CHASE
20

CHASE—

Time went by slow without Bella. There was nothing left here for me to keep me sane. I had tried to be better for her, I had took my pills and now it was all a waste. She'd left. Just like Sofia. So who was I suppose to be better for? Who was I suppose to keep my sanity for? Myself? I liked myself a lot better when I didn't give a fuck. I enjoyed myself a lot more when I let the crazy in me take over. What was the fun in being a good person? Where was the fun in being normal?

Just like everyone else, she'd turned her back on me. I had for a second, just for a second believed that I could change for her. I didn't think like that anymore. I wasn't going to be fooled again.

Everyone walks out on you.

Everyone wants to see you crash and burn.

She never cared about you anyways.

Just like Sofia.

'Just like Sofia.' I repeated out loud. A small laugh escaped my throat. I let my guard down once again. And once again someone gave me a reason not to. No one deserved me to change for them.

They're all worthless.

They are. Next time someone breaks my trust, next time I'll end them but there will be no next time, there will be no trusting someone again. For I have vowed to never let someone close enough to get me. Close enough to burn me.

I didn't bother looking up when the door opened. I didn't have to take a look at her to know she was here. Bella. She couldn't stay away huh? She just had to come back.

She wants to play with your head.

She's an enemy now.

Don't trust her.

'Chase.' Her voice almost a whisper. I could hear her little footsteps getting closer to me. Closing my eyes, I held back the urge to launch at her. To ask her why the fuck she keeps coming back? Why the fuck she keeps messing with my head?

'Chase I need to talk to you.' She sounded nervous, oh how I liked it when she was nervous. How I liked it when she was afraid. It took her three days to come back to me. In those three days I stopped taking my medication, the voices were back but they weren't as strong, they were getting there though. I wanted the voices back, I wanted them to tell me how stupid I was to trust her. I wanted them to tell me that it was ok for me to want to suffocate her. She'd wasted my time, made me human again and now, now I had to become the real me. I had to become the person I was made to be and no one was going to change that.

'I know you must be mad at me for leaving. Can you give me a chance to explain myself?' I turned to take a look at her, she seemed upset. Good, she deserved to feel worse.

'I was being threatened. My accident, it wasn't an accident. Someone drove into me that night, someone tried to kill me a few days ago again.' I clenched my fists, the thought of someone wanting to hurt her boiled my blood but I didn't believe her anymore. I didn't want to believe her words.

She wants you to feel bad for her.

She's manipulating you.

Don't listen to her.

'Truthfully, I thought it was you. I know I must sound crazy but I kept receiving notes telling me to stay away, to not visit anymore and I thought maybe you didn't want me to visit so you was scaring me off. I questioned you about your whereabouts that one time remember?' I wanted to smack her. She thought I was going to threaten her from behind the scene? I felt insulted. If I wanted to kill her, there would be no 'trying', I'd get it done.

'I'm sorry for doubting you, I'm really sorry Chase.' She kneeled down next to me, her voice broken. I watched her push back the tears that so desperately wanted to escape her hazel eyes.

'Who did it?' I don't know why I asked or why I even cared, after everything, she blamed me when it came to the bad things that happened to her. Just like Sofia. She had doubted me too, she had assumed that I'd hurt her too. Maybe it was best that I did exactly just that.

'It was my ex. He's arrested now.' She reached out to touch me but I stood up and moved, trying to hold back from dragging her out of the room. She didn't belong here, she never did belong here.

She belongs to you.

You can keep her.

Make her your toy.

I clutched my head, pushing out the voices. I didn't want her here. She had doubted me. In her head, I was the monster everyone else saw me as. I was a psychopath. Nothing less nothing more.

'You haven't been taking your medication have you?' She stood up and reached out for me again, her hands reaching for my ones that were still clutching my head. I didn't bother fighting her this time, I just wanted her to be quiet.

'Chase, I'm so sorry.' Grabbing her wrists I pulled her against me, my face inches away from hers. 'You're sorry? For what Bella? For betraying my trust? For not believing in me enough to know that I wasn't the one trying to hurt you?' Digging my fingers into her wrists, I tried to empty the rage inside me somehow. I wanted to yell at her, to tell her to never come back. I didn't want to change anymore.

'I didn't betray your trust, I just, I was afraid.' She looked down, not even attempting to pull away from my tight hold on her. I could shatter her delicate bones in my hands if I wanted to.

'Afraid of me.' I let go of her and clutched my head again, this time it was just shooting pains, no voices, no thoughts, just pain.

'Why would you stop taking your meds Chase? Just because something didn't work out it doesn't mean you have to stop trying.' She wrapped her arms around me, her head pressed against my chest. I couldn't handle her being so close, it was driving me crazy.

'I made a mistake by doubting you but that isn't a good enough excuse for you to break again. No matter what happens you need to keep trying, keep doing your best to get better.' She buried her face in my shirt and squeezed me, the pain had subsided and I almost, just almost wrapped my arms around her but I held back, letting my arms drop to my sides, I closed my eyes and ignored the feelings I was feeling inside.

'When the caterpillar thought its life was about to end, it turned into a butterfly.' My heart stilled and my mind froze. I had lost all and complete control of myself. I felt the room spinning around, suffocating me.

'What I'm trying to say is that, it won't always be so bad, whether I'm here or not, you should always try your best to get better, not for me but for yourself and then something beautiful can come out of that.' I couldn't hear her anymore, I was still frozen in my place, I was losing my head.

'What's wrong?' She looked up, her voice distant to my ears as I looked down into her eyes. Hazel eyes, brown hair, soft voice. It was all starting to come to me. I didn't know how it all happened but I knew the truth now.

'What is your name?' I had to force the words out, not sure if I even wanted to know the answer, I was going to lose it.

'What?' She looked confused, she didn't know. Could it be? Was she playing me? I felt hot, like my skin was on fire. I pulled away from her, taking a step back all the while she stood there watching me.

'What did you just say?'

'I said what..' Her brows furrowed, clearly confused by my sudden reaction, but I had to hear it again.

'Before that.'

'What are you..' I stopped her mid sentence, I had to hear it. Again.

'About the caterpillar.'

'Oh, I said when the caterpillar thought its life was about to end, it turned into a butterfly.' She played with the tip of her hair, seeming slightly nervous.

'It's something I've always said, I think I must've read it somewhere. It's a good saying, don't you think?' She looked up at me again, I was losing my mind while she stood there confused.

Everything hit me all at once. Rage. Pain. Betrayal. I fisted my hands tight, trying to hold back from ending her life right now, I held back from taking away her very existence.

'Bella. Leave. Now.' I spoke through clenched teeth, I felt sick. I felt angry, I could feel my veins throbbing with the need to strangle her, to hurt her. When she didn't move, I yelled. I yelled so loud I'm pretty sure she almost had a heart attack.

Eventually, she left. Left me with my newfound thoughts. She better wishes she never comes back, if I ever lay eyes on her again I'm going to make her life a living hell. I swear on that.