Judas kiss
Chapter 80 - I hated French and France everything.

straight for the chapel.

Della looked at the ring on her finger, skeptical. Had she made the right decision last night. She felt awful about the whole situation. Somehow, Della also found it comforting that she had voiced out her thoughts and not merely pushed everything under the rug and went "Oh my God! It's so beautiful wow... I mean getting married wouldn't be so bad." Mila said staring at Della's ring. She was currently at Mila and Alfredo's suite. Mila's stomach had grown tremendously bigger from the last they had seen each other. "What was his reaction to your answer?"

"I think.. he was okay with it. I don't know, I feel like he was expecting it but still tried.." Della replied.

"Are you okay?" Andre rushed to be of aid.

Della replied yes as she rinced her mouth on the basin. Andre's heart was beating so fast, this was very very very nerve-racking. The first he did this, he was full of confidence. It didn't worry him that much, that he would be rejected. He felt as if everything was in his favor back then but now it was a different story altogether. He had broken that trust and getting her to commit to him and trust him again would be absolutely backbreaking because she was so firm in her beliefs. Della had built a wall around her and it would be hard to get around it. No sex included, gifts included, cheesy words included, even with being pregnant with his child.

"I'll be right there.." she informed him as she continued to take her time brushing her teeth. Why would he do this? Why would he put her in such a position? Della winced while brushing her teeth. Another attempt to avoid the whole situation altogether. She even wished someone would call her with an emergency, maybe Leo could run into their room like he always did; anything at this point!

When she was done, Andre was waiting for her. He sat on their bed switching channels on the television. From football to baseball.. he seemed really disoriented. Della yet again went to hide in the closet, as she picked out her night dress as well as put lotion all over her body. Just to kill time. She knew she was being pathetic simultaneously, Andre told himself he wasn't going anywhere. He laid the ring on his bedside and waited for her.

Della was disappointed when she walked out of the closet to see Andre awake on his phone. She went on her side of the bed and made herself comfortable.

"It's a no!" He said his voice raspy. "Right?"

Della didn't miss the way his somber blue orbs, held so much sadness.

"Don't be so quick to assume... I really loved ring and the gesture?"

"But?" He replied, immediately entwining his hand with hers. Her hand was soft and warm, it fit perfectly in his.

"I'm-" She couldn't replace the right words. "I don't want to get married. I told myself, I would never do it again. As much as I tried to be optimistic about our wedding, it was horrible. I felt like an outcast at my own wedding. I tried really hard to convince myself that it didn't matter because you seemed happy and.. I don't want to ever go through that again. I don't want people to have expectations of me as your wife. I know someone out there will be waiting for the day we finally divorce again. I'm just not going to put myself through that. I also understand if this means so much to you..." She paused. Andre was listening attentively. "I understand if you want a label. I mean what's the point, we might not even last as long as you think we will. You can be and marry anyone you want to. I don't mind, even if we're expecting. I think co-parenting has never done any harm. It's easier to separate before things are in too deep."

"This is you trying to push me away.." Andre replied in a calm voice. "Separate before things are in too deep.. you're here pregnant with my kids and I can't think of any other reason why this isn't already in too deep." "It's not because_"

"You're probably going to tell me that, you can raise them alone and that it's okay if we separate and all that because you're scared to commit. You're scared I'm going to hurt you and you constantly want to convince me that I don't love you or I don't know what I'm feeling. Della you want to tell me exactly how to feel? That's not possible. I'm going to say this countlessly. I love you. I'm not going to leave. I won't let you leave. This isn't temporary. I'm probably going to make you pregnant again. I'm probably never going to look any other direction besides yours."

Della fell silent.

"I'm not going to make the same mistake twice, L'amour de ma vie."

Della blushed, she loved the way his tongue rolled whenever he spoke French. She knew exactly what he meant and it gave her butterflies.

"Ma raison de vivre.." He said again teasing her. She smiled, she wouldn't admit that she loved being serenaded in French. "Mon amoureux."

She smiled yet again, he loved the effect it had on her.

"Mon rayon de soleil." He added. "Wear my ring, not because you're going to marry me but just as a symbol of my love for you. A reminder that when you do overcome your fear of being with me, I will still be here waiting. Even if it's twenty years from now, just tell me when you're ready. We don't even have to but I feel the need to want to show the world. How blessed, I am to be spending the rest of my life with a gem like you." He chuckled. "Whom even after having been with a French man for nearly two years, she still can't mutter anymore than just the greeting."

Della amusingly rolled her eyes at him.

"The only words, I remember are 'plus vite plus vite' 'Merde' 'je t'aime' 'juste comme ?a' and what's the word, oh yeah something like 'lécher le bout"

Andre burst out laughing. "Don't ever say that in public."

"Why you always said them to me?"

"Because you were my wife and I was giving you sex and French lessons combined. What would you look like if you went in public and said faster faster, fuck, just like that, lick the tip. It sounds even more wrong in English, oh my goodness Della. You drive me insane. So you're telling me you never looked them up."

"I hated you okay... what would I be doing looking up the words my ex-husband would say to me while when I was trying to move on and forget about him.." Della replied, a little annoyed. "Besides I sort of just hated French, France and everything after that. It just annoyed me how everyone thought French man were so romantic and-" she rolled her eyes making Andre chuckle.

"But you still allowed Leo to get French lessons?" He replied back, a little amused.

"I didn't want him to be clueless when he finally decided to look for you and your family. Plus it's his heritage, I just thought since he didn't have a father I owed him that much. Also I didn't want some day, your French speaking kids to be making fun of their illegitimate brother who claims to be a Levetté.." "You really thought a lot about this huh?" Andre said softly rubbing circles on her hand. "Look at you now, carrying my kids.. and you thought I would impregnate any other woman."

Andre then brought Della to lay on his chest, she didn't hesitate as she made herself comfortable. Tangling her legs with his.

"It just bothered me because I didn't want Leo being known as the child that claims to be a Levetté when his mom slept around."

Andre listened.

"My worst fear was him replaceing out how we ended. I just assumed he would hate me for being a cheater and there would be no way I could justify myself."

"You keep calling yourself a cheater like you actually did? Don't sell yourself short.." he kissed her temple.

"It's kind of tiring when that's all they wrote about me. How else do I put it? It's just easier to call it that."

"Did you ever think we would end up in this situation?" He asked.

"No, I never wanted to see you again." She said firmly. "You once came to Ritz Carlton Hotel for an overnight stay. That was the first time I had seen you in three years well.. in person since your face is always plastered everywhere. They told me to serve your room because you had ordered a midnight meal and I cried.. until Mila took it on my behalf."

"Wow, you hated me that much."

"No, I was scared.."

"Of what?"

"I didn't want your mother replaceing out about Leo and making me seem like, I was really reaching again.."

"I only came to the hotel that night because I couldn't handle being in the house that we once shared together especially with the quietness. For a while I travelled because of work but this was the only time I actually had to spend weeks at home." "Why didn't you just sell it?"

"It was the only reminder, I had left of you and... I didn't want to let it go."

They stayed silent.

"But you know, anyone would have believed you if you said Leo was mine. He looks so much like me, I still replace it weird even mannerism." Andre added.

"I thought I was being punished that's why. When he first opened his eyes, I just knew I was being punished further. For some months, I told myself at least he has my hair color... I spoke too soon. As soon as he turned one, he suddenly had streaks of blonde hair." Andre laughed, this made Della smile. Somehow talking about this gave both of them the closure that he needed.

"Whenever I took Leo to the park in his stroller, they would always ask me if I was babysitting. It actually bothered me that my own son looked nothing like me." She said tracing his shirtless bicep.

"Did you ever think about aborting when you first found out?" He asked out of the blue.

"No but adoption did cross my mind. I constantly thought about the fact that, I couldn't let my son grow up in a community shelter when there was a family out there who could give him a better life..." she sighed. "When he finally came, I couldn't let him go. He was just perfect. It gave me more reason to want to live.."

"You wanted to commit suicide?" He said in a panicked voice, not knowing what he would have done.

"I" Della sighed heavily, she was really in a dark place at the time. "The fact that I was pregnant kept me from not... doing it. I just couldn't, I thought it would be easier after he was born and I gave him up for adoption. I know I was a coward but that's just how I felt at the time. Even worse when Marcela had chased me away and told me I was stupid for getting pregnant. As if it was my fault. As if I had actually known that I would be divorced a month later.."

"I'm glad you didn't do it. You have no idea how relieved I feel. I understand your reasons for not wanting to marry me again but I don't care. As long as you're with me a label doesn't matter. I will wait until you're ready to overcome it."

"Thank you.." She replied softly. He didn't reply as he kissed her temple with containment.

"He was very understanding." Della told Mila.