500: An Anthology of Short Stories
The Bear Harasser

“Haaarrrr! Grrrrrr! WOOF, WOOF!”

Gabe laughed at Zeke’s crazy shenanigans. Zeke was trying to annoy a huge black bear that was standing about five meters from him, where the forest proper began. The man was making all kinds of growling, snuffling, barking sounds to scare the bear. His obsession with this “game” had started a week ago when he had first hit upon the idea of harassing the animals.

“Look! There’s a lone bear down in the meadow!” Zeke had said excitedly while he and Gabe had been travelling through the national park. “Wouldn’t it be a hoot to scare off the dumb beast?” Zeke had asked, waiting excitedly for Gabe to agree with him. His mate always went along with his antics.

“Okay, sure, but keep the truck door open,” Gabe had advised as he had stopped the vehicle. The average-sized brown bear had immediately looked up, obviously unnerved by the truck stopping and more so by the man getting out of the vehicle.

Without any warning, Zeke had bounced like a gorilla towards the bear, hollering at the top of his lungs. The bear had instantly shot off into the woods, utterly spooked. Zeke had turned around back to the truck, suddenly removing his t-shirt to bare his muscular torso. Then he had shouted, “Aaarrgghhhh!” and knuckle-walked back to the truck, a huge grin plastered on his face. Both men had had a good laugh.

The bear’s cowardly reaction had caused Zeke to become obsessed with harassing others, disregarding his own safety.

Unexpectedly, the bear started towards Zeke, obviously unafraid of the noisy simpleton. The animal increased its pace, thundering swiftly on all fours towards a stunned Zeke.

“Oh my God!” the man screamed in genuine fear as he ran for the safety of the truck. “Start the truck! Start the dang truck,” he shouted hysterically at Gabe.

“Run faster, dude! He’s right behind you!” Gabe hollered back in panic. He knew he was about to witness Zeke’s imminent demise; he was petrified. He blasted the truck’s horn, keeping his hand down on it in the hopes that the deafening noise would deter the bear from giving chase.

To his and Zeke’s utter relief, it worked. The bear stopped in its tracks, glared malevolently at the two men before calmly loping back towards the forest.

“Dang!” Zeke exclaimed once back in the truck, “That was exciting!”

“You betcha!” Gabe agreed. “You wanna look for another dumb bear?” he asked a pumped-up Zeke.

“Definitely, bro! Step on it! Let’s replace ourselves a Mama Bear this time,” Zeke said and hooted.

Mama Bear they found indeed, but Zee underestimated her deadly instinct to protect her cubs.

Torso once again bare, as Zeke was inordinately proud of his physique, man faced beast. The mother bear was at the edge of a river when Zeke approached her.

In seconds it was all over – and so were Zeke’s body parts, spread all over the riverbank.

Mother Nature never takes kindly to intolerable idiots.