I am Wolf
Chapter Forty - Four

WOLF

“Please stay.” My whisper hangs in the air, her sleeping form so peaceful beside me. This is how it’s meant to be, so how can I just let her go?

I haven’t been able to sleep, so I feel like crap. Ever hated the moment the sun came up in the morning? Me neither, that was until today, because today marks the last morning I’ll wake up next to her for... Fuck, I don’t even want to go there right now.

I need to stop kidding myself by being hopeful that she’ll only be gone for a day; I have this gut-wrenching feeling that it won’t be that easy. Gently running the pad of my thumb over her cheek, she’s out cold, and I don’t blame her. After our hot fuck session in the shower last night, we ended up moving on to the bed, and well, let’s just say neither one of us got much sleep from that point onward.

I should have probably done the same by the time she finally passed out from exhaustion. Our bodies were completely saturated, and I could tell she was sore. But I just couldn’t get enough of her.

As I lay watching her, my forehead almost pressed against hers, I guess I allow my thoughts to wander off, finally managing to close my eyes for the first time, and it’s as if the darkness suddenly swallows me whole; I’m falling into a deep state of sleep with her right there with me.

~

My eyes suddenly shoot open, and I jump up with a start. Sasha, she’s gone, fuck, fuck, where is she? Where the fuck is she?

Stumbling out of bed like a torpedo, I suddenly fall over my own feet as I straighten up just in time to purposefully yank the bedroom door wide open. But before I can run down the hall, guns blazing, I’m startled when my eyes land on a wide-eyed girl standing on the other side with two cups in her hands, and I freeze.

“Sasha,” I gulp, instantly shoving the manic anxieties of my mind back down from a few seconds ago. Her mouth goes slack as she looks from me to the cups in her hands and then back up at me again,

“I made coffee and tea; I wasn’t sure which you would prefer, so I made both.” Blinking with a smile, I slowly reach out and take the cup of coffee from her hand as I tenderly peck her on the lips.

“Thank you, baby,” I murmur as I lead her into the room before shutting the door; I’ve got it all figured out within an instant. If I keep Sasha locked away in this room all day, she can’t leave.

~

Lying back against her bed, she’s giggling. I tickle her sides every time she tries to take a picture of me; she’s got a Polaroid camera in her hands, trying to take my photo. Still, I’ve never had my image taken, so the concept isn’t really something I’m comfortable with.

“Fine,” She finally giggles as I continue tormenting her with tickles, “I won’t take your picture; I’ll stop.” She chuckles, and the sound she makes when she’s panting for air already has my dick going hard. “How about this?” She breathes. “Would you at least let me take a picture of us together?” Smirking, I sigh and playfully narrow my eyes at her. “Please.” She pleads. Rolling my eyes, I’m suddenly like putty in her hands.

“One picture, Sasha, just one.” I agree as I pull her close to my side, planting a kiss against the side of her head. An instant grin of victory fills her eyes as she quickly moves up closer to me; holding the camera above our heads, she suddenly begins counting down, “Three, two, one...” Snap! The device suddenly spits out a small rectangular piece of paper; taking it between her fingers, Sasha looks down at it and smiles widely. I look down at it, and I can’t help but smile. Is that what we look like together? My wolf instantly preens; he’s always so fucking proud of his little she-wolf.

Leaning down, I suddenly crash my lips against hers, a soft moan escaping her lips, and then... Snap! I instantly pull away, giving her a suspicious and curious look before looking up at the camera, still tightly held in her grasp, spitting out another photo.

“I agreed to one...” My eyes narrowed menacingly as I raised a brow; she suddenly got this naughty little smirk on her face, like a kid getting caught out.

“Oh, my finger must have slipped,” She grins. A devious and mischievous grin crept up at the corners of my mouth,

“Well, now, I’ll just have to punish my girl for her reckless finger-snapping...” I growl menacingly as my wolf shows himself in my eyes.

“What are you going to do?” She asks, fluttering her lashes at me, feigning innocence. Specs of gold shimmer behind my eyes as I instantly pull her on top of me, a sudden shriek escaping her as my head dips and I push my lips to hers hungrily. Rolling her over, I instantly pinned her hands down, a low possessive growl rumbling from my chest. She’s mine, and I’ll never get tired of this. Heat erupts from both of us like a volcanic explosion as we frantically begin taking all we can from each other.

~

Edith had to be the one to come knocking on our door just as Sasha was about to fall asleep in my arms, breaking the spell and yanking us back to the looming reality of what was coming. She told us to meet them all downstairs in the office in half an hour, fuck, great.

The moment we walk hand in hand into the office, the energy suddenly shifts. Everyone stops what they’re doing and looks up at us. Is it just me, or does it feel awkward here?

Edith stands beside Atlas next to the large desk, and Noah and Liam lean casually against the wall. And Caleb, I’ve come to realize this guy just doesn’t like people much. He’s hunched over, his elbows resting on his knees with his chin in his hands. His hair always covers half his face, so I can never get a good look at his eyes.

“Oh good, you two are dressed and ready. So Atlas has something to show you, Sam.” Edith says as she waves us over. Sasha immediately pulls away from me to walk up to the desk and stands beside Edith, on the other side of her, away from Atlas. ‘Good girl,’ my wolf suddenly growls inside my head.

Atlas keeps his eyes trained on what’s on the desk, not even acknowledging Sasha when he speaks.

“Edith brought to my attention that your stone’s curse is also tied to Wolf,” He looks up at her with a scowl, “You didn’t think it important to tell me that yesterday?” His snarky tone instantly has Sasha’s jaw going slack,

“I didn’t think-” “Yes, that’s the problem right now, isn’t it? You didn’t think.” An instant growl rumbles through my chest as I stare him down before coming to stand right behind Sasha, and Atlas immediately looks down as he sighs.

“If the curse is tied to both of you, then the stone cannot be separated from either. In other words, stepping through the portal with the stone will cut an invisible cord with this world. You can see how that would be a problem for him, right?” He says as he cocks a brow at me.

“So, we can’t be separated then?” She asks, confused.

“I didn’t say that; all it means is that both of you need to have a part of the stone with you, and lucky for you, it’s possible to separate the fragments of your stone with two of these...” He says, holding up two pendant necklaces in his hands.

“What makes these pendants so special?” I grumble as my brows come together, taking one from him.

“Well, they’re going to keep your ass alive for starters; we managed to get hold of these magical pendants from a nomad warlock; they’re a pair.” Looking up at him, I’m narrowing my eyes.

“And this warlock, he’s a white light as well?” I instantly hear Caleb smirk from behind me, the first sound I’ve heard this guy make, and it’s a smirk.

“No, the warlock is a dark witch.” He says nonchalantly, and I’m instantly dropping the pendant from my hand like it’s just burnt me. Atlas quickly grabs it before it hits the table,

“Could you try and be careful? It’s glass. We can’t exactly go and get another one if this one breaks.” He scowls at me, but I return his look with one of my own.

“You turning to the dark side now, Atlas?”

“You gonna be picky now, Wolf. I did the best that I could with the little time that I had.” He retorts irritably as he glares at me; his action merely gets my wolf up and ready to kill him as I growl. But before things escalate any further, Sasha quickly steps in between us.

“Enough, both of you.” She snaps as she looks from me to Atlas and back to me again. The moment she looks over at Atlas, she sighs,

“Thank you, Atlas.” She says as she takes the pendants from him, tying one around her neck and holding the other up to me. But I don’t want another fucking enchanted thing around my neck. Thanks, but no thanks. Instead, I take it from her and push it into my pocket.

“Don’t break it,” Atlas scowls at me,

“Yeah, I got it; it’s glass,” I grumble back.

“As long as the fragments are contained inside those pendants, the link is safe. Take the fragments out of them, and they no longer will be; it’s that simple.”

“Okay,” Sasha says, “Thank you for doing this.” She says, giving him a small smile, but he merely mumbles, “Don’t mention it,” before turning away from her.

“Look, I would rather you don’t come back with us. I can’t stop you from coming; you’re half a witch, but I think you should stay.” And for the first time, I can actually agree with Atlas.

“Are you going to help me break the curse on us if I stay?” She asks, raising a questioning brow at him.

“No, I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” She snaps.

“You know what, do whatever you want. But I won’t be the one looking out for you, so you’re on your own.” He snaps back.

“Atlas, dude, you can seriously be such a dick sometimes,” Noah suddenly pipes up as he steps forward and stands beside Sasha; looking down at her, he gives her a sympathetic smile. “You know what, princess. I’ll look out for you; I promise to take care of you.”

A deep growl suddenly reverberates from me as I look down at him. Gulping, he quickly holds his hands up in submission as his eyes widen. “In a completely non-threatening, strictly platonic kind of way, of course.” He quickly adds. And I can’t help but smirk at this kid; he’s probably the only one out of the many I feel comfortable with having around Sasha. I don’t even fucking know him.

Atlas suddenly rolls his eyes. “Again, not helping, Noah.” He grumbles. Sasha gives Atlas a stern look as she smirks,

“Look, you might not want me to come. Because Ronan is suddenly giving you a hard time, and you don’t have it in you to stand up against him, but I’m coming, so just deal with it.” She bites back.

I suddenly hear Caleb smirk from beside us again, and then both Noah and Liam crack up with snorts of laughter as they try to force it down. Atlas suddenly glares at them before looking back down at Sasha,

“You don’t even know Ronan,” He barks.

“I don’t care to know him; all I want to do is to replace Lisbon and break the curse she has on us, that’s it.” Narrowing his eyes at her, he turns to look at Noah.

“You know what, man, she’s all yours. Enjoy babysitting her because that’s what you’ll be doing when we get home.”

“I could think of far worse things, man.” Noah retorts sarcastically with a smirk.

“Whatever.” Atlas grumbles as he heads out the door, “I have enough to deal with.” He mumbles.

“Yeah, like planning your arranged marriage to Eris, how can we forget.” Noah scoffs, and Liam grimaces from beside us. Atlas stills for a moment as his hands ball into fists by his side. “Fuck you, Noah.” He groans before finally storming out of the room, and Caleb suddenly gets up and follows behind him so fast, like he can’t wait to get out of there.

Noah suddenly looks at us with a broad smile, “Okay, so we’re just all gonna go and finish getting our dead friend ready to travel home; he’s not very chatty right now, but...” Liam suddenly starts shoving Noah out towards the open door,

“Jeez, fuck. Noah, seriously, man. If Miera hears you talking about Kris like that, she’ll fucking kill you.” I still hear them mumbling and joking as they leave the packhouse.

Slowly turning to look at Edith, my brows furrow,

“And I’m meant to trust my mate’s life with them?” I snap.

Sighing, Edith slowly turns to face Sasha.

“Stay close to Noah and Liam, Sam. They might not seem like it, but they are incredibly powerful white lighters. They’re good guys; if Noah has promised to look out for you, you’re safe. I would steer clear of Caleb, though; he’s not the biggest fan of our kind.” Nodding, Sasha’s brows suddenly come together.

“I’ll remember that,” She says softly. Looking Edith in the eyes, she suddenly pulls her into a tight hug. “Thank you, Edith,” she whispers,” Please, start calling me by my first name from now on.” Pulling away, Edith blinks as she looks at Sasha and then smiles. “Sasha.” She says softly as tears begin shimmering behind her eyes.

~

Watching Sasha pack a small backpack, she’s fumbling; she keeps filling and re-packing the same bag.

“Hey.” The moment I take her into my arms, I want to tell her to call the whole thing off, to stay, not to go through with this. I want to ask her to stay with me, where she belongs. Because I can see it in her eyes, she’s apprehensive, she’s scared... and if I wanted to, I could manipulate this situation to my benefit and get her to change her mind.

Swallowing hard, I stop myself from saying any of the things going through my mind because she will never forgive herself if she doesn’t go through with this; I know what it means to her to replace Lisbon and break the curse because I can feel it in her. If I stop her from going, the resentment she’ll carry towards herself will eat her up inside, and I can’t do that to her, not even if it’s fucking killing me.

Lifting one of the pictures to me, she gives me a small smile,

“Here,” She says softly. I take it from her before looking at it; it’s the sneaky picture she took of us kissing. An instant smile spreads across my face as I look back up at her.

“Do you have the other one?” I ask softly. Nodding, she bites down against her bottom lip,

“Already in my backpack.” Nodding, I push the picture of us into the back pocket of my jeans. Suddenly grateful to her for taking it.

~

Every step towards the back of the property has my feet feeling as heavy as lead. Sasha’s hand is in mine, and even though I’m doing my best to keep my heartbeat steady, it’s practically impossible.

Everyone has already gathered: Edith, the four white lighters, the corpse of the white lighter who died wrapped up tightly in a white cloth, and being held on a stretcher by Liam and Caleb. The feeling is heavy and morbid in the air, and I suddenly don’t know if I can go through with this.

Atlas suddenly turns and looks up towards us as his jaw tightens. “I guess she’s really fucking doing this,” He mumbles to Caleb. The latter keeps his eyes diverted to the ground.

Noah looks up at us and smiles, but I don’t have it in me to fake happiness, and he quickly gets the picture and looks down.

“Wolf, Sasha, it’s time...” Edith suddenly says as she looks up at us with so much sympathy in her eyes; all of a sudden, it’s difficult to breathe; I’m trying, I’m fucking trying. My throat feels dry, and I can’t swallow; how am I meant to do this?

Atlas slowly begins to wave his hand up in a circular motion, mumbling something as his hand begins to illuminate electric blue energy. Continuing to move his hand in a circle, something slowly begins to form in front of him, something that just a moment ago wasn’t there.

It’s blue, hazy, and looks like a circular fog. It’s growing, becoming larger and larger until the center of the mist suddenly opens up. My jaw clenches as my grip against Sasha’s hand tightens; I can feel her heartbeat escalating as she stares at it; it’s beating so fast. Fuck.

Atlas turns to Edith, who whispers something to him; they both nod, and I wonder what she told him. Then he suddenly looks up at me, his brows furrow, and his expression suddenly becomes serious when he says,

“The moment she enters our realm, you will lose all contact with her until she returns; I just thought you should know.” Staring hard at him, my jaw is so tight that I’m surprised my teeth haven’t started cracking under the pressure.

Turning back towards the portal, he suddenly signals Caleb and Liam to follow him. And I watch them begin to walk through that portal like it’s just another ordinary day, and just like that, they disappear into the fog.

Noah suddenly turns towards us before quickly making his way to come and stand right in front of us,

“So, um, there’s about five minutes on this portal before it closes, so if you’re coming, make sure you’re through before that happens; otherwise, you’ll get stuck in a place that’s in between the two worlds, and trust me, you don’t want to get stuck in there.” He stresses out.

Nodding, Sasha’s breathing is suddenly shaky as she looks down,

“So just walk right through; I’ll be waiting for you on the other side. It will feel strange, but nothing heavy.” He nods encouragingly. He’s about to turn to leave when he stops and turns back, “Oh, and Wolf, whatever you do, don’t try and follow after her in there; trust me, the enchantment Ronan’s put on our realm, the pain you’ll go through, it will be enough to kill her too.” My nostrils suddenly flair as my brows knit together tightly as I nod in response. Fuck!

He nods and turns towards the portal when I abruptly call out to him, “Noah!” Turning back to look at me, his brows come together questioningly, “Keep my girl safe, and bring her back to me, please.” Nodding, Noah smiles, “You have my word.” And with that, he turns and walks straight into the portal, disappearing once he does.

Sasha slowly turns towards me, her bottom lip quivering when she finally looks up at me. I can see unshed tears just sitting there, threatening to fall at any moment behind the beautiful colors of the green, wanting to burst through the blue and needing to bleed their way through the red.

She’s suddenly shivering, trying to keep her emotions together, trying to stay strong. Fuck. I want to take her in my arms, run away, and never let her go, but I force myself to stop; I’m standing there, my arms feeling heavy and numb by my side as I look down at her.

“Wolf, I...” Her voice suddenly comes through so small, fading away with every second; that portal seems to pull us apart. I’ve never been good with goodbyes before, so I do the only thing that comes naturally to me. I suddenly pull her to me, my arms wrapping around her like a warm blanket, any tighter, and I swear I might crush her. My chest rose and fell, realizing that this was the last time I’d get to hold her in this way.

I can’t do this; I can’t let her go; I just can’t.

Small sobs begin shaking from her petite body; I can feel it against my chest; how am I meant to do this...

My wolf keeps whimpering inside me; I’m doing all I can to keep him calm. Because he’s an animal, he doesn’t understand these kinds of human emotions.

I’m swallowing hard, lump after lump, as they keep forming inside my throat. I can’t cry, don’t cry, Wolf. I have to be strong and keep it together. Isn’t that what an alpha is supposed to do, be vital for his pack? Never break, never stumble?

But fuck, I don’t know if I can do this; I don’t know if I can be that alpha right now; I don’t know if I can be vital when I know I’m about to let go of my heart.

I look up for just a moment when I notice Edith looking straight at me, her eyes soft and sympathetic when she gives me a little nod. And as much as I don’t want to do it, I know that if I don’t, she won’t... The moment my arms slowly begin releasing her, she suddenly looks up at me, her brows coming together in confusion. Her eyes are puffy from crying, and looking into those beautiful orbs of hers is going to crush me, so I look away, the words falling from me, and I’ve never felt so unsure in all of my life.

“You better get going, you know, if you’re gonna...” I feel the moment she tries to mind link me, but I’m keeping the link closed. I can’t let her hear my true thoughts right now; if she did, she would never leave. Swallowing hard, she slowly nods, her eyes lowering,

“I’m yours,” She breathes out. And fuck, those two little words nearly have my walls crumbling to dust right in front of her. Swallowing hard, I take a slow, steady breath in and out. Finally replaceing the courage to look down at her,

“I’ll only be complete when you come back to me.” I hear her breath hitching in her throat, and it feels like my own voice is about to break at any second. Fuck, I can’t do this. And it’s at that moment that I suddenly scoop her up into my arms, folding myself around her, my lips claiming hers; I want to kiss the life out of her, hold on to this moment, and never let go, but I know I have to... I have to replace the will to let go.

Breaking the kiss all too soon, I rest my forehead against hers the moment I whisper, “I love you.” I feel her shaky breath fan against my lips the second she breathes. “I love you.” And I know I have to do it now; if I don’t, then I’ll never do it. Let go, Wolf, let go... I’m commanding myself, placing full alpha command behind it in my head as I lower her to the ground, my hands tightly fisted by my sides; my eyes fall to the ground the moment I step back. And it’s then that my wolf perks up and realizes something is wrong, a threatening growl suddenly thundering in my head; he’s crashing against my chest; it’s painful, too fucking unbearable, but I manage to hold him back. Barely.

I hear her take one last slow breath, and then she turns away...

Watching her as she takes her first step, my breath hitches in my throat. Every part of me wants to lunge forward, grab her, and pull her back to me. My wolf thrashes against my rib cage with such force that I can physically feel the first rib crack under the weight of my own heart, shattering to pieces. Forcing my beast back down with all my might and watching her go is killing me.

Just when I think she’s about to walk through that portal, she suddenly freezes; my brows furrow in response. I watch as her shoulders rise and fall, her breathing heavy and labored, when she suddenly swings around. The surprise on my face when she bolts back towards me and leaps into my arms nearly knocks me on my ass. It’s a flurry of arms and legs wrapping around my neck and waist the moment her lips crash against mine. And I swear I feel every fucking single sensation of our emotions explode all around us at that moment; it’s hot, heavy, and explosive. Pulling away, she pushes her forehead against mine, the words leaving her lips at the tipping point that instantly has my walls falling down.

“Wait for me to come home.”

Pushing away from me, she suddenly spins around and begins to run; it’s like watching it happen in slow motion and unable to stop it in time. My feet stumble towards her, and the moment I watch her disappear into the fog of the portal, I instantly drop to my knees. Every single pillar of strength I’ve been holding onto inside me fell and crumbled to dust to the ground along with me.

All I can do is stare at the portal as it closes, the fog dissipating and finally disappearing into thin air. My heart falls to pieces, the ache consuming and constricting my soul when I push my forehead against the ground. Sobs erupted through my chest as the first tears began to fall; she’s gone, she’s gone...

My beast suddenly begins howling inside my head, the pain he’s feeling combined with my despair all too much for me to bear.

“Fuck!” An uncontrollable thundering roar suddenly explodes from me. My beast explodes into my veins as I scream out, an almighty growl in my own head suddenly booming from my chest. She’s gone, she’s gone... It feels like I’m about to completely lose my mind, tears blurring my vision, and my beast losing all control. I’m clutching onto the tag around my neck; I want to rip it from my chest, the fucking reason for all this pain anchored against my flesh like a death sentence. I would instead pull it away, have it be over, because the agony breaking me apart right now is too much, it’s just too much...

Suddenly, I feel a hand against my shoulder, and flinching away from it, I swing around, my eyes bewildered as I look up at Edith, her eyes a sympathetic reflection as she opens her arms to me. I’m just staring at her, unsure what to do. But before I can pull away, she suddenly pulls me in, wrapping her arms as far as they can go around me. And at that moment, something snaps inside me, something I’ve never felt before and don’t even understand.

I wrap my arms around Edith and allow my face to rest against her shoulder as the sobs shake my soul. Edith holds me tightly, and even though the old woman is tiny compared to me, the arms that she has around me are the only thing keeping me together right now.

“Shh,” I suddenly hear her voice beside my ear, “It’s going to be alright; we’re going to get through this together. She’s coming back to you, Wolf. Hold on to that with all your might, and don’t dare let go.” Shaking my head, my voice suddenly comes out broken,

“I can’t...”

Pulling away, she’s suddenly scooping my face in her tiny hands, looking me dead in the eyes, stern and focused the moment she speaks.

“You are alpha and not just any alpha. You are an Ultima Alpha Wolf. So pull yourself together right now; you are a warrior, so dig deep, my boy, replace the strength you know you have deep inside, get up on your feet, and don’t dare let anything knock you back down.”

I swear this old woman suddenly has my beast listening to her; he’s pulling back and calming the fuck down. Pulling back into a state of self-control, I’ve never known him to channel so quickly before; how the fuck did she get him to do that?

Finally pulling away from her, I slowly pull my forearm across my face, wiping the residual tears against my cheeks as I let out a deep breath.

I’m an alpha, an Ultima wolf; I’m a warrior. I can do this, I can do this, I can...

I will do this.