ANGELS AND GHOSTS
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Reliving The Nightmare

Rachael sat with Mia, running through the list Marco had compiled for her. “The short, dark-haired guys; two of them are dead, one’s in Chicago, one’s in San Francisco, one’s in Brocksley and two are still in Middleton.”

“So what do we do?” Mia asked.

“That Clemens bitch was scared shitless of Shorty, so maybe he still lives in the area, so we’ll check out the two still in Middleton first, then the Brocksley one. One of the Middleton one’s, an Ivan Brett Cummings is on the council and he’s running for Mayor, so we’ll go and see him and the other Middleton one tomorrow.”

“Gosh, Marco is very thorough.” Mia acknowledged.

“Yeah, he knows what he’s doing.”

Mia looked away as she asked sheepishly, “Did you, you know …”

“What?”

“You know, did you, ummm … for Marco helping you.”

“What, jack him off?”

Mia blushed, “Well, yeah.”

“If he does something for me, I do something for him.”

Strangely, Mia felt jealous of Marco, although the jealousy didn’t sit comfortably with her, so she tried to re-route her emotions, and she asked timidly, “If I do something for you, will you do something for me?”

“Like what?”

“If I make you lunch, will you, ummm, you know …”

“What?”

Mia knew that her friend would love hearing her be smutty, so she gazed shyly at her as she asked, “If I make you lunch, will you jack me off?”

Rachael blurted out a laugh and said brightly, “Ohhh yeah, my friend the horny slut!”

Abuzz with all things positive, Mia remembered some of the provocative things Rachael had done to her, and in a burst of inspiration, she pushed her onto her back and giggled, “Ohhh Jiminy Cricket, are you in trouble!”

“In trouble?”

Mia squatted over her and smiled. “If you call a horny slut, a horny slut, this happens …”

Aroused and excited by the dangerous twinkle in Mia’s eyes, Rachael panted, “What, what happens?”

Mia lay down next her, and as her hand disappeared inside Rachael’s leggings, she breathed out, “This happens.”

A puckering kiss found its mark, and as her hand became fully involved, Mia cooed, “I’ll make lunch later.”

*

Naked and content, Rachael lounged on the couch, watching as Mia dropped the sandwiches into the sizzling pan.

The passionate session had produced a meteor of an orgasm for Rachael; the orgasm fast and furious, a fiery trail highlighting the moments of sheer decadence. Offenbach would have been appropriate, although when sex happened in Mia’s unit, it was normally accompanied by Norah Jones or Melanie. Rachael had grown to like some of Melanie’s stuff, and indeed having an orgasm while Melanie crooned, Look what they done to my song, Ma … was a new and enjoyable experience, a few little doubts had surfaced.

Rachael gazed across at the chef and frowned. Up until this very afternoon, Mia had been a creature of habit and modesty, and after a love-making session had concluded, she would always slip something on, whether it be a robe or a t-shirt; but on this afternoon, she stood by the stove, flipping the ham and cheese sandwiches while she was completely naked. Obviously Mia was more comfortable with her now, was comfortable strolling around naked in front of her, and that was good, that was a positive, because Rachael loved looking at the slender body, although the doubts pinged in her mind.

Immediately after Mia’s couch-shaking orgasm, Mia had sprinkled kisses all over her face, and yeah, that had been good too; it was just the accompanying breathless declarations that had given birth to the doubts … Rachael, God … kiss, caress; I love you … kiss, caress, pant; I love you so much, so much …

Rachael knew that in the very near future, she would need to have a serious discussion with her lover, Thanks for the sandwiches Mia, and thanks for licking my puss, but hey, don’t use that word okay, don’t wanta hear that word ever again … Rachael’s mind drifted back to that balmy summer afternoon almost nine years ago, HISvoice wracked with tension. I love you, I love you so much … then his voice hardening, If I can’t have you …

“Excuse me miss …”

Rachael snapped back to attention, “Huh, what?”

“Lunch for you, your Majesty!” Mia beamed.

Rachael sat up. “Thanks, thank-you … slut!”

Mia giggled as she sat next to her. “Really, you think I’m a slut?”

“Yes.” Rachael replied as she bit into the sandwich. “A pretty crappy slut though.”

Mia nibbled her sandwich and with a sparkle in her eyes, she said, “My ambition is to climb to the same peak of sluttiness that you are perched on.”

Rachael had to laugh, then she replied, “Not going to happen little Jiminy, for I am the Queen of the Sluts!”

Mia kissed her cheek then said, “No argument from me!”

After lunch, Rachael frowned, because Mia wasn’t being Mia. Prior to this afternoon, after they had eaten, Mia would scrape the plates then load them into the dishwasher, wipe the bench and then pack everything away; but this time, she ignored the plates and speared in for a kiss, her hand caressing a breast as she cooed, “Ohhh Rach, gorgeous Rachael Terina …”

Rachael travelled with the kiss, then pushed away, questioning, “The dishes?”

Mia looked at her, the brown eyes sparkling as she asked, “What?”

Rachael stared at her, could imagine Mia’s face being tarred and feathered; then she said, “You always clean up after we’ve finished eating.”

Mia gazed at the plates, then turned her focus back to Rachael, and as her right hand caressed one of Rachael’s thighs, she whispered, “I’ll clean up later.”

Rachael frowned; maybe the relationship discussion needed to happen sooner rather than later.

She foraged around in her handbag and pulled out the rolled joint, then instructed, “Come out, let’s chuff.”

Rachael opened the door and stepped out, and surprisingly, Mia followed. Mia’s t-shirt had been sitting on the ground near them, and instead of slipping it on, she waltzed into the courtyard naked. Alarm bells began ringing for Rachael, nine-year-ago-alarm-bells. She lit up, drew back, then passed it over.

Gazing at her, Rachael said, “You and me, this thing, you know, fucking, I’m enjoying it.”

Mia drew back and puffed out, then said, “Actually, it’s not what you said, it’s making love; but yeah, I’m enjoying it too.”

“Good, good, but Mia, you understand that this is just sex, don’t you?”

Mia handed over the joint, then sitting up straight, she said quietly, “Ummm, I’m not sure what you mean.”

Rachael sucked her bottom lip. In this relationship, Mia was the looker-away and Rachael was the look-straight-at-the-other-person gal, although on this occasion, she dropped her gaze. “Mia, I mean you and me, like me and you in this relationship,” Rachael began, then she pondered; Subtle or sledgehammer? She didn’t know, as she was too inexperienced in a relationship sense. “This is good what we have, this relationship I mean, but …” Rachael saw Mia tense, and Rachael gulped, thinking about the Melanie song.

Look what they done to my brain Ma,

Look what they done to my brain,

They picked it like a chicken bone,

And I think that I’m half insane Ma …

The but was the only word staying in Mia’s mind, and she asked hesitantly, “But what?”

“You and me Mia, I mean this, us, we’re, you know, not forever.”

Rachael saw Mia tense again, and she wanted to punch herself in the head. She felt the Avenging Angel part of her persona trying to sneak out the back-door, the Angel shaking her head as she moaned, Ohhh, you are a heartless bitch … and she felt the part of her persona that liked Melanie curl up into a ball as it advised, Yeah sure, the song was about being cluster-fucked, but my, you are a cold bitch … Ma … Feeling small and cruel, Rachael passed the joint across, although Mia refused.

Biting her bottom lip, Rachael knew that the image before her was destined to be with her for a while; Mia, with tears already dribbling down her cheeks, her hands between her knees, rocking back and forward, sniffling.

“Mia, no, I mean, us, this is just now, okay?”

Look what they done to my brain Ma … Rachael wasn’t skilled at this, and she needed advice, or cocaine, or her punching bag, or a knife to stab somebody with … “Mia, I like you, I like you a lot, but shit …”

“But, but what?” Mia sniffled.

“You and me, we don’t have a future, I mean this is nice, but soon we’ll just go our own way and we’ll both hook up with someone else.”

Mia shivered, hating this moment, hating her brain that used to be a nice brain, hating the chair she was sitting on, hating the joint that she was being offered, hating Brocksley, hating the world, and especially hating that person sitting opposite her, for if that person hadn’t of stopped and helped her on that fateful night, this catastrophic moment would never have eventuated. “I, I don’t understand.” Mia blubbered.

Not skilled at this, not subtle, not enjoying being in this moment, Rachael whispered, “I’m just saying, you know, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Rachael, I’m, I’m in love with you.” she blubbered.

“Jesus!” Rachael blew out. “I didn’t want you to fall in love with me, I mean I hate that fucking word, and I don’t want anybody to fall in love with me ever again!”

Mia was trembling, every word being like a solid blow to the head, every word like an attack, reducing her, defeating her.

Rachael searched for a positive, but no; no positives here, honesty was the only thing available to her. “You have to understand, I care about you, so I don’t want to hurt you, but Jesus Mia, I didn’t ask you to fall in love with me!”

“Rachael …”

“Listen Mia, if somebody says that they love me, I’m outta there okay, because fuck love! I control my life, and nobody has the right to try and own me!”

Rachael flinched at the last phrase, wanting to smash her head against a wall for being so insensitive.

Mia recoiled, not a throb, a BIG bang in her head, then another one, and it felt like her head was just about to explode; and she wobbled, gasping, her hands trembling, and she tried, she desperately tried to raise her hands to soothe her pounding brow, but her arms felt weighed down, and she lurched, grimacing, unsteady, dizzy, in a whirl, and panting, gasping for breath, she over-balanced then hit the ground with a thud.

*

Three hours later, Rachael made the dinner, although Mia couldn’t eat, teary and trembling as she mumbled, “Rach, what have I done wrong?”

“Baby, Gorgeous, no this isn’t about you, this is about me.”

Mia shivered with emotion, shivered with the prospect of not just losing the love of her life, but losing everything; and she blubbered, “No, please.”

Corrupted, Rachael imagined that she was on a gigantic TV screen that the whole world could see, and she was the evil villain who was just about to drive a stake into the heart of the pure and innocent Princess. “Mia, I don’t want to hurt you okay, and we don’t have a future because I’m really fucked up.”

With tears streaming from eyes, Mia shook her head and said defiantly, “No, no, I don’t care about that, I love you!”

Rachael blew out in frustration and moaned, “Jesus, can you stop saying that!”

Still shivering, Mia mumbled, “Sorry, I’m sorry.”

Rachael tried to compose herself. She drew in a breath then knelt in front of her, knowing that the time had come. “Mia, I told you something bad happened to me, and yeah, it was a relationship thing, a relationship that fucked up, and I mean the relationship didn’t just fuck up, it fucked me up.”

Mia could feel the end of everything throbbing in her brain, although she looked up timidly and asked, “Is, is this related to your nightmares?”

“Yeah, it is,” she sighed. “I’m going to tell you about it, and then hopefully you’ll understand that I’m not running away from you because of who you are, I’m running away because of who I am.”

Rachael sat next to her and bowed her head, knowing that recalling the tale wouldn’t do anyone any good, but she needed to let her fragile friend know who she was. “I used to live in Chicago, and funny enough, I used to be a bit of a girly girl, you know, I liked shopping and I liked buying nice clothes and stuff; and when I was eighteen, I met this guy Trent, and he seemed pretty cool, so I went out with him a few times. I had a boyfriend at the time, but Trent was the better option, I mean he was four years older than me, he had a good job and he was renting a unit, so I dumped the other guy and started going out with Trent. Pretty quickly, it was obvious that he was crazy about me, so I lapped it up, you know, thinking, yeah, this is the life, going out with an older guy and being pampered and spoilt. I mean it seemed like his single mission in life was to make me happy, so after going out with him for about six months, I moved in with him. And yeah, for a while it was good, me telling him, let’s do this or let’s do that, and hey, buy me this, will ya. So for about six months everything was cool, until he started changing. We’d go out to parties and I’d be speaking to people, and he’d push in and say shit like, Yeah, me and Rach are gunna get engaged soon! And I’m thinking, What the fuck! So he starts becoming real possessive, and if I talked to guys, he’d barge in and hold my hand and kiss me, telling the guys that I’m his fiancée, so we started having big fights, and I’m telling him to back off a bit and stop smothering me. He’s jealous as all fuck though, and he says, Let’s get engaged. And I wasn’t even nineteen then, so I’m saying, No way. So all of a sudden, he didn’t want to go out on the weekends and party anymore, because he didn’t want anybody talking to me; so we started having roaring arguments, and I’m screaming at him that he doesn’t own me, and I’m allowed to do whatever I want. So I went out anyway, and he started following me, and every time I spoke to a guy, he’d barge in and try and drag me away. We had a roaring fight one night, and I said, Fuck this, I’m moving out. He broke down immediately and he was begging and pleading, and I’m looking at this guy and thinking, Jesus, what did I ever see in you? Anyway, he starts buying me presents every day and grovelling before me, and I said, Come on, we had a bit of fun, but it’s over. So he’s crying every night and I told him I was moving in with one of my friends, then he starts threatening me. One time when he was at work, I got a few people to help me move my stuff out, then he starts bombarding me with phone calls, you know, Where are you, who are you living with? He was fucked up by this stage, drinking every night, and he got sacked from his job, and I’m screaming at him, Don’t ring me, just leave me alone! A couple of weeks went by where he didn’t contact me, and I’m thinking finally, he’s got the message. He rang one time and he was sober, and he was saying sorry for how he’d behaved, and he was hoping that down the track, we could become friends. Of course, I’m thinking, That’s not going happen, because you’re a possessive psycho; but he says, Come around and get the rest of your stuff. I was a bit suspicious, but he sounded like he’d pulled himself together, so we set a date, and yeah, I went around, went around to his unit on June the eighth, 2006.”

Rachael bowed her head, the images now vividly alive in her mind. “So yeah, I get there and he’s packed my stuff into a box, and we had a coffee, then he starts going that he realised where our relationship went wrong, and he told me that he was a changed man and we should give it another try. I’m alone with him in his unit, and I started to feel a bit vulnerable, so I said, I’ll call you every week and we can chat. Anyway, we’re talking politely for a while, him saying that everything will be different this time, and I’m trying to push him back gently, you know, not wanting to upset him. He began to understand that we were over, so he goes, I bought you a present, come with me and I’ll give it to you. I didn’t think anything of it, because he was always buying me stuff; so we walked down the hallway and he goes into the bedroom, and I’m thinking, No, don’t go in there, so I stayed in the hallway, and soon he comes out, and he stood ten feet away from me with his hands behind his back. He said, I didn’t know what to get you, then I thought, Ohhh, I know what Rachael would like! I was dumb and naïve back then, and I’m excited, wondering what it is, then he says, I know what Rachael would like … and then I looked into his eyes, and his eyes had changed, and this dark expression came over his face, and I thought, Uh ohh, and he continued and said, Or what she deserves! Tears were dribbling down his cheeks, and he said, Rachael, I love you, I love you so much … then his right hand slowly came out from behind his back, and I saw it.”

Mia had witnessed Rachael having a nightmare, so she knew that the ending wasn’t going to be good, and as a measure of support, she rubbed a hand over Rachael’s shoulder.

“It, it was a big, fat, shiny gun, and for a moment I was just staring at it, his hand trembling as he held it by his thigh, then he said, If I can’t have you … then he slowly raised the gun until it was pointed straight at me, and I mean I was so frightened I couldn’t even move.”

Rachael drew in a breath, gazed at Mia, then lowered her face as she continued. “People say that in a life-or-death situation, you sometimes see your whole life flashing before your eyes, but no, not for me, I was frozen motionless, just the one thought pounding in my mind; you’re going to die. So I’m whimpering, No, Trent, please no … then he kinda smiled this crooked smile, put the gun at the side of his head and pulled the trigger.”

Tears welled in Mia’s eyes as she asked timidly, “He, he killed himself?”

Rachael gulped then stared at her hands as she said quietly, “I was less than ten feet away, and there was this massive, Boom, and I staggered, because it felt like I got punched or something, but it slowly dawned on me that I hadn’t been punched, he’d blown half his head off and I’d been splattered with bits of his skull and brain.”

Mia hugged her and kissed her cheek, but Rachael pulled away and shook her hair back.

“And I just stood there, immobilised, stuff dripping off my face, blood running down my t-shirt, and I looked at the walls, and there’s all these thick, red oozy lines running down the walls, and bits of his brain had hit the ceiling, and they started plopping down near my feet. A neighbour heard the shot and he came screaming in, and soon there were a few people in the unit, and they’re asking me, You Okay? I couldn’t speak though, I’m just blubbering as I’m wiping blood off my face and out of my eyes, and I look around again, blood dribbling down the walls and stuff plopping down from the ceiling, and when the police finally lead me away, I had one last look at him, at Trent, and half his face was gone and stuff was oozing out everywhere, and I looked at my t-shirt, my white t-shirt which has now got this enormous sticky red patch on it, and I see hair stuck to the t-shirt and I’m thinking, What? I realised soon enough that it was his hair, and that parts of his skull had stuck to my t-shirt, and I shakily tried to flick them off, then a few white things hit the ground and I stared at them. It took me a while to understand, but soon enough I realised they were a couple of his teeth, teeth that had been blown out of his gums and plastered against my t-shirt. From all reports, I wobbled and collapsed, I mean I almost fell right on top of him, then next thing I know, I’m in a hospital.”

Rachael wiped a few tears away, then continued. “I didn’t cry for a few days, because I was heavily sedated and also because I was in shock, but when I did start crying, I just didn’t stop. I think I spent almost a week in hospital before they moved me to this rest home, and then the psychologists and counsellors started. In a two-and-a-half year period, I must have seen dozens of psychologists, psychiatrists or counsellors, and they were trying to help me obviously, but no, by talking about it over and over again, he just became bigger, and when I fell asleep, he stormed into my mind, and it wasn’t only that he was bigger, the whole memory of the event was bigger and, and I just kept hearing the Boom, every night this enormous Boom thundering in my mind, and then blood and hair and teeth flying around everywhere. I was frightened of going to sleep, so they started juicing me up, but when I did fall asleep, he’d arrive and blow his head off, and I’d wake up and I’d be trying to flick imaginary bits of hair and teeth off my nightie. I was just a mess, I mean I couldn’t do anything or go anywhere, and the doctors were running out of ideas, then one day, my Auntie Jenna came in to see me. Jenna was my mom’s younger sister, and I’d always admired her, because she’d joined the army when she was twenty. Unfortunately for Auntie Jen, she got breast cancer in 2003, and she had to have one of her breasts removed, so she was discharged from the army on a full pension. Anyway, Auntie Jen came and saw me every week, and I felt comfortable with her, so I told her everything, told her about how fragile I felt, told her that I was worried that my life had been destroyed and I would never be able to do anything, because all I could think of was that single moment. Jen spoke to my mom, and mom agreed that Jen could take me to her place and see if that did any good. After her operation in 2003, Jen had brought a little timber cabin right by Lake Chancery in Bassington, and yeah, that’s where I stayed with Jen for more than twelve months.”

“Is that where you got better?” Mia asked quietly.

“Yes and no.” Rachael replied. “The cabin was small and it was isolated, like it only had one bedroom, a bathroom, the living area and a little kitchen, but it was a beautiful setting, and we could just stroll down and sit by the lake. At the start, Jen slept on the couch and I had the bed, but every night she’d replace herself in the bed trying to comfort me, so eventually she started sleeping in there with me. I did begin to repair, you know, nobody disturbing us, just the two of us by ourselves, but every time I thought about my future, I’d break down and bawl my eyes out. One night after the nightmare woke me up, Jen spent a while caressing my brow and kissing my cheeks, and I dunno, I kissed her or something, and a part of me that had been lost was awakened. I tried to kiss her the next day, but she was gently pushing me away, saying, Rach, when you’re ready, you can go back into the real world and you’ll replace plenty of nice young men to kiss. By this stage Jen was into drugs in a big way, because the cancer had come back, and the doctors had told her that she might have less than a year left; so here’s us, one of us who was dying, and the other one who never thought she could face the world again, so some nights we’d get shit-faced on cocaine and booze, and it was one of those nights were we first got physical.”

Mia pieced it together, then asked timidly; “Physical?”

“Yeah, physical, I had sex with my Auntie, I mean I fucked my mom’s sister.”

Rachael saw Mia lower her gaze, so she tapped her on the knee.

“I know it sounds wrong, getting involved with a relative, but Mia, Jen was dying, and I was this screwed-up bitch who couldn’t face the world again, so to us it wasn’t wrong, it was what we both needed, especially me. The comfort Jen provided soothed me, but the passion and the intimacy saved my life.”

“Is she alright now?”

“Jen passed away in 2008.” Rachael replied quietly, then she gazed at the ceiling, knowing to complete the exercise, everything had to come out.

“While I was living with Jen, I, I fell in love with her, I mean I fell in love with my mom’s sister. I was fucked up, I mean I could navigate my way through every day, but the nightmare refused to go, and it came almost every night, and you know, Jen was there when I needed her to be there. Jen really was everything to me, she was the one who comforted me and soothed me when it was all crashing down, and she provided the passion and the romance that I desperately needed. One time though, my mom called in unexpectedly, I mean my parents live in Chicago, six hundred miles away, and you don’t really expect them to drop in announced; but mom did, and she saw us, you know, involved, me and Jen involved, and yeah, she screamed at Jen, I mean everybody was screaming at everybody else, and mom left, shouting at us that she never wanted to see either of us again.”

Mia bowed her face, hating everything about this tale, although she did take a moment to think of her own parents, about how much she loved them and how much she missed them. Mia tapped Rachael on the knee, then asked, “You and your mom, everything’s okay now?”

Rachael shook her head, then said quietly, “I called mom, then dad, maybe for six months, and obviously they knew it was me, so they didn’t answer. I sent messages every day for a while, but they never replied, and I tried ringing from a public phone box a few times, but as soon as she heard my voice, she hung up. So yeah, I began to understand that okay, you’ve just lost your parents, but being honest, after a while, I didn’t care, because Jen was my whole world, and if my parents couldn’t deal with it, that was their problem. I was in love with Jen, hopelessly in love with her, and I remember thinking, Yeah, we’re gunna be together forever, but that didn’t happen.”

Mia wasn’t sure that she wanted to break the silence, but the silence was building into un-comfortable minutes, so she asked quietly, “What happened?”

“Jen was deteriorating, and by late 2008, she knew the end was coming, and I was pleading with her to go to the hospital, but she told me, Rach, I’m dying, and I don’t want to be a burden to anybody and I want to die with a little dignity. We had a few screaming matches over it, and then Jen said to me, Put yourself in my situation; do you want to be a vegetable who slowly expires with no quality of life, unable to move, unable to think, or would you rather make the call yourself. And seriously Mia, I was a mess, pleading with her, No, no way, you can’t leave me! Jen looked into my eyes and whispered, I love you Rachael, I love every moment we spend together, but I’m being eaten away, and I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, especially you. I guess I came to accept it, because I understood what she was saying, and also, I could see the pain in her eyes, I saw how she was starting to struggle with even the most simple tasks. So I began to cherish every moment I had with her, then late in the year, Jen said, I’ve marked down December the sixteenth on my calendar. I’m freaking out, and I asked, December the sixteenth, what? And she held my hands and whispered, That’s the day I’ve chosen to die.”

Rachael drew in a breath, then looked to the ceiling as she said quietly, “So on December the sixteenth, we had a nice breakfast, and we chatted a bit, shared a few memories, and I was trying to be strong for her, because I loved her so much; then Jen swallowed a whole bottle of pills, and then, and then …” Rachael wiped tears away as she said, “Jen, my Auntie, the one great love of my life, died in my arms just after two o’clock on December the sixteenth, 2008.”

After she wiped the tears away, Rachael gazed into space, and said quietly, “So I rang mom again, and no, she wouldn’t answer, so I ended up sending her a letter, you know, saying, Hi, just thought I’d let you know that your sister’s dead and she’s buried in Bassington cemetery. I never heard from her though, and as far as I know, she’s never been to the cemetery, so it started pounding around inside my brain, that yeah girl, you’re all by yourself.”

Mia hugged her, and she hoped the hug was providing comfort, although the needy part of her pined, for she needed someone to comfort her. She had learnt more about Rachael Terina in a single night, than she had in the previous six months. Rachael Terina was the boldest, the most exciting and the most extroverted person she had ever met, although she was obviously damaged. Mia wanted to comfort her, but her own emotional survival was at the forefront of her mind, and with their noses touching, she whispered, “I understand that you’ve had a tough time, but Rach, I won’t suffocate you, I mean I’ll give you space if you need it.”

Rachael nodded her head as she replied, “Okay, but first, I want to tell you everything, I mean there’s things about me that you need to hear.”

Mia tensed, because quite simply, she didn’t want to hear anymore.

Rachael sank back into the couch, and with her hands between her knees, she let her gaze drop. “So yeah, me and Jen spent more than a year together, just the two of us, although occasionally she left, and when she left, it was for weeks at a time, and I’d ask her, What are you doing? At the start, she used to tell me that it was for more tests, but it wasn’t. She left me three times over that twelve-month period, and when she was gone, she rang me every day, but after the second time, I said, How come you’re ringing on a different cell phone? When she came back, she told me that she felt dreadful about lying to me, and even though what she had to say might affect the way I feel about her, she just simply had to tell me the truth about what she’d been doing.”

Silence flowed in, until Mia broke it quietly. “Obviously it wasn’t for more tests.”

Rachael sucked her bottom lip, then she said quietly, “Jen, Auntie Jenna was a … a killer for hire.”

Mia shook her head and mumbled, “I don’t understand.

“Either did I at the start, so she told me this story about this woman who used to be in the army with her, and this woman’s niece had been murdered in 2001, but the murderer walked free. Jen was really affected by the story, and she told the woman that she would like to hunt the ass-hole down and kill him, and to cut a long story short, she did.”

Mia shook her head again. “She did what?”

“She hunted the guy down and killed him.”

“You’re kidding?”

“No, it’s true, Auntie Jen hunted him down and killed him, then yeah, this woman and Jen kinda like went into business together.”

“What kind of business?”

“It’s really complicated and hard to explain, but Auntie Jen’s friend was in this victim’s support group, not that it was much of a support group, because all the grieving parents or relatives were always really angry or disillusioned; and after Jen killed the murderer, her army friend told Jen about the support group, and she said that most of the people involved are still really angry, then one thing led to another, and the two of them, Auntie Jen and her army friend teamed up and went into a killer-for-hire business, hunting down and killing bad guys who had escaped justice.”

Mia seemed rattled, although Rachael knew that she had to push this through.

“So after Jen came back from her final assignment, I asked her all about it, because I was fascinated by the whole thing; and she told me everything, told me how she watches them and tracks their movements, told me how she forces confessions out of them, and told me how she kills them. I was blown away by the whole thing, and I mean I was fucked up, I knew I was never going to have a normal life, and I knew that Jen didn’t have much longer to live, and as well my parents had washed their hands of me; so anyway, late in 2008, we heard about this girl who had been raped and murdered in Chicago, and we were both sickened by it, and it was made even worse because it looked like the killer was going to get away with it. Jen had deteriorated by this stage, I mean she could hardly even walk, and she said that she regretted that she wasn’t well enough to go after him. I thought about it for a few days, then I approached her and said, Show me how to do it.”

Mia dropped her gaze and rubbed her thighs as she asked timidly, “Show you how to do what?”

Rachael faced her, gazing into her eyes as she said, “I can’t even remember what I told you that I do, it was probably surveillance work or something like that.”

“You have mentioned surveillance work.”

“Okay, that’s not quite true,” Rachael began, “For taxation purposes, my occupation is listed as a professional gambler, and while I do earn an income from gambling, my main revenue stream comes from another source.”

“What are you saying?”

“Auntie Jenna’s army friend, the one who organised all the contacts and details for her, well, I met her.”

Clearly, Mia didn’t understand, so Rachael said, “I took over from Auntie.”

Maybe it was sinking in, because Mia was shaking her head. “You, you mean …”

Rachael blew out a breath then replied, “My job, what I get paid to do, is kill people.”

Mia kept shaking her head and she spluttered out, “No, no way!”

“Mia, Honey, I’m sorry, but it’s true; I’m a hitman, an assassin.”

“No you’re not!” Mia spat out, blubbering. “You’re just trying to think of an excuse to push me away.”

“No, this is real, this is true, this is something I’ve been doing since 2009, I mean this is why I own two apartments and I’ve got a big wad of cash in my safe.”

Mia blubbered as her bottom lip quivered.

“On the night I found you, I was actually on my way home after killing someone.”

In every fairy tale, there had to be a wicked witch, and Mia despairingly pondered that maybe she’d just stumbled across hers. All the same, she wanted to hug the wicked witch, or kiss her, or, or … she was in such a daze, she didn’t know what she wanted to do.

Rachael understood that Mia was trying to absorb and understand everything, although something else needed to be put on the table. “If we replace out who this Shorty character is, well, he’ll probably be my next target.”

Mia was surprised that she wasn’t crying, because this was mind-blowing; the girl she was hopelessly in love with, killed people. “If, if we replace out who he is, we tell the police.” Mia suggested timidly.

“Hmmm, it was thirty years ago, so there won’t be any physical evidence, and the two accomplices are both dead, so I’m thinking that it’s going to be almost impossible to bring a case against this ass-hole, but if we replace out who he is, my first job will be to try and force a confession out of him.”

Mia’s mind ticked back to the meeting with Catherine Clemens. She clearly remembered the aggression, the hostility and the threats coming from her lover. “What if he doesn’t confess?” Mia asked meekly.

Rachael looked away as she muttered, “If we replace out who he is, he’ll pay his price.”

Mia stood, picked up the plates, then moved into the kitchen. Confused, Rachael went and sat at the kitchen bench. “In a way, I’m glad I told you, I mean I didn’t want to keep lying to you.” Rachael said quietly.

Mia scraped the plates, put them in the dishwasher, then began wiping the bench.

“So like I said, I’m enjoying the time we spend together, but I had to let you know that we didn’t have a future.”

Mia stopped wiping as her head sagged. After a moment of lip-sucking contemplation, Mia looked at her and asked, “What if I disagree with you?”

Rachael rocked back in surprise. “What?”

Mia ran a hand over her brow, then said nervously, “I, I’m a little bit rattled by everything, and yes, I will need time to think about everything, but Rachael, I’m in lo- … ummm, ummm, I really, really like you.”

Rachael lowered her gaze as she said quietly, “Mia, you’re a nice person and there’s someone out there for you, you know, someone normal; so one day you’re going to settle down and have a family and all that kind of stuff.”

“I do consider myself a nice person, but I wouldn’t call myself normal.”

“Well, you’re more normal than me.”

Frustrated, Mia glared at her and said abruptly, “Rachael, ever since I got out of the coma, a voice has been calling to me, and she led me to her grave and she’s still guiding me, like I firmly believe she is in my mind,” Mia replied, “So all I can say is that I wish I was normal.”

“This isn’t a contest about who’s the most fucked-up, but almost nine years ago, my nightmare was born, then when I was recuperating, my Auntie, the one great love of my life died in my arms, and, and when I sleep Mia, blood drips off the walls and drips off my face, and then my working life is all about more blood, killing people, ending their lives.”

“Rachael …”

“What?”

“Can we not talk about that anymore.”

“Sure, but not talking about it doesn’t mean that it goes away.”

Rachael moved around to her and kissed her on the cheek. “Anyway, I’ll get going and I’ll call in tomorrow. We need to see those two guys in Middleton.”

She began walking away, then stopped when Mia called. “Rachael …”

“What?”

“Have you got any spare marijuana?”

“You want to share one now?” Rachael asked in surprise.

“No, I might have it later, after you’ve …” Mia lowered her gaze and mumbled, “I’ll have it after you’ve gone.”

*

Mia smoked the joint before bedding down, and in bed, she tossed and turned, so confused about everything. When she did begin to doze, she saw the ducks waddling across the pedestrian crossing … Ohhh, so cute … and Rachael was watching the ducks too, not the nice Rachael, Wicked Witch Rachael; and Wicked Witch Rachael shot at them, as if she was in one of those arcade shooting booths, and as each duck fell, there was a little metallic sounding ping … and Mia was in the dream too, Slutty Mia, the Mia without-her-panties-on, and she waved her finger at Wicked Witch Rachael, scolding her, ‘I will not do the Can-Can naked with you ever again, if you keep shooting the little ducks!’

When Rachael got back to her unit, she had a joint as well, along with three cans of Jimmy. She wanted her life to be controlled and predictable, she wanted to dictate what happened, and pretty much, that was the way it was … except for one thing. She knew that Mia was in love with her, that was obvious; although her feelings for Mia should be obvious as well, for she hadn’t been tarred and feathered by love, she’d only been brushed by it. So if Mia decided to walk out of her life, well hey, no big deal, because Rachael knew that she could pick up just about anybody that she wanted to. During summer and fall, she could work her way through the local baseball team’s pitchers, and then in spring and winter, she could work her way through the offensive unit of the local gridiron team, and then maybe even get involved with half of the cheerleaders as well. “So fuck you love!” she huffed.

Rachael sprinkled a line, cut and separated, stripped off naked, then glared at her groin. “See fuckwit, I’m smarter than you!”

She snorted it up, lolled her head back, then she felt the initial swell, felt the Immortal part of her persona rising, expanding, every breath she drew in being important, every inch of her body tingling with the sheer excitement of being who she was …

“N-no way!” she wheezed as she pinched her nose.

“A-a-a … fuck … a-a-achooo!”

It was a cluster-fuck, it was so fucked-up, and the Immortal could barely believe it when she felt the trickle run down her leg, and she half-laughed as she spat out, “Jesus, my life is a fucking circus!”

She went into the bathroom and cleaned herself, then looked in the mirror. She was attractive, simple as that, although fuelled by three Jimmy’s, a joint and a snort, she thought she looked like a Goddess. In a heightening state of arousal, she checked the time on her cell, then scrolled up a number and called.

A minute flittered by until the calm voice said, “Hi Rach.”

“Hey Soph, what ya doing?”

“No, nothing much.”

“You wanta come over to my place?”

“Ummm, Mr No-Hoper is not here, so yeah, sure, I feel like a drink; what’s your address?”

“I’ll text it to you,” Rachael began, “And we’ll have a drink sure, but I have to tell you something first …”

“What?”

“I’m naked.”

“Ummm, I seem to remember that I see you naked every week.”

“Yes, but tonight, I’m naked with intent.”

Sophie ran their recent conversations through her mind, then she asked cautiously, “What, you’re going to try and seduce me?”

The Immortal stood tall and cooed into the phone, “If you walk into my place, you’re going to be confronted by a naked woman on a mission.”

Sophie pondered, then whispered, “Send me the address.”

*

Three hours later, Sophie dressed then sat on the bed. “I better get going.”

“Sure,” Rachael smiled. “You enjoy?”

Sophie cocked her head and said wryly, “Since you were a part of this whole thing, I was presuming that you would’ve been able to tell.”

“Huh?”

“Miss Terina, I have never been so comprehensively fucked in my entire life!”

Rachael laughed, then said, “You’re a douchebag Niles!”

“Ohhh, how so?”

“One little fuck isn’t going to kill anyone, so you should have accepted when I first laid down the invitation.”

“I beg to differ.” Sophie replied.

“What?”

“After my first orgasm, I was so overwhelmed, I think my heart stopped and I died and went to Heaven.” Sophie said as she skimmed a hand across Rachael’s sweaty left breast. “Then during my second orgasm, you brought me back to life.”

“Hmmm, I’m almost tempted to ask you to stay so that I can kill you again; but what, this happens again?”

Sophie looked into her eyes as she asked, “You want to know something?”

“What?”

“I adore you Rachael, and when I think about who my best friends are, or who my most favourite people are, you’re right up there, so that’s always been the reason I didn’t want to get sexually involved with you.”

“Soph, this is just sex.”

“Well, maybe to you it is, but every week I see you bubble and explode, and I’m always thinking, God, I’d love to kiss this little bitch, so I’ve always shied away from getting involved with you, because the thought lingers in my mind that if I step over the edge, can I ever get back?”

“Jeez, if I was going to comment, I’d suggest that maybe you’re watching too much day-time TV.”

“I wish!” Sophie laughed. “I’m sure you can appreciate that most of my days are taken up with stroking dicks.”

“Sure, but Soph, I’m not going to try and steal you away from Mr No-Hoper, I’d just like to experience you again.”

“Clearly, you didn’t understand what I said; this isn’t about you, it’s about me.”

“Please explain.”

“If I experience this again, if I feel like I’ve died and gone up to Heaven, well I know myself pretty well, and I’d be hungering for the next time.”

“News flash; I’m hungering for the next time already!”

“Yes, but Rach, I don’t want to get lost. Like I said, I know myself pretty well, and it wouldn’t take much for me to fall hopelessly in love with you.”

The words affected Rachael, and she leant forward and hugged her, and it was an important hug, a bonding hug, as thoughts hurtled around in her mind. Your life IS a circus, but don’t lose your true friends, don’t chase the true friends out of your life … you haven’t got that many to lose …

Walking to the door, Rachael gazed at her shyly and said, “Thanks Soph.”

“Thanks?”

“Well you know, thanks for letting me slam you, and importantly, thanks for reminding me about what’s really important in life.”

Sophie hugged her as she said quietly, “Miss Terina, friends forever.”

Rachael didn’t feel like a gigantic Immortal who could conquer the world, she felt like a tiny, little Immortal who could shimmy through each day, but her nipples were still erect, so she said, “I’d like to do this one more time.”

Sophie pondered, then said, “Okay, but only if it’s going to be the last time.”

Rachael nodded. “Yeah sure, it can be like our break-up fuck, besides, I’ll still be expecting you to tickle my clit every Friday night.”

Sophie laughed, shook her head, then asked, “So for the break-up fuck, is Wednesday night okay?”