A Very Furry Christmas
Chapter Fifteen

Jason's jaw was set so tight he was in danger of fracturing every one of his teeth. He'd been an idiot rushing Caitlin into this when she wasn't ready. If he'd spoiled things for good between them, he knew he'd be kicking himself for a long time to come. It had seemed like serendipity to run into her tonight when he'd spent most of the game thinking about her and wondering if he should've just kept his mouth shut. Perhaps he could've enjoyed an ordinary sex life like everyone else as long as he was with her.

Except she had shown an interest and in his excitement of wanting it all, he'd forgotten what it would be to be confronted by all of his 'toys' for the first time. "Where are you taking me?"

He hoped the shaking she was doing wasn't because she was afraid of him but rather her body was simply worn out after a long day at work and now being faced with the prospect of this new lifestyle. "Bed."

She stiffened in his arms.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything to you. Remember, I said I'd always look after you and right now, you need to rest."

He took her into his bedroom where the décor was purposely more serene, the soft earthy green tones designed to help a body wind down after the intensity of a session in his playroom. Even if on this occasion it was simply the sight of it which had caused Caitlin to shiver and shake.

"I have to go home," she mumbled, though her eyes were already half closed.

"You're not going anywhere until you've had some rest." He unzipped her tunic and helped her out of the garish yellow tunic, leaving her in her matching black lace lingerie.

Jason ignored his own body's needs as he revealed her scantily clad body, focusing on Caitlin and tucking her under the soft sheets. She snuggled deep into the feather pillows with a lazy smile on her face and his cock responded the only way he knew how at seeing her so satisfied. He remembered all too well how it felt to put that smile on her lips under other circumstances.

"I'll sleep in the other room," he said, getting to his feet.

"Don't go." Caitlin reached for him, still half asleep and God help him, he couldn't replace the strength inside to deny her request.

"Only until you fall asleep," he promised them both as he spooned in behind her. Her perfect little form fitting tightly into his, making him anything but comfortable. He wrapped his arms around her and lay his head next to hers. Even if this was all he could have with Caitlin for now, he'd take it.

*****

Caitlin awoke to the smell of coffee and toast. It took her a moment to remember where she was when she opened her eyes. Jason. She reached across the vast expanse of the empty bed beside her, the memory of him wrapped securely around her as she'd fallen asleep, still fresh in her mind.

She smiled and stretched; her body recovered from whatever had left her so drained last night. They hadn't actually done anything to cause her to freak out or be so tired. To be honest she was a little embarrassed to face Jason after the way she'd reacted.

She washed and changed back into her uniform which he'd hung up on the back of the bathroom door for her. The way he'd been so thoughtful towards her didn't sit with this idea of him wanting to use whips and chains on her for his pleasure. Maybe he had a split personality but so far, she'd only seen Jason the gorgeous, kind Scot who spooned with her and apparently cooked her breakfast. That man she was perfectly happy to continue seeing. She wouldn't be fully able to make up her mind though until she'd seen this darker side of him for herself.

"Morning. I should protest that you didn't have to make me breakfast, but I am starving." There was time enough for her to enjoy it and go home to shower and change before she started her shift. She took a seat on the tall stools along the counter where he was setting down plates of golden toast and perfect poached eggs.

"Good. You need to eat and keep your energy up."

Caitlin took a sip of the coffee he'd poured for her and watched as he took a seat, waiting for a sign of that dangerous glint in his eye. Some warning that he was simply feeding her up so she could sustain whatever plans he had in store for her. Instead, he got stuck into his own breakfast with gusto, showing only an appetite for his morning meal. The domestic scene was a direct contrast to the one he'd invited her into last night and she was having some trouble adjusting, or at least deciding if she could manage both.

"About last night...I don't know what happened. I'm sorry."

He dismissed her concerns with a wave of his hand until he finished chewing and was able to speak again. "It was too much, too soon. Maybe you should do a little research of your own to see what's involved before next time. If there is a next time?"

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He looked up at her from his plate with hope. She hated to disappoint him, but he'd been very open with her and it seemed only fair to express her feelings honestly.

"I like you, Jason. I really do but this is well out of my comfort zone. I guess it's supposed to be." She laughed at her own predicament. The confusion surrounding her decision entirely down to the fact that she wasn't completely averse to the idea. She just wanted time to be sure before committing to anything.

"I told you I'd never ask you to do something you weren't happy about. That's not the idea at all."

"Forgive me, but what is it about this that does turn you on? I'm really trying to understand it all."

Jason sighed and pushed away his breakfast dishes. She worried she'd said the wrong thing. Perhaps she wasn't supposed to understand. Just do as she was told. That's what these women did, wasn't it? Let themselves be used as some sort of sex toy by dominant males who got off on the power. Unfortunately for Jason, she'd never been someone to acquiesce without good reason.

"Why do any of us like what we do? What is it about soft toys or polar bears that makes you horny? Surely that's as fucked up as my kink, only on a different level."

He had a point. She'd been made to feel like a freak on occasion when she had shared her fantasies with partners who thought doing it doggy style was adventurous in the bedroom. It made her think about what she got from the sensation of plush fur against her skin and what it did for her.

"Okay, I didn't have the greatest childhood. I was shuffled around foster homes for most of my life, but I always took my teddy bear collection. They made me feel safe, secure and loved. I guess I'm trying to replicate that in a partner. I want a relationship that can give me all of that." Until now she'd never really given it any thought but that's what her plushies did for her. They took her back to a place of unconditional comfort. "Wow. That's deeper than I'd ever realized. Perhaps I need therapy."

"You're not doing anyone any harm. There's nothing wrong with having a favorite childhood memory to cling to. It's much gentler and probably more understandable than my tastes." He raised his coffee to her in a mock toast but there was no humor on his face as he did so. Perhaps she was delving somewhere he really didn't want to venture into but if she was expected to surrender her body completely to him, knowing why seemed imperative. "Did you have an older lover take you on as an apprentice to teach you the dark ways?" She teased him, hoping to draw the truth from him in some form.

It worked. She gained a chuckle in response. "Not quite. Same old story I suppose. My parents beat me regularly as a child, professing it their way of showing me love. Teaching me right from wrong with a heavy hand and a full heart. Allegedly. It didn't take me long to figure out that was bullshit. They just had short tempers and were too quick with their fists. These days they'd be sent on an anger management course. After a spell in rehab to wean them off the drink and drugs, naturally. I'd have been put into care and as I'm sure you'd attest, I'm not sure that would've done me any favors anyway."

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Caitlin couldn't imagine anyone wanting to hurt Jason. Yet she'd seen the damage an abusive relationship between child and parent could do. Her mother and father had been too young, too naïve to look after a baby when they'd been little more than children themselves. She'd been abandoned but the children she'd shared foster homes with who'd had similar experiences to Jason had been damaged. Indeed, even some of the children she worked with at the hospital struggled with self-esteem and self-harming as a result of a damaging upbringing. Perhaps it was a natural progression to want to transfer that pain onto others and this was a healthier way of introducing it into a relationship over domestic abuse. She didn't know for sure, not being a psychologist herself. Maybe they both needed therapy.

"You feel a need to punish others in order to feel loved?"

He shook his head. "No. That's not it. It's not the punishment or pain I get off on. I think it's more about being in control. I couldn't do anything as a child without permission. Even as an adult, I'm part of a team. Given instructions on how to do my job by my coach and teammates. This is an area where I can have total control over what happens. With a certain level of co-operation from my partner, of course."

She could sort of understand his logic. Although it still made her head hurt thinking about it all and what she'd be getting into. This went far beyond the run of the mill relationship of date nights and weekend mini break shag-fests. She imagined that kind of lifestyle was much more involved than sexting and sleepovers. Something she was going to have to take some time on her own to think about.

"I should go. I need to shower before I go to work." Caitlin carried her dishes over to the sink and rinsed them under the tap. Unlike hers, his place was spotless, and she didn't want to leave a mess behind as a final memory.

"You don't have to." Jason spoke at her ear, slipping his hands around her waist and immediately weakening her resolve to take some time out to herself.

His heat was pressed firmly against her back as he kissed the small of her neck and made her legs go weak again.

"I start my shift in a couple of hours," she said, much too breathily for someone supposed to be resisting.

"Then we have plenty of time to get to know each other again."