Lost in the Deep Blue Sea
05.

I slapped my hand on the rock and let out a small laugh. I looked over at Cora who slapped her hand as well, a second too late. “I win, Cora. Nobody beats the Queen.”

Cora rolled her eyes at me and wrapped her arms around the rock. “One of these days I will. I will be the first person to defeat Queen Raina and everyone will know it.”

“You forget that no matter how hard you practice, I’m always faster. My tail was made specifically for this. I was made to be the fastest. I will always be the fastest swimmer.” I smiled with triumph. I was at least good for being the fastest mermaid.

Cora swung her tail up and slapped my arm. “You are way too arrogant about being the fastest. Let someone bring your head back to the sea.”

“I think I’m doing just fine, dear friend. It balances out as the mermaids secretly judge me. I’m not blind. My eyes are bigger, and I have great hearing. I see the judgment in their eyes. I see that same judgment in your eyes, too.” I sighed.

Cora gasped. “Raina, don’t say that.”

“What do I say? I may be different, and I don’t deny that. I still have feelings. I have dreams and desires. They’re different, too. I tried to tell you that I don’t want to just have babies for you guys. I want more and you judge me for that.” I pushed some hair behind my hair, trying to show her the pain in my face.

“Why do you need love? You don’t,” Cora argued.

“I don’t need a friend either, but I have you, don’t I? I am still part human. I want love. I know it seems crazy but we can’t progress without change.” I carefully looked around the water to make sure nobody was nearby.

“We don’t need to progress. We just need to populate and continue our species. What do we need progression for? Our society is fine. Why are you so against this?” She let go of the rock and narrowed her eyes as if she could read my mind.

“Why are you against what I want? I’m not comfortable with having a bunch of babies. I want something new. I want a real reason to live. This isn’t living. This is boring. This is death. I feel like I’m just going through the same motions every day and I want to see something different, like me. Society doesn’t accept me but they expect me to follow the path they want for me. Does that not seem odd? They are forcing me to be miserable. They want to judge me and be fake friends but then they want to force me to be something I’m not. I’m not a womb. I’m a person. I’m a mermaid.”

Cora didn’t know what to say to that. She kept her lips pressed together.

“You can’t judge me for my dreams and call yourself my friend. I need your support. I need to change the mermaid laws. I want to see a happy future. Mermaids aren’t truly happy. They hate love and love hate. This is probably what’s making us so bitter. We don’t know love. There’s nothing wrong with embracing more of the human in us. Love is supposed to be beautiful and joyful. We are anything but. We need love and I want to be the one to bring that,” I said.

Cora looked at the water and twirled her hair around her fingers. “Why is that fair? You get love? You want to change the laws so you can get love and shove it in our face?”

I grabbed her hand and intertwined our fingers. “No. I would change the laws so every mermaid could love if they wanted. I would make sure you could be happy. We all could choose what we want in life. You could have your own children rather than raising mine.”

Cora looked behind me and took a deep breath. “You’re not talking to him to make babies, are you?”

I looked back at what she was looking at and saw Mr. Pan standing on the beach, waiting for me. I looked at Cora and shook my head. “No. He doesn’t want love. He doesn’t want to do anything like that. He just wants to be a friend. You have to understand that we are just friends. I enjoy talking to him and learning about humans. We are both royalty and it’s just nice being able to relate to someone on that level.”

She looked at our tangled fingers and looked up at the sky. She sighed. “If I support you, you have to promise to actually change society. I want to see what you promise. The humans trust liars all the time and I don’t want to make the same mistake as them.”

“I’ll do everything in my power to make sure we all get happy endings. Thank you.” I smiled. “I’ll see you later. I have to go over there. I can’t keep him waiting forever.”

Cora looked at him and looked at me. “He is cute... If you don’t want him, can I have him? I mean, when the laws do change. I know love is supposed to be bad but I’m just curious.”

I laughed a bit. “I’ll see what I can do.” I shook my head slightly. I swam over to the beach and leaned on my hands, leaning up on my front side this time. The front of my tail hugged the sand under the seawater, replaceing its seating. “Hello, Mr. Pan.”

Mr. Pan chuckled and sat down in front of me. “Hello, Ms. Raina. You don’t have a last name, do you?”

“None I was given. I have come clean to Cora.”

“Come clean about your true desires?”

“I told her that we are not making babies. I told her I plan to change the laws so we can all have babies and love if we want to. We can choose what we want. She’s going to support me. I have some support and now I just need to come through with my promise.” I nodded.

“Don’t be the politician who makes promises and falls short.” He smiled at me.

“Cora said something similar. Speaking of which, are you sure you don’t want love? Cora thinks you’re cute.” I rolled onto my bottom and swiveled around so that I was facing him again but stilling on my bottom this time. I scooted forward and bent my tail up where knees would be.

Mr. Pan looked back at Cora and shrugged. “I won’t deny that she has a pretty face. I just don’t think I’ll be interested in romance. It’s a sweet gesture but I have to politely decline the offer.”

“Understandable. I want you to know that I really appreciate the support. I know you refuse to help but thanks for at least being my friend. I’ve never been friends with a boy. You’re kind and it makes me realize how wrong it is to use males for sperm. I also didn’t expect it because there were rumors that the King of Neverland was ruthless and he killed off his lost boys if they stepped out of line but I haven’t seen that. It shows me that I should never judge someone before actually knowing them.”

“That’s always good to know. I was raised in a neglectful home and it has always made me want to help these boys escape that. I’m even able to teach girls not to use others or judge them, too. It means I am fit to be a king despite being less than an adult.” He smiled with pride.

I laughed and shook my head. “Good. The adults can shove it if they are that judgmental of teenagers and kids. I think you make a great king.”

“Oh, I made you this.” Mr. Pan pulled something made of seashells and gems from behind his back. He showed me. “This is a crown I made from seashells and gems. I think a queen needs a crown.” He scooted closer and smoothed out my hair, placing the crown on my head. “I notice blue seems to suit you so I made sure it had blue colors in it.”

I felt the crown and smiled big. “Oh wow, it’s amazing. I can’t believe you made me a crown. This is so nice. Now it’ll show who is truly the queen. It is so beautiful, too. Thank you. I really mean that.”

“You’re welcome. I got bored and I decided to make something.” He leaned back again.

I felt so giddy and I jumped at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Nobody has ever been this nice to me. It really means a lot to me. I mean it.”

His chest vibrated as he laughed and he patted my back. “I can see that now. I know that you don’t mind it but I do feel a bit weird about this. You have some...” He didn’t finish his sentence.

I pulled away and looked at him confused. “I have some what?”

“Breasts. You have naked breasts and I don’t mean to be rude but it’s just a bit awkward for me. I’m a seventeen-year-old boy who has no experience with girls and I may not want too much romance but I do have some hormones. I’m basically stuck in that stage right after puberty forever. I just want to respect you.” He gestured.

“Oh.” I turned red and pulled my hair over my breasts. “I forget humans aren’t used to being naked or seeing naked people.”

“It’s just different. You’re used to it. You don’t need clothes. I, however, come from a different culture. I need clothes. I’m used to it and you live with all women.” He nodded his head.

“I do. You live with all boys.”

He smiled. “Touché.”

“What does that mean?” I tilted my head.

“I... It basically means that your point was spot on. I replace it hard to explain. It’s not that important. I guess I just feel weird about it because I do have some kind of hormones as I said before. I can keep my eyes on your face because it looks funny to me but your breasts...”

My mouth opened a bit and I grabbed my hair, pulling it in front of my face. “I’m sorry I don’t look normal.”

He widened his eyes a little and shook his head quickly. “No, Raina, I didn’t mean it like that. Oh gosh. Raina, please.”

“You said it looks funny.” I used my hands to pull myself deeper into the water and away from the beach. “You’re just like the rest of them.”

I put the crown in the sand under the water. I swam fast through the sea and away from the beach. I stopped in the middle of the sea. I let the tears spill from my large eyes. “They’re all the same.”

“We tried to warn you, Raina. Why do you think mermaids have created the society we live in? We did it for a reason,” a female voice sounded behind me.

I looked back and sighed. “Viviane, I didn’t need your help.” I wiped my tears.

She sighed. “I care about you, too. How men treat us is unfair. The humans are stupid and they keep going back to this stupid love game despite how bad the males treat them.”

“He was nice and yet he was secretly laughing at my face the whole time! How can someone be like that? I don’t understand. Is my face that funny-looking?” I looked at her.

Viviane grabbed my shoulders. “Of course not. He is just a piece of crap and he doesn’t deserve your support. He replaces thrill in the game. He builds you up to break you down. The harder the fall, the better the pleasure he gets from hurting you. He’s a male. This is how they work.” She had lied to me about my face. I knew all too well she was the very mermaid who led the others into the insults they threw my way.

I pushed hair behind my ear and wiped more tears as they didn’t stop from falling.

Viviane smiled a bit. “We are still here. If someone ever hurts you, we are here for you. Men don’t do that. They don’t support you. They are the ones who end up hurting you instead. You can trust the mermaids. we are your own kind after all.”

I got chills and nodded a bit. “I let myself trust too easily.”

“It’s okay. We all do it at some point.” She shrugged it off.

“I just want to go back home.”

“We’ll always welcome you back home even after you want to betray us.” Viviane smiled.