Lost in the Deep Blue Sea
06.

I hid behind the rock and watched Mr. Pan stare out at the water as if he was looking for me. I had nothing better to do with my time so I was spying on him.

He sighed and walked back up the beach and into the trees.

I swam a bit closer, being cautious. I arrived at the beach and looked around for the crown. I couldn’t replace it anywhere. Did he take it back? Did he hide it or break it?

“Are you looking for this?” Mr. Pan walked out of the trees holding the crown. “I needed to take it so you would come back to talk to me somehow.”

I backed into the water. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I know.”

“Then give me the crown and I’ll leave you alone.”

“That’s not going to happen, Raina. I want you to know that I didn’t mean what I said.” He stepped closer, walking into the water.

I moved farther back. “Don’t come near me.”

“I didn’t mean it! I just... It came out wrong. I made a mistake. Humans do that. I’m not saying that to excuse it but help you at least understand why I screwed up. Trust me when I say it wasn’t meant to come out the way it did.”

“You said you could keep your eyes on my face because it looks funny. How am I supposed to take that? How else was it supposed to come out?” I glared at him, refusing to forgive him.

He kept his mouth shut. He had no answer.

“Exactly. You meant it the wrong way. I look funny. I get it. I don’t look normal. I don’t even have a normal voice. I sound like I got chopped in the boat propeller and this is how I came out. I can’t sing. My skin is different colors. My eyes are larger. My fingers are black and pointed. I’m very funny-looking.” I shrugged.

“You’re different.”

“You called me funny-looking. You don’t get to get out of this.”

“I want to apologize for what I said. Can I apologize?”

“You can apologize. If I will accept or not is the real question.” I shrugged and leaned against a rock. “You have to understand how hurtful that is. I know humans have a stupid saying that words shouldn’t hurt but they do. Physical pain eventually goes away. Emotional pain can stick around for a while. It’s a memory. I’ve been made fun of my whole life and I thought you were different.”

“I am. It was an accident.” His eyes pleaded for my forgiveness.

“Is it normal for men to just insult a woman and beg for forgiveness? Do you do this all the time? Viviane told me that you men do these things often. She said there’s a reason why we run society the way we do. Men are bad.” I sighed.

“You shouldn’t listen to her.”

“Why, because she’s right?” I lifted an eyebrow.

He shook his head. “No. She’s wrong. Not all men are bad. I’m trying to apologize. I’ll make it up to you. What is it that you want?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I want to be a strong queen. I wanted your help. I wanted a friend but you failed me.”

“Your expectations are too high. I can’t be perfect. I can try but I am still a human. Humans mess up and we have to make up for it all the time.”

“You can’t justify what you said.” I crossed my arms.

“I’m not trying to justify my words. I’m just trying to help you understand why I made a mistake and I just want to have a chance to make it up to you. We will always get hurt. I want to be friends and be able to have more good times than bad.”

I shivered and shrugged. “Okay, so what do I get? How far are you willing to go to make it up to me?” I swayed my tail up and down in the water, waiting for an answer.

“I’m willing to go somewhat far. I mean, I won’t go and make babies for your kingdom but I will do anything else.” He straightened his posture to show how serious he was.

I shifted a bit in the water and thought about it. “Hm, okay. I want that crown for good. You can’t take it away if you hurt me to use it against me anymore. I also want you to help me with my people. I want you to help me learn how to be outspoken and strong-willed. Can you do that?”

He nodded. “I can. I can definitely do that for you.”

“Good. Give me my crown, please.” I put my hand out.

He came closer and bent down. He placed the crown on my head instead. “There. It looks beautiful on you.”

“That’s because it’s made for me.” I smiled.

He nodded a bit. “That’s true. I can’t say it would look as beautiful on Cora because her tail is a different color, right?”

“Correct. Her tail is orange. I like my tail better.” I giggled.

“I’m sure blue and black look better than orange.” He smiled.

“It does. The Queen says so and the Queen is always right.” I fixed my crown more.

I put my hands back in the water and looked at Mr. Pan. “Why are you still super close? You can back up. The crown is on my head.”

He didn’t say anything or answer my question.

I felt something soft touch my lips after he leaned in. They left as quickly as they came as Mr. Pan pulled back. “Sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”

I touched my lips and my cheeks heated up and became a deep, red color. “You said you’re not interested in romance. Isn’t kissing apart of romance?”

“It is.”

“Why did you kiss me and lie?”

He backed away and rubbed his neck. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that. I...” He looked away and tried to avoid my eyes.

I looked at the water and saw my reflection staring back at me. I wondered why he would kiss me. I didn’t know how I was supposed to react. We were of different worlds.

I was the funny-looking mermaid and yet he kissed me. Was that why he kissed me? Was it pity?

I took a deep breath. “I should...” I hovered my hand over the water and put my fingers down, bringing them together as they touched each other. The water began to lift and form as if pouring from a faucet but in the opposite direction.

I opened my fingers, aiming towards Mr. Pan. I pushed my hand forward and the stream of water hit him in the face, getting him wet.

He looked at me with a shocked expression. “Raina!”

“You look too serious. You need to have some fun. Water makes everyone feel better.” I smiled.

He came closer and scooped up some water and threw it in my face.

I gasped. “Hey!” I swam under the water and farther from the beach. I poked up from the water and squinted my eyes as I began to concentrate. I lifted my hand slowly, lifting water from the sea. Mr. Pan watched with an amused look on his face. I threw my hand out, watching the water splash his entire body.

He pushed his wet hair back. “That isn’t fair! I can’t control water!”

“Too bad, lost boy!” I smirked in a playful manner. I continued to lift the water from its natural container and throw it in his face.

Mr. Pan looked around the island for some sort of support. He looked at his hands and threw his hand out towards me. I felt a strong push as I went under the water. I came above the surface again and widened my head. “Hey!”

He shrugged. “Fair game. We both have some sort of magic.”

He continued to use his magic to push me under the water as I splashed him in the face. This went on for what felt like forever before we got exhausted.

I swam closer and laid back on the beach. “I surrender to the King of Neverland.”

He laid back on the sand next to me and smiled. “I surrender as well, to the Queen of the Sea.”

I looked up at the stars and watched them sparkle. “Do I have more questions about the human world than you have about my world?”

“Yeah. I think it’s mainly due to the fact that you’re part human. You want to know more about your own heritage. I’m fully human and I don’t have any fish in me so I don’t have to be as curious about sea life,” he explained.

“That makes sense. I do like to know more about my human side. I don’t know much about humans besides what you’ve told me. They’re very complex creatures.” I laughed a bit.

I pushed some hair from my face. “There’s one thing I’ve always liked that humans have in their world. It’s basically an advanced version of what mermaids have.”

“What is that?” Mr. Pan asked.

“Music. Humans can sing, too. They also have...music with it. It’s really intriguing. It’s pretty. I wish we had something like that. It sounds so amazing.” I let out a small sigh.

“You like music, huh? I can’t sing but I can play a wooden flute.” He sat up. “I can go back and grab it. I think you’ll like it. Would you want to sing to it?” He looked down at me.

I shook my head. “That’s okay. I don’t want to sing. I don’t have a good voice. I’ll just listen for now.” I smiled a bit.

He nodded his head and disappeared. I sat up and looked around. I didn’t know where he went but I had never seen a human disappear like that. It was a unique ability.

He appeared out of thin air and he held something in his hand. They were wooden tubes that were connected to each other in a row. They were at different heights, creating a little curve at the bottom.

He sat down in the sand again and looked at me. “This is my flute. It’s considered a wind instrument. I think you’ll like it.” He held it up to his lips and blew into the tubes.

It began to create a sound I’d never heard before. It was a very haunting and beautiful tune all at once. I fell in love instantly and laid back against the sand. It was soothing for my soul and I never wanted to hear the music go silent again.

The music echoed into the dark sky that shimmered. It created a whole new energy at this moment and I couldn’t get enough of it.

I closed my eyes and let my ears fully immerse in the melody. My eyes took too much focus away from my eardrums.

The beautiful tune carried me away from any worries I had and I was brought back to the kiss we shared. Why had he kissed me? I wanted to know what it meant. It was something I enjoyed and it felt nice when our lips touched.

I wanted to do it again but I think he’d already forgotten about it. It was my first kiss and it was different. It was one thing I knew I liked and if I liked that, would I like romance? I assumed I would.

I wanted him to acknowledge what we shared. I wanted to know his thoughts about it. This melody he played reminded me of the kiss that I wanted again.

I wanted love without a doubt and I was beginning to realize whom I wanted love with. Did he want love, too? I wanted what the humans had. I wanted to kiss a boy and go on dates and fall in love. I wanted to have babies but I wanted all the romance that went before that.

I wanted to be with Mr. Pan.