The Return of the Lifebringer (Children of the Sun Book 3)
Chapter 21

Mel sniffed as he took Kaleth’s hand into his own. He’d done what he could with cleaning and dressing Kaleth’s wound, and he thought he’d done an okay job even though he barely had any medical praxis, but Mel didn’t think it really mattered. The wound was healed up enough now for Kaleth not to be bleeding. Not even a little. It wasn’t the wound keeping him unconscious, Mel was sure of that, but he had no idea what to do with that information. He wished he could at least get some kind of sign that would tell him Kaleth was going to be okay. Just anything at all. Mel blinked as his eyes started to burn.

He should never have let Kaleth get hurt. He should have flown to him more quickly. He should have…. He should have done more.

Swallowing, Mel wiped his eyes as tears rolled down his cheeks. His heart hurt so much. He really just wanted to hide somewhere and cry, but he couldn’t bear even thinking about leaving Kaleth’s side. He knew it was ridiculous, but he felt like if he wasn’t there, Kaleth might…get worse. Even though no matter where in this base he went, he would feel their connection, no matter how weak it was right now, and he would know Kaleth was alive and safe.

Mel sighed, closing his eyes and trying to even out his breathing. Almost subconsciously, his fingers found Kaleth’s wrist, making sure the pulse was still there. To Mel’s tiny relief, it seemed steadier than back in the woods. At least that was something.

He was almost scared of opening his eyes again, afraid that seeing his love so broken and vulnerable would just make him cry again. So instead he tried reaching out towards Kaleth’s mind. Which honestly wasn’t much better, but at least the constant swirl of colors and feelings was still enough for Mel to remind himself that Kaleth wasn’t dead and neither was his subconsciousness. Even if it was very alarming to touch it without a single barrier. As much as Mel wished Kaleth would be this open with his mind, or at least let down his guard once in a while, this was not the reason Mel wanted it to happen.

If Kaleth’s mind was fully there, he would no doubt have used the little strength he had to protect most of his memories and thoughts, but as it was, there was no need for mental barriers. There was nothing tangible in Kaleth’s head right now. Except a vague set of emotions. And they switched a lot, never really staying around long enough for Mel to identify them fully.

Mel was about to retreat when suddenly, he felt a pull on his mind as Kaleth’s jumble of feelings and half-thoughts calmed down a bit. Mel’s eyes snapped open, staring at Kaleth in shock for a moment before grinning, even as his eyes continued to produce tears he didn’t let fall.

Kaleth’s face remained unchanged, but he was clearly reacting to Mel’s presence in his mind, and that was proof enough for Mel to completely disregard what Relioth’s Eternal had said. Kaleth wasn’t almost braindead, clearly.

Mel actually wasn’t completely sure what that meant, but he had a good enough idea. He had watched hospital TV shows.

Venturing back inside Kaleth’s mind, Mel went a little deeper this time, testing the waters. He didn’t want to distress Kaleth by going too far too quickly, not to mention that, while it was unlikely, Mel might stumble upon something Kaleth wouldn’t want him to see. And Mel wouldn’t betray Kaleth’s trust like that. Or in any other way at all.

Mel smiled as Kaleth pulled him in again, though the fact that now it felt a bit more desperate quickly wiped that smile off his face. Mel tried sending some calming feelings his way to soothe him as he gripped his hand more tightly, and Kaleth did calm down a moment later. Though Mel wasn’t sure if it was him sending him those feelings, or just Mel’s presence in general.

Kaleth wasn’t letting go though, not for one second, and that was a bit worrying. Mel could easily overpower him and leave of course, but that wasn’t what worried him. No, it was how desperately and weakly Kaleth was holding onto Mel’s consciousness.

Now Mel could definitely recognize what Kaleth was feeling, and it was fear. He really hadn’t thought his presence would distress Kaleth more, but he supposed it made sense. Kaleth wasn’t scared because of him, he was scared of Mel leaving, and if Kaleth just wanted him to be around, Mel would gladly grant him that. He didn’t need to sleep, or eat, or anything. He could stay here for as long as Kaleth wanted him to.

Mel gripped Kaleth’s hand with his other hand as well. He wasn’t sure if Kaleth could even feel it, but he wanted to be as close to him as possible right now, both physically and mentally. Kaleth wasn’t holding onto Mel’s presence quite so desperately anymore, though, which Mel hoped was a good thing.

Mel considered telling Kaleth something, but since he wasn’t exactly conscious right now, he decided to go with feelings and images. And so Mel sent him their first kiss, and all the emotions that came with it. In reply, Kaleth’s psyche did a happy swirl and sent Mel back some unfocused feelings of warmness. And there was no underlying shame, like Mel had come to expect with Kaleth.

He hadn’t really noticed it before Rayni had pointed it out, but it had always been here, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant it had looked. While that was once again more alarming than good, at least Kaleth wasn’t in more distress over it.

Feeling Kaleth try to pull him farther inside his mind, Mel obliged, coming across more swirls of emotions. This time the swirls were mostly positive though, which made Mel smile. He wanted Kaleth to be as comfortable as possible.

Unfortunately, he didn’t get further than that because a second later someone touched his shoulder. Mel jumped, basically ripping himself away from Kaleth’s consciousness.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to surprise you,” the person, who turned out to be Relioth’s Eternal said. Mel glared at her and quickly connected back with Kaleth. Even with the speed he’d managed it, he could tell Kaleth was upset.

“He’s responding to you?” the Eternal continued in the meantime. Mel resisted an urge to tell her to leave. He wasn’t even sure why he was reacting to her this way, but he just wanted to keep Kaleth safe, and Eternals working for Relioth shouldn’t be around him, especially right now when he was so vulnerable.

“I don’t want to hurt him, you know,” she said in that soothing tone of voice again, and Mel looked at her, gripping Kaleth’s hand ever more tightly. He wasn’t even sure if he could grip it tighter without hurting Kaleth, but irrational fear that Kaleth would die if he let go clawed at Mel’s heart.

“No, I don’t,” Mel muttered, looking back at Kaleth. At least with the other Eternal in the room, it was a bit easier to handle his tears. “All I know is that you’re loyal to Relioth.”

The Eternal sighed and pulled up a chair. “And is that not enough? Relioth cares about Kaleth more than anyone.” Mel was about to argue immediately, but she raised her hand. “Besides you, I mean.”

Mel kept his eyes away from her. Did she really think he could be that easily manipulated? He wasn’t very smart, but he wasn’t that stupid either. “Relioth doesn’t care about anyone.”

The Eternal sighed, this time in irritation. “That’s Umbra propaganda. That isn’t the—” She groaned. “Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean to blow up on you. The point is you only know what Mereria wants you to know.”

Mel frowned, still keeping himself connected to Kaleth. It wasn’t easy to have a conversation and do it, but he’d manage. This talk was hardly more important than Kaleth’s wellbeing. “Maybe. But I know what he’s done. He killed so many people. He hurt Kaleth. He hurt me.”

“He saw it as a necessary sacrifice,” the Eternal replied, getting up. “Something you as an Umbra must understand.”

And then she left without another word. Mel squeezed his eyes shut. He wasn’t happy about all the lives he’d ended, but it had been for the good of the world. What Relioth had done definitely wasn’t. He sighed sadly as he looked at Kaleth. At least he looked a bit more at peace now.

The next two days there was some small progress, but the situation was driving Mel mad with worry anyway. Kaleth still responded to him, but it never got beyond a few colors and feelings, a stray thought or two, and usually only in fragments. Kaleth was clearly getting better, but incredibly slowly. Mel had thought he’d become much more conscious as time went on, but that didn’t seem to be happening. But Mel hadn’t left his side not even once. He couldn’t. All he could focus on was Kaleth. Kara had tried to talk to Mel at some point, but he hadn’t really felt like talking, mostly because she kept hinting at Kaleth not getting better, which Mel just wouldn’t believe. Definitely not yet.

Things changed on the third day, however. And not for the better. At some point during the night—Mel assumed, it was kind of hard to tell, and time had been passing very differently these last few days—Kaleth’s ever present fear of Mel leaving got much worse. Or that was what Mel thought at first as he tried to soothe him by venturing deeper. But that didn’t seem to help.

As Mel went farther and farther, he started to see more tangible flashes, figures, silhouettes, but he couldn’t focus on anything, even if he tried. They came and went, one after the other, not nearly as quickly as before.

While Mel knew—hoped—that this meant Kaleth’s mind was becoming more conscious, he could still feel Kaleth’s fear. But now it was so much more potent. And there was so much pain and sadness too.

Trying not to let this distract him, Mel continued going deeper into Kaleth’s mind, looking for the center he always kept behind several walls of mental defenses. Mel really didn’t like going there, he wanted to respect Kaleth’s privacy, but he knew he’d replace whatever was distressing Kaleth so much there. That was clear not only due to the number of figures and flashes of memories continuing to increase as he went closer and closer, but also because the closer he got, the more Kaleth’s emotions got raw and real, and Mel could feel them fully.

He was pretty sure he was crying again, but he couldn’t even feel it as he finally crossed into the deepest center of Kaleth’s mind. There was a tiny bit of resistance then, which gave Mel a bit more hope as he pushed through.

And then he came to a screeching halt. In front of him was…himself. Standing before a kneeling Kaleth. Who looked so crushingly heartbroken. Mel started running towards him, using all of his focus on keeping up the connection. He’d never seen Kaleth like that before, and it was harder to witness than he’d ever thought possible.

“I’m done wasting my time on you, Kaleth,” said Mel’s double, which made Mel grit his teeth. Why were they so far away still? Mel was so close, yet he wasn’t getting closer. He glared at the version of himself conjured up by Kaleth’s mind, suddenly filled with new strength to keep going. He needed to get to Kaleth, no matter what it took.

Kaleth called out after Mel’s doppelganger, his voice breaking: “No, Mel, please, I’m—”

“No,” the double said, and just like that he was gone, leaving Kaleth to bury his face in his hands.He reached his love a second later, dropped onto his knees in front of him and wrapped his arms around him, just as Kaleth whispered ‘I’m sorry’ in a quivering voice.

“W-wha—”

Mel shushed him. Kaleth didn’t argue further, hugging him back. Still, feeling all the crippling sadness and misery Kaleth was emitting, Mel himself whispering reassurances into his ear.

“Just a nightmare, honey, it’s okay. As long as you’ll have me, I’m never leaving you.”

That was apparently the wrong thing to say, though, because right after the words left him, Kaleth pulled away and rose to his feet. There were tears in his eyes, his lips forming a bitter curve as he looked down at Mel. “Forever is a long time to spend with someone like me.”

And then Mel found himself wiping his eyes, blinking rapidly down at Kaleth’s comatose body. Had he…kicked him out? He shook his head, pushing through his shock. Mel couldn’t help but scowl at Kaleth. If he thought he could push him away so easily, he was wrong.

Still gripping Kaleth’s hand, Mel once again entered Kaleth’s mind, this time crashing through barriers. They were half-built, and pretty easily passed through, but Mel could feel them getting stronger and stronger by the second.

Kaleth must have been waking up. But Mel wouldn’t just wait around for him to do it. Kaleth was hurting, and if Mel could help him with even a second of that, he would. Mel once again headed towards the center of his mind, feeling even more pain and sadness than before. The memories—or maybe they were nightmares—were much more vivid this time. And he could hear faint voices and echoes. Most of it was unintelligible, and Mel did his best to ignore it, but he couldn’t avoid all of it.

“Despite shooting me in the head, you’re still my favorite person, you know that?”

“Want some ice cream, old man?”

“I know you think you’re in charge here, but you’re wrong.”

“I wish you died instead of him.”

“I’m happier like this. With Mereria.”

“I can’t believe you lied to me for this long!”

“Once this war is over, we’ll explore the stars.”

The voices started overlapping each other, which at least made it easier to ignore them as Mel continued on, trying very hard not to think about anything he had heard and was hearing.

Before he could even reach the center of Kaleth’s mind again, though, he found himself in what looked like a corridor. It was full of people, but their faces were blurry and featureless. Mel kept going down the corridor, feeling Kaleth somewhere close. As he went, the people around him became clearer and clearer, which Mel took as a sign that he was going the right way.

Finally he found a door with Kaleth’s name on it. He reached for it, but his hand went right through it. Frowning, Mel tried sticking his hand through the door, which it did. He froze when he heard an angry voice, though. Alor’s.

“If I listened to you, we would have totally failed.”

Prepared to defend Kaleth already, Mel stepped through the door. This must have been Kaleth’s office—he’d told Mel about it once. It was pretty large, with one wall being made of glass with a view of Enbrant. The Flare was still there. That sight itself made Mel uncomfortable.

Since neither Kaleth nor Alor reacted to Mel’s presence, Mel assumed this was a memory. He knew he should probably leave, but he couldn’t make himself move. Mel had never seen Alor and Kaleth this angry at each other. What could have happened?

Mel watched Kaleth narrow his eyes at what Alor had said and opened his laptop with a little too much force.

“That’s what you keep saying, but we’ll never know how the situation would have gone if you’d actually listened to me,” Kaleth replied, his voice cold, but there was an undeniable layer of anger as well.

“We know how it would end,” Alor barked. “You know you were wrong. That’s why you’re so pissed about this. You can’t stand that my idea was better than yours.”

“You’re completely off the mark, agent,” Kaleth hissed through his teeth and glared. Mel winced. Somehow, hearing Kaleth address Alor this way was much worse than if he had called him names. “I suggest you keep personal attacks out of this discussion.”

“This isn’t a discussion! You just called me here to yell at me not to do it again,” Alor snapped, gripping the edges of Kaleth’s desk with both his hands. Noticing Kaleth shrink away a tiny bit, Mel immediately jumped between them. But of course they didn’t react. Mel took a step back again, feeling a little hopeless. He didn’t want them to fight, even if this was all in the past. But he couldn’t stop them.

In the meantime, Kaleth continued. “No, I don’t want to yell at you. I just wanted to—”

“Talk to me in a patronizing tone about how you always know better?”

“Interrupt me again and I’ll—”

“What? What can you do to me? You’re not in charge of me here!”

Kaleth’s hands were shaking slightly now. Even though it was such a little thing, Mel couldn’t not see it. “You are acting incredibly childish right now.”

Alor smiled mockingly. “You know all about that, don’t you? And I bet you also know a lot about being an arrogant bastard, because, guess what, that describes you perfectly!”

Kaleth’s eyes actually widened at that.

“Excuse me?! I am still your commanding officer!”

“Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want to take orders from the fag who got my dad killed!”

Mel’s hand flew to his mouth. He stared in horror as for a split second, pain flashed over Kaleth’s face before it was replaced it was a cold mask.

“Get out of my office, Arithar,” he growled and started rummaging around in his desk as if Alor had actually left. Alor opened his mouth, probably to apologize given how guilty he looked, but Kaleth didn’t let him get a word in.

“Get. Out,” he said with a terrifyingly calm voice. ““If you’re so unhappy with a—” He cut himself off and cleared his throat. “Someone like me being your commander, I can transfer you. Now get out of my sight before I put you on probation.”

The memory slowly faded out of view, but Mel kept staring at the space where Kaleth and his desk had been. So that was what the problem was. That was why Orina hated Kaleth, and why Kaleth assumed Alor would never forgive him. But Mel didn’t really care about any of that. All he really wanted to do now was to give Kaleth a hug.

Unfortunately, before he could make sense of where the center of Kaleth’s mind was again, he found himself surrounded by barriers. And these were much, much stronger than before. And they were starting to push him out of Kaleth’s mind. Mel gritted his teeth, trying to push against them as he found himself getting further and further from where he wanted to go.

And just as he thought that he was managing to make progress, he found himself pushed out completely.

“No, no, no,” Mel mumbled to himself frantically, trying to connect with Kaleth’s mind again, but all there was were barriers upon barriers. Mel threw himself against them, desperately trying to use their soul bond, but it wasn’t working. Kaleth’s mind was completely closed off from Mel, and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He couldn’t even feel his emotions anymore.

Mel squeezed his eyes shut, tears flowing out of them. All he had now was him holding Kaleth’s unmoving hand, and that filled him with such crushing hopelessness that he couldn’t even bring himself to care that he was softly sobbing.

He kept trying to remind himself that Kaleth closing off his mind had to mean that he was getting better, but that wasn’t really working. How could he know if he was if he couldn’t make sure? How could he know anything now?

Mel covered his mouth as he continued to sob, his whole body shaking. He couldn’t focus on anything but the walls blocking off Kaleth’s mind. It was as if he was out of space and time, and the only things present were his hopelessness, fear, grief, and Kaleth. Sweet, sweet Kaleth, who Mel missed so dearly.

Choking back his sobs, Mel ran a shaky hand over his eyes. He felt so pathetic, yet he couldn’t stop. And maybe he didn’t want to, not truly. Unlike his love, Mel couldn’t bottle up his emotions for long. So he just let himself cry for what felt like hours, only occasionally wiping his eyes and nose with the sleeve of his uniform. And he would have kept going for hours and hours more if not for the beautiful, accented, yet tired and a little croaky voice speaking out of nowhere.

“W-why…are you crying, love?”