Love, Milo
: Chapter 18

There are not many people I can say I am attached to.

Not many things have my heart, if it doesn’t include flowers and cold dirt that get stuck underneath my nails.

So, when I finally choose to give my heart out, I wear it on my sleeves, out and vulnerable to the poor soul who has to handle it carefully.

He sits in front of me, not knowing he has my heart in the palm of his hands, as he strokes the side of my jaw with his thumb.

Do what you want to me, Love. Words I’ve never heard said by a man. I’ve always been the pawn, the one being done, not the one doing. I never had power or control during sex. I never had this empowering feeling of what it’s like to take control.

It’s like my very own cocaine.

Milo watches me intently as I unzip his black slacks, the zipper slipping over the bump underneath caused by his boner. My face burns.

He lifts himself a bit, slipping down his pants and revealing his gray boxers underneath; a small damp spot in the center from his pre-cum wets the material, and the sight revives the pulsing heartbeat between my legs.

I look up at Milo, whose cheeks are beaming red, his pants at his ankles, and his eyes wide. The veins in his left arm pop out as he leans back on it, lifting his hips into a thrust a bit to adjust himself.

‘You want to see?’ He asks me breathlessly.

I nod at him, my hands lying flat on my thighs as he widens his knees further apart.

He grins at me, pulling his lips to one side of his face, and cocks his head to the side for a second. ‘Then what’s the wait? Scared?’

I raise an eyebrow, catching the cockiness of his tone.

I suppress my smile, ‘Don’t let my finish go to your head, or I might just let you sit in misery while I go and sleep.’

His eyes lower as if he likes my threat to torture him. ‘Being the only guy to get you off ‘ sounds like an accomplishment worth bragging about. Especially with how loud you got. I didn’t think I’d love hearing someone scream my name so much until a few minutes ago—’

I stand up and clamp my hand over the embarrassing words leaving his mouth.

Laughs break through my lips as I climb on top of Milo, bringing him down to his back with his body between my legs.

He eyes my tits that bounce in his face like a dog looking at traffic.

I sit purposefully on his bulge. Oh.

His eyes close tightly, and he groans loud into my palm, thrusting his hips up against my pussy. Gasping sharply at the single harsh force, butterflies swarm up my stomach.

He feels giant underneath me, full and perfect, and I haven’t even seen him yet. Just the pulsing heat of him below, separated by the single piece of gray material he wears, and his twitches are nearly enough to make me cum again.

I let go of his mouth and grind my hips into him, my jaw dropping and breath shallowing.

‘Fuck me,’ He pleads out softly, his eyes dark and gleaming with arousal, and I rub myself against his hardness, trying to pull myself together just as much as him. ‘Please.’

‘No,’ I say with a smirk.

Teasing him a bit won’t hurt. It won’t hurt at all.

My head drops beside his, and my lips brush his stubble on the way down. ‘Not until I think you’ve been a good boy.’

My nails run through his hair, and I pull slightly, rocking my clit into him at a faster speed.

‘Raelynn,’ a mess of a whimper leaves his throat; the sound of my name is barely distinguishable.

His hand rubs softly up and down my back as he mutters my name over and over again.

I press my palms into the shirt he still wears, too close to another climax to worry about taking it off of him.

My eyes fail to stay open as I rock my hips violently into him. Wetness dresses his boxers, drenching them along with the drips pre-cum that make their way out of him. I feel it, myself flying alongside the clouds once again, the lightness of my head and the tightness of my stomach from my building orgasm. I bite down on my bottom lip and throw my head back, jaw-dropping and stomach-twisting.

God, oh my fucking God.

A third round of me drips onto Milo’s boxers, sticking to his throbbing bulge that sits between my lips.

Everything in this room could evaporate, disappear, and I wouldn’t notice. I grin and giggle with a moan as I ride out the feeling. This might become my new favorite thing. There’s a reason I loved it so much two years ago, but this? This with Milo is different on so many levels. I never want to lose it. I need this forever. I need him forever.

I look down to see Milo staring at me in fascination, his jaw slanted and pupils dilated.

‘You are incredible,’ he tells me. ‘I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing you cum for me like that.’

Many rings of curls cover my face, so I slide a hand under and flip them back, a few fall back in their previous place anyway.

I grin at Milo and lean down to peck his lips. ‘I hope you never do,’ I whisper. ‘It’s fun.’

When I go to pull back, he catches my head with hair in his hand, lifting a little to speak in my ear. ‘Have your fun, princess.’ The words sound more like a warning than sincere. ‘Turn around and have fun trying to fit me down that pretty throat of yours.’

My eyes widen and he lets go, tapping my leg. Without another word, I rise and twist myself so my ass face Milo, my knees at his shoulders. His pants have fallen to the ground now, leaving him in just his boxers, practically dripping with my cum. I wrap my fingers around the waistband, dragging it along his waist, and bend myself over onto one elbow beside his hip just as he grabs my thighs from behind. He plants kisses on my inner thighs, near my scars, and over my ass, tracing his fingers over my tattoo.

I slip his boxers down slowly, watching as his dick makes itself known by falling hard against his stomach. Milo sighs against my skin.

With one hand on his hip, I hesitantly take hold of his base, wrapping my hands around him. Veins travel from his pink tip all the way down the length of him.

Knowingly, my thumb presses into the slit of his tip, and he groans, cursing while I rub in circles the sweet spot men love so much.

I stroke him as I do so, dropping my head to the side to drag my tongue up his base just as slowly.

From behind me, Milo’s head lifts, and his lips lock around my clit, and I gasp when he spits on it, pressing the flat of his tongue out to stimulate me.

From the hour we’ve been in this room, he’s discovered the perfect place to rub his tongue on me, making my eyes roll back uncontrollably.

Attempting to focus and do just as good as he, I hold Milo by his base, kissing and wrapping my lips around his tip.

His size is just as big as I expected. Maybe even more. My mouth stretches open as I slide him inside, letting my saliva soak him. His thighs tense, and he groans into my pussy.

I drag my lips down the side of him, then back up, encasing my mouth back around his thickness once again.

This time, I slide down, feeling him throb against my tongue as his tip travels to the back of my throat.

My breath stops, and I flex my throat against his tip, then quickly lift my head to gasp for air.

‘Fuck yeah, Raelynn,’ he mutters, inserting his finger in me. ‘Take me deeper.’

I stroke him in my hands a bit before repeating my steps. Quickly bobbing my head on him, his tip hits the back of my throat every time. I moan from his mouth also on me. and he helps by thrusting his hips up and toward my mouth.

Groans leave his mouth against me, and he squeezes my ass tight. Breathing becomes impossible as his tip bobs up and down my throat, and Milo’s whimpers become louder until he stiffens under me just as my clit twitches in his mouth, getting me off on his tongue for the fourth time.

He lets loose in my throat, and I let him. When he’s done, I swallow his release, leaving him twitching.

I turn around, and from under me, Milo is exhausted, it seems, his chest heaving and his jaw slanted open as he pants. All because of me.

He opens his eyes and grins. I grin at him, seeing him rise and close my face so he can kiss me. And he does, long and passionately, with his fingers buried in my hair. And for the first time in a long time, I feel safe in my own skin around a man my trust runs deeply with.

I part from Milo’s lips and give him a small smile. ‘Thank you.’

He kisses my cheek in response. ‘What do you want to eat? Pizza? Choose anything you want.’

I laugh and stare at him, wondering why he hasn’t tried having sex with me. He can, I would let him. I’d let him do a lot of things. But I let it go, wondering if I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ve done things today that I haven’t done for years, and it was amazing. I don’t want to ruin it by overthinking.

‘Pizza,’ I answer with a smile.

He nods and gets off the bed with my hand in his, kissing me once again before bringing me along with him.

‘It should be here when you get out of the shower,’ he says. ‘I’ll give you a change of your clothes.’

I put a hand on his shirt, ‘Can I wear your things?’ I question. ‘I like them better.’

We stop at the bathroom, and he smirks. ‘I like you better in them too, love.’ He opens the door to the bathroom and starts the shower. I watch him bend down, eyeing his shirt that he’s yet to take off.

‘Milo,’ I say. ‘You aren’t getting in with me?’

He turns and takes a moment to answer. ‘No, I’ll just take one after you.’

I walk closer to him, placing my hand against his chest. It’s hard underneath. I can feel every muscle tense under my touch. So, he can’t possibly be insecure about himself. Right?

‘Why?’ I slip my hands under his shirt and glide them over his hard abs. God. Counting six… seven… eight?

But I notice his demeanor change, his eyes turning into worry and his jaw clenching as my hands explore what he hides under this shirt. He looks almost scared. Scared of what exactly I can’t seem to pinpoint.

My hands reach his back and it’s then when I gasp at the texture, a bumpy feeling my fingers drag over. Like trenches and welts in the ground of a warzone.

Milo backs away in panic, pulling my hands away and shaking his head. Turning around to face the sink. ‘No.’

I stand behind him, confused and unsure what to make of what I just felt. Scars, I’m sure of it. I have them myself, the familiar roughness of the skin.

But he felt much more severe. No nails that had been dug into his back like my thighs, but something much more brutal, and my eyes began to sting just thinking of all the possibilities.

I press my lips together as I walk behind Milo, hearing him sniffle, his head drops between his shoulders.

My hand rises, and I lay it on his back over the shirt, feeling the damage. ‘Milo. . . what happened?’ My voice cracks, tears full of hurt for him spilling from my eyes.

He shakes his head. ‘Nothing you need to worry about.’ He lifts his head, and I watch him in the mirror. His nose, cheeks, and eyes are red from the tears that shine under the light. My chest twisted at the sight of him crying.

I put both of my arms around him, hugging him from behind. My arms wrap around his chest, and I squeeze, feeling his body shake as he cries.

‘I’m here for you, Milo. You don’t have to hide from me.’ I whisper. ‘Whatever it is, it’s okay.’

I tilt my head to the side to watch him from the Mirror. His tears drop into the sink, and his jaw is tense. ‘I don’t want to ruin our night with sad shit,’ he says.

I shake my head, rubbing his chest. ‘You won’t, I promise.’

I let go of him as he turns around and look at me, unfazed that I was watching his tears fall from his face. It strikes me.

He takes my hand in his and brings it up to his lips, where he kisses my knuckles. The water behind us slams against the shower floor, filling the otherwise silent bathroom.

Milo drops my hand, reaches over his shoulders to his shirt, and pulls it over his head in one motion.

He blocks my view of the mirror, blocking my view of his back. ‘I wanted to show you ever since I’ve seen your scars. But I just couldn’t bring myself to show this part of me, even with someone I adore as much as you.’

I run my nails down his chest, and I feel him shiver. My gaze returns to his, ‘You don’t have to, Y’know, show me, I mean.’

He shakes his head. ‘I do. You’ve shown me all of you, and you deserve to see the same from me.’ He turns around.

I’m speechless for a moment, my mouth parted, and my eyes continue filling with tears as my gaze scales every lined scar across his back. They’re white like it’s been a long time since they were made, long and risen a little from off his back. They resemble the branches of a tree; his branches travel from the small of his back to his shoulder blades in every direction imaginable. They ripple against the muscles of his back; I can only imagine the pain he endured for these to be so permanent.

Slowly, I raise my hands, dragging a finger along one of the scars, feeling Milo shiver underneath my touch.

‘The first time was seven years ago.’ He croaks. ‘The first beating my father gave me. I was eighteen and dependent on him.’ My throat burns as he continues. ‘It went on till I was twenty-one. The first time I ever tried fighting back.’

Milo turns around, faces me, and speaks. ‘I gave him a black eye that day. Since then, he stopped hitting me, but the scars stayed. You’re the first to see them… in seven years. You can say I’m pathetic for letting him go on for so long at such an age, you can get dress and leave me right now and I won’t blame you one bit because even I am ashamed of myself—’ His voice collapses.

‘Milo, no,’ I grab his face, and he breaks into audible sobs, his forehead dropping to mine.

‘I’m not going anywhere, don’t be crazy. I’m right here.’ I rub away his tears with my thumb and kiss the side of his lips. He grips my waist before wrapping his arms tightly around me. Engulfed in his arms, I feel at home almost more than the home that sits right above our heads. I can’t even remember the last time those walls left remotely as safe as these two large arms around me.

I hug him, rubbing my hands along the skin of his back.

He picks me up and sits me on the sink, dropping his head into my neck. ‘I want to be with you, Raelynn.’

‘What?’

‘I want to be yours. I don’t want the rules we fail even to follow. I don’t want a fake relationship. I want a real one. I want to be with you.’

He holds the back of my head, raising his to look at me. ‘I know it might be a lot for you, and if you need to think about it first, I’ll understand, but I haven’t been this happy in years.’ He pauses. ‘You make me happy.’

God, why does he have to be such a sweetheart? His words massage my thawing heart and revive it back to warmth. A relationship. A real, true one. I’ve never had one before, not something so serious.

After a few seconds of silence, he brushes a curl away from my face. ‘What’s going through your pretty mind?’

‘I’m scared,’ I admit.

‘Of what? Me?’

‘No, of messing up. I’ve never committed to something like this before. I mean, what if I hurt you? I don’t want to hurt you, Milo. I’m sure you know how to do boyfriend things, but I have not a fucking clue how to be a good girlfriend. especially with your expectations I need to meet. And I just…’ I huff, frustrated at myself and embarrassed. ‘I like you a lot. And I don’t want to lose this.’

He proudly smiles at me, surprisingly. ‘Cute,’ he says. ‘You’re so God damn cute.’

I squint my eyes, confused. ‘I’m cute. Is that all you have to say about that whole speech? It was really hard to tell you that, and you’re just laughing at me.’

He twists his mouth to try to hide his smile but fails. ‘I’m not laughing at you.’

‘Yes, you are. You’re smiling,’ I glare at him and push his abdomen to attempt to get down, but he grips my waist, bringing me closer to his body wedged between my legs.

‘I’m smiling because I can’t believe I’ve gotten so lucky.’ He kisses my neck. ‘You won’t hurt me, Raelynn. And if you somehow do, if you somehow break my heart or shatter my soul, I’d build it back together and hand it to you to break again.’

He kisses my jaw as I sniffle. ‘You trusted me of all men after the terrible things that happened. Now it’s time I trust you. And I do, heart and soul.’ his lips Brush against mine and presses down into a kiss.

‘And who said anything about expectations? What expectations are you talking about?’ He adds.

‘I just assumed with how your family is, you’d want someone of your… status. Your grandmother doesn’t even like me,’ I breathe out a laugh. ‘She hates me, actually.’

His face runs seriously, and he looks between my eyes. ‘The party. Is she why you ran away like that, to begin with?’

I nod, pressing my lips together. ‘She said terrible things, and I just needed to get the hell out of there. Then I bumped into that Logan guy you beat up.’ I giggle, recalling the day a few weeks ago.

He twists his jaw, anger washing over his face, and I press my hand on his cheek. ‘It’s over with already.’

He shakes his head. ‘I’m sorry you had to go through that. You already have your own family to deal with. I don’t want to add mine to your list of headaches. I will talk to her. Her and my father.’

‘You don’t have to.’

‘I want to. They will respect the woman I call mine.’

I grin against his lips and subtly glide my hands up and down his back. I can’t believe this is my life, wrapped around the only man I can see myself with. Safe In his arms and far away from Jaden Caddel.

‘I like how those sounds. Being called yours.’

His scowl dissipates. ‘Yeah?’

I nod and lock my legs around his waist. ‘Yeah. What’s the first thing we should do as boyfriend and girlfriend? True ones, that is.’ It feels weird saying that, declaring myself in a relationship but I wouldn’t want to start this new chapter of my any differently. But aware of boldness and confidence breezes through me. I reached down between us and took him in my hand, ‘There is still so much of me you need to explore.’

He shakes his head. ‘I don’t want to fuck you.’

I freeze when his words process, setting him free. My heart beats in my ears, and my cheeks burn with embarrassment. I push him away, and he stumbles back as I drop off the sink. My breath shallows. What? I walk into his bedroom and grab my dress, slipping it over me just as my hand catches into his, and he spins me around.

He shakes his head. ‘I— I meant I don’t want to fuck you yet. It came out bad. I want you; trust me, I do so fucking bad, you have no idea. But I want to wait till things are right.’

I tilt my head, still a pang of shame in my chest. ‘What isn’t right? I don’t understand.’

Not even half an hour ago was he begging me to take him. What changed?

‘Many things that you may not. . . get right now.’

‘Well, then try me.’

He shakes his head. ‘You just have to trust me, all right?’

My brows furrow in confusion. ‘Milo, what the hell are you talking about? What do you mean?‘ But he doesn’t get to answer my questions; his phone sitting on the bedside table interrupts, and he walks towards it, picking it up and reading whatever text is on the screen. ‘Milo,’ I say. His face goes grave, and it scares me.

He walks quickly to gather fresh clothes, putting the layers on with speed, and I watch him, unsure of what to say or do. He tells me I’m his, sweet words following and kisses that melt my heart. Though he doesn’t want me entirely and then gets up to leave? I don’t understand it. Did I do something? Had I rushed him, and he didn’t like it? I knew I’d mess up and it hadn’t even been minutes.

Milo slips into his shoes and looks at me. ‘I have to go,’ he mutters.

‘It’s almost one in the morning; where do I possibly have to go this late?’

He throws his coat on and walks over to me, grabbing his hand. ‘I’m sorry, I am. But it’s something important I have to handle.’ He lifts my hand and kisses my palm, inhaling my scent before squeezing my hand and letting go.

Before I know it, he’s gone, and I’m left standing in the middle of his bedroom alone with thousands of questions swarming my head. One of them eating me alive from the inside out.

Had it been another woman who texted his phone? What had him running out of the door and away from me without thinking? My heart is telling me to trust him like I desperately do, but my mind wonders.

Leaving me wondering that maybe it might just be him who hurts me in the end instead.

I’m attached, yes, but is he?