The Structural Silence (Book 1 of The Transition of Pinn)
Uncomfortable (Chapter 22)

Ivy:

I wake up suddenly, shaking and sweating. I raise my hand to my cheek to feel the damp signs of tears. I’m in my room- or the room assigned to me in Giddean’s house-It’s not my room, my room is on earth.

Green glowing eyes haunted my dreams. It’s the first time I dreamt of Pinn rather than earth. My dreams were my escape from reality, but now my reality is haunting my dreams.

I try to shake it off. I flip back the cover, swing my legs over the side of the bed and quickly rush to the side of the room. In the center of the wall at the side of the room is a steady stream of a small waterfall from a small ledge near the ceiling to the floor. The floor nearby is slanted to cause any dripping water to fall back towards the wall and into a grate. I have learned that this is used for showers, general washing, and going to the bathroom. The last of which I have not yet managed to do comfortably standing up. Also I always manage to get my dress wet.

The plus side is the gentle sound which lulls me to sleep every night.

I cup my hands under the water and slash my face.

I could really go without the nightmares. It’s not like it’s been easy as is. Between the kidnapping, the assault, my partner not wanting me- all I really need is to not sleep because of nightmares about some freaky eyes.

I cry often enough.

Even though there are no windows, I can see the beginnings of the morning light shining in through the frosted glass bricks that make up the walls of the bedroom and I decide not to try to go back to sleep. I grab some lightweight long shirt and pants from my dresser. I’m not at all sure that they are not supposed to be pajamas, but It is the closest thing I have to exercise clothing. I also grab the thick blanket on the floor next to the bed, the household staff insists on putting it back on the bed everyday but it’s the only thing I have to use as a yoga mat.

I leave my room and head to the courtyard. Funny enough being kidnapped was the thing that finally got me to exercise regularly. I was always starting and stopping. Joining a Pilates class and then dropping it after a few weeks. For the last five days I have been doing some sort of exercise every morning in the courtyard. I guess all those different classes paid off in the end. I like to think it helps me deal with the stress just a little bit.

Also there isn’t much else to do.

I should be planning my escape, but so far it’s seemed out of my reach. I have no idea, no plan. So I wait. I wait until something comes to me.

I push open the door that leads to the courtyard. Giddean’s courtyard is very similar to his parent’s. Pillars and balconies surround overgrown greenery- the courtyard’s centerpiece is another stone goddess statue, this one in a kneeling position with her legs apart, her arms open to the world.

I roll out my blanket on the balcony and try to smooth out the wrinkles. The warm currents in the morning air hints of hot weather to come.

As I go to lie down on my fake mat, I hear a door creak. I crane my head around.

James walks in sleepily out holding a small brightly painted bowl. I don’t think he notices me in his early morning haze. That’s okay; I don’t feel like making small talk. I feel jittery and jumpy after my nightmare.

He places the bowl at the base of the goddess statue, never noticing my presence and walks back into the house.

I decide to start with some light yoga stretches and get into the downward-facing dog position. The slight burn as my legs stretch feels good and I stick my butt up higher leaning into the burn. It’s a distraction to be sure, one from the heavy worries and deep boredom that plagues my every day. I also imagine it as aiding in my escape- like I may need to be nimble or some nonsense like that.

I scoff at myself. I could be in the best shape of my life and I wouldn’t make it anywhere. I got lost trying to replace my way back to the market square yesterday- a place I have just left.

What I need is a map and the only one I have seen was in Giddean’s office. Now, all I need is a plan to get some alone time in his office…

I hear a sharp whistle and I abruptly turn my head sharply towards the sound, the action causes me to twist my torso and in combination with the lack of grip from the blanket, I lose my balance landing on my butt in a subdued thud.

Standing tall above me is the Captain, smiling broadly like I just made his day.

“Good morning Ivy” he grins.

Ugh, I’m sure he just got a great view of my ass in the air. Lovely.

He sticks his hand out to help me up. I hesitate, unnerved with how he snuck up on me, but politeness wins out and I grab his hand.

He yanks me up so hard that I crash into his chest. Lovely. While he is all smooth pecks and has the looks of a rugged actor in a movie about the Roman army, I don’t want to be caught feeling up Giddean’s lover boy. Or any Pinn for that matter.

He lets out a booming laugh that echoes off the walls of the courtyard.

“Falling for me already?”

He laughs again and I look around the courtyard checking to see if we are alone.

Is he flirting with me? That would be bad… very bad. He’s my partner’s lover; I don’t need that kind of complication in my already confusing life.…

He just laughs again as I move away. His closeness was unnerving and reminds me of why I don’t trust Pinns. They somehow get the wrong idea- Maybe I laughed too much at his jokes last night? Maybe I smiled too much?

Maybe I’m reading too much into it and he’s just being friendly.

I look around again. Maybe, but the risk is too large and I need to get out of the courtyard where it is just the two of us. I don’t like how he looks at me, friendly, smiling, flirting. It’s okay when others are around but here I am defenseless…

I reach down to grab my yoga mat/blanket.

“Okay, all done here time to go back inside and get started with the day.” I mumble over-explaining, cringing. I hope he hasn’t been watching me for too long, not because its creepy- it is - but because then he would catch me in my lie. I probably stretched for less than two minutes.

He claps his hands together loudly causing me to jump a little. “Great! Breakfast is about to start.”

“Oh I think I will need a shower first--” I lamely excuse, wanting a break from this sunny confusing man.

“Nah this is too perfect!” He exclaims, “Giddean is in the worst mood- ya gotta come”

“I don’t think me being there will help his mood” I pull away and head in the direction of my room.

He reaches out and touches my arm and I simply freeze. He is too close- he looms over me. I feel panic rising in my throat. I know he’s not doing anything. I know it. I’m sure of it, right? But somehow my body believes he is like the guard on spaceship. Ready to take advantage of me, thinking I want more than I do.

My mind flashes back to the classroom on the ship. I feel constrained suffocated by arms roughly caging me. I can smell the sour scent of lemon cleaning products from the classroom. Panic. Pure panic. I feel sweat break out across my nape.

Escape. Escape. Escape