The Foiled Plan (War of Sins Book 2)
The Foiled Plan: Chapter 12

The single bed is a tight fit. Our bodies are pressed together as he spoons me from behind, his erection digging into my backside. His arm tightens around me, his head in the crook of my neck, and I can’t help the sigh of contentment that escapes my lips.

‘You feel right at home in my arms,’ he murmurs as he nibbles at my ear.

‘I feel at home,’ I whisper shyly as I let myself melt into him.

‘Can you forgive me?’ he asks as he lays a kiss on my shoulder.

‘Forgive you for what?’ I frown.

‘For being an idiot and not realizing you were bothered by Sisi,’ he starts, his mouth on my skin, his breath brushing against me and making me shiver. ‘But most of all for everything I put you through before.’

‘Do you mean it?’

He pauses.

‘Of course I do. Noelle,’ he sighs. ‘I behaved like an ass, I know that. I put you through hell because of my fucking self-righteousness and I can’t tell you how much I regret that.’

I reach to touch his hand, giving it a quick squeeze.

‘Do better in the future,’ I tell him. ‘I can’t tell you I forgive everything because some things aren’t that easy to forget…’ I trail off, taking a deep breath. ‘What you did to me in that dark room… You have no idea how close you were to breaking me, Raf. Really breaking me.’

‘Noelle,’ his anguished voice caresses my ears, and I just close my eyes, letting myself be surrounded by it. ‘I don’t know how I can make it up for that. But I can promise you to try. Make you feel secure with me and trust me until you can forgive me for it.’

‘Spell it out for me. What exactly are you proposing?’ I ask resolutely, wanting to hear in no uncertain terms what he wants.

‘A real marriage.’ His mouth continues to trail light kisses over my skin. ‘I want us to have a real marriage.’

I swallow.

‘Even though I may never be able to have children?’

‘Regardless,’ he answers immediately.

‘Surely you’ll want them in the future and you know I may not be able to give that to you…’

‘Don’t. Don’t tell me what I want, Noelle. Because, quite frankly, there’s only one thing that I want and that is you. There’s something between us…,’ he pauses, taking a deep breath. ‘Something incredibly special, and I’m not giving up on you,’ he states with quiet conviction.

‘Raf…’

‘Give me a chance,’ he pleads. ‘Please.’

Turning, I bring my eyes to his, the sincerity in his gaze confirming he is serious.

‘There is something between us. Something I can’t explain,’ I admit. ‘That kiss… I didn’t know I wasn’t whole until you kissed me and put me back together.’

‘I felt it too,’ he whispers, cupping my cheek. ‘From the beginning I’ve felt something for you. I disguised it with hate because I didn’t want to admit to myself that you made me feel things I’d never felt before,’ he confesses, and more questions arise in my mind.

‘Not even with Lucero?’ I tentatively ask, immediately beating myself for going there.

I don’t want to ruin this moment, but as I watch his expression tighten, I fear I may already have.

He doesn’t answer for a moment. But then he shakes his head.

My mouth parts in shock.

‘What I had with Lucero was completely different,’ he smiles ruefully. ‘But that’s in the past. You’re my future,’ he swipes his thumb on my cheek in a gentle gesture, his eyes conveying everything I needed to know.

‘Were you…’ I try to think of a way to frame my question without coming across as desperate. ‘Were you ever intimate with her?’

His eyes widen.

I hear the beat of my heart as it drums in my chest, the anticipation for his answer killing me. Because I don’t want to be compared to her. I don’t want to be in her shadow forever, regardless of his assurances.

‘No,’ he replies, and it’s my turn to be surprised.

While I’d asked the question because the curiosity was killing me, I never expected him to say no.

‘No?’

‘You know how the hacienda was structured. I was mostly in my cell, and the few times I was let out I was always supervised. We only met in person a couple of times.’

‘Then how did you spend time together?’

‘We spoke through the wall of my cell. She would often come to keep me company.’ A smile appears on his face, and I try to rein my jealousy in. ‘Mentally, she was the only thing that kept me going,’ he confesses.

I take his hand in mine, bringing it to my lips.

‘I’m glad you had her,’ I tell him sincerely. Though the jealousy is killing me, there is the undeniable fact that few survived under Sergio’s care. The fact that he had… I can only thank Lucero for being there for him.

‘I don’t want you to worry about her. She’s dead, and I promise you she’s in the past.’ His voice is full of sincerity, but doubts still plague my mind.

‘But the mystery of her death…’ And the fact that time and time again he’s accused me of killing everyone at the hacienda. How do we move on from that?

‘We may never know,’ he purses his lips. ‘Maybe you’ll remember at some point, but I don’t want you to force yourself. More than anything, I want you to know I was wrong to blame you of such heinous crimes with circumstantial evidence at best.’

My eyes flare in shock.

‘I know it now. You could never be capable of something like that. It’s simply not in you. And I know sorry doesn’t quite cut it, but I will continue to try and make up for my mistakes and my hurtful accusations,’ he adds sincerely.

I nod, though I am still apprehensive.

‘I will be honest, Raf. I am wary about this. I don’t want to be second best to anyone. I don’t want to put all my hopes into you, fall for you just to realize you’ll never be able to match my feelings.’

‘Don’t,’ his tone is curt. ‘Don’t think that. I told you that everything was different with Lucero.’

I wet my lips as I look at him, a little apprehensive about the topic.

‘What about before? What about the women you were with before? I told you I’m not experienced. I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m afraid you’ll end up disappointed with me,’ I admit reluctantly.

‘Hell, woman,’ he groans. ‘You blew my mind with one kiss. I don’t know if it can get better than that.’

I blink, taken aback by the vehemence behind his voice.

‘You’re perfect for me, Noelle. Absolutely perfect,’ he says as he brings me closer to his body, his lips suddenly on my forehead.

‘But what if I don’t measure up?’ I ask in a whisper, my insecurities getting the better of me.

‘You don’t have to worry about that, because there’s no one you have to measure up to,’ his breath is on my skin as he skims kisses all over my face.

‘What… What do you mean?’

‘I haven’t been with a woman before,’ he admits, and I pull away, trying to gauge his expression.

‘You’re lying,’ I accuse.

Because that is something I can’t wrap my head around.

‘Not lying,’ the corner of his mouth pulls up.

‘But… But… You’re you,’ I say, scandalized.

‘Me?’ His eyes crinkle with amusement.

‘You’re handsome, and strong and….’ I trail off when I see him watch me with a lazy smile on his face.

‘Do go on,’ he drawls.

‘Ugh,’ I punch him lightly in the shoulder. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘I’m glad you think so.’ He brings my fist to his mouth for a light kiss. ‘But you don’t have to look so surprised. All my life I tried to go under the radar, so women were the last thing on my mind. Then I got sold… And you know the rest.’

‘But it’s been two years,’ I whisper.

‘I didn’t have any interest in it.’ He shrugs, as if he didn’t just blow my mind with his revelation. ‘Until you started shaking that little ass of yours in front of me, that is,’ he chuckles. ‘I’ve been sporting a hard-on day and night ever since.’

He’s never slept with a woman before… The realization slowly seeps in, and a foreign feeling unfurls in my chest—longing, want, but something else. A sense of possessiveness that’s entirely antithetic to my usual self.

He’s never touched another woman. And now, he never will.

‘Then how are you so confident?’ I ask, perplexed. I’ve never met someone more charming and confident than him. And his words… I get the urge to fan myself just thinking about the things he’d said to me on the dance floor.

‘I may not have firsthand experience. But I’ve already fucked you a thousand times in my head,’ he smirks. ‘I’ve dreamed up all the ways I would take you. Hard and fast like an animal,’ he pauses as his eyes drift to my chest and lower, ‘slow and passionate…’

A blush travels up my neck before staining my cheeks as I lower my gaze, embarrassed by his words.

‘I’ll make love to you and treat you like the goddess you are,’ he says as he tugs a strand of hair behind my ears. ‘But I’ll also fuck you like the bad, bad girl you are,’ he drags his hand over my face and down my neck, pressing his fingers over my pulse point. ‘I’ll make you scream, and I’ll make you beg,’ he rasps. ‘You awaken an animalistic side of me, Noelle. One that I never knew I had.’

I draw in a swift breath, my pulse quickening.

‘But I think you rather like that, don’t you?’ he drawls in that seductive voice of his, and I have a hard time holding off the shudder that racks my body. ‘You like to submit to me,’ he caresses my skin lightly. ‘You like being at my mercy. You like being mine.‘

Biting my lip, I give a quick nod.

‘I want to belong to you,’ I admit softly. It’s what I’ve wanted from the beginning.

‘You already do,’ he smiles. ‘You’ll be the first and only woman I take to my bed. Because once you’re there, I will never let you go,’ his voice thickens and I bring my gaze to his, my hand cupping his as it rests against my neck.

‘I wish you were my first too,’ I sigh. ‘Even though I don’t remember…’

‘I’ll be your last,’ he interrupts. ‘And I’ll be the only one you remember,’ his voice is full of confidence as he tips my chin up. ‘I’ll be the only one to worship your body and care for you like you were meant to be cared for—like a fucking goddess. Because that’s what you’ll be to me. My goddess.’

The intensity of his gaze frightens me, but I can’t look away.

I don’t think anything could make me look away.

‘We’ll take it slow,’ he amends, his voice softening—almost as if he doesn’t want to scare me. ‘We’ll become comfortable with each other and learn each other’s bodies.’ He brushes the back of his hand down my front. ‘I won’t pressure you for anything. Ever.‘

‘You’re so good to me,’ I smile. ‘I just don’t want to disappoint you.’

‘You could not disappoint me if you tried, Noelle,’ he chuckles. ‘Every little touch you allow me and I’m already a lucky bastard,’ he winks at me. ‘Although… I have one question. Call it an errant curiosity,’ he smiles sheepishly when he sees my confusion.

‘What?’

‘What did Cisco mean about prostitution charges?’

My features contort in mortification when he brings that up.

‘That’s so embarrassing,’ I groan as I place my hands on my face, hiding in shame. ‘I swear it wasn’t like that,’ I add immediately, proceeding to explain what had happened. ‘It was during my small rebellion phase. I only went to this club because I knew it would piss Cisco off. I was in the bathroom, and I saw a few women doing their make-up. Now, I wasn’t familiar with clubs and club etiquette, and they seemed to know what they were doing, so I asked them to teach me their ways.’ I cringe as I say it out loud.

‘I gather they mistook what ways you were asking about,’ he says drily, though as I peek at him, it’s to see him hold back a laugh.

I nod.

‘They started telling me some stuff, but there was a police bust and everyone was taken to the station. Somehow I ended up lumped with them,’ I shrug, though that stint at the police station hadn’t been entirely pleasant. Especially since it hadn’t been my first time there.

‘Cisco must have lost it,’ he muses.

‘He did. He started being more overbearing than usual,’ I roll my eyes. ‘And in turn I tried to cause more trouble for him. I know it was immature, but it was the only way I could get a reaction from him—from anyone,’ I sigh.

Suddenly his arms are around me, holding me tight and offering me the comfort of his embrace.

‘Was it very hard?’ he asks in a low whisper.

‘I felt like a stranger in my own body—in my own life,’ I confess. ‘I had no one to talk to and I felt like no one cared about me.’

Taking a deep breath, I ask something that’s been on my mind for the longest time. Something I hadn’t wanted to dwell on, but is part of the reality I replace myself in.

‘Is it bad of me that I don’t want to think about the baby? Or talk about it?’ He doesn’t answer as he waits for me to continue. ‘Sometimes it doesn’t even feel real. I don’t remember sleeping with someone, let alone conceiving a child and…giving birth.’

I refrain from mentioning there is no way it could have been consensual. And remembering something like that… I don’t think I could bear it. It might be messed up, but sometimes I’m glad I can only remember Sergio’s beatings and nothing else. But if that wasn’t bad enough to forget… God knows what else happened to me.

‘Your feelings are valid, Noelle. Never doubt that. I didn’t tell you so that you could blame yourself for it, or to cause you unnecessary pain. But you’re entitled to know things that still affect your body.’

I give a brisk nod. Yet another reason why Raf is so special to me. He’s never lied or hidden things from me—unlike my own family.

‘I never realized that the pain was abnormal. I guess remembering the past could put a lot of things into perspective. But I’m not sure I want to.’

‘Then don’t,’ he says staunchly. ‘Forget the past. We’ll focus only on the future.’

I give him a strained smile.

If only it were as easy as that. But I don’t say it out loud. I snuggle deeper in his embrace, listening to his deep voice and the way it makes my body sing with pleasure. There’s something addictive about his timbre and its ability to affect me so.

‘Please don’t break my heart,’ my voice almost breaks as I utter the words, giving him a peek into my vulnerability. ‘I want to give this a chance. But I want it to be a relationship between equals. I know that in our world it’s almost unheard of, but I don’t want you making decisions for me or keeping me in the dark. So please… Don’t lie to me. Don’t hide things from me and…’ I drift off.

‘And?’

‘If I’m yours, then you’re mine too. No others. Not now, not ever,’ I imbue confidence in my words so that he realizes I’m serious about this.

I’m tired of being an afterthought. For the first time, I am going to be greedy and ask for everything.

I’ll give him all of me. But only if he gives me all of himself too.