all god's orphans
Chapter 76

There was no food in the entire apartment. They had turned it upside down searching for something to eat. Instead, they had found plywood boxes with blankets on them instead of beds. Nothing came out of the taps in the kitchen or the bathroom. The toilets didn’t flush. The oven didn’t work. Only the lights were functional, everything else was a floor model. Doubt began to cast its shadow across Raymond’s brain.

“This is just the floor model.” He said to himself, but out loud so everyone could hear. “I bet the real units are fully stocked. Let’s go replace one.” He stood up straight and strode out of the room, leaving everyone else to follow him after exchanging looks of concern.

Exiting the ornate door, he turned right and continued down the hallway that bent left in a gradual, lazy arc. The walls were no longer animated and the lighting here was more sparse. At last they rounded the bend of the corridor and found a plywood door screwed to a lumber frame standing in their way. Behind it, they could see only darkness and the faint sound of a draft rushing around the gaps of the door. Raymond stopped and struggled to justify this development to himself. He turned to address the group, but found he had nothing to say to them. As he turned to the door, they stayed behind, letting him approach it at his own pace.

He opened the thin door and heard the shriek of the hinges bounce off of the hollow, concrete and metal space beyond. It was dark, but with the light spilling in from the hallway, he could see the round walkway as it ringed an empty space about sixty feet in diameter. Dilapidated railing on the left hand side was all that stood between the walkway and a drop of nearly one hundred feet to the concrete floor below. The round atrium was dark and the cool, damp air smelled of earth and rainwater.

Raymond stood at the railing, staring down into the emptiness.

“I don’t…” He stammered. “I don’t believe it.” The group stood behind him, all disappointed in their own ways but none more so than Raymond. Sarah walked slowly to the railing and stood beside her father.

“It’s ok, dad.” She said, placing her hand on his shoulder. He smiled weakly at her.

“Thanks, sweetheart.” They hugged and then Raymond held her by her shoulders so he could look into her eyes. “Can I have a moment alone?” Everyone murmured affirmatives and moved towards the door except for Sarah. “You, too, honey.” He said and she was hurt, but tried to hide it from him. As she walked out the door, Grey turned to follow her out and leave him by himself.

“What the fuck have I done, Grey?” He asked without lifting his eyes or turning his head. Grey hesitated. At first he wasn’t sure he had heard Raymond speak, so low was his voice. He realized in a moment that he should choose his next words carefully.

“You protected your family.” Grey told him. “You kept your daughter safe.” At that, another chilling laugh escaped Raymond’s chest like a cough. There was no joy in it.

“Did I?” He shook his head. “You don’t know anything about what I’ve done.” He fell silent for a moment and Grey could think of nothing to say that might make him feel better. “We lived in a fucking mobile home. Do you know what that is?” Grey shook his head. “It’s an aluminum box where poor people live. I was trying to save money for their future and what did I do? Wasted it on this empty promise.” He finally turned to face Grey. “The world isn’t going to end, Grey.” He said, his face turning to granite. “It might change. It might even be unrecognizable in the end, but it will keep going.” He turned back to the railing and the abyss below. “I never should’ve listened to all their bullshit. I should have lived the life I had and not worried about a life that was never going to happen. I could be standing here with a ton of great memories instead of this guilt weighing me down. That would’ve been better.”

“You shouldn’t feel guilty, Raymond.” Grey said trying to get him to turn back from the darkness at the bottom of the pit. “You did what you felt was right.”

“Felt?” Raymond chuckled. “Who knows what I felt? I felt the world was going to shit and instead of trying to fix it or spending time with my family, I started planning on what to do after it went to shit.” He shook his head. “Such a waste of fucking time.” He added grimly. “I wasted so much.” He looked up at the roof of the silo and said nothing for a long time. Grey stood silently, not knowing what he should do or say. Raymond took a deep breath. “Do me a favor. Tell Sarah I love her. Tell her I’m sorry. For everything.” Before Grey could respond, Raymond hopped over the top of the railing and dove into the emptiness. His body accelerated towards the floor and ended in a sickeningly wet THUD that then cracked as it hit the concrete a hundred feet below.

“NO!” Grey screamed, but it happened so quickly that the echo was still ringing when Raymond slammed into the ground. Grey could see his wrecked body lying motionless on the floor below. He stared in horror as Brian and Wes burst through the door.

“What happened?” Asked Brian before looking over the railing and seeing the body. Sarah dashed in just behind them, snapping Grey out of his shock. He grabbed her before she could make it to the railing.

“No, Sarah!” He hugged her tight, half out of concern and half to stop her wriggling free. “You don’t want to see.”

“Where…” She stuttered. “What happened? Where’s my dad?” Brian turned from the edge.

“Don’t let her go, Grey.” He said. Sarah began to wail.

“Tell me what happened to my dad!” She shrieked and pushed Grey as hard as she could, but he held fast.

“I’m sorry, Sarah.” He told her. “He loved you. He wanted you to know that.”

“What happened to my dad?!?” She pounded her fists against Grey’s chest, but he would not let her go. Wes knelt beside them.

“He’s dead.” Wes told her, putting a hand on her shoulder. “He jumped.” The realization hit Sarah all at once and her body collapsed against Grey as heaving sobs wracked her chest. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Wes rubbed her back. “Sarah I’m so sorry.” Something in his manner struck Grey as odd and he wondered if anyone else noticed it, but no one did.