Kiss and Don’t Tell
: Chapter 14

“Don’t laugh at me,” I say while pointing my finger at Pacey, who’s carrying our bags.

“I’m not laughing at you. I saw a funny bird fly by.”

“You’re such a bad liar.” I place my hand on one of the cars in the garage and take a deep breath. “Oh God, my legs. Why are they seizing on me?”

“You need to take a bath, or better yet, sit in the hot tub for a bit.”

“There’s a hot tub here?” I ask.

“Yes, in the pool room.”

“Ah, yes, the pool room,” I say in a hoity-toity voice. “Why didn’t I think to check there? Silly me.”

“Come on, smart-ass.” Pacey opens the door for me and I hobble in, every muscle in my legs on fire. Working out with a professional athlete when you don’t normally work out isn’t recommended. I didn’t even do that much, but just what we did do is killing me. “Want to give the boys their gifts and then hit up the hot tub?”

“Yes, Jesus Christ, yes.”

Pacey lets out a hearty laugh as we pass his room, then mine, and then go to the main living area. Stephan is cooking. Halsey is lying across the couch reading, as usual. Eli is playing cards with Levi at the table, some sort of speed game that keeps their attention on the table in front of them, and Silas is nowhere to be seen.

“Hey,” Pacey says.

Halsey looks up from his book and asks, “What’s up? Have fun?”

Surprised he spoke, I say, “We did have fun. Got some presents for you guys.”

“Presents?” Levi asks, slapping his arm across the cards on the table. “Pause, man. I want presents.”

Chuckling, I take the bags from Pacey to the dining room table. I open the first one and hand Levi his fudge.

“You’re an angel.” He tears open the box and takes a bite of it faster than I can explain why I got them something. Moaning, he sinks back in his chair and clutches the fudge to his chest.

“Glad you like it.” I chuckle. “I wanted to get you all something for being cool about me staying here with you. I know I’m crimping your bachelor style, but I truly appreciate it.”

“You’re not crimping anything,” Eli says while looking past my shoulder to Pacey. “Just glad you’re able to have a place to stay while you’re here.”

“Thank you.” I reach into the bag and pull out the red hat I got for Eli. I hand it to him and watch his face genuinely light up when he sees it. “Pacey told me you collect them.”

“I do,” Eli says, fitting it on his head. “I love it. I don’t have a red one yet. This is awesome. Thank you.” He adjusts the bill, and I have to admit, not only is he a pretty man, but he looks damn good in a baseball hat, too. Just one of those people who looks good no matter what.

Turning toward Halsey, I say, “And since you love to read, I found an old bookstore in town and they happened to have my favorite Lee Child book. Not sure if you’ve read it, but I figured I’d get it for you anyway.” I hand him the book and the smallest of smirks appears on his face.

“I actually haven’t read this one yet, but it’s on my list. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” I move over to the kitchen where Stephan is tossing a salad, and I pull out the apron I found for him as we were walking back to the car after the gondola ride. I made Pacey stop so I could grab it.

I hand Stephan the apron and say, “I noticed you tend to get food all over your clothes and thought this would be helpful. It’s classy, none of that ‘kiss the chef’ crap.”

He laughs and puts it on. He ties it around his waist and says, “Thank you, Winnie. You didn’t have to get me anything, but I do appreciate it. And for reference, I wouldn’t have minded a ‘kiss the chef’ apron. Wouldn’t kill these guys to kiss me every once in a while.”

“I didn’t know you take make-out sessions over money,” Silas says, walking in with an empty beer bottle in his hand. “Dude, I would’ve puckered up a long time ago.”

“I prefer your money.” Stephan goes back to his salad while Silas sets his empty bottle near the sink and then turns toward us.

“You’ve been gone all day. What did you do?”

For some reason, Silas makes me feel really nervous, so I let Pacey tell him.

“Went into town, did some shopping, stopped at the cidery and picked up some cider. It’s in the car.”

“On it,” Levi says as he heads down the hallway toward the garage. Pacey wasn’t kidding—Levi really does like the cider.

“Then we took the Banff Gondola up the mountain.”

“Cool,” Silas says while folding his arms over his chest. “Did I hear something about gifts?”

“Yes,” I say, feeling shaky. Instead of reaching into his bag and handing him his cup, I just give him the bag and then take a step back. I feel like if I’m too close to him, I might get burned, so I keep my distance.

“Thanks,” he says awkwardly while opening the bag. He pulls out the wooden pint glass with “Hostess with the Mostest” and I wince, waiting to see if he’s going to like it. He snorts and then nods while examining the cup. “This is far too kind, not quite accurate given how I’ve been a dick lately, but I appreciate it.”

“Well, I appreciate you letting me be here. I know it’s not how you envisioned your time off, so I want you all to know I appreciate it.”

“You really didn’t have to do this,” Silas says. “You’re not bothering anyone by being here. If anything, you’ve made Pacey forget about the season, which he was harping on every two goddamn seconds. You’re doing us a favor.” Silas goes to the fridge, pulls out a beer, cracks it open, and pours it into his new cup. He smacks his lips together and says, “Now that’s a good beer. Thanks, Winnie.”

“You’re welcome.”

Silas sits on the counter while Stephan lays out plates. “Seriously, though, I’m glad we don’t have to watch Pacey study his game videos over and over again. It’s a relief.”

“All right, settle down,” Pacey says while setting his bags on the console table near the couch. He then turns to me and asks, “Do you want to eat first and then sit in the hot tub?”

“Uh . . . yeah,” I say as I feel every pair of eyes in this room on me.

“Are we hopping into the hot tub after this?” Eli asks, wiggling his eyebrows. “I’m game.”

“Just me and Winnie,” Pacey says—and thank God for that, because I’m already self-conscious enough about joining just Pacey. There’s no way I’d be able to do it with the rest of the guys.

“Such a shame. I was hoping to sit close to you, man. I miss you.” Eli holds out his arms. “Come give me a hug.”

“Fuck off.” Pacey laughs and then grabs us each a bottle of water from the fridge.

Levi comes bustling down the hall, arms full of cider and mouth full of fudge. “This is the best day of my life.”

“There’s no way,” I mutter.

“No way what?” Pacey asks.

Quietly I turn toward him and say, “That he got blown on the team bus. He’s such a goof.”

“Don’t judge a book by its cover, Winnie. You should know that.”

TWO THINGS I didn’t think through when Pacey said we should hang out in the hot tub.

I didn’t pack my bathing suit, even though Max told me to because he said you never know when you’re going to spontaneously jump into a lake. I thought he was an idiot and skipped the bathing suit. Little did I know the lake was going to be a hot tub.

And the second thing—I’m going to be in a hot tub with Pacey Lawes, the man currently walking toward me in nothing but a pair of navy-blue swim trunks, which hang low enough to catch the deep V in his hips. But besides his obviously built chest and defined abdomen, his hair is pulled up into a topknot, and he’s carrying a box of chocolate, as well as two cans of cider.

Talk about feeling like a queen.

I have a robe wrapped around my body—provided by my room, of course; it truly has everything, except a swimsuit—and my nerves are eating me alive, because I know what I have under this robe will soon be exposed to Pacey.

“Why do you have a frightened look on your face?” Pacey asks.

“I forgot I didn’t bring a bathing suit with me.”

“Then what, uh . . . what are you wearing under your robe?” he asks, his voice growing deeper.

And then it hits me. “Oh, I’m not naked. I have clothes on. Well, not clothes per se, more like undergarments. I didn’t think naked was an option—I mean, not that I would want to be naked. That would be weird, wouldn’t it? ‘Oh hey, I’m naked in here, move along, boys.’” I have no idea what I’m saying. “Can we just ignore everything I just said and finish this off with I’m not naked, I’m wearing a bra and underwear?”

“What color?” His eyes grow dark.

I clutch at my robe and try to hide my grin. “You’ll soon replace out.”

And just like that, the feelings of being self-conscious fly away as Pacey takes my hand, even though his are full, and walks me through the house to the pool room. The boys are watching a movie in the theater room, you can hear the bass of the speakers booming as we make our way through the house. I’m just glad it’s only going to be Pacey catching me in this getup, and not all of the guys.

“What are they watching?” I ask Pacey.

“Uh, one of the Star Wars movies, I think. One of the new ones.”

“Solo?” I ask.

Pacey scoffs. “No, that movie is trash. All the boys hate it.”

“Really? I didn’t think it was that bad.”

Pacey pauses in the hallway and turns toward me. “If you plan on staying here, I suggest you don’t repeat that, but just keep it to yourself.”

“They hate it that much?”

“Yes. That much.”

“Good to know.” We continue walking. “Anything else I need to know that they hate?”

“The movie Annie.”

“What?” I laugh.

Pacey pushes open the pool door for me, and I’m instantly transported into another world. Large sliding glass doors are propped open, bringing the beauty of outside indoors. The vaulted ceilings resemble the ones in my guest room, but they’re covered in pine shiplap and white bulb lights that twinkle in the dark night, offering the only light in the room.

It’s incredibly romantic.

“They have something against Annie, not quite sure what. Maybe it’s the music, the premise? Can’t be sure. It’s just not allowed to be watched when they’re around, ever.”

“Noted. I mean, I don’t have a passion for Annie, but I’ll be sure to never bring it up. I don’t want to upset anyone.”

“Smart.”

I take in the in-ground hot tub, which is surrounded by teak wood decking and illuminated by purple and blue lights beneath the water. It’s positively gorgeous.

“This is so beautiful. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a house like this.”

“Yeah, we all have an agreement that the house will stay with us no matter what. So, if Taters wants to sell, I’m next in line to purchase, then Hornsby, then Holmes, and last would be Posey.”

“Why would Silas ever want to sell?”

“Not sure, but we’re contractually bound to each other and this house.”

“Very smart.” I stand at the edge of the hot tub, my hands still clutching at my robe, while Pacey sets everything down and pulls two towels from a shelf. He sets them on a lounger and turns toward me.

“Are you going to get in?”

“Yes,” I answer while dipping my toe in the water. “You know, just trying to replace the best way to take off this robe.”

“I don’t think there is a best way. I think you just take it off,” he says with a smirk.

I sigh and look off to the side. “Just feeling self-conscious is all. It comes in waves. Give me a second and I’m sure I’ll be okay.”

Pacey’s lips twist to the side and then he walks behind me. He places his hands on my hips and moves in close. Without saying anything, he very slowly moves his hands to the knot of my robe and undoes it, letting the ends of the belt fall to the side.

“You’re really fucking sexy, Winnie,” Pacey whispers. “There’s nothing you should be self-conscious about.” The smooth, evening breeze caresses my heated skin exposed by the gap in the robe. “And I’m not the only guy in this house who notices how fine you are.” His breath tickles over the back of my neck. “In fact, Eli had all the wrong intentions where you were concerned.”

“Wh-what?” I stutter as he pushes one of the sleeves off my body, exposing my right shoulder.

“You heard me. I just seem to be the lucky one who gets to hang with you, who gets to share this moment with you.” He pushes my other sleeve down, exposing my other shoulder. “Fuck, Winnie. When I was thinking of what color you were wearing, I was hoping it was pink.”

A burst of heat sears through me as his finger draws a lazy circle on my back, right above the clasp of my bra. I envision him snapping it open and letting it slowly fall down my arms just like this robe, which is only being held up by my ass now.

“I didn’t consider light pink, though. I like it. Does your underwear match?” He pushes the robe down and sucks in a sharp breath as my thong is revealed. “Ah, hell, Winnie.” The robe pools at my feet and I quickly turn around so he’s not staring at my bare ass. His hands fall to my hips, though, and he shows no shame checking me out. He wets his lips and says, “You’re going to have to sit on the other side of the hot tub. Got it? Because there’s no way I’m going to be able to share space with you and not touch you.” His hands smooth up my ribs and then back down to my hips, where his fingers glide under the string of my thong.

“I didn’t have any clean underwear that isn’t a thong,” I say, not sure what I should be talking about in this moment.

“I’m glad,” he says, moving his hands to my back but keeping them in neutral territory, despite me wanting to feel them all over my body. “Now get in the hot tub, before I do something I shouldn’t.” I look up into his eyes, and the question I’ve been wanting to ask is on the tip of my tongue. He must notice because he asks, “What’s on that mind of yours?”

Unable to stop myself, I ask, “You truly, honestly, replace me attractive?”

He grips my chin and asks, “Who the hell fucked with your head? Who made you think you weren’t attractive? Who put those ideas into this gorgeous, beautiful mind of yours?”

I look away and tears fill my eyes. Flashbacks to the night Josh and I broke it off flood through me. The pain just as hurtful now as it was back then.

“Tell me,” Pacey says.

Swallowing hard, I say, “Uh, when Josh and I broke up, he said that— God, this is so embarrassing.”

“What the fuck did he say to you?” Pacey asks, his voice sounding angry.

“He told me . . .” I bite my bottom lip and look toward the sky. “He said I had gained weight and that he didn’t really replace me attractive anymore. He told me it was one of the reasons why he stopped trying in bed.”

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Pacey says in a low, menacing tone. The level of malice in his voice is quite startling as he stares me down. Then he grips my chin and forces my eyes up to his. “You listen to me, Winnie, and you listen to me good. The only reason a man would ever say something like that to a woman is because he’s insecure with his own self. He was trying to put you down to make up for his insecurities.”

“That’s what Max and Katherine said too—well, something along those lines—and even though I’ve tried to lose the weight that my mom’s health issues brought on, it’s been hard. It’s why I’m so self-conscious around you, because, I mean, look at you.”

Pacey smooths his hands over my waist and then back up. His hands glide under my thong, and then up to the underwire of my bra. His jaw is tight, his eyes angry, and then he’s taking my hand in his. “I don’t want to be fucking crude with you, but I think this is the only way I can prove my point.” He brings my hand to right above his crotch, but doesn’t force me to touch him as he says, “If you cupped me right now, you’d see how goddamn hard I am . . . just from being near you. You’d feel how much my cock strains for you. You’d understand why I want to be around you all the time, because I think you’re hella gorgeous, Winnie. You’re all kinds of my type, Eli’s too. I’m just the lucky bastard who stole you away from everyone else first.” My hand hovers but doesn’t touch—I’m too nervous, too scared. “Just having your hand right there, knowing how close you are . . .” He squeezes his eyes shut. “Fuck, Winnie, it makes me think of that second night we hung out, Jenga night, when I had to jack off in the shower thinking about you after we recreated your favorite position.”

“You . . . you did?”

He nods, his teeth rolling over his lip as the muscles in his neck strain.

It’s sexy.

It’s tempting.

And before I know what I’m doing, my hand is connecting with his length, and oh my God, he isn’t lying. He is hard as stone.

And so big.

God, is he big.

My fingers explore the outline of his length until they reach the head. He sucks in a sharp breath and I consider undoing his trunks and dropping to my knees, but that would require me to use my leg muscles and, right now, they need the warm water of the hot tub.

I pull my hand away and feel my face blush as I take a step back. His eyes shamelessly travel down my body and then back up again, lingering on my breasts before they rest on my face.

“So, yes, after careful observation, you are in fact hard.” I pretend to tip an imaginary hat at him for some reason—God knows I can’t act chill for one second. “That’s quite the erection, dear sir.” I pump my fist as if to say “good job, old chap” in an old-timey voice.

The corners of his lips tilt up. Glad he has a sense of humor, because this could be really humiliating if he didn’t.

“So, I think I’m going to get into the hot tub now. You know, since I can barely walk and all.”

He still doesn’t say anything; instead, he takes my hand and helps me step into the tub.

“Ooh, that’s nice,” I say, letting my body sink into the warm, jet-propelled water. “This is just what I needed.”

“Sit here,” he says, helping me into a seat that’s right up against a jet. “But don’t groan like that again. Please.”

He lets go of my hand and then takes the seat across from me. There could be an entire man’s body between us, that’s how big this tub is.

“Is it really necessary to sit all the way over there?” I ask, raising my voice to be heard over the loud rumble from the jets. “It’ll be hard to carry on a conversation.”

“I don’t trust myself near you.”

“Well, I trust you. Please, Pacey. Just a little closer. I don’t want to be shouting.”

Sighing, he moves closer, not directly next to me, but close enough.

“Thank you. Isn’t that better?”

“It would be better if you sank a little lower in the water.”

I glance down and see that my breasts are floating right at the edge of the water, and because my bra is not made to contain buoyant breasts, I’m practically giving Pacey a peekaboo show.

“Oops, sorry.” I sink deeper into the water and smile over at him. “This is fun.”

“It would be more fun if you were sitting on my lap.”

My eyes widen at his brazenness. Not sure anyone has ever talked to me like that. “That’s upfront.”

He shifts and says, “Tired of skirting around the truth, so I’m going to tell you like it is, because I feel like you need the truth.”

“And, um, what . . . uh, would be the truth?” I ask, twisting my hands together in the water, my nerves getting the better of me.

“The truth is plain and simple: I want you.”

Oh.

I want to full-on grin and fan myself, but I hold back. “That’s a nice thing to say to someone. Thank you.”

He raises one brow in my direction. “That’s all you’re going to say? ‘That’s a nice thing to say’? ‘Thank you’? No reciprocation of feelings or anything?”

Wanting to bring back some of the fun, I decide to tease him a bit. “Well, I can’t quite make that kind of statement, because I don’t know much about you other than you enjoy cider, you apparently have a thing for curvy girls, and you play hockey.”

“And those three things don’t guarantee me an ‘I want you, too’?” His voice is so cute, so perplexed and confused.

“Well, the second thing makes my heart beat a little faster, the first thing makes me believe we could have some fun visiting different cideries, and the third one . . . well, I know nothing about hockey, so it doesn’t really affect me much. But I still want to know more about you.”

“Ask your questions, then.”

“Okay, so any siblings besides your sister you told me about before?”

“Just her,” he answers, looking to the side. “She actually interns with the team.”

“Oh, that’s fun. So, you see her often?”

“No, but I try to get her to go out to dinner with me maybe once a month. She tries to act as though she doesn’t know me because she’s afraid people will scream nepotism when, in fact, she’s worked her ass off to be where she is right now.”

“I can understand that.”

“She’s actually your age and, oddly, I think you two would be good friends.”

“Would we drive you nuts?”

He nods. “The ball-busting would be painful.”

“That does sound fun. How long have you been playing hockey?”

“Growing up in Minnesota means the moment you can wear hockey skates and stand, you’re playing hockey.”

“So . . . young, I take it.”

He winks. “That would be correct.”

“Do your parents go to your games?”

“They catch a few throughout the year in person, and they watch every other game on TV. It pains them that I play for the Agitators, actually, because they’re diehard Polar Freeze fans.”

“Are they rivals or something?”

He chuckles and nods. “Yeah, they are. So, whenever we play Polar Freeze, Mom and Dad say they root for me, but cheer for the Freeze.”

“Ooh, that can’t be easy.”

“Nah, it’s all good. I take joy in blocking every shot that comes my way from their favorite team. Quite comical, actually.”

I play with the bubbles at the surface of the water. “So, I take it you have a good relationship with them?”

“Yeah, pretty good. I call them every so often. They brag about me, and they put me in my place. I see them for the holidays when I’m available, and they come to Vancouver over the summer for a few days just to visit. They love going on whale-watching tours.”

“How fun. Okay, what’s your favorite color?”

“That’s one of your hard-hitting questions?” He chuckles. “Black, like my soul.”

I tilt my head to the side in disbelief. “Your soul isn’t black. I might not know if you wear boxers or briefs—”

“Briefs.”

“Uh . . .” I clear my throat, trying not to think about him in briefs. “But I can tell you this—your soul is not black.”

“Sure about that?” he asks in a challenging voice.

“Positive. And do you know how I know?”

“Enlighten me.”

“Well, you see, not many guys would go out of their way to help me like you have. They’d be expecting something from all of that, like they were wooing me to get me into their bed, and even though you told me you want me, you’re not pressuring me. Instead, you’re sitting as far away from me as I’ll allow while keeping your eyes trained on me. If your soul was black, you’d take what you want.”

“Maybe you’re right . . . maybe my favorite color is blue, like my eyes.”

I push water at him, causing him to laugh. “You’re an idiot. You tricked me into saying nice things about you.”

“Wouldn’t kill you to say a few nice things, you know, after you got all the boys a present except me.” He bats his eyelashes at me.

“I’ve been waiting for you to point that out.”

“To save you the embarrassment, I thought bringing it up without company around would be best.” He rubs his hands together. “So, do I get a present?”

“No.” I rest my head against the back of the hot tub.

“Brutal.”

“SERIOUSLY, DON’T LOOK,” I say. “I’m afraid things might fall off when I get out of the water.”

“And that would be a bad thing because . . .” Pacey drawls out while holding up a towel.

“Because it’s not a good time to show off the goods. I’m all wrinkly from the water.”

He chuckles and turns his head away while holding out a towel. I slip out of the hot tub and then wrap the towel around my body.

“Thank you,” I say softly as he picks up a towel for himself and dries off his chest.

“Do you feel better?” he asks.

“Yeah, I do. This was a good idea.”

“I’d say so.” He wiggles his brows and then picks up his phone. “Shit, I didn’t realize it was midnight.”

“What? Seriously?” I ask.

“Nah, it’s just ten thirty.”

“Dear God. I was going to say, that can’t be good for a human, you could scramble your loins.”

“Fuck.” He cringes. “Winnie, the visual on that.”

“Well, you need to be careful. Like Johnny Rose says, we need to be careful with our hearts . . . and our parts.”

He shakes his head at me. “You’re something else.” He holds up my robe, and I slip into that as well, going for double coverage, and then he takes my hand again and walks me through the house. The movie is still playing and it must be some epic battle scene because the bass is pumping.

“They keep the movie loud,” I say.

“And I would bet twenty bucks that they’re all asleep. They always say if they keep the movie loud, they won’t fall asleep, but they do every time. Taters is always the first to nod off.”

“You must spend a lot of time with each other if you know such intimate details.”

“Too much time. Hence why I’m spending my time with you.”

“And here I thought it was because you couldn’t get enough of my winning personality.”

He squeezes my hand. “That too, along with the fact that you’re much nicer to look at than the guys.”

“I don’t know. Eli is very nice to look at.”

Leaning into my ear, Pacey whispers, “Watch it.”

I let out a laugh as we stop. I turn toward Pacey and then lean against my bedroom door. “I had a lot of fun today. Probably the most fun I’ve had in a long time.” I look him in the eyes. “I love my friends dearly, but they were there with me when my mom was sick, when she passed. Because of that, I think they treat me a little differently. With caution, you know? They have the image of me at my mom’s funeral in their heads and things just haven’t been the same.” Will it ever be the same? I know it’s only been a few months, but . . . “They’re cautious and that hinders our fun. You don’t look at me the way they do. You just let me have fun.”

“I can understand that.” He leans in closer and says, “I think we’re the same way with Holmes. He’s grieving too, and we don’t really know what to do with him. We’re often too nervous to push him to do something fun, but unlike you, we’ve watched him become more and more withdrawn. So, we just let him read, we let him escape.”

“I noticed,” I say quietly, and although I was curious, it wasn’t my place to know Halsey’s life story. “But you guys are there for him. I’m sure he’ll come around. At least, I hope he does.”

“Me too. Any plans for tomorrow?”

“Given it didn’t rain today, I’m thinking about calling the tow truck and seeing if they’ll get Minnie for me. And I don’t know, maybe go for a hike.”

“Let me join you.”

I smirk. “I mean, if you want to.”

“You know I want to.”

I yawn and cover it up quickly, but Pacey catches it and chuckles.

He gives my hand another squeeze and then says, “I’ll let you get to bed. See you in the morning.”

That’s it? Just a “see you in the morning”? After the day we had, I would’ve assumed there would be an epic end to it. But it’s falling flat, and I’m not sure I’m okay with that.

He releases my hand and heads toward his bedroom but I call out to him before he gets too far.

“Pacey?”

He looks over his shoulder. “Yeah?”

Oh God, am I really going to do this?

Someone has to. Someone has to put the cherry on top of this wonderful day, and I know if I let him go back to his room without getting what I want, I’m going to regret it. I don’t take charge like this; whenever I tried to do something spontaneous, Josh hated it. But Pacey isn’t Josh. Pacey is completely different.

Nerves bloom in the pit of my stomach, and before I can chicken out, I walk up to him and place my hand on his bare chest.

“Don’t you want your present?” My voice wavers, my nerves show, but I go for it anyway. Before he can answer, I bring my hand around the back of his neck, pull him closer to me, and then press my lips to his.

With the three first kisses I’ve received in my lifetime, I’ve always sat back and waited for the guy to make the move, but I don’t want to wait with Pacey. I was hoping he’d kiss me as we were saying good night, but maybe it’s time I take a chance and see if I’m wanted. Take what I want.

And I’m glad I did, because he groans and moves his lips across mine. His hand slides around my waist, pulling me in tighter against his rock-hard chest. Carefully, he backs me up against the wall and braces one hand next to my head as he holds my jaw with the other. With his thumb, he angles my chin up for better access to my mouth, and then he swipes his tongue across my lips. I open up and our tongues collide in demanding need.

There’s nothing frantic about our kiss despite how desperately my body wants to get closer to him. Our kiss feels smooth, easy, meant to be as he moves his tongue deeper against mine. My hands fall to his chest and then back up to his neck. I allow myself to feel him, to take in the strength of his chest, the short-clipped hair sprinkled on his pecs, and the thick column of his neck.

And his lips are magic, not thin in the least, but not too thick either—a perfect medium. I feel like I’m being consumed by his mouth.

His mouth slows and then he lets out a sigh as he draws back an inch. He rests his forehead on mine and quietly says, “That was the best present I could’ve received.” His eyes open and meet mine. “Have a good night, Winnie.”

He pushes off the wall and grips the back of his neck as he stares at me with a goofy grin. His body language says he doesn’t want to leave, but I think his brain is winning out because he takes another step back.

Hands behind me, leaning against the wall, I say, “Good night, Pacey.”

He winces as if he’s in pain, and says, “Fuck, you’re gorgeous.” And then he spins on his heel and heads into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

This is what giddy feels like, this consumption of happiness pulsing through your veins. I’ve met—I’ve kissed—the perfect man. And. He. Kissed. Me. Back.

Before I do something stupid like knock on his door and strip his trunks right off his legs to reveal that prominent bulge, I go to my room, shut the door, lock it, and then grab my phone, which is on my nightstand. Beaming with excitement, I text Max.

Winnie: I kissed him.

My face heats up just thinking about how assertive I was just now. I can’t believe I did that. I wanted to kiss him all day and I was waiting for the perfect moment. In the hallway before bed wasn’t picturesque, but it was everything I could’ve asked for.

My phone beeps with a text. Smiling, I read it.

Max: WHATOHMYGOD!!!!YOUKISSED!!!!

I laugh out loud. I knew Max would be the perfect person to tell because he’d cheer in excitement with me, whereas Katherine might ask if I used some sort of kissing guard to make sure we didn’t transfer diseases.

Max: Wait . . . we’re talking about Pacey, right?

Winnie: Yes, I kissed Pacey.

Max: Wait . . . wait . . . you kissed him? As in you initiated the kiss?

Winnie: Correct.

Max: Damn, Winnie. Look at you taking charge. How did it happen? Was it good? Of course it was good. He probably pressed you against a wall, didn’t he?

Winnie: He did. We were saying good night, and he was being a gentleman and took off toward his room. I called him back and reached up and kissed him. He then proceeded to push me against the wall and hold me in place.

Max: That’s so hot. Does he win the best kiss award?

Winnie: Easily. There’s no competition. I also took that moment to feel his chest a bit.

Max: Rightfully so, you have him in place, take advantage of it. Does he have a hairy chest?

Winnie: Clipped.

Max: Did he make out with tongue?

Winnie: Totally . . . I also might have felt his erection.

Max: *Blinks* Excuse me? If you felt his erection, why are you texting me?

Winnie: I felt it earlier before we got in the hot tub.

Max: You were in the hot tub? But I know you didn’t bring your swimsuit. Were you . . . naked?

Winnie: I knew you were going to throw that in my face. I wore my underwear and bra but those get flimsy in the water. Either way, I was self-conscious getting into the hot tub with him because he’s this Adonis, and you know I’ve had some self-esteem issues. But he was proving to me that I shouldn’t, because when he saw me in my underwear, he was completely turned on.

Max: To be a fly on the wall for that moment. Was he big?

Winnie: God, Max . . . huge.

Max: You’re one lucky bitch, but you deserve it. So, I’m guessing nothing happened other than a kiss?

Winnie: Yeah, just a kiss, but he told me he wants me. And it’s taking a lot of my energy to actually believe what he says. I didn’t realize the emotional job Josh did on me until another man showed interest in me.

Max: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again—I wish chronic hemorrhoids on Josh. Teach him a goddamn lesson to mess with my girl. You’re beautiful, and you don’t need someone who doesn’t know how to give a woman an orgasm bringing you down.

Winnie: I know. I need to keep reminding myself of that.

I yawn again and stand to get ready for bed.

Winnie: I’m exhausted. I’m going to head to bed.

Max: Okay. I’m happy for you, Winnie. You deserve this, you need this. Have fun and make the most of this strange but perfect adventure.

Winnie: Love you, Max.

Max: Love you, Win.