The Bully (Calamity Montana)
The Bully: Chapter 18

DON’T STARE AT CAL. Don’t stare at Cal.

My gaze found him instantly. He was pushing Elias on the swing set in Pierce and Kerrigan’s yard, and my traitorous heart melted as they shared a smile.

Damn it, Nellie.

“Here you go.” Larke appeared at my side with two cold White Claws.

I took mine, popped the top and chugged.

She gave me a sideways look. “Are you okay?”

“Great! Just hot,” I lied as the smell of smoke and burgers wafted from the grill.

Pierce and Kerrigan were hosting a summer barbeque at their house today, and their sprawling deck was crowded with happy people.

I’d showed up, expecting not to know many, but I’d made quite a few acquaintances during my time in Calamity. Nearly all the faces were familiar. Kerrigan was sitting on a lounge chair beneath a patio umbrella with the baby in her arms. Constance’s sleeping face was shaded by her floppy pink hat.

Pierce stood with a spatula in his hand at the barbeque, talking with the huddle of men who’d joined him.

Two Grays Peak families had arrived last week and this was doubling as a Welcome to Calamity party. There’d be more festivities as more of our team moved. It would be nice to go to work on Monday morning with familiar coworkers in the office.

Everyone wore a smile and sunscreen.

Meanwhile, I felt like I was about to come out of my skin. Because of course Cal was here. I’d had days to brace for this afternoon, but I still wasn’t ready to face him.

It had been five days since the Winnebago. Since I’d made the idiotic decision to swing by and hit him up for sex.

Loneliness had steered me to the motel that day. Work had been hectic, and on my drive home, I’d called my parents but neither had answered. Somehow, I’d convinced myself that if Cal was set on staying in Calamity, why not get some orgasms out of the deal? Why not benefit from his hot body?

Then I’d found him with my diary. I’d known from a single glance that it was one of my old journals.

I wasn’t even that mad. It irritated me that he’d stolen it from my house, but it hadn’t enraged me like it would have years ago. What did that mean?

Ironically, he’d chosen the worst of all my diaries. As the school years had progressed, Cal had become less and less of a headache. An annoying crumb on an otherwise clean countertop, but my studies had taken the bulk of my attention while his focus had stayed on football. Our interactions had been in the random shared classroom and the silent occasional passing in Benton’s hallways.

Cal could have read all of my diaries, and I wouldn’t have really cared. There wasn’t anything in those journals that he didn’t already know.

Maybe I should be angrier. Maybe I should have resisted the temptation. But he’d kissed me and everything had changed.

Or maybe that kiss had made me realize things had changed four years ago. It had changed the night I’d left my hotel room in Charlotte and walked to his.

The end of this fling was inevitable. But as usual, we’d avoid that uncomfortable conversation by avoiding each other.

Was that why he’d brought a date to this barbeque? To have a buffer?

Cal had walked in twenty minutes ago with Harry on his arm. The older woman was standing next to Kerrigan’s parents, and when she glanced my way, I smiled, having officially met her earlier.

She’d waltzed onto the deck and had ordered him to fetch her a drink, which he’d done without argument. Then she’d introduced herself, rubbing her elbow to mine, before pulling Larke into a hug.

What had she meant with that elbow rub? Had she heard us together in the Winnebago? Or had Cal talked about me?

I found him again, helping Elias off the swing. The boy raced through the yard toward a football on the grass. He swept it up and gave it his hardest throw. It went about three feet, but Cal cheered and clapped like Elias had thrown it seventeen yards.

It had been so much easier to keep Cal at a distance when I’d thought he was awful to children. Why couldn’t he be mean to kids? And the elderly? Why couldn’t he have stayed on the opposite end of the country?

But when he was this close, when he looked so good in a pair of faded jeans and a simple white T-shirt, when I knew there was a softness he refused to show the world, how was I supposed to resist? Cal wasn’t wearing a hat or sunglasses today. He had no reason to hide because this was a safe place.

I was glad he’d found a safe place. I only wished it wasn’t mine too.

“Nellie.” Larke nudged my elbow, drawing my attention.

“Huh?” I tore my gaze from Cal.

“Okay, what is going on? You’ve been staring at him since you got here.”

“Ugh.” My shoulders slumped, and I turned my back to the yard so my gaze couldn’t wander. “Things are a little bit complicated at the moment.”

Larke inched closer. “You and Cal?”

I nodded, staring past her to Pierce. As far as I knew, he didn’t have a clue that I’d been sleeping with Cal for years. And this barbeque was not the time to divulge our secret relationship.

“I hate him.” There was no conviction in my words, so I gulped the rest of my drink. “I’m having one more.”

“Have two. If you need a ride home, I’ll be your designated driver. Then you can tell me everything.”

“Okay.” I smiled at her and disappeared into the house, going for the beverage fridge.

Pierce didn’t need coolers for his summer barbeque. No, he’d just stocked the industrial-sized fridge in their pantry with every kind of beverage imaginable. The pantry that was the size of my bedroom and not only had a spare fridge but also a wine cooler and freezer. Their kitchen was equally as impressive as was the rest of the massive home.

The money Pierce made was staggering. This was a level of wealth I struggled to comprehend, even after years of working for his company. I definitely hadn’t understood the enormity of it when I’d been in high school.

I’d always known the other kids were rich. Cal and Pierce and Phoebe McAdams. But it hadn’t been until I’d started with Grays Peak that I’d realized just what millions—billions—could buy.

Sure, I’d helped Dad mow the lawns of extremely wealthy people, the Starks included. But I’d never set foot in Cal’s home. From the exterior, it had simply been massive. There’d been pools and saunas and tennis courts and guesthouses bigger than my actual home.

But when you stepped inside, it was like stepping into another world.

I gave Kerrigan the credit for giving this house its homey feel. She grounded Pierce. He could buy her every star in the heavens but all she really needed were the people who lived inside these walls. All she wanted was a normal life. It was why he stood outside flipping burgers. Elias’s artwork decorated the fridge. A few stray toys were scattered across the island. Beside the fridge was a baby bottle drying rack.

This was a home. A family.

Being happy yet envious of your friends was hard.

“Hey.” Kerrigan came inside with Constance in the crook of her arm. “Thanks for coming today.”

“Of course.” I smiled as she went to the actual fridge in the kitchen, pulling out a bowl of salad with one hand. “What can I do to help?”

“Would you hold her?” she asked, walking over with the baby.

“Yes, please.”

Constance stirred for a second as Kerrigan transferred her to my arms, but after pursing her tiny, pink lips, she went right back to sleep as I traced my finger over her smooth, precious cheek.

Aunt Nellie. I could live with that job. Pierce was an only child, and I could be his honorary sister.

“Want to go get pedicures tomorrow?” Kerrigan asked. “I feel like we haven’t had much time to visit since you moved here. I miss you, and Larke keeps bragging about the time you’re spending together, and I’ve been getting jealous.”

I laughed. “Yes, pedicures sound wonderful. I have zero plans tomorrow except mowing my lawn.”

Maybe Cal would run by again.

Maybe not.

“Okay, I think this is everything,” Kerrigan said as she surveyed the island covered with bowls and plates and platters. “Do you think we’ll have enough food?”

“You could feed all of Calamity,” I teased.

“I was so excited to have everyone here I went overboard.” She shrugged. “You’ll take leftovers, right?”

“Sure.” I snuggled Constance closer. “Why don’t you eat first? I’ll keep her.”

“I’m starving, so I won’t argue.”

As she waved everyone inside to start filling plates, I shuffled to the deck, my gaze glued to the yard.

Elias was racing across the grass, his legs pumping as he looked over his shoulder, giggling as Cal chased him. Their laughter filled the air.

“Gotcha!” Cal swept Elias off his feet and tossed him in the air.

“Unka Cal!” Elias squealed as Cal threw him again.

Unka Cal. Elias didn’t call me Aunt Nellie. But that boy loved Cal. Wholeheartedly.

Tears flooded my eyes, and I blinked furiously to keep them from falling.

I loved Cal too.

Somewhere along the way, I’d fallen for Cal Stark.

Except it wasn’t a love that came with smiles and laughter and promises of happily ever after. One-sided affection was the worst kind of heartache. A deep, black hole formed in my chest, and if I didn’t have this baby girl in my arms, I might have let the pain take me to my knees.

But I stayed on my feet, my eyes on the yard.

Cal set Elias down, then glanced toward the house. Our eyes locked.

Elias raced up to the deck’s stairs, barreling past me for the kitchen and chaos.

I stayed locked on the man in the lawn.

The man who hadn’t been with another woman in four years. What did that mean?

Finding him reading my diary had been a shock, but his confession? Cal was a puzzle and no matter how many times I shifted the pieces, turning and testing, I couldn’t make them fit together.

He was a superstar with sex at his disposal. Sure, we’d hooked up on occasion, but it hadn’t been a regular fling. How many women had thrown themselves at Cal’s feet since our first hookup in Charlotte? Had he really turned them away? For what? Me?

Unless his abstinence between our encounters had been for another reason. Superstition maybe? Football players were strange about their habits, and after Charlotte, the Titans had gone on a winning streak that had led them to the Super Bowl.

I’d gone to that game too, wearing the opposing team’s jersey once more. And once more, after the game, I’d knocked on his hotel room’s door.

Cal was a different lover after a win.

He was more playful. More demanding. More experimental.

A shiver raced down my spine, and I tore my eyes away, retreating to the house. I felt him enter the kitchen, his presence impossible to ignore.

His shoulder skimmed mine as he passed me for the pantry, disappearing for a moment before returning with a bottle of water.

“Cal, will you bring me one of those?” Harry asked, taking her plate heaped with food toward the deck where people were replaceing seats on chairs and the patio tables.

“Sure.” He ducked into the pantry once more, and again, brushed his shoulder against mine as he passed by.

I swallowed hard, forcing air into my lungs.

How could he touch me like everything was normal? Like I didn’t want him, only him? Like this wasn’t going to end in a bloody mess?

The lump in my throat was choking me but I was smiling, the picture of contentment. Cal wasn’t the only one good at a fake.

Why him?

Pierce’s gaze darted my way as he scooped a spoonful of potato salad onto the plate he was making for Elias. The spoon froze midair. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I smiled wider.

“Nellie.”

I shook my head, tucking my chin to watch the baby so he wouldn’t see the tears in my eyes. Two fortifying breaths and I raised my face, shoulders back, chin held high.

Never let them see you hurting.

It had taken a couple of years to grow a thick skin, but that had been my motto junior and senior year at Benton. I hadn’t really shed the layers since.

“I’m good.” I turned my attention through the windows.

Cal was smiling down at Harry as she lifted her water to him, asking for him to twist open the top. One fast swoop and it was off. Then he patted her shoulder with a teasing grin stretched across his mouth.

She elbowed him in the thigh, making the whole table laugh.

Cal tried to disguise it with a glower but he adored Harry. He treasured Elias. He’d die for Pierce.

Why did he let these other people in? Why did he show them his heart? Yet I was just the woman warming his bed?

I was just the woman who hated him.

Like he could sense my stare, he glanced up, staring at me through the window. Was that how it would always be between us? Always a barrier? Always a distance?

“Why don’t you put her in the swing in the living room?” Pierce asked, nodding that direction. “We’ll hear her if she cries. Then you can eat while the burgers are hot.”

“Okay.” The strength to keep myself together was beginning to fail, so I retreated to the swing, strapping Constance into the cradle and setting it to a gentle sway. But instead of eating, I disappeared down the hallway for the closest bathroom.

The moment the door clicked shut behind me, the tears burst past the dam. One burned hot down my cheek before I could squeeze my eyes shut. I wiped my cheek dry, dragging in a burning breath, then another before facing myself in the mirror.

“Why him?” I asked my reflection.

The sad woman on the other side of the glass had no answer.

A sob escaped, and I slapped a hand over my mouth. The door’s knob turned and then there he was, the subject of my heartache.

“Ever heard of knocking?” I asked, my voice shaky.

Cal eased his large body into the bathroom while I turned on the faucet, letting my hair fall forward to shield my face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing.”

He reached around me, touching the tip of my nose. “Your nose twitches when you lie.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Yes, it did. My mother’s did the same.

Cal shut off the water, then took my shoulders and turned me away from the mirror, studying my face. “Nell.”

“Don’t.” The concern in his voice and in his sparkling eyes would snap the thread I was desperately trying to hold.

His hands shifted to my face, cupping my jaw.

“Don’t.” I glared up at him. Where was the man who’d fight me at every turn? The man who’d make fun of my hair or clothes. The man who’d call me a secretary. That was the Cal I needed in this bathroom.

“Stop.” He sighed, then dropped his lips to mine.

Damn him for kissing me.

Damn me for kissing him back.

Rising on my toes, I stroked my tongue along his lower lip, hoping to spur him on. Hoping that if I pushed him enough, we’d strip each other down and he’d fuck me in this bathroom. Then I could use sex to put up a barrier.

Except he wasn’t playing, not today. Normally I could count on him to take the lead, but he pulled away, his lips wet. The concern still etched on his face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I waved him off, spinning out of his hold for the sink. I gave myself a moment to stare at the handcrafted bar of soap on a stone dish. When I looked up, Cal’s gaze was waiting through the mirror.

It begged for the truth.

And I didn’t have the energy to hide it. Not anymore.

“Why do you let them in and not me?” I whispered.

“Because you hate me.”

“Do I?”

He swallowed hard. “You need to hate me. It’s better that way.”

Better. Because then he could use me when he needed to get laid. Because if I hated him, he could stay behind his walls where it was safe. Where he’d open the door to certain people, but I was not one of the chosen few.

It was high school all over again, and I was still the outcast.

“I hate that you’re a coward.” I stood straighter, watching through the mirror as my words hit their mark.

“Yep.” He nodded and put on that impassive face I’d seen for years.

“I hate that you’re a fraud.”

He nodded again.

“I hate that you made me not hate you.” My nose began to sting as angry tears warned. I needed to get the hell out of this bathroom. “Get out of my way.”

He dropped his chin, shuffling backward two steps, giving me enough space to escape.

I slipped through the house and snuck out the front door, rushing to my car parked in the driveway. A row of vehicles bordered the private lane as I sped away from the house. Sheer disappointment—in Cal, in myself—kept the tears at bay.

How could I have been so stupid?

I pounded my fist on the steering wheel at the turn onto the highway. I’d let myself cry when I got home. I’d ugly cry my makeup off. No one was there to hear. No one was there to care.

I’d go home to a quiet, empty house and be . . . alone.

This was not the life I’d hoped for when I’d packed my belongings for Calamity. How could I live here if he stayed? Could I really see Cal at Saturday afternoon barbeques? Or pass him on the street?

Maybe this had been his plan all along. Maybe he’d wanted me to fall in love with him because he knew if he broke my heart, I’d give up.

“He wins.”

Two words I’d promised myself I’d never say.