A Pinch of Cinnamon
It’s Okay to be Sad

Nick’s POV.

My eyes instantly search her body for any sign of injury. She is huddled on the floor, curled in the fetal position, with her back against the bathtub. Her arms are wrapped around her body. It looks like she was getting ready for a shower. Her shirt and shorts were discarded on the floor leaving her in just her undergarments.

She doesn’t look at me, just continues to cry softly. I glance over her body once more to ensure she is not hurt.

My eyes catch a long, jagged scar running along the outside of her hip and thigh.

What the hell?

“Oh, Baby girl.” My heart is breaking for her. She tenses at my voice but doesn’t look at me. She continues to shake and tremble as sobs wrack her body. She tries hard to keep them contained but they come out sounding more like she is choking. I don’t know what is going on but now isn’t the time for questions.

I lean down and gently scoop her into my arms. She tenses for a few seconds before relaxing. One arm tentatively wraps around my neck, grasping the collar of my shirt, while the other rests on my chest. I tighten my grip on her, feeling relief at having her in my arms. I walk out to her bed and place her into it. Her eyes widen in shock as I pull my t-shirt over my head, exposing my torso. I gently slip it on over her head, helping her put her arms through until it hangs loosely over her.

I wanted to make her as comfortable as possible. I help her lay down before covering her with the blanket. I walk to the other side of the bed, her eyes following me. I slip in and move to her side. She doesn’t speak as I wrap my arm around her waist and tug her closer to me. I wrap one arm around her so that her head rests on it and the other one gently strokes her side. I kiss the top of her head, remaining quiet. She sighs and begins to nuzzle closer to me, replaceing solace in my comfort. Her hand begins to creep up to lay on my bare chest. Her soft cries turn to occasional whimpers.

I continue rubbing her waist and arm until she begins to drift off to sleep.

***********

Spencer’s POV

I woke up unnaturally warm. I kept my eyes closed and just basked in the safe warmth that was around me. The odd feeling of peace after a break down.

My eyes snapped open at the feeling of my scar being lightly traced. It was an ugly reminder of everything that happened. I hated it with a passion and had tried everything short of surgery to make it fade. But, having Nick’s calloused hands drifting along the line of it, it made me feel somewhat proud that I had survived. I was here and living my life that my parents would have wanted. The friction caused by his rough hands on my soft skin made me shiver. He knew I was awake because the next thing I felt was his lips on the junction of my shoulder, softly caressing me. I was laying on my right side, my head still on his arm that was underneath me. But he was now cuddled close, his chest against my back as his fingers traced me. I felt safe, warm, and loved.

I don’t deserve him. Or this. I let my past push me into a deep depression and I let it consume me. I sighed and shifted around so that I was facing the man, who, in the past week, has showed me what it could be like to be loved. His eyes held no judgement, just concern. I didn’t know what to say. Sorry for having to constantly make you deal with my issues? I sigh.

He tilts his head slightly in question but doesn’t voice anything. He seems to know before I do exactly what I need. Instead of asking any questions when he first found me, he just showed me care and compassion. His finger comes up to catch a tear that slips from my eye. He gently brushes it away and tightens his hold on me.

“I’m sorry” I whisper. He doesn’t need to be caught up in my mess. His eyes squint in confusion.

“Sorry for what?”

“You having to come here, replace me like that. You have seen me at my worst more than anyone in my life and we just met. You shouldn’t have to be caring for me constantly. I’m pathetic.” I sigh. His eyes harden as he listens to me.

“Stop it. I never want to hear you talk down about yourself again. Do you understand me? You are not pathetic. Far from it. Everyone in the world has something else going on that they don’t like telling others. It happens to everyone. It happened to me.” I look up at him curiously.

“I was married.” My heart sinks for a moment before focusing on the fact that he said was. “Everyone in my life, including my parents, didn’t like her. They said she would act like an angel when I was around and then a conniving bitch when I was gone.” He groans and rubs a hand down his face. I take his hand and squeeze it reassuringly. “I should have listened. Not only was she spending all our money on useless things, but she was also cheating on me too. The divorce was messy. She kept trying to bleed me for money. It opened my eyes that she truly never loved me.” His eyes turn sad, a shuddered breath escapes him before he continues. “Then, I get a bill in the mail for a doctor’s appointment. I haven’t even told my parents this, but she was apparently pregnant.” I gasp slightly as I watch Nick closely. He looks distraught. “She aborted it. I was devastated when I learned but honestly, I don’t even know if it was mine or not.” He smiles sadly. My heart aches for him. Seeing him with Jay, I know he would make an amazing father.

He shifts his body to sit up, leaning against the headboard. I sit up too so that I am cross-legged facing him. I grab his hand again, trying to give him the same comfort he gave me. He squeezed it tightly as he continued. “I fell into a routine of anger and sorrow. Anger against her and myself for letting this happen, ignoring the warnings. Sorrow for the child that may have been mine. Sorrow for the future I had imagined that now wouldn’t happen. I started pushing my friends away and turned to drinking and being alone. Every night for a month, I would go home, have a few drinks, and fall asleep. I barely ate. I turned into a shell of who I was. I turned it around in the end, but it took a lot of effort and friends who refused to give up on me.” I silently mused over what he just said. I would never have pictured him as the type to drink away his feelings. But I could certainly understand wanting to feel numb.

He tugged me closer to him until I was cuddled up against his chest again. “I may not understand what you went through, but I know how hard it can be to come out from under that shadow. You are not pathetic Spence. Everyone has times where they want to give up. The fact that you haven’t, makes you so strong.” I gaze up at him, not wanting to believe his words. I’m not strong. I left Jay to wallow in my own despair. I shake my head.

“I’m not strong. How am I strong when I have your mom take Jay while I lock myself in my room. How am I strong if I can’t bring myself to do chores. All I could manage was chucking them food and water.” I chuckle bitterly. I feel like such a failure.

“Baby, look at me.” I raise my eyes to look at him. “You thought of Jay first. You knew you were struggling, and you didn’t want him to see that. You didn’t abandon him. You asked someone you trusted to watch him for you. As for the chores, you gave them food and water. They won’t die from not having a clean stall for a day. You need to take time for yourself. You have been run ragged and its catching up to you. You don’t have to do this alone anymore. I just.... wish you had come to me. You need to know; I will always be there when you call.” The hurt in his eyes caused my body to burn in guilt. I didn’t know what to say. It’s not like I didn’t want him to be near me. The complete opposite. I just didn’t want him to see me like this and decide I wasn’t worth his time.

He squeezes me close. “You know, when I moved back, I never expected to meet someone that would steal my heart right away.” My heart sped up at his words. “You completely knocked me off my feet. But when Jay came into the picture...I don’t know. It felt like I was complete. Like I had always been missing a piece of my soul, but I found it in you guys.” I blink at him, not daring to move as he looks at me with such love in his eyes. “I had always wanted a family and being able to care for you both the past few days, made me feel like all the shit I went through was worth it. I felt like I was finally home.”

I couldn’t match those words. The love poured into them shook me. He really wanted us. The fact that he has included Jay in the whole thing meant so much. He wants us. I have to tell him how I feel.

The elated feeling in my chest makes me throw out all previous misconceptions I had. I don’t give myself time to think before I’m rising to my knees and hovering over him. His eyes sparkle in surprise, but he doesn’t speak. I grab his face in my hands and lean forward slowly. I wanted this; him. I may not be able to say beautiful words like him, but I can show him. My heart rate accelerates the closer we get.

Finally, after what felt like minutes, our lips connect. Sparks danced as they molded to each other perfectly. Nick’s grip tightened on me and I could feel his heart racing from where our chests barely touched. We moved together slowly and sweetly. A kiss that I hoped would convey how I felt about him.

We sunk into each other continuing the slow, passionate kiss. Neither of us tried to deepen it, the pace was perfect for the heavy subject we were just on. All I could feel was love, devotion, maybe a little lust. I could feel a tear slip from my eyes from the intense connection between us and when it rolled down to our lips, Nick slowly drew back. The heat in his gaze made me blush. He leans in and kisses the tear from the corner of my mouth. His sweetness almost setting off a new wave of waterworks. I shudder as his breath fans my face.

“You are so beautiful.” Nick murmurs as he cups my face. He leans in and places a chaste kiss on my lips. He tugs me back down to him and we arrange ourselves so that I’m cuddling on his chest again and his arms are wrapped around me. The comfort I get being in his arms is something I can’t quite explain. I know I need to tell him my story, but I don’t want this moment to end.

A/N

And we have the first kiss! Did anyone expect Spencer to make the first move? What did you think?