A Kiss For Your Freedom
Chapter 54

Emma's POV

I wake up to feel Jason settling in beside me. I am much less resistant than them and between the medications and the pain, I must say that sleep is my only salvation, a sort of bubble that allows me to not think about anything else while my body works to rebuild itself.. I'm not sure what time it is, but the sun is low enough that it doesn't hurt me as I open my eyes to see his beautiful face leaning over me.

I smile without even being able to hold back before wincing slightly as I try to stretch.

"Don't force it, love," he said, placing his hand on my cheek.

- Don't worry, it'll be fine, I said, letting my hand come to cover his. What time is it?

- It's late, sorry, it took us longer than I thought. We'll prepare something to eat for you, Dorian is still outside but he'll be back soon, he said, frowning slightly.

Immediately my heart accelerates, I feel that something is disturbing it and that worries me.

-- What is happening?

-I don't know. I found it strange all day. Almost distant, as if he wanted to make sure we weren't too close.t's probably because of all that, after all, we collected bodies all day and we knew most of them. But I don't know, I feel like there's something wrong. I stand up, almost forgetting the pain in my leg. And what he feels, I feel it head on and I understand that he is serious, that deep down he knows that there is a problem. I look into his eyes seriously. I need to know what led him to this reasoning, I need to understand what makes him so worried.

- Explain to me, I said firmly.

- I don't know. I am not sure. He's not the most demonstrative there is, but when I approach him, he never runs away from me.

He tried to run away from you?

- Not really, let's say that once it was over, I just needed a little tenderness, warmth, human contact so took him in my arms and kissed him. I didn't want it to go any further, but after picking up all those bodies, I just wanted to feel him alive in my arms. Ordinarily, he would have let go, would have responded to me with the same ardor and yet, he remained reserved and cut our exchange short. And when I left those lips, I thought I saw something in his eyes, something that disturbed me. -What? What you saw ?

- Sadness, sadness, pain, but I didn't feel anything and it only lasted for a fraction of a second. I'm not even sure I didn't just make this up, he said, closing his eyes. I make films for myself. If Dorian had anything he would tell us about it. He knows we both love him. I assimilate each of these words, these barely veiled hopes on the fact that we are so united that nothing can escape us while the truth is always quite different. There is always a part, a thought that we want to hide. Something that we want to keep to ourselves without having to reveal it to others. What could keep him away from us? What could make him see things differently when he knows how essential he can be to us? He has more experience than us. In all areas. Almost everything, he is the only one who has already had a partner, so he masters this bond that unites us, that binds all three of us, much better than us. I take a deep breath as I focus on him. I only feel a vague emotion, nothing specific, nothing comparable to what I usually share with him. It's my turn to grimace. it's not normal, there is nothing clear, no thought, nothing other than a mass which only forms a sort of residue, as if it were blocking us, as if it was doing everything to 'we don't know, so that we don't understand. - Where is he?

- He returned to his workshop, we need wood for the traps and he told me that he would have enough to advance me. For what?

"Go see if he's really there," I said, clenching my fists on my clothes.

- It's coming, don't worry, love.

"Go see," I said, raising my voice, which surprised him.

He seems slightly irritated by my behavior but gets up and does as I ask. It's impossible, he couldn't have done that. He couldn't hide what he was thinking from us, he couldn't try to protect us to that extent. I then remember the pain I felt when he thought of his former partner, when he only touched on these memories. A spike runs through my chest, this memory rekindles something that I preferred to ignore from the beginning. He continues to love her, which is understandable, and her memory haunts him and prevents him from really moving forward.

I growl in frustration as I kick the chair angrily. I can't even move to go there myself while my whole being is screaming at me that he has just done the worst stupid thing of his life. A tear runs down my cheek, I am helpless, so weak, so far from what they can be. Jason returns in a panic after a few minutes. I already know what he's going to say to me and before he does, I just say these few words,

--He's gone.

Saying it is even more painful. My breath catches in my chest as my skin covers with shivers. My stomach twists, I'm going to lose it, we're going to lose it. A sharp pain crosses his mark and without being able to stop myself, I vomit with just enough time to turn my head. My heart tightens so much that it almost feels like it's going to stop. He abandoned me, he abandoned us both. How could he do this when he promised me he would never do it. For what? To save us? Save us from what? Without him what's the point? Doesn't he know that I would rather die here with both of them than live without one of them?

A new convulsion turns my stomach as my tears flow uncontrollably. It's like my body already knows it can never recover from such a loss.

- Love, what's going on, talk to me, says Jason who obviously doesn't feel things the way I do.

- He left for us. He didn't want to lose us, he didn't want to feel this pain again so he made his decision. He left to turn himself in, so that the two of us could have a chance at getting out of this. He knew that I was just a weight, that I could only slow you down. I can't even run away and he couldn't bear to lose us, so I'm sure he's gone to replace his old Alpha before he brings an army on us. I'm not a Wolf, but I suppose his sacrifice will appease his pack.

It's impossible, he can't do that.

- He has already lost his partner, he knows what it feels like. Think a bit. Put yourself in his place. It's a never-ending circle. You kill, they want revenge and you kill some more, but for how long? Until when ? You know like me, that I would be the first to fall. I'm only human and after that, whatever the order, it will destroy the other. I'm not like you, but that doesn't stop me from understanding how you feel. To feel it too. My body knows I belong to you both and right now it's telling me there's something f*****g wrong. Dorian is not here and if he is not it is because of us.

Jason starts to panic, I see he is looking for a solution as if it could surround us. I am injured and I cannot move while Dorian is heading towards certain death. The only thing that can stop Jason from moving is me and that's enough to make me even angrier. -You must go there. Go get it. Go replace him.

- I can not. You need me love.

- I need you both. I'll get through it. On the other hand, he won't get out of it. Do you really want to feel that moment when his old Alpha puts him to death? Do you want to know what it feels like? Because very little for me. Honestly. I don't want to feel it. I have already lost everything by winning both of you, there is no question that I have to make a choice, that I settle for half of what you promised me. And you don't want that either. I'm only hurt, he's going to be killed to save our lives. Is that what you want? Is this how you want us to see the future?

- But..

- But what? I'm not a Wolf, but I'm your wife, both of you, so get off your a*s and go get it. I don't want to lose him. Dorian, I mean after you, I believed that there would never be more light for me, that I had missed my chance and that nothing would ever be as strong. I let myself conform to things that didn't make sense and in the end, it helped me understand that it was everything I didn't want. I can't lose him, I don't want to feel the pain that went through me when he told me about it. I don't want you or me to go through this. So go. Go get it. I would have done it alone.

He looks at me surprised, but I don't give him time to respond and adds,

- Dorian is important to both of us. You don't want to lose him any more than I do. I may be the one you were originally meant for, but that was at the beginning, before we got to where we are. Do you see yourself living without him? Do you see yourself getting up every morning without having the chance to see his sleeping face while he would be curled up against one of us or even better, between the two of us? I don't want to go through that, I love you more than anything but not as much as him and not more than him, so replace him and bring him back here, bring him back so that we can dream of a future together, of children. Please do it, do it for both of us sweetheart, please.