Awakening (2 book series)
Awakening – Rejected Mate Chapter 68

I don't know whether to feel relieved, proud, or devastated by the fact I did that, alone. That I managed to pull some weird power out of my gut and take down a bear, with nothing more than air. My heart constricts, my gut twists, and I suddenly have the overwhelming urge to throw up as human emotion kicks in and slight shock takes over. I begin to tremble, heart bouncing against my chest wall, mind racing, over the fact I literally just had my second ever, real full on battle, with something capable of killing me and this time, I didn't almost die at his hands. Umm paws. I didn't need Colton to save me either. He'd be proud, not that it matters, or that I care of what he thinks anyway.

I push my paws out in front of me, moving to stand on my hind legs and stare at them, unsure how to feel about it. Really just gawping at these strange clawed, fur covered, rather blood-soaked weapons of destruction I never knew I possessed. I mean, of course, I knew I had paws, but these ones, they did something weirdly special that I can't explain. They also look... whiter?!?! Under the mess, and grime, and red stains, but maybe I never really paid attention to how pale they were before. I was sure they were greyer when I first turned.

I try to muster that sensation again, that physical veil thing that I could touch, and hold, and see, but nothing happens, no matter how many weird grunts and noises and odd faces I pull, and I shake my hands away, feeling stupid for not knowing how to control something I can clearly do. My legs begin to shake, and I can already feel my energy waning and signaling I'll return to human form soon if I don't hurry up. I don't know if I would be able to do this as a person, and I'm not ready to forget it already. I forget the bear, forget the battle, the shock, the pride, and walk back to the clearing, extending my hands and try to grasp at air again, with no avail. So focused on this now that nothing else registers in my brain about what just went down. Whatever that was, I have to figure out how to do it at will. I have to understand how to conjure it and make it appear like that, so I know how to use it again, or hone it. Like the day I shattered everything in the house... it just happened when I got mad and.... I got mad!

The thought hits me like a slap in the face, as my brain clicks into place, and I recall just how crazy angry with Colton I was right before I managed to do that. Just like I was a mass of seething fire, sweat, and despise, with this idiot grizzly. That has to be the key between what I did at the house, and now this.

I don't think it was the same as this though, and he proved it was some sort of absorption gift, especially when he tested himself against it. I definitely did not have Colton's strength, speed, and power this time, or else the bear would have been toast in seconds. I saw what he did to the vampire that night. So I did absorb and deflect his own gifts. This isn't that this is something else, unless that bear had weird powers and was some sort of shapeshifter and not a regular black bear at all.

I glance back at its lifeless form, a hint of apprehension and circling questions and shake my head, removing that doubt completely. Shifters would revert to person after death, and it's still a pretty sizeable black fur rug over there. Creating a dark mass against the trees.

I felt anger, and rage, and instead of fear, I wanted to exert my dominance. I instinctively protected myself with something I conjured up, and I haven't come in contact with anything like this that I can ever recall. Not recent enough to absorb anyway, and I know it wouldn't have stayed with me. Absorption doesn't last, like it hasn't with Colton's gifts.

I look down at my hands once more, weighing it up in my mind and realize that it's exactly how I did it. Raging with Colton, like I was with the bear, so it must be the source to harnessing it. I need to learn to use my rage to control my gift. Not that it will be hard to replace a reason to be mad, I just need to remember the pain of four days after leaving, and bingo, I could fuel rage for an eternity while cursing his 'puta skanky a*s' name.

If I leave the self-pity aside and remind myself that on the full moon a few days after that, I felt no new agony... so no new betrayal, then I know the answer. He must have marked her before the turning ceremony, once he was sure I was long gone. Out of sight, out of mind. He didn't even wait.

I sat up that whole night waiting and watching the moon and felt nothing. Slimy dog.

It ignites rage all right, but I don't know what to do with it. I stare at my limp hands, slowly turning back to human, failing to conjure the milky mist and give up. I guess without something to direct the rage, or have something threatening me in some way, then I have no idea how to conjure it up properly. Maybe if Colton was standing in front of me....

My head falls back as I sigh up at the sky and exhale heavily. Nakedly standing in the wood, and brain jumps back to reality. I have an opportunity presenting itself if I put gifts and rage aside. I just killed a bear, a big one, and his fur shouldn't be wasted when I'm trying to make rural survival more bearable. I was aching for some home comforts, and a soft bed... that fat chunky a*s has a perfectly thick piece of warmth going to waste now. I need to remember what my father told me about off grid survival. that it's essential to utilize everything you can at any given opportunity.

I turn my attention back to the beast, a sliver of guilt finally cutting into my heart a tad painfully, reminding me I am in fact human, as I watch its now still, pathetic, pose and try not to fall back into weak girl with too much empathy. I've had to do this a lot these past days when hunting my own food and I need to accept that life can be cruel, and in nature, it's eat or be eaten. I ignore the growing knot in my heart and chest, push away the thoughts, and replace that inner grit.

I pull out my pocketknife from my backpack and flip out the knife section, gleaming in the sun hitting the clearing and shining back at me. I've been using this to skin rabbits and such for days, but its small and not the sharpest, even though I have tried to use flint rocks to keep it so. It will take a month to skin that damn bear.

I extend my hand, stretch it out, and turn it alone to my wolf paw. Lycanthrope can use their paws like hands, or feet, and I extend my claws fully, measuring up mentally the size and sharpness, knowing really, I have the only tools I need right here. I don't bother dressing, as I'm filthy after that little battle and about to be more so. Dried blood from my own now healed body, and the bears wounds, covers my skin in disgusting patterns and smear marks. I probably look as feral as this makes me feel. I'll need to bathe before dressing, and this is going to get messy.

I cover the ground between us and close the gap with the bear, extending my claws fully, with my mind set on a stomach-churning task. Leaning in to salvage what fur I can and maybe a trophy claw, as a reminder that I just earned my first warrior stripe. I push down the urge to vomit, suck up the sudden surge of emotion that makes me feel slightly vulnerable, as I stand over my kill and survey what I'm about to do. I don't even know if bear meat tastes good, it might when cooked, and I guess I'm about to replace out. It's the first day in the last eleven, that the sadness and hopelessness abates, and I feel like I might just learn how to get through this in one piece with a little more resolve than the last two weeks. I might learn how to grow, how to be strong if I give myself more time and some faith. If I can take on a bear, maybe, I can take on something paler, faster, deadlier, with a blood l**t should I happen upon one.

I need to figure out how to unleash my potential, and for the first time, I wonder if Colton saw it before I did. That he could see through what everyone else did and caught a hint of a spark when he got closer to me. Maybe I am special. Wolves can't throw air.