CHASE
34

Tracing my fingertips over the 'C' that had damaged my skin permanently, my eyes on my collarbone. I knew that he was gone now, that I was safe but I could still feel his hands roaming around my body as he possessed my soul. He was like a ghost, even now that I was free of him, I could feel him lurking in the shadows.

Finally replaceing the courage to take a look at my back, I opened my eyes and scanned every whip mark that had indented my skin. Vivid images of him mercilessly whipping into my body as I lay on the floor with my guts in my mouth, approached me. A single tear slipped free and I wiped it away. I wasn't going to cry. Being weak wasn't an option. Not today.

'Why did you hide it from me?' I asked, I had told mum that I knew everything. About Sofia. About me. I was more shocked to replace out that Becca was there all along, living beneath the floor we walked on. My heart ached for her, I considered myself lucky, at least.. I was still breathing.

'We wanted a normal life for you, something that you didn't get as a child.' I ignored the empty feeling in my chest. Knowing that all of this time, I had thought I had parents but in reality, I was just an orphan. Just like Chase. I wanted to wonder about my biological parents but they weren't worth the thought. I had Lesley and Jack now. They had been more than just parents to me, they'd been my backbone, my hero.

'Now can you tell me about what happened during those three months? It hurts me to hear it just as much as it hurts you to say it out loud but you have to understand, keeping it buried deep in your head isn't going to change what happened and it isn't going to help you.' She rubbed over my hand supportively. I knew she was right but I couldn't replace it in me to relive my time with Chase. I didn't even know where to begin or where to end.

'I want to be alone.' I pulled away from her and stared at the floor, hoping she'd respect my wishes and leave me be. From the corner of my eye, I could see her nod and then she stood up and walked towards the door, stopping inches away from walking out she turned and said...

'He loves you very much, I hope you know that.'

My heart clenched and my throat dried up. Slowly lifting my head, I searched her eyes for a meaning to her words but she just smiled.

'What.' I swallowed down the ache in my chest and hoped that she wasn't talking about him.

'Everyone else, they're all gone. He killed them but you, you're still here. He might've hurt you, but he did it out of love. I'm not agreeing with him in no shape or form, what he has done to you, it's horrid. It makes me sick but I know how much he meant to you and I want you to know that you mean to him just as much, maybe more. After all, because of him, you were freed from that hell those sick people had made for you, those sick people who called themselves parents.'

I could see the mixed emotions in her eyes. She didn't hate Chase for who he was, in fact, she might've even adored him for it. She envied him for protecting me all those years but she felt hurt that he had turned his back on me and did this, but even then, he never killed me, he might've even saved my life. I understood that now, if mother understood him then that meant a lot to me.

She went to turn around to leave, giving me one last gentle smile that brightened the darkness in my heart. Taking a look at her, I couldn't have asked for a better mum.

Getting up from the bed, I rushed towards her, she stopped in her tracks and turned around. She looked concerned as I stood there silently taking her hand in mine. Pulling down my turtle neck jumper that I had wore to hide my collar bone, I put her hand over the 'C' that he had marked me with. Tears pooled in her eyes as she studied the scar, her trembling fingers tracing over it.

'He said I was special and that's why he marked me differently.' I thought back to his words, he'd spared me from having the first letter of his name engraved into my face. I didn't know if I should be thankful for that or to hate him for doing this to begin with.

'I'm sorry.' She whispered then pulled her hand away, I could see that it pained her to see it, to feel it but she wanted me to talk, so I was going to talk.

'You said he did it out of love but this was pure hate.' I pointed to the 'C'.

'This was pure hate.' I turned around and lifted my shirt for her to see my back. She eyed my scarred skin, I could almost hear her heart shattering, I didn't mean to hurt her but I had to get it out, like she had told me to.

'This was pure hate.' I held my hand over my heart. He'd broke my heart and it wasn't out of love, he'd done it to hurt me. He'd done it because at that moment, he hated me.

'But the worst part of it all is that, I did all of this to him when he gave me nothing but pure love.' I held back the tears, not willing to break down. I knew I shouldn't have been defending him or even trying to justify him for a second but I knew that I wasn't innocent. I'd broke him down, I was as bad as the people who had hurt him physically, because I, I bruised him mentally.

'Bella you were seven.' Mum wiped away the many tears that had landed on her cheeks, seeking freedom. She wiped the tears away and held my arms in her gentle hands. 'You were scared. You didn't know any better. That doesn't make you a bad person, and that doesn't make you any less than you are.'

I looked down at my hands, I knew I wasn't intentionally trying to hurt him but a single innocent act can break someone's entire life and me, I did exactly just that to Chase.

Momentarily lost in my misery, I knew I had to be strong. He'd been strong for me during our childhood. My parents had been strong for me up until now and now, I had to be strong for myself.

Because.. when the caterpillar thought its life was about to end, it turned into a butterfly

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