged and laughed. “Stop talking and eat.”

My stomach took that moment to grumble, and I found myselfhappy to oblige it. Stomach wanted food, time to make it a happy beast.

Dan sat there, watching me eat. “Enjoying those eggs, Liv?”

He laughed as I glared at him and kept wolfing down mybreakfast.

“You know Liv, if you got ready faster…”

“I’m trying to eat quickly!” I growled at him as he laughedagain. He was purposefully slowing me down. I had to tune him out. He spokeagain, but this time I simply tuned him out to the tune of “blah, blahblah,blahblablah, blah.” It was very effective. I just kept shoveling food in mymouth.

The second I shoved the last bite in my mouth, a nocksounded on the door. I finished that just in time.

Cat was standing there, and a predatory smile twisted thecorners of her lips. “You know, we weren’t coming to get you until both of youfinished eating…”

Dan started laughing, clutching at his middle.

“That’s not funny,” I choked out swallowing down the lastbites.

“Oh, but it is…” He started laughing again, “priceless.”

I couldn’t help my hand as it reached out and gently smackedhim on the head.

“Hey! I didn’t do anything…”

“Yes, other than play a joke on me, so I returned the joke.Your expression… was priceless.” I smiled sweetly at him as his own laughterdied away.

Another woman walked up, and the wrinkles that crinkledaround her eyes said she was older, maybe in her forties. It was hard to tellwith these colorless people.

She reached her hand out toward me, “I am Emalda, thehistorian. Liv, you will learn from me in the morning, then Lok will take you,and finally Cat gets to play with you in the evening.”

Cat nodded, “I’m a cat, Em. That’s what I do. Play with myfood.” She winked at me, as if she was sharing a joke with me. I didn’tparticularly replace it funny, but Emalda chuckled.

“Come child,” and she gave me this sweet, belittling look.And walked off. I was actually starting to get use to this expectation offollowing.

How dare she call me a child. Did she know what I’d beenthrough? “I’m not a child. I’m at least twenty by now, maybe twenty-one. I’mnot quite sure, but I’m not a child. I stopped being a child the day I wasdishonored.”

She gave me a pitying look, “Child, in a world of brutality,you are an adult, but, in a world of knowledge you are but a child. And,compared to me, you are most definitely a child.”

She was only about 40 something. That wasn’t that much olderthan me. “So you could be about my mother’s age, but that doesn’t make such abig difference that ‘compared to you’ I am a child.”

She halted and held up her hand, her smile gone as sheturned to face me. “Child, I am 79. I can call you whatever I want. I have alsopassed the knowledge test that our children must take to become adults yearsago. 53 years ago to be exact. I graduated from apprentice historian tohistorian 39 years ago, when the current master historian’s master died. And Ihave an apprentice that is about you age. You are a child, and I will hear nomore on this subject, unless you don’t want to learn from me. In which case,continue demanding that you are not a child. I am taking time off from my ownduties to teach you. This is an honor beyond reckoning amongst our people, andyou scorn it.”

I stared down at my feet. Seventy-nine? She didn’t look… Wowthese people lived long lives. And I had to learn this information. I needed toknow what a rebellion could potentially involve. I had to learn to be a generalfor my people. “I’m sorry, Ma’am, I…”

“No excuses either. You apologized, and we will move on withthis incident forgotten.” She strode off again with me having to jog a step tokeep up, “That is one of my rules, you do something wrong, you own up to it,and you don’t create excuses. You say ‘I was wrong, Ma’am.’ And we move on withlife. Got it?” Her sweet voice was stern now. I had obviously made her slightlyangry or annoyed. Hard to tell when I couldn’t see her face. All I could seewas the tension in her movements.

“Yes, Ma’am.” Hopefully all this training and honor would beworth it, and not wasted on the first day I entered the city when some snipertook me out from a roof top.

She moved quickly for an old lady, her eyes straight aheadwhere she was going, her back ramrod straight, and her chin just slightlyraised up. Her steps were long and confident. There was no slow meandering tothis woman. She was all business. Between her and Cat I wasn’t sure which one Iwould prefer to be my instructor. I guess I would get to experience both ofthem.

Her step slowed and came to a stop in front of another blandgray door. How did anyone tell anything apart in this place? Everything aroundhere was just gray monotony. Continuous unyielding gray.

It was so different from the village. Spring blooming out ofthe muddy land of winter. Yellows and purples dotting the meadows; greenpeeking out from behind the bare branches in the forest. The soft scent ofgrass, that mild and yet… tangy odor. How I missed grass. The sharp sickly oversweet smell of a small yellow flower that filled the meadow. Grass growing onthe roof tops of the village as the rain and warmth began.

How long had I been here? How long would I continue to be inthis sense depriving place? How long would I continue to last in this place?

The door creaked slightly as she opened it, and I gasped.The room was a warm maroon color, and filled with bookshelves. Near the front acouch and two arm chairs circled a fireplace with a painting of a battlefieldover it. The walls of this gigantic room were covered in paintings.

Some of the painting didn’t even look like paintings. Theylooked so realistic, like frozen moments in time. I reached out toward a pictureof a woman with a cruel smile and shining black hair.

“That is the fiftieth president of the United States ofAmerica, and the last president we know of. Her name was Elizabeth Smith.”

It was as if she was speaking in a foreign language, “Thewhat?”

She sighed, and raised her hand reverently as if to touchthe image, and then stopped, “Do you remember which country our city waslocated in?”

I thought about the sentence she just said, and then aboutwhat Rod had me learn the first time in the wall. It felt like forever ago. Thecountry… “The United Sates.”

She nodded without turning to look at me. “Correct. And didyou learn about the government of that country?”

“No. I don’t think government was a high priority thing toteach me when I was preparing to run into the wilderness and die.”

Now she finally turned back toward me, “You are right, wedidn’t expect you to survive, but you did. Just like the English King didn’texpect The United States to succeed in seceding from England. He didn’t expectthem to become their own country, to win their rebellion, but they did. Thehead of their government was an elected official, called the president.”

“Ummm, okay?” Did she expect me to remember and understandeverything she was saying?

She sighed, “We will start at the beginning, with the fourmajor civilizations, Mesopotamia, Egypt, China, and the Indus. We will movequickly through the history of the governments and wars that do not pertain toour own situation, but will help you understand the world better, but we willfocus in depth on the Athenian Greek Democracy, The Roman Republic, The BritishEmpire, and eventually on the American government and how it influenced theworld, until we reach the end of known knowledge. Oh, And we will also coverthe five main religions of the World: Hinduism, Judaism, Islamic, Buddhist, andChristian. ”

Again, she didn’t seem to understand the concept that Ireally didn’t know anything about history or what she was talking about. Maybeshe was talking for her own benefit? “Sure...”

“I know, you don’t understand any of that, but you will havea working knowledge of it, more than any of those uncultured plebes livinginside the ring of our great Wall civilization.”

She could talk about the people of the city being unculturedall she wanted, but without the city she wouldn’t have food.

“It’s a lot to learn in a short time frame, so we will starttoday with a map of the ancient world. We will cover the four main ancientcivilizations, the Phoenicians, the Jews, and the Anatolian civilizations suchas the Hittites and Assyrians today.” She walked over to a shelf stacked withpaper and pulled out a piece that she preceded to unfold.

“This is our first map, covering the first fourcivilizations.”

Civilizations later, a tall and slightly pudgy white hairedwoman walked in carrying two plates of food. “Enjoying torturing the CityDweller?”

“As much as you enjoy cooking. Liv, this is Naomi, one ofour many cooks in the Wall.” The skin at the corners of Emalda’s eyes crinkleda little, and her lips lifted just slightly upward. Almost a smile.

Naomi’s laugh with warmth and fullness, “Hah, not just oneof the cooks, I am one of the best cooks in the wall. Specializing in thescience of making flavors combine in just the right way. Much more fun thatsitting in a boring room reading history books every day of your life.”

Emalda shook her head, “You had a choice. I was chosen formy job.”

They both seemed slightly downcast now. Naomi placed theplates on one of the couches, and left. “What was that all about?” I couldn’thelp that natural curiosity.

“Naomi… she’s a good cook, but a she could have been anengineer. She’s not a dud brain like most of the other cooks. She just… saysshe prefers cooking, and I could never understand it,” She stared at theground, and then shook her head again. “I just don’t get it.”

“Maybe, she feels her gift with cooking outweighs herability with math. If it’s what she wants to do, why not let her do it?” Ithought about what Emalda said, about being chosen for her position, and Iwondered, what if she hadn’t wanted to be a historian? But I said nothing ofthis to her.

Emalda shrugged. “We do what helps our society best with ourlives, not what we want. I have a mind for remembering dates and times,therefore I am historian. You have a gift for stirring up trouble, thereforeyou are being sent into the city to stir up trouble. We all have our jobs todo.”

“Cooking is a job, and a necessary one at that.” I had myjob in the village, and maybe I could have been a better teacher, or fieldworker, or something, but I had enjoyed the constant movement of the loom undermy hands.

Emalda nodded, “Yes, it’s just…” She stopped for a moment,“She’s not using her full potential. I mean, I guess she is a very good cook…”

“And you have other people as Engineers. I think…” Istopped. I didn’t know how to articulate what I wanted to say, “I… I don’tknow. I guess, I think she might not want to have to stress her brain and thinkabout mathematical equations and what not.”

“Maybe, but we should be focusing our time on historylessons. We don’t have much time before you are supposed to join Cat forweapons instruction.” She turned, and headed toward the couch where the foodwas waiting, I followed her shadow back to the couches, and picked up the plateof greens topped with a white meat, chicken maybe?

As we ate she spoke more of about the history of the humanrace in our world. So many cultures and ideas. So much that most people didn’teven know about, and I was going to run out of here to get myself killed. Butwhat other choice was there. Some people, like Naomi, had a choice in life, butothers of us simply seemed to be tools of fate, chosen for some odd reason todo impossible tasks.

When we finished Emalda lead me through twisting corridorsuntil we reached a room covered in padded walls with some training dummies atone end. I guess this was Cat’s sanctuary. Emalda turned and left without agoodbye, and I didn’t bother saying anything. Instead I focused on trying to replacewhere Cat was. She was probably planning on leaping out at me in a flyingattack.

“Cat?” My voice echoed through the room without a response.Was I alone in here? Did she decide I didn’t need to learn more fightingskills?

“Dan tells me you are passible with a bow.” I turned and sawCat behind me. “Seeing as you are still…” she paused, her eyes looking up anddown me, her mouth pinched downward in distaste. “…weak from your – ordeal.”She hissed the last word as if she disagreed with it.

“You act as if the outside is some laughably easy place tolive, but would you be willing to go out there and risk death from theradiation or disease?”

She made a strange coughing sound, no, that was her laugh.As much as I feared going back into the city I couldn’t wait to leave the Wall.“Silly child, I wouldn’t ever be so stupid as to want to leave the Wall.”

She could think what she wanted. She hadn’t ever lived underthe sky before. She might know weapons, but she wouldn’t ever really understandwhat a forest was, or a field with the sun burning down on your back and theclear blue sky overhead.

“Dan tells me you know how to shoot a long bow, well I amgoing to teach you to shoot a compound bow, and then a pistol. I will teach youto shoot the muzzle loading single shot antiques the guards carry, and a fasterbreech loading pistol that was never allowed into the city. It has not yet beendecided if we will allow you to take one in, but I will train you in this.”

She shoved hard against me and I stumbled backwards almostfalling down, “What was that for!”

She shrugged, “When in my roomyou stand ready to fight, you always hold a good stance so that when someonepushes you, you push back. I will attack you anywhere you are standing, to thepoint where when you stand you will stand rock solid.”

Emalda looked stiff on the edge of the large puffy couch shewas sitting on. I felt uncomfortable under her scrutiny.

“We’ve been covering the history for almost a month, wasthere anything else you wanted to ask me about?” She asked.

I thought about it for a moment. "Well, this isn’texactly history, but what caused the radiation that surrounds the city? Why isit desert outside these walls, and then suddenly there is forest without anyradiation?"

She shrugged and sank back into her seat. "We don'tactually really know. We call it the catastrophe, but that is simply a genericname for a terrible event."

"So you don't know anything about what happened? Youhave all this history stored up about a dead world long before our own time,but you know nothing about what happened between that time and out ownage?"

"We know some things. From blood testing on your friendDan and comparing his radiation levels to your own, our conjecture is thatthere are still elevated levels of radiation beyond the sign announcing theradiation border. The sign probably marks an evacuation zone border, whichmeans that there was a government for a little while after our city was bombed,even though no one contacted us.

We figure the government probably fell soon after they setup the evacuation zone. Our city was set up as a safe zone by paranoid richpeople, and the people of the Wall were hired by these people to build and keepup the protections."

Her eyes were distant, imagining some other past, andleaving the answer to my question unfinished. "You still haven't completelyanswered my question."

She looked back at me, "The answer is I don't know. Allwe know is conjecture. We didn't keep records of what happened for some reason.Some of the scientists believe that is was a ground exploded nuclear bomb. Somethink it was a nuclear power plant meltdown. Whatever it was it doesn't explainwhy contact was broken off. It doesn't explain why nothing has grown back in theradiation zone around us. Most flora and fauna adapts to the radiation andgrows back. As smart as we are, we can't answer all questions about the past.All we can do is live for the future, which is why we need you."

A harsh rasping laugh escaped my lips. "You need me?You have the Wall that you happily scurry about in. How could you needme?"

She sat there silently for a moment before answering,"Because you are one of the city people. You are a descendant of thewealthy Mcintyre family. You are someone who can change the city so that peoplecan easily move back and forward between the Wall and the city. You are aperson who can change the political structure because you have to. You won'tsurvive in the current political situation, and you can't go back out of theWall. You..."

"Why is that? Why can't I leave the Wall again? You curedme of my disease."

She glared at me, obviously annoyed by my interruption,"Radiation isn't always a fast killer. If you hadn't come back here youmight have managed to live into your fifties if some other disease hadn'tkilled you first. We fed you things that would give you immunities against theknown diseases while you were here, but new disease might have poppedup..."

"What about now. Since I've crossed the heavierradiation zone twice, how long would you give me to live?"

She stopped and stared at the floor avoiding my gaze. Was itso bad she couldn't tell me?

"I might not even survive this rebellion you want me tolead, so why can't you tell me how long my estimated life span is? I figure Dan has into his fifties life spansince he's crossed the zone once now, but what about me? Is it only a year ortwo or something?" Why couldn't she just tell me?

She shook her head, "We don't exactly know. We give youat the most into your thirties to live."

That was why they wanted me. Hysterical laughter burst frommy lips. I gasped for breath as the laugh gripped my core. I fought for controlwith the laugh, liquid seeping out of the corners of my eyes. Take a breath.Breathe in. breathe out. The muscles in my middle still spasmed, but no soundescaped. Finally, I whispered, "That... that's why I'm perfect to leadthis rebellion... if I die..."

"No big loss," she finished, her voice low andquiet, apologetic. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you. There is anotherchoice; you could go back out there. You could go back to the village, but youwould only last a year or two. Your radiation levels would be so high you wouldget a disease called cancer almost immediately, and you would die a slow deathwhere your body became weaker and weaker until you died. As it is you willstill get that disease, you will just have about ten years according to ourcomputers. If you are lucky you might last longer."

"I always knew I would die young," my voicescraped roughly against my throat. I was dishonored. Most died young. A few,like Rachel and my mother lived to be older. In fact, my mother was surprisinglyold for a dishonored...

"But that knowledge wasn't solid fact for you. It wassomething far away that you didn't want to think about. And I have forced youto face the reality that you will die young."

I nodded, words escaping me. Throw my life away fighting fora better world or throw it away by running away? The decision seemed clear now.That goal that I kept trying to turn away from. I would get my revenge. I wouldsave the dishonored. I would destroy the system. Life had chosen to take awaymy decisions. "I am glad you told me. It..." It makes more sense nowthat I know I can either waste what little life I have left or make the most ofit. Now that I have no choice? I still had a choice. I could live out my lifein the Wall... and what, not even think of Dan? He chose to come to this hellwith me. I wouldn't have made it without him. I would have died in the desertoutside the Wall.

"Think of the people who are dishonored. Your friendKevin's family. Your own mother, and your half siblings who were borndishonored. You could save them. You could set this city to rights. Punishmentonly belonging to the people who committed crimes. The gate to the Wall wideopen for people to go in and out of. And people could leave the city. Theycould go to the world outside the radiation zone and start a new life."Her voice painted a magical image. A city where the people were happy and thedishonored didn't exist. I could see Felise, walking up to Kevin, and the twobrothers reuniting. My mother, standing in the doorway of our house, her tiredface actually smiling.

"You could bring the democracy of the past to the city.The council of the village could sit in the castle where a King resides. Youcould cast down the leash of a dictatorship. Imagine a place where executionisn't the answer to everything. A place where people aren't shot for being tooweak to stand..."

My father, his brown eyes staring into my soul, his facecovered in a fine growth of brown hair. Looking at me as they raised the axe...

"This... it’s about more than my revenge and myhonor." I whispered.

"Yes. It’s about building a new future. Aboutrebuilding the world.”

Again, what choice did I really have? Who was I to deny sucha grand fate that these people had planned for me. I had planned to come backto the city at some point, and that time was now. I had wanted my honor backand revenge. Now fate wanted me to be the catalyst of change.

"I've never had a choice." I looked around thehistory room, at the painting that detailed events of the past. Photographs oflong dead faces glaring at me, telling me my future was already determined.

"You've always had a choice Liv. You could’ve beencontent to be alive. You could've lived as a Dishonored, given yourselfwillingly to any guard who requested to sleep with you. You could’ve chosen executionlike almost everyone before you. You could’ve stayed in the Wall, or never comeback and left us thinking the whole world was like the world outside the Wall.You could decide now to stay in the Wall, or to go back and die in the village.You could've chosen to enter the City without having any knowledge aboutleading a revolution. There is always a choice. You have simply chosen a pathtoward greatness."

"There was never a choice Emalda. Not for me. Becauseof who I am, I wouldn't have chosen any other path." The choices were allan illusion of free will.

She nodded. "I think you are almost ready. You will nowtrain with only Cat until the day you are released into the city."

It was almost time to ride back into the city. Last time I’dridden in on Kingston… Kingston! I hadn't even really spared a thought for himsince I came back to the city. "Will I be on Kingston?"

She stared at me as if not comprehending my question.

“When I leave, will I be riding out into the city onKingston, my horse?”

"You horse? No, we had to put him down. You will rideone of our horses, and your friend will ride his creature."

Kingston was dead. I gripped the arms of my chair. Yetanother death to add to the long list of deaths caused by me. I nodded. Icouldn't speak. I hadn't even spared a thought for the horse I'd been given inthe city and that I'd taken care of in the village. I guess I'd simply thoughtthe people of the Wall were taking care of him.

She stood up, her face emotionless and uncaring. "It’stime for your lesson with Cat. Once you get your rebellion started, we willsupply you with the weapons. You must win the people over to your cause."

She made it sound so easy, but I knew it wouldn't be thateasy. It wasn't a simple matter to change a political system. All I had to dowas look at the French revolution, or even the American Revolution.

A small voice whispered, you will be the flame who burns sobrightly, the George Washington, the Napoleon Bonaparte. You will be honored byhistory... I shushed that voice. I didn't want to be honored by history. Isimply wanted to live my life in peace. But sometimes, life took those choicesaway from us.