Lost in the Deep Blue Sea
03.

I held onto the rock like a child held onto their parent. I swayed my tail through the water, humming to myself. Despite my ugly voice, I enjoyed music and it calmed me to listen to it even if from my own voice.

Mr. Pan sat in the sand and watched the waves roll up to greet him then say goodbye again. He was still waiting for me.

I wanted to go and talk to him but I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. I didn’t need love so I didn’t deserve to have it. I had always wondered why our kind hated the idea of love. I knew most species had a purpose to procreate and that was why we still did it. We wanted to keep our people alive. Why couldn’t we have love, too?

I finally got the courage to swim up to the beach, being greeted by the king himself. “Glad you could make it.” He gave me a warm smile.

I laid on my stomach in the shallow seawater, resting my head on my arms. “How was your day?”

“It was nice. The lost boys trained and had a good hunt this morning. We caught a hog. I like hog meat the best.” He smiled wider, beginning to show his teeth.

I smiled as I sensed the joy coming from him. It set the mood as I could feel his energy. It impacted me in a good way. I had the ability to feel what others felt, and I always enjoyed being around those who were filled with delight.

Mr. Pan looked at me. “How was your day, Raina?”

I gave a small shrug and looked at the sand beneath the surface of the water. “It was okay.”

“What happened that made it just okay?”

“Changing the way our world works is harder than I thought. I may be queen but I am no world changer. I only have so much power.”

“What happened when you talked about straying from the norm?” Mr. Pan scooted closer to the water.

“It wasn’t anything serious but I know I’ve got my best friend questioning if I’m even fit to be a queen. Sometimes people are hard to change and I know I’m not someone who can change people.” I shifted my eyes towards his.

“Everyone can if we just have enough determination.”

“It’s harder when everyone is against you.”

Mr. Pan shrugged. “It’s always hard. My family was against me but I wanted to change that. I wanted to make a place for boys to have a home and feel loved. Nobody believed I could and yet Neverland exists now.”

“You created Neverland?” I asked.

He smiled. “Sort of. This island was already here. It was the foundation already. It was just a regular island.” He pointed to my right at something that poked out around the cliff. “You see that?”

“That rock?”

“It’s not just a rock. It’s a cave within a rock within the sea. That is Skull’s Rock. It’s the source of the magic I have.” He looked at me again.

“How does it work?” I pushed some hair from my face, securing it behind my ear.

“As the owner of this island, Skull Rock gives me the power to control magic. It allows me to bring kids who want to escape from home. It lets me fly and transport myself. It gives me abilities I could not achieve as a regular human.”

I looked at the island behind him, admiring how he could control all of this. How did one control the land? Could he manipulate dirt and plants?

“Could you show me one of your powers?” I asked him.

He scratched his neck. “I could but I don’t really feel comfortable with it. I’m weird with my magic. Do you have any powers?”

I looked at the water and smiled a bit. “I do but I don’t really feel comfortable with it,” I repeated his excuse back to him.

He chuckled. “Fair. I can’t expect you to show me if I don’t show you.”

“Why do humans have different accents? What’s the point?” I dug my elbow into the sand and rested my cheek onto my hand.

“I was taught something along the lines of the Tower of Babel. Basically, humans became so evil that the way to lessen it was to make them speak different languages. The world continued to grow and people in different countries had their own languages which then caused them to speak with accents due to what pronunciations they had.” He shrugged. “That’s what I learned anyway.”

“It’s an interesting explanation. Why are humans evil?”

“You have a lot of questions.”

“Is that bad?” I frowned.

Mr. Pan shook his head. “Of course not. You don’t know anything about a world you’re not apart of. I have a lot of questions as to how mermaids live as well. It’s natural. Humans are evil because we just...are. I don’t understand it. Humans have the ability to enjoy doing bad things and some of us get messed up that we will hurt others to feel better.”

“That sounds so awful. I think mermaids are...not evil nor good. We are just somewhere in between.” I moved my eyes towards the water and scooped some up with my free hand. “We are hard to contain one way or the other like water. Water comes from the sky or below the earth. It ends up in the middle.” The water seeped through my fingers, leaving my hand empty and wet.

He scooped up some water but watched it fall through his fingers right away. “That makes sense. Humans aren’t always one way or the other but sometimes you can put a human on a side. Do not be fooled. We are capable of anything.”

“Can you swim?”

“I can.”

“I know humans can but sometimes they can’t and I didn’t know if you could.” I used both hands to scoop up the wet sand.

“What do you mermaids eat exactly? I don’t imagine you would eat fish.” He stuck his feet in the water next to me.

“It depends on what we want to eat. Most of us eat algae and moss, and other plant-like foods. Seaweed is my favorite.”

“So you’re vegetarians?”

“What is that?”

“They’re people who only eat plants or anything besides meat. Or I could also consider you herbivores. That would be more accurate. I think it’s interesting.” He gave me a smile. He dug his toes into the sand and wiggled them.

I sat up in the shallow water.

“I’ve seen what humans are capable of and it’s awful. I also know humans can love, unlike mermaids. Why wouldn’t they want love over hate? I will never be able to understand. I guess I’m not meant to understand a world I’m not from. I should probably go soon. I know the mermaids will be looking for me.”

I moved my tail around in the water. The coolness felt refreshing against my skin. I hummed to the rhythm of the waves crashing against the rocky cliff aside us.

My muscles were completely relaxed at the moment, feeling nothing but complete relief. Chills ran up my spine. I closed my eyes as the fresh saltwater scent wafted through the air around us.

“The sea is the one place I can feel like myself. The sea doesn’t judge me. I can sing and swim. I can wish to freely love or confess my deepest secrets and the sea will forever accept me as its own. I am the Queen of the Sea and the sea knows this. It takes me in as the queen.” I felt a chilling tingle run across my scalp, causing a pleased sigh to escape my lips.

Nothing could ruin this moment.

The chills continued to run up my spine every now and then as the tingles crossed my scalp from one side to the other. I began to wander inside my head and I realized that I wanted this feeling elsewhere as well. I wanted more to life than just making mermaids for our society.

I knew it was going to be tough and I was going to fight this alone but it would be worth it if it meant I could choose a different path. I had to remember my position and my authority over them. I had to change things for the better.

“I should get going.” I gave him a smile and slid myself deeper into the sea. “I’ll see you again.”

“Goodbye, Raina,” Pan said with a small smile.

I slipped under the water and swam away from the beach. I stopped at a familiar tail. I poked my head above the surface. “Cora?”

She came closer and grabbed my shoulders. “Please tell me that boy is going to give you his sperm.”

“Oh my gosh, Cora. Why is this your business?” I crossed my arms across my chest. My wet and wavy hair got caught between my chest and arms, pulling from my scalp a bit.

“I’m your best friend.” She said it as if this was no big deal. It wasn’t to her. She wasn’t the one in my position.

“That doesn’t give you any right to be in this business. You have no place in whom I talk to or whom I choose to give me babies. This is my choice. I am the queen.” This argument worked more in my favor. I wanted to change the system but it was a lot harder than I’d hoped for.

Cora huffed. “You are so stubborn. I’m your friend and aren’t friends supposed to be all about this boy stuff? Humans do that.”

“I’m more fish than human. You seem to point that out a lot.” I nodded my head towards her.

“Fine, I see your point.” She puffed out her cheeks in frustration.

Cora and I swam back to our cave in silence. I was thankful for that as I didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

We both sat up on our ledge and the other mermaids continued to do their own things without bothering us. I hummed quietly to myself as I didn’t want to irritate the others.

Cora blurted, “I have to know if he’s the one!”

The other mermaids looked our way at the mention of the he pronoun. I shook my head out of disappointment. I knew what was about to come.

“He? Have you found a potential donor? What color are his eyes? Is his jawline defined? We must know what these babies will look like.” The redhead rested her chin on her arms as she folded them on the ledge.

I looked at the mermaids and decided to play along. I wasn’t quite able to come out as against this reproduction thing just yet.

“He has green eyes. He’s tall and he has an accent. He’s a king.”

The mermaids all looked at each other with eyes that screamed approval. They whispered among themselves before returning their attention to me. “A king? These babies will surely be wonderful for the mermaids. Imagine the queen baby being fully royal. This will be really good for status.”

Cora looked at me and smiled. “I saw him. He is very worthy. So he’s a king I hear?”

“He’s King of Neverland.”

Gasps echoed throughout the cave and whispers bounced off the rock walls. All the mermaids were aware of Peter Pan but nobody had ever talked to him. He was always just a legend.

The redhead came forth and looked at me. “Peter Pan? You’ve talked to Peter Pan? I didn’t know he talked to mermaids. Why did he talk to you?”

I knew Mr. Pan was different from what the legends said. The legends made him out to be a ruthless ruler and the Pan I met was anything but. He was just a teenager like I was.

“He’s going to help us reproduce.” That was the biggest lie ever to come from my tongue.