The Girl Next Door
The Boy Next Door Chapter 49

It's past two and I still haven't heard from Colton.

I wish he would, at the very least, shoot me a text. Or give me a quick call. Anything at this point. I just want to know that everything is all right.

That he's all right.

As I push through the lobby door of the apartment building and hustle down the cement walkway, I slide my phone from my pocket and peek at it for the umpteenth time in the last thirty minutes.

I really wish he would have let me come with for moral support. He shot that idea down pretty quickly when I had offhandedly mentioned it. I could have sat in the car and waited for him.

Ugh. I sound like a needy girlfriend right about now. And you know what? We're not even going out.

It's just...

I feel like after all these years, Colton is finally allowing me a glimpse into who he truly is as a person. I'm only beginning to understand him. What I'm most afraid of is that this meeting with Candance is going to somehow close the door on that and we'll backpedal. I can't deal with him shutting down on me again and closing me out. If Colton really wants a relationship with me, then he needs to open up and let me in.

And that, unfortunately, is easier said than done.

I've got about twenty minutes to make the walk to campus for class. Just as I reach the edge of the parking lot, a glint of metallic grey catches the corner of my eye and my footsteps stutter as I turn to take a closer look.

Sure enough. Colton's metallic grey BMW is sitting in the lot.

He's back? And he didn't bother to call or text?

Hurt floods through me. It shouldn't. But that doesn't change the fact that it does. As I continue to stare, lost in my own thoughts, the driver's side door opens, and Colton unfolds himself from inside.

One glimpse of his face is all it takes for me to realize that whatever happened with Candance wasn't good. Even from this distance, there's a look of sadness filling his eyes. His mouth is a tight s***h across his face and his body vibrates with restlessness. Almost as if there is something inside him trying to claw its way out.

My heart clenches. My first impulse is to go to him, to take him in my arms and comfort him, but...

I have no idea if that's what he wants.

Or needs.

Those thoughts are slammed home when his gaze flicks up and locks on mine. There's a fleeting moment of surprise before it's tucked away behind an expressionless mask.

When he stays frozen in place, I raise my hand in tentative greeting. His legs eat up the space between us before he stops a couple of feet away.

I swallow down my disappointment when he doesn't reach out and wrap his arms around me. Up close, his features look even more haunted. If he would give me a little sign that he wanted me to make the first move, I would.

Instead, I stay rooted in place. "Hi."

"Hey."

I glance at the car. "You just got back?"

"Yeah." He plows a hand through his hair before muttering, "I should go. I'm late for practice. I don't need to give Coach any more reason to bench my a*s."

He takes a step and the question bursts from me before I can stop it. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." There's a monotone quality to his voice. One that scares me. It's like he's a million miles away and there's no way for me to reach him.

I bite down on my lower lip before asking, "I could walk with you to the field." Hesitantly, I close the space between us. "We could talk on the way." I don't care if that will make me late for class. It no longer seems important. "I appreciate the offer, but right now, I just want to be alone."

There's really nothing more I can say to that.

"Sure, I get it." My shoulders slump under the weight of the moment. Even though it feels like we've moved been slowly inching our way into unchartered territory with this relationship, it now feels like we're taking a gigantic step back. And there's nothing I can do to change that. Colton shifts impatiently as if he can't get away from me fast enough. "We'll talk later, okay?"

One long-legged stride puts an ocean of distance between us. If I wanted, I could leap forward and close the physical distance between us but that wouldn't change the emotional gulf that has developed in a few short hours. That, I have no idea how to breech. I don't even know if it's possible. Colton is good at closing people off. He's spent his entire life doing it. And that's exactly what he's doing now.

A shiver of unease scampers down my spine. "Yeah, sure. No problem." Pathetically, I add, "Call me."

He jerks his head toward the building. "Bye."

Before I have a chance to lift my hand, he disappears inside the glass door into the lobby without another look in my direction.

I can only stare as sadness wells inside me.

****

Even though I should be plowing through this work-that is why, after all, I dragged Mia to library this evening-I'm staring off into space, lost in the tangle of my own thoughts. I can't concentrate to save my life. And that's exactly what I can't afford to be doing. I have a test on Friday and paper that needs to be outlined if I'm going to get it done on time. Between fifteen credits, getting time in the studio, and teaching a couple of classes, I've got a jam-packed schedule and more than enough to keep my busy so that I don't dwell on the Colton situation.

But guess what?

I can't stop dwelling on the Colton situation.

I give myself a good mental slap before refocusing my attention on the computer screen in front of me. Everything in me deflates as I read over the paragraph on the screen. I'm pissed that I allowed my advisor talk me into this upper-level psych course. I thought it would be a blowoff class that would allow me to focus on dance.

That hasn't turned out to be the case. The professor is actually a real hard a*s.

Now I'm stuck writing a ten-page paper on the measurement of critical thinking.

The measurement of what?

Exactly.

Unfortunately, it's much too late to switch classes and pick up something else. And I can't drop it unless I want to take eighteen credits next semester. Especially when I'll be busy with my final spring showcase. So, I'm stuck with this class for the duration.

When I huff out a breath, Mia glances up from her laptop. "You okay?"

That is a loaded question. One I'm not even sure how to answer.

"Yup." There's a beat of silence. "Why?"

She shrugs and sits back in her chair before stretching. We've been here for almost two hours and my back is feeling it. I glance at my screen and am even more dismayed to realize that I've done barely anything. Ugh. I just blew two hours of prime study time.

"You just seem," her brows draw together, "preoccupied."

Oh, I sped past preoccupied doing ninety on the freeway. I'm way past that now.

I drag a hand over my face and try to shake off everything that's been weighing me down this week. Truth be told, I haven't wanted to examine the reasons for that because deep down, I know exactly what the issue is. My teeth sink into my lower lip as I decide what to do. I have yet to come clean to Mia about Colton. Then again, is there really anything to come clean about? He's done exactly what I was afraid of and pushed me away.

It's like déjà vu all over again and it leaves a pit sitting in my belly. One that hasn't budged in days.

"So," I hedge, a little nervous about how she'll react, "I haven't exactly been honest with you."

Her brows rise as she pushes her computer to the side. "About what?"

More like who.

"Colton-"

"I knew it!" She pokers up in her chair and stabs a finger at me from across the table that separates us. "I knew something was going on! I could sense a disturbance in the force."

I wince at the accusatory tone filling her voice. So much for her taking this in stride. I really should have known better. "I'm sorry. I should have been straight up with you."

She folds her arms across her chest. "Why weren't you?"

I shrug and glance away. "After the way our relationship ended the first time, I felt like an i***t for getting caught up in him again."

"He really hurt you, Lys. I don't want to see that happen again. You left for a year because of him."

"That's not totally true," I mumble. All right, so maybe it's true. I wouldn't have even considered the study abroad program had Colton not unceremoniously dumped my a*s. Although now I have a better understanding of why he did it. "So what's going on now?" There's a beat of silence followed up by another question. "Are you two a thing?"

"If you'd asked me a week ago, I could have given you an answer but now?" I shrug. "I don't know."

"What happened?"

As tempted as I am to confide in Mia about Colton and his family, it's his private business. The last thing I want to do is spread around gossip. Only now has he really started opening up to me, giving me a glimpse into the demons he struggles with. As much as I hate the way he pushed me away sophomore year, I get it. Every time I think about the pain and wariness he carries around with him, it breaks my heart all over again.

The unavoidable conclusion that I've drawn from his recent behavior is that he's going to do it again. He's withing from me again. Maybe not consciously but that seems to be his modus operandi that he so easily falls back into.

"It's just something personal," I finally offer by way of explanation even though it isn't one.

She nods, eyes clouding.

In a way, Mia can understand and probably appreciate someone else not wanting to air their dirty laundry for everyone to talk about. There's been enough bullshit with her own family. Especially right now.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm not sure. Colton has been really distant this week." And that has everything to do with his mother and what happened when they met for coffee. Even though Colton has been pretty tight-lipped about the meeting, it's obvious that it didn't go the way he'd hoped it would. The pain that had radiated from his eyes when we'd ran into him in the parking lot had been like a knife to my heart. All I had wanted to do was pull him into my arms and offer comfort, but he had refused it.

"You need to talk to him and get it figured out before it goes any further. If Colton can't be the guy you need him to, then it's time to cut your losses and move on. For real this time. I know that sounds harsh, but you deserve better."

I swallow down the thick lump that has become wedged in the middle of my throat.

She's not telling me anything that I don't already know.

As much as I've always had a thing for Colton, I'm beginning to doubt that he can be the man I need him to. And that's not a knock on him. It's just the way it is.

Decision made, I grab my phone from the table and tap on Colton's name before hastily typing out a message and hitting send before I can overthink it. Are you busy? Can we talk?

My heart pounds a painful staccato against my ribcage as three little bubbles appear.

Can't right now.

Any hope that we could make this fledging relationship work crashes back to earth before exploding upon impact. As much as I want to make this work, as hard as I'm willing to work, I can't do it alone. That's not the way relationships work. Not real ones. The ones that survive. If Colton is unwilling to open up and let me in...

Then I guess the decision has been made for me.