I am Wolf
Chapter Forty - Two

SASHA

Watching Wolf get on his bike and speed off, I suddenly feel my entire world begin to crumble into dust all around me, the loss of his presence instantly crippling me, and I’m suddenly battling to breathe.

I’m about to break apart; I can feel it as my heart shatters. He left; he just left me. The damn wall inside of me is about to burst. I can’t hold it in any longer, spinning around. My eyes are shimmering with tears as they connect with Atlas. He’s standing a distance from me, his jaw clenched, brows furrowed as he watches me warily, concern sketched across his features. The moment I think that he might actually care, he turns on his heel and disappears back into the cold room before shutting the door.

The moment I start to hyperventilate, I suddenly feel a hand wrap itself around my wrist and begin to pull me towards the pack house’s front door; it’s Edith.

“Come, my child, let’s get you inside.” My feet are moving, but I can’t feel anything; the only thing running through my mind is that he left me, and it’s all my fault.

I finally break when Edith shuts the door behind us and pulls me into her arms. The wall comes crumbling down as tears pour down my cheeks in short sobs.

“H- he hates me now, he left me, it’s all my fault...” I whimper.” Edith holds me tightly against her chest, shushing me as she gently strokes her hand over my hair, trying to soothe me like a mother would her child.

“Oh, sweet girl, that’s nonsense, and you know it; that boy loves you more than the moon loves the stars; his heart is merely aching, and he doesn’t know how to make it hurt any less.” Shaking my head, I pull away from her hold, my eyes blurry with tears.

“No, no, you didn’t see him; it was written in his eyes, the way he looked at me. The hurt, the betrayal, he thinks I want to leave him, to abandon him in the same way he’s spent his entire life feeling abandoned. He thinks I want to leave to be with Atlas; I saw it in his eyes; he thinks I want to be with Atlas, and...and...” But I can’t think straight; the only thing I see in front of me is his eyes, the hurt in them, and I did that; I hurt him. The uncontrollable sobs begin escalating, and I feel like I’m being suffocated by the pain I saw in his eyes.

All the built-up emotions I’ve been carrying within me, from the moment I met Wolf to the night I was taken, the death of my family, the guilt I’ve been carrying around for so long. It all just comes pouring out of me like a floodgate has just been opened, and I can’t stop it.

“Sam! Now you listen to me; you stop this right now!” She suddenly shouts as she places her hands on either side of my face, looking into my eyes. I can only stare at her in silence, my eyes wide; she’s never shouted at me. “Just breathe slow, deep breaths. In and out.” She suddenly says it in a calm tone, and as I nod slowly, I start taking slower breaths in and out, in and out. It immediately starts working, my panic attack slowly disappearing until I finally begin to think straight again.

Taking a deep breath, she slowly lets go of me, but her eyes are still piercing mine questioningly,

“You need to ask yourself this question, Sam. Is there any part of you, albeit however small, that wants to climb into that realm with Atlas to be with him?”

My mouth silently falls open as I stare at her, completely taken aback by her question. I blink three times.

“I...” And I’m suddenly in shock by the realization that my answer isn’t a solid no; it should be; I should be able to say no, so why can’t I?

Nodding, Edith sighs, her brows knitting together.

“Come, I think we both need a cup of tea.” Taking my hand, she leads me into the kitchen, and I’m still busy wrestling with the fact that I didn’t say no.

***

Edith hands me a cup of tea and a choc-chip biscuit; I swear this is her go-to for anything heavy and emotional, sweet stuff.

The moment I take a sip from my cup, I hear her ask a question I wish she hadn’t because I’ve been avoiding this question in my own head since replaceing out who and what Atlas actually is to me.

“Is it the mate bond pulling you to him?”

I quickly divert my eyes from her, swallowing a sudden lump in my throat as my brows come together.

“Maybe,” I whisper, too afraid to admit it even to myself. Looking back up at her, I see sympathy in her eyes as she looks at me, “Atlas has been inside my head since I was little; I just never knew it was him at the time. I always thought it was because of what was wrong with me as a wolf that the voice in my head meant I was going crazy. And then it suddenly stopped when I turned twelve. When I heard him inside my head again back at that mine shaft, I should have known straight away who he was, but his voice had changed, no longer like a playful child, but rather filled with something deeper, something more...” Swallowing a sudden lump in my throat I slowly look up at her, “Being around him does make me nervous.”

“Being pulled in two different directions, I can’t even begin to imagine how that must feel.” Smirking, I shrug,

“My father was fated to two, a wolf and a witch; I suppose I inherited it from him.”

“He was.” She nods compassionately.

“I love Wolf, Edith. And right now, the only important thing to me is freeing him from his curse and coming back home to him once I have.”

“And Atlas?” Clenching my jaw, I let out a slow breath,

“Atlas has his own future to live.” A questioning look suddenly sketches across her face,

“Why would you say that?”

“It’s what he said earlier, what he told me in my head.”

“And what was that?”

“He said that he’s decided to choose the girl Ronan chose for him, that he loves her and wants to marry her, not me. So you see, I don’t have anything to worry about.”

Edith’s brows suddenly furrow in confusion,

“Are you sure that’s what he said?”

“He was pretty adamant about it in my head, told me not to waste my time coming back with them unless I plan on replaceing Lisbon alone because he can’t help me.”

Edith suddenly looks very confused; she’s about to say something but then decides not to, quickly shaking off whatever is plaguing her as she gives me a small smile.

“Well, then I guess the only thing we still need to discuss is Erebus,”

“What do you mean?” I ask, suddenly looking her straight in the eyes.

“Erebus can’t be left without an alpha, Sam. I’m worried about you going away and not knowing how long it will take before you return home, that the pack will be unprotected; they are already feeling concerned for the pack’s future with your father and brother gone. We don’t need an outsider to challenge one of our pack for alpha position.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“You are the daughter of the alpha, so the responsibility falls to you to become alpha of Erebus, unless...”

“Unless?” She’s about to answer me when I suddenly feel his presence; looking up from my cup, I look straight into Wolf’s eyes, standing at the kitchen entrance. His eyes pierce mine, and a shudder runs through my chest. His jaw is tight, but I can see his beast swirling around in his eyes, possessive, dominant, commanding my attention. His effect on me when he looks at me like that instantly has heat pooling in my core.

Swallowing hard, I can’t bring myself to look away; the specs of gold swirling around in his eyes have me captivated, “Edith,” I say in a low tone, “Could you gather the pack for an important meeting tonight, make sure there’s enough food and a big bonfire out back. I have a very important announcement to make.”

“Of course.” She replies as she looks from me to Wolf and then back to me again.

Wolf’s brows suddenly come together as he eyes me warily; lifting from my chair, my eyes stay on his as I move towards him. There’s something about Wolf in this moment; he owns every part of me, my wolf and my soul, and he knows it. The moment I’m standing before him, I can feel the Ultima dominance flowing off him in waves; as I look up at him, my lips slowly part.

“Come take a drive with me, Wolf. There’s something I want to show you.” He suddenly gives me a questioning look but doesn’t say a word. So, instead, I take his hand in mine as I lead him out towards the front door, grabbing Don’s truck keys from the small table near the front door on my way out.

***

The drive isn’t too long, but it’s silent all the way. Wolf hasn’t said a word the entire way; I can feel how tense he is beside me while I drive up the mountain towards Mount Verstovia.

The moment I pull up to the lookout point, I park the truck. Wolf suddenly gets out of the passenger side before going to the front and leaning back against the truck.

“What are we doing all the way up here, Sasha?” He asks as he crosses his arms across his chest and eyes me suspiciously, shutting the truck door. I slowly come up beside him and look up into his beautiful hazelnut eyes; I’m completely lost in them as my heart skips a beat.

I love this man.

Taking his hand in mine, I slowly pull him towards me, a gesture for him to follow me as I take a step forward.

“Come, it’s right up near the edge of that ledge.”

“What is?”

The moment we get to the edge of the lookout, I suddenly stop; it’s so beautiful up here; it gets me every time I come here.

“My father brought us up here once, Don and me. You can see the entire Erebus pack and Sitka from up here. One thing he taught me was how good leadership sometimes means making difficult decisions you don’t want to make, that to be the alpha of a pack means putting your pack first above all else. I can’t be that alpha to my pack, Wolf. Not if what I really want is to become its Luna.”

Turning my head to look up at Wolf, I can see the confusion in his eyes as he looks down at me,

“What are you trying to say, Sasha?”

Placing both my hands in his, I’m suddenly smiling as tears begin shimmering behind my eyes.

“Wolf, I want you to become alpha of Erebus. And if you’ll have me, I would love nothing more than to become your Luna.”

His jaw suddenly goes slack as he blinks in surprise,

“W-what?”

I allow him a moment to process the words, for it to sink in for just a second.

“You want me to become your pack’s alpha?”

“Our pack, Wolf. I’m your mate, remember.” And he kind of just stands and stares at me in complete disbelief. Biting my lower lip, I start feeling nervous when he doesn’t respond, “Um, so, what do you say?” Finally looking me in the eyes, I watch as his wolf shimmers in his eyes, the Ultima red swirling with the specs of gold. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he suddenly pulls my body against his, his lips dangerously close to my ear as he whispers.

“Yes, I would love to have you as my luna, Sasha.”

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I suddenly can’t contain my excitement; I’m smiling, crying, and so incredibly happy. Wolf suddenly spins us around, his lips instantly on mine as he chuckles.

The moment he stops spinning us, he suddenly lifts me up so my legs can wrap around his waist. Resting his forehead against mine, he suddenly whispers,

“I don’t want you to go...” Nodding, I feel tears threatening to push past the rims of my eyes,

“I know; I promise once I replace Lisbon and break the curse she has on us, I’ll be back home and in your arms again.” Pulling me tightly against his chest, his beast suddenly rumbles,

“And then I’m never letting you go, ever again.”

“I’ll hold you to that, my alpha.” I breathe with a moan; his mouth suddenly comes up beside my ear as he whispers,

“Trust me, I always keep my promises, my Luna.” A shudder suddenly runs all the way down my spine and into my core, heat pooling as my breath comes out in short pants.

I love how he calls me his Luna, and his mouth suddenly devours my own.

Mm... I could certainly get used to this.