Celestials
Chapter 5

My body was freezing but my lips were warm, deliciously warm. I moved my body closer to where heat was radiating near me. There was a mass of heat on the back of my head and on my hip. It started tingling through my body, need and wanting building up.

My eyes flew open and met dark ones. Holy shit. I was kissing Jude. I wasn’t just kissing him, we were going at it like two horned up teenagers in the back seat of a car. And god, did my body scream to keep going.

“I’m sorry, Rory,” Jude whispered to me. He didn’t look sorry – more like completely bewildered. “I tried everything to wake you up.”

“What?” He had kissed me to wake me up? The dream came back to me: the white place, my mother, hands trying to keep me there. I thought I was going to die there. “You kissed me to wake me up?” My voice raised an octave. The problem was I wasn’t sure if it was because I was mad at him for doing it or mad at me for enjoying it so much.

Jude nodded. “It was the only thing I could think of. You’re body was cold, draining of its heat, its anima. I had to do something.” Then he threw a light, half-smile at me. “I figured if I kissed you, you’d be angry enough to wake up and hit me.”

Instead, I had jumped him full force. It was at that moment we both realized we were still wrapped around each other. The heat on the back of my head and my hip were his hands which had been pulling me closer. My hands were tangled in his dark curls and his body’s obvious enjoyment of our kiss was pressed up against my thigh. I was plastered to his body.

Slowly, I untangled myself from him, unable to meet his eyes. “Thanks…for waking me up.”

“Sure.” His eyes wouldn’t meet mine either. Jude scuttled to the end of the closet, sitting as far away from me as he could get in the small space. Immediately, my body started shivering.

I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, trying to gain back some of the warmth. There were spots where my skin was frigid, like it had been sitting in the snow. Quickly, I felt my body. All of it was like that. Panic surged in me. What was going on?

“What’s wrong?” Jude asked as soon as I started panicking. Stupid protector power.

“My skin,” I answered, trying to remain calm. It was most likely something normal. “It’s cold in spots.”

He looked concerned. That’s never a good sign. “Did you project yourself?”

“The white place.” I shook my head, trying to clear it. “Uh…the place where the Nordic gods live.”

He nodded. “Did anyone touch you?”

“My mother, but her hands were warm.” I smiled at the memory of her.

“Anyone else?”

“Everyone.” God, a million hands had grabbed at me. When Jude looked at me quizzically I explained the dream…er…projection.

Jude nodded and then winced a little, like whatever he had to say was going to hurt me. “It will go away eventually. There’s one way to make it happen faster.”

“What?” I couldn’t help to keep the skepticism out of my voice.

Jude opened up his arms and moved his legs so there was room for me to crawl into his arms. “Come here,” he nodded to me.

I really, really hated that I really, really wanted to do it. But I was angry. I knew the kiss wasn’t real, but I had liked it. He had done it to wake me up and I had felt something. My body hadn’t jumped at any man’s attention in a long time.

Jude sighed. “I’m not going to do anything, if that’s what you’re afraid of. Otherwise, it’ll take a few hours for your anima to return to normal and your body to be at normal temperature. Now that I’m your protector, my energy, so to speak, will feed you and give your body back warmth.”

Yeah, see the problem Jude, is that I want you do something and that’s what’s bothering me. But, I obviously kept that thought to myself. I couldn’t spend hours freezing. What if Da or Boreas touched me? Reluctantly, I crawled into his arms, bringing the blanket with me.

Jude slowly wrapped his arms around me, like he was waiting for me to run. I laid the blanket over both of us.

“What time is it?” I asked.

Jude peered of my closet door to the clock on my bedside table. “Five.”

I nodded, sleepily. Between constantly waking up early and projecting myself places, I was destined to constantly be exhausted. “Perfect time to ask you questions.”

My head rose and fell on his chest as Jude sighed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Why do they want me so bad?” I couldn’t help the fear out of my voice.

“I can’t tell you. It’s something that happens once in a generation,” he answered.

Hmmm…once in a generation? “But why me?” I persisted. “There’s nothing special or anything about me.”

I could feel Jude smile into my hair. “That’s not true. You just don’t see it.” His warm voice was barely a whisper. Then he cleared his throat and continued, louder. “The beings that want you – you are stronger than they could hope for. They think – they think you may be able to help them once and for all.”

I rolled my eyes. “You realize that doesn’t help me at all. At least now I know why you’re so frustratingly cryptic.”

He chuckled softly. It was nice to hear. “Rory, you’re going to get all the answers you need eventually. You have some of them, though. You just don’t realize it.”

“Okay, Yoda,” I said sarcastically. “What answers do I have?”

“If you think about it really hard, you know who is after you,” Jude told me.

I sighed and then snuggled deeper into him. My body was already pretty warm, but I liked being here with him. He was frustrating, confusing, and demanding but my body didn’t care. Enjoy it while it lasts, I told myself, because when he realizes the truth about Mom he’ll be out the door – protector or no. I needed to figure this out before he left.

I looked up at Jude. “Okay. I’ll play.”

“Just think about it.” Decidedly unhelpful. Thanks for nothing there, Jude.

I gave him a pointed look, just to make sure he understood how unhelpful he was being. “Okay. There are fiery, bat creatures and Nordic gods.”

“And where do they live? Think…biblical.” He was trying to help, I could tell. His body was tensed with anticipation.

“This is like that game, you know, where your team has to guess what you’re talking about but if you use certain words to describe it, they buzz you and you lose.” I looked at him and Jude just looked confused. Smiling, I shook my head and focused. “Okay. Where they live…biblical. Well, caverns and fires and blue sky and whiteness. Oh, and columns, which I somehow doubt are important but…whatever.”

Jude looked to the sky, well, the top of the closet. “Wait! You read…right? Or at least watch movies.”

I nodded.

“Think Dan Brown.” His smile told me he was proud of his idea. Of course, his clue was useless.

“The author?” Jude nodded. “Like The Lost Symbol?”

“Leave it to you to pick the less popular book,” Jude grumbled. “What else did he write? Tom Hanks and that Italian woman were in the movie.”

My eyes lit up. I knew this one! “Oh! Angels and Demons!” Jude nodded and before my delight in guessing right could spread, I thought about it. And it made sense. “Wait. Angels and demons? That is what’s after me?”

“Yes.” I never knew one word could carry so much weight and sadness.

“WHAT?” I pivoted in his arms so I was facing him, my face inches from his. There was nothing in the slightest bit sexy about it now. “That’s insane.”

His eyes met mine evenly. “Think about it, Rory.”

It made sense. It all made sense. The winged creatures were very much like you would picture angels and demons. Even the places I projected to. They could very much fit the visions of heaven and hell. And then something struck me.

“An angel tried to kill us? Isn’t that against, like…angels don’t kill!” I argued.

Jude rubbed his eyes. “It’s not how you think it is. The terms and associations that humans created are much different than the actual reality of the places.”

“How?” I wanted to know.

“In about every way possible.” I glared at him. He slumped against the wall. “I’m not sure how much I can tell you.”

“Try,” I urged him, my eyes still glaring.

“Okay, the fiery bat people-“

“Demons,” I supplied.

“Gag order,” he countered. “I can’t say that.”

“Keep going,” I demanded.

“They aren’t as bad as you think. Some of them are but not most of them…” he tried.

“Malthus, I’m pretty sure, is worse than I think.”

Jude smiled ruefully. “He is. He’s one of the worst. But the others, mostly are just people whose lives were…lead astray.”

“You mean they were sinners?” I was trying to recall any teachings of the church. When I was nine I stopped going, so my knowledge was rusty and viewed through childish lenses.

“No. Sins to humans are such a broad spectrum of things – rules laid down by man. There are people who have evil inside of them, they are the ones who end up like Malthus. Everyone else was…judged based on how they live their life. There are beings for that. And like anything else, emotions come into play,” he explained, his sadness weighing heavier and heavier on him.

“Beings to decide where they go? Like court?” I asked. “Angels and demons have a court to decide whether a dead person goes to heaven or hell.”

Jude sighed again. “Not exactly, but for now that’s as close as we’re going to get.”

“And you’re saying that sometimes these judgments aren’t what they are supposed to be? That they judge you based on their opinion of you and not on your actual life?” I asked, skeptically. This kind of seemed like it sucked.

“Sort of. They can scroll through your life, see every good or bad decision you made, but sometimes it doesn’t matter. Say you’re basically a good person, but something traumatic happened in childhood that made you turn to drugs. You’re still basically good, but a drug addiction leads you to make decisions and…I don’t know start a meth lab in your apartment. Your apartment blows up and you accidentally kill the two kids next door. Even if you sober up after that, the guilt you carry over killing those two kids shapes your life and carries itself with you to the afterlife. Should you go to h-“ he choked, “go to the Nordic god place or with the fiery bat people?”

I shrugged. “Nordic god place, I think. It’s not like you tried to kill those kids.”

“Okay. But in…court, sometimes the feeling of guilt weighs down everything, so all the gods and bat people see is that you killed kids. They could send you to the fiery, bat people,” he haltingly explained.

I sat back. This was getting crazy. “But that’s not right.”

“No,” Jude shook his head. “But it happens. Things aren’t as black and white as you’re lead to believe.”

I sagged against Jude. His hand automatically moved to my hair, soothing me. “This is confusing.”

“I just want you to know what you’re dealing with, as best as you can.”

“Thanks.” A thought had been creeping up on me, the whole time Jude was explaining the court system to me. I didn’t want to voice it. I didn’t want to be scared, but it had a mind of its own. “Do you think…when I get…I mean, you said you heard the rumors about my mom.” I didn’t lift my head from his chest. There was no way I could look at Jude. “Do you think I’ll be judged…and go down to the fiery bat people…er, demons?”

Jude pushed me away from him and held my chin until my eyes lifted to his. “No. Your case is different anyway, but even if it wasn’t, you’re too good to go there.”

“I don’t know,” I answered, honestly. I really didn’t know what I was capable of. That’s what the past had taught me.

“I do. It doesn’t matter anyway. Either place, you’ll be fine. It’s not the torture humans have imagined,” he told me.

I shrugged. “I know, sort of. It’s just…my mom was obviously in heaven and I thought I would get to be with her.”

He looked at me for a moment. Heat passed between us and then sadness reached his eyes. “One day, will you tell me what happened with your mother?”

“You’ve heard-“

“I know,” he cut me off. “People talk. But I want to hear what you have to say.”

I stared into his dark eyes and looked for revulsion or sensationalist excitement. All I saw was compassion and a lot of sadness. “Maybe,” I told him. “Maybe one day.”

He nodded in understanding. Jude’s hand was still under my chin and his thumb was gently stroking it. The movement was unconscious but it was driving me crazy. I couldn’t keep my eyes off his full lips. Our faces started moving closer and-

A loud rapping on my window had us jumping apart.

“Who the hell is knocking on my window at this time of the morning?” I asked. Then I cocked my head. “Who the hell knocks on windows?”

Jude looked unhappy. “If I had to guess, I’d say Gabe.”

“Oh that’s right, because you two are the only people I know opposed to phones and doors,” I muttered, exiting my closet.

Sure enough, Gabe was perched on the tree branch knocking at my window. I was going to need to buy some thicker curtains. The sheers I had on there were no protection from men who insisted on communication via my window. I lifted the window frame and peeked my head out.

“It’s six o’clock in the morning. What could you possibly need?” If I was a little grumpy, it was only because I had been dealt a lot in the past couple days and now I was beginning to feel like I had no privacy.

Gabe’s sun bleached brows knit together in confusion. “Did you just come out of your closet?”

“Yes. Now what do you want?” I was not going to explain things to him.

But he wouldn’t give up. I saw his eyes travel to my bed and then back to the door of my closet. Hopefully, Jude had hidden himself. “Did you sleep in there?”

“Does it matter?” Before he could answer I continued. “What do you want?”

Gabe smile brightly and the morning lit up. “I wanted to check to make sure you were okay.”

“I told you last night I was fine.”

“But, I wanted to make sure…all the poison was gone and that you…slept okay,” he lied. Wow, he was a terrible liar. But what was he lying about?

As if Jude could hear my thoughts or maybe he could just hear Gabe’s terrible lying ability, Jude muttered, “He knows you projected.”

How did Gabe know that? How did Jude know that Gabe knew that? What the hell? I glared at Gabe, but really it was for both of the men. I just didn’t want to explain the Jude-in-my-closet.

“I’m fine. Now,” I started for the benefit of both of them, “I’m going to shower and it would be nice to be left alone.”

“But-“ Gabe tried when I closed the window in his face.

I grabbed some clothes from the drawer and stalked out of my room. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jude’s head emerge from the closet.

“Rory, I-“

“Bye, Jude,” I cut him off.

I showered and felt more human. The exhaustion, however, had me dragging. I wasn’t sleeping a lot to begin with and now it seemed when I did, I projected myself into places I didn’t even want to think about right now. It was taking a toll on my body. There were bags under my eyes and I could feel my body limp with exhaustion. The smell of coffee dragged me downstairs. Boreas sat at the kitchen table shoveling a bowl of cereal. He looked up and then grunted.

“Ya look like shit, Rory,” he told me while I poured a much needed cup of coffee.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, wondering briefly if I had remembered to brush my hair. I patted my head. It didn’t feel too knotty so maybe I had.

Boreas grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at him. “What the hell is with ya lately?”

I shook my head, not quite able to meet his eyes. “Not really sleeping. Deadlines ’n stuff.” I’m pretty sure my fairly incoherent mumbles made sense. God, I hadn’t even tried writing in the past two days and my deadline was tomorrow. Shit.

“What’s been going on with ya? Ya’ve been acting strange all week. Did Jude do something to ya?” he demanded.

My eyes must have widened in surprise.

“What did he do?” he growled.

I shook my head again. “Nothing. Why are you asking about Jude?”

“Ya’ve been weird since he was here and the two of ya were all over each other in the kitchen the other day. I thought maybe he upset ya.” His brotherly concern was sweet, but I don’t think even he would understand what was going on. Although it would be nice if someone did. Maybe he could explain it to me.

“No. We don’t always get along, but that’s about it. I’ve just…just been having some bad dreams and stuff.”

Boreas sat me down and handed me milk for my coffee. “Mom?” he asked.

I almost chuckled hysterically. For the first time in years, it wasn’t bad dreams of our mother that kept me awake at night. They were always worse when I was back. I swallowed the tears that threatened to spill.

“No, actually.” I shook my head again and then looked up at him, hoping my smile didn’t look forced. “I’m fine, Bor. Just working through some stuff. I’m tired.”

He eyed me for a moment longer and then nodded. “Maybe it’s none of my business, but ya seemed to be getting close with Jude.”

“It is none of your business,” I snapped.

Boreas shrugged, like I hadn’t said anything. “And a few of the guys told me ya left Jake’s last night with Gabe.”

Damn small town, gossiping about everything.

“So?”

“What are ya doing, Rory?” His overprotective, older brother thing was sweet, but really unnecessary.

“Nothing. Jude and I are becoming friends, I guess.” I mean if you didn’t count the steamy morning kiss, which wasn’t even a real kiss. But I had to tell Boreas something. As my newly appointed protector, I felt like Jude would be around a lot. “And well, Margot sort of forced Gabe to take me out.”

Boreas chuckled. “Sounds like Margot.” Then his face sobered. “I’m a guy, Rory. The way the two of ’em look at ya, it’s not friendly. Are ya sleeping with ’em?”

“What? No!” At least, not the way he meant. It wasn’t like that. Was it? They way they look at me is some weird supernatural thing that my brother must be misconstruing as lust. “I’ll be fine, Bor. I promise.”

He nodded. “I can take Da to the doctor’s and you rest. It’s right near the docks.”

“It’s okay,” I told him. “I was planning on taking Da and relaxing with a book while I waited. This way, I don’t have to feel guilty about not working.”

He laughed. “If you’re sure.”

“Thanks, Bor,” I said. This time I smiled for real. “I really will be okay.”

He ruffled my hair affectionately. “Just don’t get into too much trouble.” With that he was out the door and on his way to the boat.

I put my coffee in the sink and grabbed my keys and a paperback. Da had been in the backyard when I came downstairs, so I went out to look for him. When I stepped to the grass I realized Da was standing there with Gabe. Dressed in jeans and light sweater, he looked like an Abercrombie model.

“Ready to go, Da?” I asked.

Da smiled knowingly at me. Uh-oh, that was never good. “Sure.”

He and Gabe headed over to Gabe’s truck. Da held the door open for me, as Gabe slid into the driver’s seat.

“What’s going on?”

Da’s eyes twinkled. He was matchmaking – again. “Gabe said he would take you to breakfast so you didn’t have to wait for me at the doctor. You can both pick me up on the way back.”

I leaned my head in the cab of the truck. “You don’t have to do that. I’m sure you have a job to do and I can take Da just fine.”

Gabe’s smile was warm and blinding. “Don’t have to work until ten today.”

“Must be nice,” Da said, while ushering me into the truck. “Of course, working on a boat, you don’t get to come and go as you please.”

“I know, sir,” Gabe nodded. What was that all about?

Da brightened, patting my knee. “Gabe was just telling me how much he liked it here. Thinking he could see himself here permanently.”

I rolled my eyes. No wonder Da was so chipper. The guy was putty in Da’s scheming, matchmaking hands.

“Well, isn’t that nice for him,” I snapped. With a forced, serene smile, I faced forward. “California and I will miss him while he’s here.”

“Really? You’d miss me?” Gabe piped up.

Seriously? Da smiled at me. He thought his plan was working. Who takes sarcasm at face value? Only Da and this guy.

Luckily, we got to the doctor’s and I didn’t have to deal with Da’s interference. He waved cheerfully as Gabe pulled away.

“You know, you shouldn’t bolster an old man’s dream if you’re just going to dash it later,” I told him. My arms were crossed and I was too angry to look at him.

“I told him the truth.” Gabe’s voice was full of Boy Scout earnestness. “I would settle down here. It’s a great place and I think I would like working on the boat.”

I snorted. “Then I hope you replace yourself a nice Aleut Harbor girl to do it with.”

His hand brushed down my arm. “I’ve already found her.”

I pulled my arm out of reach. “Well, I don’t want to settle back here, so you can quit buttering up Da with lies about our future.”

His eyebrows raised and the excitement in his eyes was almost manic. “Our future?”

I rolled my eyes. “You know what I mean,” I grumbled.

Gabe’s hand resumed its trip down my arm. “Yes, I do.” His voice was husky and strangely eager.

“I mean,” I said pulling my arm away, “our future as in the future you lead and the future I lead, not necessarily together.”

“But you’re not ruling it out,” he stated, happily.

I glared at him. “The way you’re talking right now, we’re not even going to have a next five minutes.”

He smiled, again. “Fine. We’ll take it slow.”

The rest of the way to the restaurant, I silently fumed. Da really needed to mind his own business. And what was with Gabe? We went on one pseudo-date where we both almost got killed and suddenly we’re mapping our future together. This was getting way past ridiculous and with all the supernatural crap on my plate, I didn’t have the temperament to deal with Gabe’s ardent advances.

The waitress seated us in a booth in the corner of the Cape Cheerful Café. She took our order quickly and the two of us sat sipping coffee over awkward silence. Well, it was awkward for me. For some reason, Gabe was grinning like an idiot.

“What?” I finally asked him.

“What do you mean?” His face was still split in that aggravatingly cheerful grin.

“Why are you smiling at me like that?” My exhaustion and the constant prickles that had been with me all morning were not improving my mood.

Gabe shrugged good naturedly. “I like being with you. I’m happy we’re here.”

Sweet. So wretchedly, disgustingly sweet. God, what was with me today? I would have killed for a guy to say things like this to me even a few days ago. Yes, but a few days ago, I wasn’t being chased by angels and demons. Some things took precedence over my love life. Would I even be able to have a normal one after all of this was over?

“Why are you even trying to be with me?” I asked. “My life, especially right now, is sort of doomed.”

“When it’s all sorted out,” Gabe explained, reaching across the table to take my hand, “we can be together. You’re different than I thought you would be and I like you more than I would have imagined.”

Despite my anger, I couldn’t help a small blush from staining my cheeks. I lowered my eyes and they came into contact with combat boots. Standing at the end of our table was who could only be described as a shrunken version of Malthus. He looked exactly the same as he had - god was that just last night? – but he was wearing a deep red t-shirt. In the light, however, he was a normal-sized version of what I had seen. He was more like a stocky, body-builder than the barreling, monstrous bull. How had that happened?

Malthus slipped into the booth next to me, forcing me into the corner. He nodded to Gabe. The prickles travelled from my temple to the back of my neck. Great.

“Gabriel.”

“What do you want, Malthus?” Gabe asked, warily eyeing the demon.

“Appollyon wanted one of us to introduce ourselves to this woman. He thinks we ‘got off on the wrong foot’,” Malthus explained. His voice still boomed, but not nearly like before.

If looks could kill, Malthus would be dead from Gabe’s. “You already have someone here.”

“The Incomitatus is not one of ours!” Malthus hissed.

“Well, Satan’s gates, he isn’t one of ours!” Gabe countered. Then he steadied himself and looked Malthus up and down. “He is her protector.”

“Angel’s lighting,” Malthus mumbled, clearly that was some kind of curse. “We suspected as much.”

My eyes moved back and forth between them like a ping pong match. “Jude is the Incomitatus?” I asked.

“Yes.” Gabe looked really unhappy about all of this.

“And that means?” I cringed after asking because Malthus was staring me down like I was an idiot.

“The Alone,” Gabe filled me in.

“Oh.” Jude had said something about that. Not that it made anything make any more sense. Seeing as they were both supernatural beings, I figured I’d try for some answers. Malthus was a demon and Gabe was…well, something in that world. “Are you two under gag orders too?”

“For Holy Lights sake,” Gabe exclaimed, “how much did Jude tell you?”

I couldn’t help the small smile. “Not much, since he’s under the gag order.”

“We all are,” Malthus grumbled. “He’s ruining this again. She can’t make a pure choice.”

“And who’s Appollyon? And Micaela for that matter? Oh, and if any of you could explain the choice I need to make, that would be really helpful. Thanks,” I sputtered out, unable to help the biting sarcasm that dripped into my words. I had a good feeling they weren’t going to give me answers.

Both men sat in silence glaring at me. Great. Now I have more people that don’t talk to me. So I did what I do best when confronted with an awkward situation – started talking like a blithering idiot.

“Hold up. If Micaela is Uriel’s boss, for lack of a better word, than does that make her like, head angel? And you’re a demon,” I said softly, turning to Malthus, “so is Appollyon like, the head demon? And that being the case, since you are both after me, do I have to choose between the two of you? And why? Because that seems like an asinine choice to let a human make. And a hell of a lot of pressure,” I wrapped up and took a swig of coffee.

When I looked up from my cup, both men were staring at me in surprise. “What?” I asked.

“Satan’s gates, how much did he tell you?” Gabe asked. He looked quickly around the restaurant to see if anyone heard us.

I shrugged. “He didn’t really tell me anything. I guessed and sort of put things together. Why all this secrecy? I mean, if I’m supposed to make some sort of informed decision, shouldn’t I know all the facts?”

“No!” Both men almost shouted.

A few of patrons looked over at us. When they saw it was me, they immediately turned back around. That’s me folks, town troublemaker, here to ruin your breakfast. I sighed. I wanted to go home. Back to San Francisco. Back to normal life.

The waitress dropped off our food and quickly moved away. Malthus’ presence intimidated everyone. The pancakes I ordered weren’t nearly as appetizing now that I was sitting with a demon and a whatever-Gabe-was. Stubbornly, I dug my fork in and swallowed a bite. They would not intimidate me. Never let them see your fear.

When I finished my bite I stared the two of them down. “So can you at least tell me why I’m the one that has to make this stupid decision?”

“It’s not stupid,” Gabe grumbled.

A sickenly, sweet smile plastered itself on my face. “I wouldn’t know. Someone won’t tell me what this choice is all about.”

Malthus shook his head. “We don’t know.” When I glared at him, he glared back and my heart rate sped up a notch. This guy was seriously scary. I just had to keep reminding myself that Jude said they wouldn’t hurt me. “We can only feel in a person’s anima that they are the one.”

“And if I don’t make a decision? What then?” I didn’t even know what I was deciding and I was already being difficult. If they just told me, maybe the decision would be easy to make. Somehow I doubted that though.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I picked it up. A text from Jude.

U ok? Felt something but didn’t want to go crazy. Btw – used phone ;-)

I sighed. Well, at least he hadn’t rushed over. We were progressing, I guess. Without thinking of the impact it would have, I typed back.

@breakfast w. Gabe and Malthus. Don’t ask.

Malthus looked at Gabe. The two of them had some sort of silent communication while I checked my phone and Gabe nodded. He reached over to take my hand. “The indecision will tear you apart.”

“What?” I’m sure my screech had patrons turning toward us again, but I didn’t notice. All I heard was Gabe’s words. “What does that mean?”

Gabe started stroking my hand. “The indecision will literally tear you apart until you die.”

“And then the supernatural court will decide whether I end up in heaven or hell, so either way, one of you gets me?” I countered angrily. I was going to die or I was going to make some sort of choice….and then what? “What happens if I make a decision?”

Malthus and Gabe did the silent communication thing again. Gabe rubbed his forehead and Malthus stared at him stoically.

“She won’t be able to make a pure decision now anyway,” Gabe told Malthus. Malthus nodded and then they both stared off into the distance. What the hell?

Another moment passed and then Gabe looked at Malthus. He looked back at Gabe and they both nodded to each other.

“If you make a decision, then you fight,” Gabe told me as if that explained everything.

“Fight who?”

“You are the strongest Certus we have ever felt,” Malthus tried, his dark eyes excited. “We think you are the one that has been spoken of in the prophecy.”

“Prophecy? Certus?” I choked out. I ask for answers and all I get is more confusion.

Gabe nodded, stroking my hand again. “The Undoubted. There is one in every generation who settles the fight between the angels and demons as to who will rule earth.”

I snatched my hand back and sputtered, “Y-you want me to decide who will rule earth?!”

“Yes,” Gabe answered as Malthus said, “No.”

“What?”

Malthus held his hand up to Gabe to keep him quiet. “The prophecy states that one will come that is stronger than all before them. This Certus will use their might to decide the battle once and for all.”

This was starting to sound like some strange movie plot. Except I was sure it was going to end happily ever after. “So I decide whether to back angels or demons and that’s who rules earth forever?”

They both shook their heads. “No,” Gabe answered. “Since you could be the Certus in the prophecy, whichever side you choose will use your power to fight the other, ensuring victory.”

“And what happens to the people on earth?” I asked, looking between them. Neither of them would meet my eyes. No. No! “That battle is waged HERE?”

“In every war, there are casualties,” Malthus told me.

“No. Screw that. So you two banded together to force me to make a decision that will ultimately rip the earth apart?” I hissed. They didn’t care about human lives? Well, I did. My anger pounded furiously in my temples and the prickles throbbed with it.

“House cleaning,” Malthus clarified.

“Fuck that.” I grabbed my purse and since Malthus didn’t look like he was moving, climbed over the back of the booth into the one behind me. Thankfully, no one was sitting there. “Fuck that. I would rather die, than have that happen. So go screw yourselves and your supernatural friends.”

Gabe stood up and grabbed my hand. “You will be hunted. You will be forced to join one or the other.”

I shook him off, anger and fear raging within me. “Fuck that. I will never be part of this.”

Malthus shrugged, a menacing smile lighting up his face. “Your demise.” He was going to enjoy hurting me.

Sprinting out of the restaurant, I ran down to the docks. Quickly, I headed to the beach and my rock. I needed to hide somewhere. I needed to get away. Tears built behind my eyes, but I refused to shed them. Never let them see you cry.

I slid into the sand, leaning myself against my boulder and hugged my purse to me. My mind whirled. There was nowhere I could hide that they couldn’t replace me. But I couldn’t stay here. They might hurt my family. No, I had to disappear. Go die in peace or more likely, incredible pain.

Trying to gulp in breath, it hit me. I was going to die – soon. I would never win a Pulitzer or get married or go to India and where a sari while eating authentic Indian food. But it was that or the world would be destroyed. Neither the angels or the demons deserved to rule over it. They were both really screwed up from what I saw.

Maybe I needed to get killed violently. Then my ghost could haunt wherever I died and neither of them would get my spirit.

Screw it. I had enough money. I was going to hide in India first, do what I want to do while hiding, and then replace a way to get violently killed.

“Rory!” someone yelled. My heart jumped into my throat. “Rory!”

Then I realized I recognized the voice and the prickle in my temples that came along with it. Jude.

At that moment, he ran around the side of the boulder. He was out of breath and looked frantic. Dark eyes scanned over my body. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to India,” my voice strong with decision.

“What?” Jude’s brows knit in confusion. Between the look on his face, his heavy breathing, and the gray Super Mario Brothers t-shirt he wore, he looked nothing like the protector he was supposed to be. I almost laughed out loud and then it hit me. He was my protector.

“I’m going to India and you’re going to protect me from the angels and demons. You can’t let them get me,” I told him. The cold panic that I had been holding at bay crept into my voice.

“I told you, I won’t let anyone hurt you,” he said stepping towards me.

I shook my head. “Not just hurt me. You can’t let them get at me. Even after I’m…torn apart. They can’t get my spirit. I won’t fight for them, I won’t.” The panic was hitting hard and furious.

He wrapped his arms around me and then his head snapped back. Jude’s worried eyes met my panicked ones. “Torn apart? What did they tell you?”

I relayed the entire breakfast conversation with Gabe and Malthus. My fear grew as I talked until I was shaking. Jude’s arms tightened around me. The thought of my fight ahead and my increasingly short life, had tears in my eyes. I tried to swallow them. Never let them see you cry.

“Shit,” he mumbled. “I suspected you were the pr-“ his words choked off and Jude made a noise of frustration. “You were what they said. But I thought we could figure a few things out before they openly declared war on you.”

I sniffed and stepped out of his embrace. “I think I declared it on them.”

A proud smile lit up his face. “So you did.”

It was my turn to be confused. “Why do you look so happy?”

He chuckled lightly. “I’m not happy, this situation is pretty much a mess. But I’m proud of you - holy hell that sounds debasing. What I mean to say is, you’re right. They shouldn’t have control of humans and they shouldn’t involve them in their war.” I nodded. “So what does all of this have to do with going to India?”

I sucked in a strengthening breath. “I figure if I’m going to die, I’m going to do stuff that I always wanted to do. I’ll go to India, eat some Indian food in a sari and then replace a way to violently die.”

His face paled. “Violently die?”

I explained my theory, praying that my shaky voice would hold out. Just don’t let me break down. I have to be strong in my decisions. Unfortunately, it wasn’t just about me anymore. It was about the whole f-in world.

Jude shook his head, sadness etched in every feature. “It’s not going to work. If you want to die, no matter how violently it happens, your spirit won’t be stuck because you still got what you wanted. And by that point, you’ll want to die from the pain.”

“Well, that sucks,” I told him.

“But, when you die, the essence moves on to another body.”

“My soul goes somewhere else?” This was getting more complicated by the moment.

“No,” Jude sighed. “What you call reincarnation is an entirely different thing that I’m not going to get into now. The essence of the Certus moves on to another body. That’s how it passes from generation to generation. So they won’t be able to use all that power after you die.”

“But I don’t want it to pass to anyone. They’ll still win and no one else should have to make this decision.” I don’t know where all my worldly benevolence was suddenly coming from. Though Da would probably say it was more likely my stubborn, independent streak not wanting to do what anyone else tells me to.

Jude grabbed my face, his eyes boring into mine. “We’ll figure something out.”

I nodded and moved my hands up to cover his. “I need to go home and pack and…say goodbye.”

“You’ll be back.” Jude’s voice was a hoarse whisper. He stroked my cheek gently. I leaned into the strength his hands provided. Tears clogged my throat.

“No,” I choked down a sob. “I won’t.”

“Rory, I will not let you die.” His promise hissed with determination and emotion.

It was my turn to be the strong one. I stroked his cheek gently. “It’s okay. I have to. I’ll accept it, in time.”

With that, I turned and started home. Jude walked quietly next to me, neither of us able to say anything. Up in my room, I started filling my backpacking bag with clothes and other things I might need. I wanted something easy to carry. The problem was – what do you pack when running from supernatural beings and are inevitably going to die? Not a formal gown, that much I knew.

Jude paced morosely around my room. Every once in a while he would stop to look out the window or idly go through my things. After fifteen minutes of this he looked up.

“Where do we go first?”

I shrugged. “I don’t care. Just away from here. I can’t let them hurt Da or Boreas or Margot. And not San Francisco. I have friends there.”

“We’ll drive as far as we can, but I think buses will be our best bet to go undetected. Public but they don’t ask for any ID,” Jude reasoned.

I nodded. And then looked up at him sadly. “I have to resign from The Exit .I love my job.”

Jude stopped pacing and watched me. “You don’t have to. When this is all over-“

“I have to,” I interrupted. “It’s the right thing to do. It’ll be easier for everyone that way.”

“Rory, you’re jumping into this. We’ll figure this out. You can’t just-“

“Deconstruct my life?” I asked him, my voice rising with determination and fury. “I have to. I have to settle things before I go because I’m not coming back. And if I do, it’s because I somehow managed to ignite the fight between angels and demons and the entire human race will be just insignificant casualties to some ridiculous, ancient war between two opposing beings whose main reason for existence is to be opposing forces. God, have they ever heard of the word balance? So yeah, I need to deconstruct my life because from here on out my life is a crazy spiral toward ultimate death. You can either help or get the hell out.”

I sat on my bed. My little tirade exhausting me. Jude sunk down next to me.

“I’m not leaving.”

“You can,” I told him. He opened his mouth but I cut him off. “I know. I know. You’re my protector. But you don’t have to be. You could go out, replace a nice girl, settle down or something. Go live your life. Mine’s over, so go replace yourself one.”

Jude raised his hands helplessly. “This is my life, more or less. I’m with you in this until the end…whatever that is.”

“Thanks,” I told him. It was nice to have someone with me, even if he had to be there. “But just know that any time you want to bail – I’ll understand.”

He brushed a strand of hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. I closed my eyes, the gentle touch threatening to undo the tenuous hold I had on my emotions.

“Write your resignation. I’m going to call a guy I know about falsifying an identity for you. I’ll just be in the hallway.”

“So this is what my life has turned into?” I scoffed.

“I’m sorry.”

Shaking my head, I got my laptop out. “It’s not your fault.”

I spent the next couple hours finishing my last article for The Exit and writing my resignation letter. I went with the excuse that Da was really sick and needed me here. Then I wrote three more letters. My goodbyes to Da, Boreas, and Margot. I couldn’t leave them any explanation as to why I was leaving and they would see through any lies, so I didn’t say anything. They were the hardest letters I had to write.

Sensing my need to be alone, Jude respectfully stayed in the hall. Sometimes I could hear him on the phone talking. Other times, I could feel his presence quietly outside my door.

Alone in my room, letters written, I finally let the tears fall. I hadn’t cried in years but I couldn’t bottle it up any more. This was too much for any one person to deal with.

Suddenly strong arms were around me. I sunk into them a moment before pushing them away. Never let them see you cry.

“It’s okay to cry. I’m not going to hurt you,” Jude’s soothing voice told me, trying to get me back into his arms.

I didn’t realize I said it out loud. I’ve never let anyone see me cry, not even Da, not since Mom’s funeral. Swiping furiously at my eyes, I tried to push Jude away. Instead of going, he just held me tighter.

“Just leave me alone,” I demanded, pushing at him.

“No.” He was determined and Jude’s grip tightened on me. “I’m staying here. It’s okay to cry in front of me. I’m not going to think you’re weak or make fun of you.”

I sat up and looked at him. “How could you know that?”

“What?” But he wasn’t looking me in the eyes.

“How did you know that? How did you know the kids would make fun of me when I cried?” I moved until his eyes had nowhere to look but at me. “How could you possibly know that?”

He shrugged, but his eyes lowered. “Kids are cruel.”

“Yeah, Jude, they are. They are fucking really cruel. Especially when they think you killed your mom, but how the hell did you know that?” I demanded. Anger was replacing any fear.

He looked at me this time. I ignored the sympathy I saw in eyes. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

I pushed him away and started pacing. “No. No, I want you to be honest with me. God, I am putting all of my trust in you. You know everything and I know nothing, yet I am trusting you. If I can’t fucking trust you, then you need to just get out now.”

Jude sighed. “Boreas and some of the other people in town. They told me how cruel people were to you. How the kids called you names at her funeral and ostracized you. Boreas wanted me to know what I was getting in to.” A faint smile lit up Jude’s face. “And he threatened to kill me if I hurt you.”

“Men,” I rolled my eyes at him. But his explanation made sense. Of course, my demise would make it into the gossip circles along with the rest of my past. I sat down and hung my head. Part of me wanted to give up right there. There was nothing left for me. But I knew I couldn’t. The supernatural beings would win and earth would be a mess. Again.

“Will you tell me what happened from your side?” Jude asked softly. “It might help.”

Suddenly, my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID. Da. Oh god, he was still at the doctors. I held a finger up to Jude, letting him know we’d get back to our discussion.

“Da,” I answered. “I’m so sorry.”

“What are ya doing, Rory?” He didn’t sound mad. Da sounded delighted. What the hell? “You and Gabe having fun?”

Oh, that was it. He thought his stupid, romantic plan worked. Blech. “Sorry, Da. Gabe and I got in a fight and I left. Um…Jude dropped me home. I’ll come get you.”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll stay on the boat with Boreas ’til supper.” His voice was all happy again. Da wasn’t really picky who I was dating, just as long as it was someone.

“Da,” I argued. “It’ll take me two seconds to come get you.”

“No. Have fun with Jude. Tell him he has the rest of the day off.”

“But, Da-“ And then I realized, I was stupid for arguing. If Jude and I both had the rest of the day free, we could escape easier. I mustered as much fake enthusiasm for my budding fake romance that I could and put it all into my voice. “Great, Da. Thanks.”

Shaking my head, I hung up the phone. Jude watched me skeptically. I started laughing, I couldn’t help it. My life was falling apart and all Da wanted to do was marry me off – to supernatural beings no less. Of course, he didn’t know that.

“You okay?” Jude asked.

“Yeah,” I giggled, trying to regain sanity. “Da wants you to know…you have the rest of the…day off. Free…to impregnate me…or whatever,” I barely managed through laughter.

Jude eyes widened. He looked worried and perhaps, a bit turned on. “What? Impregnate you?”

“Has it escaped your notice that Da is trying to marry me off to…well frankly, it seems like anyone? So when he heard you were here, he gave you the rest of the day off. If you impregnated me he would be psyched, then it would mean a shot gun wedding. Nice and quick,” I added. Da’s heart was in the right place.

“Right,” he mumbled uncomfortably. I burst out laughing again. Jude looked completely freaked out.

“Don’t worry there, Sir Lancelot, it’s Da’s plan, not mine. No future, remember?” His face fell when I said that. “Too soon?” I asked.

Jude cleared his throat. “It’ll never be the right time.” Then his eyebrows raised in question. “Sir Lancelot?”

“You’re my protector, like a knight-in-shining-armor.” Both of us sobered. “Okay, so no jokes about impending doom.” He glared at me. “So what do we do?”

“Finish packing, figure out where we’re going.” He smiled. “Maybe we can even replace a man to impregnate you along the way.”

“Not funny, Lancelot.” With that I got up and continued throwing clothes in my bag. My arm came across a tight, purple, strapless dress I had bought in San Francisco. Sarah had convinced me that it made me look sexy and I was going to wear it the next time we went out to hunt for men. Now, I would never wear it.

“You okay?” Jude asked for the millionth time.

I nodded. Screw it. If I was going out, I was going out in style. I folded the purple dress and threw it in my bag. “I don’t care if I have to wear it around a hotel room. I’ve never gotten to wear that dress and it cost me a pretty penny. So I’m wearing it soon.”

Jude nodded. He was being surprisingly supportive of me. Is this what it felt like to have a terminal disease? People acquiescing to your decisions because they knew you didn’t have a lot time left.

“Jude?” My voice faltered, damn it. I tried to smile calmly, but from Jude’s reaction I just looked crazy. “How long do I….how long till I – it tears me apart?” Don’t cry, Rory. Don’t cry!

He took my hand and sat me down on the bed. “I don’t know, Rory. It hasn’t happened in a long time and the person it happened with wasn’t as strong as you.”

“What does that mean?”

He sighed. “They weren’t as powerful. So you’ll either last longer or...go quicker. But I’m going to figure something out.”

“Sure,” I half-heartedly agreed with him. I was hoping that it was the former and I would hold out longer. But apparently, no one knew. Stupid ass prophecy. “Who made this prophecy anyway?”

“The Oracle,” Jude answered, like I knew what he was talking about. When I threw him a look, he continued. “There’s a place…it’s neutral. The Oracle lives there. From what I know, this is where the prophecy is passed down from.”

“From what you know?” This sounded suspicious.

“No one really knows about the Oracle. Prophecies get passed down by messenger angels or demons, but the Oracle has fixed them so they can’t communicate. No one knows anything about the Oracle,” he sighed. “It’s rather frustrating.”

I lifted a skeptical eyebrow. “I’d say. Seems a little shady to me. What about Micaela or Appollyon? Don’t they know about the Oracle?”

“Guess Malthus and Gabe told you about them,” he muttered. Then Jude looked up at me. “Even they don’t know anything about the Oracle. The messengers deliver the prophecies and that’s it.”

“Then how does anyone know it’s not some lunatic somewhere doling out bogus prophecies?” I asked. “All these things could be lies!”

Jude shrugged. “It has always been like this and the prophecies have all come true.”

“Oh.” That deflated my annoyance. They have all come true? Then I was screwed. “What did this one say?”

Jude gently squeezed my hand. A tingle ran up my arm. “A human would come, carrying great tragedy and this human would have an anima that surpassed all others. This human would make the ultimate choice to end the war between Angelus and Everto – angels and demons,” he clarified.

“But it doesn’t say that I have to choose one of them to end the war,” I pointed out.

Jude sighed again. “What other choice could it be?”

“I don’t know,” I trailed off. Then something else hit me. “The great tragedy thing…that fits me. I mean, I’m sure it could fit a lot of people. But-“

“Your circumstance is especially tragic and unique?” Jude filled in for me. I nodded. “Will you tell me what happened?”

I shook my head. There was no point. It was in the past and so what if that was my great tragedy? I didn’t see how this would help us or the prophecy.

“Trust? Remember, Rory?” His voice softly pleaded with me.

I leaned my forehead against his shoulder. There was no way I could get through the story and watch his deep eyes judging me. Jude wrapped his arms around me and settled us against my headboard. With his hand stroking my hair, I started talking.