Awakening (2 book series)
Awakening – Rejected Mate Chapter 13

Generally, males treat femmes with respect after turning, but not all. Hormones, lack of a mate, and sometimes undirected testosterone levels, all contribute to rogue males with little consideration of punishment when fueled by a need to have s*x. We are primal animals, and s*x is in our basic everyday makeup once we turn for the first time. I know I'm already suffering for the cravings to be fulfilled. My body yearning for my mate to join with me, until I feel like I may turn inside out with the internal painful pangs for his body. The annoying part is, that no one else will do and I have zero interest in any kind of instant relief with any other male, or any form of self-pleasure, not that I would know how. It's not been high on my list of priorities in my life.

I've become aware, more than ever now, that I am no longer safe in this home when surrounded by unmated males. A lack of a real pack means a lack of protection, and any kind of consequences for a male who brutally takes what he wants. We live in a cruel world, and as an unwanted no one cares about the rejects. Especially not if one reject attacks and violates another. We have no back up.

It doesn't matter if every single one of them saw me imprint on Colton; it's public knowledge Juan is denying the bond and I've been sent to dwell here to stay away from his son. They know not to kill or maim me, but messing me up a little, doing unspeakable things... his son would recover the pain quickly and not carry the emotional scarring that I would. I'm not safe.

I stop my daily ritual pacing and slump down on my bed, aware Vanka has come in, grabbed some belongings and left again. She too is keeping her distance since the turning. It seems my public shaming with Colton put me in some kind of social outcast list, among even my own fellow unwanteds.

Not one of them has looked my way or talked to me in days. No one wants to know me or be seen associating with the girl who had the audacity to bond to someone way above her station. Especially not Prince Santo himself. Like I somehow orchestrated all this, and it wasn't fate at all. Committed some kind of heinous sin that marks me as the lowest of the low, even in turns of being in this crappy home.

The only thing keeping me from being killed is the fact Colton will die if anyone touches me. I mean, I'm sure if I was cornered and attacked by someone it would affect him too, but it doesn't seem to matter to the circling predators in this house. Most hate the Santo's and any of the alphas for that matter because they know they will never be them, or match up to them, and jealousy and ego are a lethal combination. They won't be hunted for inflicting pain on him, only if he dies.

I lie down on my bed, my stomach growling with hunger pangs while tying my insides in knots, but I just can't seem to face eating. I try; I go down for allocated mealtimes, but I pick at my food and it all tastes like cardboard when I put it in my mouth. Nothing shifts this feeling, this deep emptiness creating a cavern inside of me and it's bottomless and cold. The longer this goes on the worse it gets. The only thing my body craves and wants, it can't have. I hate that he can mess me up like this, when we were strangers only days ago. It's not fair!

I close my eyes and will myself to picture anything but him. Push the thoughts of him aside and try to bring forward an image of my parents instead, something I do when I need to self-calm or bring a happy memory into the depression of my daily life. I try to formulate my mother's face, to bring me some comfort, but they are all becoming blurry faded pictures in the dark recesses. so that seeing them properly is no longer easy at all. Time is taking them from me, and I have nothing left of them in any form after the elders destroyed all links to our past dead.

I need to see you.

The familiar voice comes out of nowhere, inside my head and I jump at the intrusion, having a minor heart attack as my beat elevates crazily. Sitting up fast and spinning my head around to scan my room as if he is going to be standing right here. I know his voice well enough; I hear it in my dreams any time I sleep, and my body tingles in response at the contact, goosebumping all over instantly. Insides tingling with anticipation of seeing my mate again. I miss him beyond words, even if it's insane to do so. Where are you?

I reply desperately, unable to contain the surge of adrenalin that hearing him inside my head gives me. Just a tiny ounce of contact, restoring some of this desolate emptiness I've been feeling since that night.

I'm in the pack house and we have to be discreet. Meet me in the west forest, deep down by the old cavern, within the hour. Don't let anyone see you leave. I'm being watched like a hawk, but I know how to get there unseen. We have to talk face to face.

I almost sob with both the utter happiness at hearing from him and the fact I will get to see him for real, not just an image in my head. To share physical air, and lay eyes on what my soul craves the most. The only thing dampening my crazy instant elation is the serious almost monotone hint in his voice and the lack of his excitement I'm experiencing as I pick up emotions through the link.

Can't we talk like this first. I don't know if I can get out right away, and it just feels so good hearing you inside my head again. Don't go. Talk to me now.

I sound as desperate as I feel, and I don't want him to close the link once more. I've waited endlessly to have him link me like this.

No. It's harder like this, it only strengthens our bond when we link this way and I have a lot to say. I told you, this needs to be face to face. There's something we have to do properly.

My heart plummets into my stomach as his alpha tone hints through, and I know I'm being commanded and not asked. That doesn't sit well, and the sense of foreboding that sentence gives me almost rips my soul in two. It's obvious whatever he wants to say is not going to be about replaceing a way to make this work without his father's blessing. He wouldn't care about making our bond stronger if that were true. I try to ignore the suspicions, but I just can't.

Just meet me, please.

This time the tone is gone and it's just sheer request with a little underlying plead. I hold in the urge to beg him to talk more now and push the tears aside, clinging onto hope that maybe face to face it will be something good, not what I fear, and nod into my empty room. Heaviness consuming me as heartache gnaws at my stomach and chest.

I'll be there.

I sound deflated, sad. Close to breaking, with a raw huskiness in my tone that I can't conceal and wait for him to close the link between us. Like waiting on something painful to happen, and I hold my breath. Alora?....... I'm.... I wish it didn't have to be this way. I'm sorry that it was me.

Before I get a chance to reply to that strained husky reply, he closes off and I physically feel the link between us go dead. My mind quieting back to solitary and I know he's gone. Even with a bond, a mate can choose to close the channel of communication at will, and he just did, like he has been doing for days. I stare at the wall numbly, lost in the moment and how empty everything feels once more. Knowing that my prison is going to be eternal and I can't see any other way out.

I know I'm getting to see him, finally, but everything about that interaction breaks me open and I roll over into my cushions to sob it all out. Crying in pain, that's not too dissimilar to mourning my entire family, ten years ago. I feel worse now I've spoken to him briefly. This feels as much of a loss as then, even if it seems crazy and not even a comparison. Like something awful is coming and that when I see him, it will only serve to cause me more devastation.

A nagging voice of logic and haste in the back of my head pulls me out of my dark depressive state, and reminds me that if I want to get to the forest within the hour, I need to get up and motivate myself. In human form, it's a trek and a half, and I need time to get ready. I've been living in my nightwear for days.