Six of Ruin (Heirs of Irenwell #1)
Chapter 29: Salt in the Wound

With Ace disappearing in the forest, I couldn’t help but feel slightly abandoned. He was the oldest amongst us, he knew the most about the world. And he said we would all most likely die on this journey.

The entire vibe of our group shifted, turning way too serious way too fast.

“He’s right.” Nick fell back on the blanket in front of the fire. “We won’t survive this journey. That’s why King Bernard promised me so much silver; he knew he wouldn’t have to pay.”

“He cannot be right.” I shook my head. “We have to return.”

“We don’t have to.” Rixen shrugged, “All we have to do is replace the tome and activate the spell. Nobody cares if we return.”

“You’ve already been there and you returned safely.” I countered. “So, you cannot tell me it’s impossible.”

“I’m a shadowman, Irina.” Rixen eyed me. “Nobody saw me for the most of the journey. And even I had to cross the lake of Liu Raj. Even I had to give some parts of my identity up to reach Orathia.”

“Great. That’s just great.” My hands dropped by my sides.

“Can someone please cook the damn boar?” Nickeltinker whined. “I refuse to die hungry.”

“Nobody’s dying, yet.” Rixen sighed.

Danilo set up the pot for me, “There has to be a way to return.”

“What happens after we cross the lake of Liu Raj?” I asked quietly, staring at the hot pot in front of me.

Rixen stared at the fire, “Just like Ace said, if we’re lucky, we’ll have what it takes to pay for passage. Spirit territory is ruthless and it has its own laws; laws we’ll be subjugated to the moment we enter.”

“Like Fae territory.” I muttered. “You cannot believe anything you see there; it’s all false.”

The boar meat sizzled in front of me.

“Exactly.” Rixen nodded. “Everyone we run into is going to try to trick us. And if we piss someone off, they’ll hunt us all the way to the Frozen Sea. There is no one to stop them.”

“Why are we even here?” I complained, having nothing else to say.

“Everyone refused.” Danilo spoke up suddenly. “Nickeltinker and Torvald were the only two people that accepted. Rixen had no choice and neither did you.”

“I could have sent my brother.” I turned over the meat. “He’d be of more use.”

No one countered me.

“We’re free here.” Rixen looked at the fire, his yellow irises taking on the colour of the flames. “No one knows we’re alive, no one knows where we are. We answer to no one. If we wanted to... we could disappear. Isn’t that a special kind of power?”

I glanced at the dirty hem of my purple, sparkly dress, “You cannot escape from your responsibility.”

“No, but you can hide from it for a while.” Rixen shrugged and finally met my gaze. “You could do whatever you wanted, nobody would be any wiser.”

His walls were still up; I couldn’t feel him at all. I wanted to, desperately. The fiery spark in his eyes offered no comfort. I felt see-through under his gaze. I let out the breath I was holding, nervousness squeezing my veins until I could feel each painful pump of my heart.

Here, I wasn’t a princess. Here, I had no throne and no responsibilities that came with it. I had no problem being with squires and servants because they meant nothing to me. Why did Rixen feel so different then?

“Rixen,” Danilo cleared his throat, breaking my thoughts, “One of us has to return. Bastia needs an heir and if I don’t make it-”

I glanced up at the knight next to me. The rest of that sentence seemed stuck in his throat.

“You’ll have to rule.” Danilo finished.

For a moment, a slight, selfish moment, a possibility crossed my mind. If Rixen ruled Bastia... If he was the rightful heir to the throne...

Rixen shook his head, “I will never rule Bastia.”

“Why not?” The way my voice changed was enough for everyone to look at me funny. “I mean, aside from the fact that you’re not an heir.”

Rixen looked at me, regret shining in his aflame irises, “I gave that wish up last time I crossed the lake of Liu Raj.”

My heart sank to the pit of my stomach, “Why would you do that?”

“I never even wanted to return.” Rixen slightly squinted, hearing the judgement in my voice. “And Liu Raj requires a wish to let you pass, so I wished the throne away.”

I shook my head, “That means nothing.”

“It means everything, Irina.” Rixen kept his gaze firmly on me.

Nick raised his hand, breaking the moment, “I’ll rule Bastia if you want, no problem.”

While I stared at Rixen, I barley noticed meat burning until Torvald quietly sneaked to the fire and stole a piece. Quickly, I took the stakes off, fire and smoke burning my eyes, causing the tears.

“It’s just some stupid spirit.” I mumbled. “How could it mean anything? You could still rule, you could still-”

Be with me.

I couldn’t look away from the meat, not when I knew I’d meet Danilo’s questioning eyes.

“Once you give your wish to Liu Raj, it never comes true.” Rixen whispered, almost apologetically. “Never thought I might need it.”

Nick sighed, “Fuck you, Rixen. Some of us are fighting to survive and you’re wishing thrones away.”

My jaw clenched, “You’re a coward, Rixen.”

Finally, I looked up, only to see him flinch.

The surprise was gone in a moment, replaced by anger, “Not as big as you, Maiden of Irenwell.”

I got up, tears threatening to spill down my cheeks, “Eat your damn boar.”

I lost my appetite. Actually, I lost my will to continue this journey. All I wanted was to turn around and go back home, where no one tried to kill me, where I got to mess around with my servants and squires without getting attached to them.

I didn’t get far before I crumbled on the piece of wood on the ground, not even caring about dirtying my dress. I took in a deep, shaky breath, tears blurring my vision. There it was – everything I feared was coming true.

Before this journey, I was a princess fearing my brother might marry me to some fat lord. A month and a half in, I was a witch and a murderer wanting someone who could never truly be with me. Someone who wished the throne away.

Pain seized my heart, tearing through my lungs. There was nothing I could do. Once I returned, I would still be a princess and I would have to marry Danilo.

Or I could... disappear. Run away. See the world. Give up my title. Perhaps I’d be free then.

But I’d lose the possible throne, I would lose all the perks and privilege. I would break Rodrig’s heart. I’d disappoint my dead parents.

“Your Grace?” Danilo’s voice startled me and I turned around, wiping the tears off my cheeks, “Are you alright?”

“Yes.” I hid my face, my eyes were probably bloodshot, “I apologize for making a scene.”

“Irina,” Danilo sounded surprisingly gentle, “Tell me what happened.”

“I’m just worried.” I offered a small smile, hoping he’d leave me alone, “Ace’s words did not sound comforting.”

“I understand.” The knight squatted in front of me. “But he’s wrong. We will survive this. And I will do everything I can to protect you, I promise you that.”

He still had no idea. Was it pride or ego preventing him from seeing what was happening in front of his very eyes? Still, I appreciated his promise. Before this journey, I never thought I’d need it. Now, I hoped someone would protect me.

“Thank you.” I nodded. “I mean it. I’d never survive this journey without all of you.”

Danilo looked at the ground, “I’m so sorry you got dragged into this mess.”

“I chose to come.” I shrugged. “We must live with our choices.”

“I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to you.” Danilo met my gaze, his blue eyes sparkling under the moonlight, slightly darker than usual.

Perhaps I was feeling destructive. Perhaps I was trying to prove some dumb point to myself that there were other people beside Rixen. That there were other men I wanted.

I leaned in and planted a small kiss on his lips.

Startled, eyes wide, Danilo moved away from me.

“Your Grace...” His large figure loomed over me.

I kept his gaze, “Everyone thinks we’re dead.”

Danilo’s muscles tensed and his expression changed. He felt it too. How the moment we left Balr, everything changed. The world thought we were dead. We were given a free pass. What we did here did not matter.

Danilo pulled me up with both his hands. Before I could process what was happening, he kissed me again. His lips were rough and cracked. His strong hands pulled me to his body. I hung around his neck as he lifted me off the ground and leaned my body against the tree.

The crust scratched my skin and Danilo’s beard scratched my lips. But I opened my mouth and let him overwhelm me. My heartbeat steadied, ready to drown in this destructiveness.

He was the man I would marry.

His hands roamed all over my body.

He was the man I could eventually love.

His lips left my lips and found my neck, leaving trails of kisses down my collarbone.

Then why-

Why did it feel wrong?

“Wait, wait.” I breathed in and Danilo moved away from me, searching my gaze. “I’m sorry, it’s too much. I can’t do this.”

Danilo nodded, his throat bobbed, but he put me down, “I’m sorry, your Grace, I-”

“It’s fine.” I moved away from the tree. “You did nothing wrong. I need- I need some air.”

The sentence was absurd considering we were outside.

Danilo simply bowed his head.

There was nowhere to go. The vast forest around me closed in on me. I had no room to hide in, no town to wander through. All I had were the trees and my companions, so I returned to the fire.

Shouting came from the clearing and I assumed Ace had returned, but as I stepped into the light, I noticed Nickeltinker arguing with everyone else with a piece of boar in hand.

Rixen looked at me and momentarily realised what had happened, like it was written on my face. Nickeltinker rolled his eyes so far back that for a moment I only saw the white.

Torvald gave another stake to the warthog.

Ace was nowhere to be found.

“Your Grace,” Danilo came out after me, “Irina, I’m sorry, I thought-”

Rixen’s eyes snapped to Danilo, “What did you do?”

“Nothing!” I shouted. “Can we, please, go to sleep?”

“No!” Nickeltinker buried his feet in the ground and crossed his hands on his chest. “I was in the middle of speaking and once again, her Majesty and her loyal puppies steal my spotlight. I’m not done shouting.”

No one said a word.

“I’m done with all of you.” Nickeltinker’s eyes were full of rage as he pointed towards Rixen. “This one wishes his throne away,” He looked at me, “You keep bitching about your stupid dresses and jewellery, because you’re so materialistic you see no point in life beyond that,” He glanced at Danilo, “And you’re too proud and self-involved to see that these two are falling in love in front of your eyes.”

Danilo’s eyes found mine, questions covering his expression. Before I could justify myself, or even search for affirmation in Rixen, Nick continued.

“I came from a wet, hot shithole because I stole a bag of potatoes!” His high-pitched voice broke. “My family is starving! My father is sick! My brothers and sisters are too young to earn for a living. My mother is killing herself to support them! And instead of doing this job properly so I can earn something, I have to spend my time listening to you arguing.”

I searched for words, “Nick, I’m sorry-”

“Stop apologizing and change!” The green-skinned boy looked at me. “You’re all so damn privileged you can’t even imagine what it’s like for the rest of us.”

Rixen chuckled, “I spent seventeen years of my lives starving. Don’t assume you know everything.”

“Really?” Nick snapped. “Are you still doing this? You tried to take over the damn throne and the King pardoned you and patted you on the head because killing you would look bad. If I tried to take over the throne, the King would cut off my balls and dangle with them in front of the whole world.”

Rixen shut up, shame covering his expression.

“Honestly, the only one worth saving here is Torvald.” Nick mumbled. “And he’s the only one dying because he tried to break the cycle of tyranny. How is that fair? How is any of this fair?”

Ace stepped out of the forest, “Life is not fair, little boy.”

“And you!” Nick didn’t even bat an eye as he turned towards Ace. “We get that you’re a disappointed, tortured soul but it doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole. I followed you all around Balr, I drank with you, and you tell me you don’t give a shit about my story? Fuck you! Fuck all of you!”

The mage stared ahead, for once keeping his mouth shut.

“Nick?” I whispered.

The green-skinned boy narrowed his eyes towards me.

“Do you want me to prepare more boar for you?”

Danilo opened his mouth, “Irina, we have to be careful with out food.”

I eyed the knight.

Nick crossed his hands on his chest, “I would very much like more boar.”

“Ugh, Torvald.” Torvald said as the warthog stole the last piece of meat from his hands.

I chuckled, “How about we all have more boar?”

“I want the best part.” Nick pouted.

“I’d like some, too.” Ace said. “If I’m still welcome around the table.”

“Alright,” Rixen came closer, “Let’s eat.”

This time, when the food was prepared, we were all there. We listened to each other’s stories and shared the bag of liquor. The rest of the world did not know we were alive, which made us so utterly alone.

But we had each other. And for once, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else in the world.