Noir
Chapter 23

I glanced up at the sky through the canopies, feeling a sense of loss and disorientation wash over me like a wave. The night air was hot and uncomfortable, and I could hear the distant calls of various creatures, their cries moving about within the forest. The campfire, a comforting beacon in the darkness, seemed to mock me with its warmth and light. I wanted to go to it, to sit by its flickering flames and let its heat soothe away the ache in my heart.

Noir's presence held me back. Though he had ignored me seconds ago, his eyes now gleamed in the firelight as he watched me, unblinking, assessing. I could feel his gaze like a physical weight upon my shoulders, and the thought of facing him, of trying to explain what I had said earlier, was more than I could bear. I knew that if I did, if I told him how I felt, it would only make things worse, and I would lose him forever.

So instead, I turned away, avoiding his gaze, and wandered a short distance away, seeking solace. I climbed a tree, and sat there, my back against the rough bark, staring out into the night. The wind rustled through the leaves, and the stars wheeled slowly across the sky, untroubled by my petty problems.

As I sat there, lost in thought, I felt a familiar weight settle into my lap. Atomic had come to keep me company. He nuzzled against my hand, his soft fur tickling my fingers, and I absently began to stroke his back. His bruxing filled my ears, a soothing balm to my aching heart.

The jungle had grown silent around us, save for the occasional rustle of leaves or the distant hoot of an owl. I stared up into the starry sky, feeling the hardness of the tree beneath me, reminding me of the reality of my situation. I knew that I couldn't stay here forever, that I would eventually have to face Noir and whatever consequences came with it. But for now, in this moment, I was content to be with Atomic, to let him be my anchor in this sea of confusion and chaos. His bruxing vibrated against my hand, and I felt a small spark of comfort ignite within me. It was strange, I thought, how something so small and seemingly insignificant could bring such a sense of peace and solace. Maybe that was the way it was with Noir and me. Our relationship, like Atomic's bruxing, was something that was easy to overlook or dismiss, but once you really paid attention to it, once you let it in, it became this warm, comforting presence that filled up all the empty spaces in your heart.

I couldn't help but wonder if that was how Noir felt about me. If he saw me as just another creature, something to be tamed or used for his own purposes, or if there was more to it than that. Was there a spark of genuine affection hidden beneath his gruff exterior? I hoped so, because the thought of not having him in my life, of losing him to whatever darkness lay beyond this moment, was more than I could bear.

As if reading my thoughts, Atomic shifted in my lap, pressing closer against me, as if trying to provide some sort of comfort or reassurance. I took a deep breath, feeling the bark beneath my palms, and forced myself to confront the truth. No matter what happened between Noir and I, I knew that I would always have Atomic. He was my constant, my friend, my partner in this strange and unpredictable world.

And so, with renewed determination, I climbed down from the tree, Atomic padding silently at my side. I had no idea what awaited me back at camp, but I was ready to face it, whatever it might be.

As we emerged from the darkness of the jungle, the flickering light of the campfire came into view, and I could hear the familiar murmur of voices.

Noir was still sitting cross-legged in front of the fire, his back to me, his shoulders tense and rigid. I took a deep breath, squaring my shoulders, and forced myself to approach him. Atomic followed close behind, nudging gently at my leg as if urging me forward.

"Hey," I said softly, trying to sound casual. Noir didn't react, his posture remaining stiff and unyielding. "I'm sorry," I continued, my voice barely above a whisper.

He let out a long sigh, finally turning his head to face me. His eyes were hard and unreadable in the flickering light.

"Better get some rest. It'll be another long day tomorrow," he finally murmured, his voice gruff. He didn't meet my eyes, instead focusing on the fire again as he spoke.

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I nodded, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat. "Yeah, you're probably right."

I turned away, not wanting him to see the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks.

As I made my way to my tent, I glanced back once more. Noir was still sitting by the fire, his back straight and his shoulders squared. For a moment, I considered going back to him, replaceing the words to explain how I felt, but something held me back. Perhaps it was fear, or the knowledge that whatever I said wouldn't change anything.

I pulled my bedroll outside the entrance of my tent, the interior was still too hot for sleep. Atomic curled up beside me, his presence a comfort. I tried to force my mind to unwind, to forget about the events of the day and the uncertain future that lay ahead. But try as I might, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with Noir.

As I drifted off to sleep, I wished there was some way to change things between us: to undo the damage I done. But even as these thoughts swirled through my mind, I knew that I couldn't go back and change the past. All I could do was face the future.

Atomic stirred in his sleep and I reached out to pet him. Even though Atomic was just a rat, he had been there for me through thick and thin. He was my loyal companion, my confidant.

~~

At some point, a subtle presence beside me caught my attention and I lay still, somehow knowing it was Noir. He crouched beside me, his body balanced on the balls of his feet, bathed in the soft moonlight that accentuated the depth of his eyes. The gentle breeze carried the sound of his breath escaping his lips as he finally rose to his feet, hesitating for a moment.

Anxiety knotted in my stomach as I awaited his departure, and with a final mutter to himself, he silently walked away.

As he disappeared into the darkness, I found myself staring into the abyss of solitude, a tear tracing its path down my cheek, longing for a past that could never be reclaimed.

However, fifteen minutes later, the turmoil within me became so entangled that sleep evaded me. Frustration flooded my being as I berated myself for pondering what he might have wanted.

Determined, I pushed myself off the sleeping bag and navigated my way towards the spot where I had observed Noir laying out his own sleeping bag earlier. Pausing, wavering in uncertainty, the moon's luminance revealed his prone form, his shirt discarded for comfort. As I continued to observe him, I tok in the intricate symbols adorning his shoulders, tracing down his arms and just below his rib cage, embellishing both sides of his back. Strange I thought, that I hadn't noticed them before.

As I stood staring down at him, I observed the uneven rise and fall of his breathing, noticed the slight tension in the air that indicated his awareness of my presence. Extending my foot, I gently prodded him, maintaining silence, and patiently waiting.

After a brief pause, he rolled over, his gaze meeting mine. As I looked down at him, a frown formed on my face.

Squatting down to be at eye level, I softly murmured, "What is it that you want from me, Noir?" He emitted a low sound from his throat, then sat up, turning to face me. He reached up, tangling his hands in my hair, and almost in a whisper, he confessed, "...everything I can't have!"

I could hear his breathing hitch, transforming into heavy and ragged breaths. Rising on an elbow, his lips brushed against mine, and he muttered, "God, you ignite me!"

A sudden flush of desire hit me and I whimpered against his mouth, yearning for more. Shifting, I straddled his hips, leaning into the passionate kiss, and reaching out, I firmly held his head, pulling his lips harder against mine, craving the taste of him.

As I pressed against the hardness of his erection nestled between my thighs, he reciprocated by slowly moving his hips. A low, throbbing sound escaped his lips before he swiftly lifted me off his lap and set me aside. Then, agitatedly running his fingers through his hair, he hissed, "Dammit, we can't..." then growling a curse, he pleaded, "Please... just go."