Alpha Queen
Chapter 37

Liviana’s POV

I stared at myself in the mirror as I clenched on the sink with my bloody hands.

I got into the shower and took a long cold shower as I aggressively washed off the b***d from that traitor.

I looked up at the ceiling as the water from the shower fell on my face.

Then I felt something warm drip down of my face momentarily.

Tears.

Things like this often happen.

It happens to all packs, in fact.

My heart clenched.

I wish I could’ve prevented it from happening.

But I couldn’t.

I turned off the shower and got out as I dried myself off and put on an oversized white shirt and pajamas.

I went out of the bathroom as I towel dried my hair.

It’s not my fault.

I had to constantly remind that to myself.

It was his choice.

He chose that for himself.

I did all I can as an Alpha but he couldn’t respect me as one because ‘I’m a she-wolf’.

Nothing is wrong with me.

Still….

Why do I feel bad?

Like I was in the wrong.

Why am I hurting?

When he doesn’t even deserve to be one of my people.

Yet, he was.

But he betrayed his pack.

I sighed as I plopped down my bed.

Then I drifted off to sleep.

I found myself in the forest again.

“Liviana”

I turned around to see my mother and I quickly ran to her to hug her as she caught me in her arms.

And without a word, I cried as she hugged me tightly.

“I killed him” I sobbed as my whole body shook. My mother hugged me tighter but didn’t say anything.

“He betrayed the back. He saw it coming when he did it. But why….why do I feel like I’m in the wrong? All I wanted to do was protect my pack” I broke down as my mother caressed my hair.

Of course it’s not the first time that I had b***d on my hands.

It wasn’t a first either that it was someone from the back considering that there has been a few that challenged me as an Alpha when I first started leading the pack.

I can still remember that I had the same feeling 2 years ago when I killed those pack members that challenged me for the Alpha title.

Still….

I can still ramambar that I had tha sama faaling 2 yaars ago whan I killad thosa pack mambars that challangad ma for tha Alpha titla.

Except they were unmated wolves. They were just as selfish and power thirsty as that traitor but atleast I didn’t have to worry about them having a family to come home too.

Despite that, I still felt bad even though I wasn’t in the wrong that time because clearly they had challenged me officially.

That time, I couldn’t break down or show remorse for what I had done.

But now, I couldn’t but feel this way.

I thought it wouldn’t be as hard.

But why does it feel harder now?

Why did I have to go through so much of this emotional roller coaster?

“I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of that, sweetie. I’m so sorry” my mother cooed as I kept crying in her arms.

“I didn’t want to do it” I kept sobbing.

It was like my heart was being clenched inside.

“I didn’t want to do it, mom. But I had to. I had to do it for the safety of the pack” I cried.

I kept crying and sobbing until I was so tired that when I opened my eyes, I saw myself back in my room again.

I weakly sat up on my bed and touch my face.

It was wet of tears.

I guess I was physically crying too.

How pathetic of me.

What kind of person have I become?

*clink

I turned to look at the sliding door to my balcony.

Then I sensed him.

Luan.

I got out of my bed and made my way to the balcony.

I opened the sliding door and I looked below.

Luan waved and smiled at me and I felt a sudden wave of relief seeing him.

“Hey” he said with a smile.

“Hi. I really should tell my guards to refrain from letting you come in here so easily” I joked and he pouted like a child.

“I wanted to see you” he told me and I chuckled a bit.

“Wait there for a moment” I instructed him.

I went back to my room and took a couple of blankets, tied them together then threw it off the balcony, keeping the end with me and tying it to one of the pillars.

“Come on up” I told him and he chuckled.

Luan made his way up climbing the blanket rope that I made.

He successfully reached my balcony then we both looked at each other.

He was all smiles at first then hus smile slowly faded as it turned to an expression of worry.

“What happened? Are you okay?” he said as he reached out to touch my wet face.

I gave him a assuring smile but it didn’t reach my ears.

“Come here” he said softly as he pulled me to him wrapping me in a warm hug.

I bit my lower l*p as I suppressed my tears once more.

It gets harder and harder every time.

I wrapped my own arms around Luan as I inhaled his soothing scent.

It was enough to make me feel relaxed.

To make me feel relieved.

To make me feel safe.

He was enough to make me forget all my problems momentarily.

“You don’t have to tell me now. Tell me when you’re ready and when you want to. Just know that you can open up to me and I’ll gladly listen” he said softly and I hugged him tighter as I closed my eyes tighter as well.

“I’m not good at expressing how I feel too, Liviana. I wasn’t raised to show my vulnerabilities to anyone too. But that’s why we have each other” he continued.

“You will always have me even if you don’t want me. I’ll always be here whether you want me to be or not. That’s what a mate is supposed to do. That’s what I’m supposed to do” he said.

It’s a lie.

He said I didn’t want him.

I do.

I want him.

More than I wish I did.

But I do.

And I want him to be here.

With me.

By my side.

I want to feel his presence.

I want to hear his voice.

I want to see him.

Be near him.

I want to feel his touch.

His warmth.

His love.

“Stay” I whispered but just enough for him to hear. He stiffened.

“What did you just say?” he asked carefully.

“Stay. I want you to stay, Luan” I said looking up to him shyly. His smile widened as he cupped my face and planted a k**s on my forehead.

“Okay” he said with a smile.