Dating the Defensive Back (The Nash Brothers Book 1)
Chapter 39

Risks Versus Regrets

It feels like an ambush…like she’s been waiting all day to get me alone.

As if it wasn’t bad enough that she decided to accompany Ava down to the cafeteria.

“What are you doing with that sweet girl?” my mother asks me when it’s just the two of us.

I excused myself to the restroom shortly after Asher and my father arrived, and my mom said she had to go, too.

And now here we are, standing in an empty hallway near the restrooms, and I really do have to go take a piss, but now I have to answer to my mom. She raised four boys who all ended up playing football professionally. If you think this woman can’t take every single one of us on, you’d be wrong.

“We’re just having fun,” I say, my tone more defensive than it should be.

“The way you were looking at her when she was holding Josephine was more than fun.” She raises her brows pointedly.

“I don’t really want to talk about this with you, Mother, and I have to use the restroom.”

“She’s young, honey. And she looks at you like you’re her everything.” Her voice is quiet as she ignores my words.

“It’s complicated.” I lower my voice and sigh. “We’re faking it for the press for multiple reasons. She’s Beckett’s little sister, and I know she has feelings for me, but I also know my track record, and I don’t want to hurt her.”

She closes her eyes and shakes her head as she purses her lips. “God, we really messed all four of you up.” She draws in a long breath. “Your track record is meaningless, okay? If you like her—or more, whatever it is you might be feeling—you’re doing more harm than good to both of you by pretending you don’t.”

“She said something similar,” I admit.

“Then take the chance, Grayson. It’s better to live with risks than regrets, don’t you think?”

“Do you regret marrying Dad?” I ask. My voice sounds like a little kid’s as I ask the question.

“Oh, honey,” she says softly. She squeezes my bicep. “No. Not for a second. We were very happy for a long time despite the things I swept under the rug, and we wouldn’t have the four most important people in my life if I hadn’t spent all those years with him.”

I nod as I consider all that. “Okay.”

“I guess what I really want you to hear is that whatever happens, it’ll turn out okay.”

“You didn’t hear Beckett, Mom. He asked me to check in on her. To protect her.” I shake my head. “Not to take advantage of her and make her fall for me only to hurt her in the end.”

“You don’t know you will,” she points out.

“Everything ends,” I say, trying to mimic the pointed tone she used earlier as I hold out a hand to indicate her situation with my dad.

“You look in that room with that newborn baby, and you look at Linc and Jo’s second chance twenty years after they first met. You still want to tell me everything is meant to end?” she asks.

It’s something to consider, I guess. They battled their way back to each other, and it’s working for them.

That doesn’t mean it’s meant to work for everybody else that way, but why can’t I have that, too?

“Okay, now go pee,” she says. “I just had to tell you that.”

I chuckle and disappear into the bathroom, but her words play on my mind for the rest of the day.

It’s a little after six when we’re saying goodbye to the new parents for the night, and we’re all gathered in the elevator when Asher says, “You all want to grab some dinner?”

I glance at Ava, who nods. “Count us in.”

My parents and Spencer are in, too, and we make plans to meet in an hour at a Mexican restaurant at the Aria that Asher can’t stop talking about.

We swing by Ava’s place so she can change clothes, and the house is quiet as I wait for her in the kitchen. She’s in a black dress when she emerges from her bedroom, and we’ve sort of avoided each other today as we each chatted with different members of my family. Or maybe we were avoiding each other on purpose because we weren’t ready to face the reality of what’s going on between us.

So I bring it up first…only, I’m not exactly sure how to bring it up. “You hung up on me last night.”

“Yeah. You made me mad.” She lifts a shoulder.

“Do you really believe what you said?”

“Which part?” Her tone is a little guarded.

I clear my throat. “The part about it hurting you more by not giving this a chance.”

“Yeah. I do. You admitted you had feelings for me, but I think you’re so convinced that you’re doomed to fail at relationships that you’re throwing in the towel without ever giving it a try. But what if it doesn’t fail? What if it’s everything we ever wanted?” she asks.

I shift my gaze to the counter. “I never wanted any of this.” I lift my gaze to hers, and she looks like I struck her with a physical blow. “I know that sounded harsh, and I didn’t mean it that way,” I hurry to say. “I just meant that I never dreamed of this life with a wife and kids and a white picket fence.”

“It doesn’t have to be white,” she says, a little teasing in her tone.

I chuckle. “I know. This is just all new to me, and it started with a lie, and that scares me, Ava. You kept a secret from me, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, it’s that secrets kill relationships. My dad kept secrets from my mom, and now they’re getting divorced after forty fucking years. I can’t just let it go, and being together with my whole family today even though my parents are apart…” I trail off, but the truth is that it’s triggering me.

I’m just not sure what it’s triggering me to do.

Ultimately, the way my dad treated Lincoln was what led to the divorce. Even when the kids are grown and gone, they can still fuck relationships up. Sure, my mom pointed out how happy Lincoln and Jolene are today, but will they always be that happy?

I have no idea.

And I don’t know what the future holds for me, but despite the fears pulsing through me, after watching my brother and his wife and their baby today…

They were so happy.

Deliriously so.

I want to feel what it’s like to be in love, and I think I could have that with Ava if I could just step over those fears and give this a real shot.

“I wish I knew how to earn your trust back.” She takes a step toward me, and she touches my shoulder as I can’t help but think to myself that she has it. She’s proven that I can trust her over the last few weeks despite that first night together. It makes sense why she felt like she had to keep things from me, and I can’t continue to hold that against her.

She’s so close that I could just reach out and grab her.

I could pull her into me and never let her go.

“You know what scares me?” she asks quietly.

I lift my eyes to hers. “What?” I ask, my voice raspy and low.

“Everyone always leaves me. My dad, my mom, my brothers. Colin. I’m scared there’s just something about me that makes people run, and I’m terrified you’ll give this a shot with me only to eventually leave me, too.”

“What if I do?” I ask softly.

“You won’t.” She says it so resolutely that I very nearly believe her.

“I wish I could make that promise to you. But I can’t.”

She tilts her head a little. “I know you can’t, and that’s okay. Whatever this is, if we decide to explore it and really give it a try, then we work through these things together. And if you leave, well…then I guess I pick myself up and figure it out.”

I stare at her for a long time as I wrestle with myself, and eventually I lean in a little closer to her. My eyes flick to her lips.

I want to kiss her.

I’ve never wrestled with whether or not to kiss a woman before…and I guess that’s part of what makes her different.

“Promise me you’ll be okay,” I whisper. “Promise me this won’t change my friendship with your brother.”

“You know I can’t promise any of that, just like you can’t promise me you won’t leave,” she says softly. “But try this with me anyway.”

My eyes lock on hers, and as the feelings I’ve developed for her race through me, I know I can’t deny this any longer.

My eyes flick to her lips again, and then I reach for her, loop an arm around her waist, and haul her into me.

I drop my mouth to hers, and she relaxes into me as she links her arms around my neck.

I hold her to me as tightly as I can, as if I’m trying to get inside her body even though we’re both fully clothed.

Fuck that.

I need her naked.

Now.

I need to be inside her.

Now.

I hold myself back, though.

She’s not like the other women who can take on this monster so easily—and I’m not sure if I’m talking about my cock or myself.

She deserves every piece of me, and for the first time in my life, I actually want to hand it all over.

I open my mouth to hers, and her tongue meets mine. They tango together as I run my hands down her body toward her ass. I reach under her dress and give myself the utter pleasure of squeezing her ass, and she moans into me.

Fuck.

That little sound out of her pulses every primal need inside me to hear it again.

I lift her up by her ass and set her on the counter, and she widens her legs to allow me to stand between them. I run my hands along her thighs and under the bottom of her dress as my mouth continues its assault on hers.

I reach for the side of her panties, and I yank before I slide one finger through her.

I groan as I feel how wet she is.

“Oh, God,” she moans into my mouth, and yes, that’s exactly what I needed to hear to spur me to action.

I push my finger into her wet heat, and she gasps into my mouth as I keep kissing her. She’s still holding on around my neck, and she widens her legs a little more to give me more space to work with.

I thrust my finger in and out of her, and she shifts as she holds onto me, fisting my T-shirt before digging her nails into my shoulders. She moans with every slow, languid thrust in, and when I pull my finger out to coat her clit with her own wetness, I’m rewarded with a sweet gasp followed by a cry of need. I growl as the need to chase my own release starts to pull at me.

I slide my finger back in and add a second one this time, and she’s so fucking wet. She’s primed and ready for me, and I want with everything inside me to slide into that tight, sweet cunt.

I didn’t bring any condoms with me, though.

Or lube, not that she needs it.

I nibble on her neck for a few beats before I suck her earlobe into my mouth, and then I ask softly, “Where are the condoms?”

She freezes for a beat, and I pull back to catch her eyes with mine even though my fingers don’t stop driving into her.

Hers are hazy and heated as she says, “I, uh…I don’t have any. Kelly might.”

I nod. “Where?”

She shrugs, and it’s probably weird to have a conversation about her roommate while I’m fingering her, so I drop my lips back to hers as I drive into her a few more times, picking up the pace a bit to a steady rhythm before I pull my fingers out, leaving her teetering on a needy edge.

“Don’t stop, Grayson. Please don’t stop,” she begs.

Jesus.

Why is hearing her beg me so fucking hot?

I stare down at her for a few beats, feeling like the most powerful man in the world as I hold her pleasure in my literal hands. I drop my lips to hers again for a short kiss, and then I kneel down. The counter is about at the perfect height for me to treat myself to a delicious meal of pussy.

I push her knees open wider, and I slide my tongue through her folds that are slick with need. The tang of her flavor is fucking addicting, and as I push my tongue inside her, she leans back, her palms on the counter behind her as she thrusts her pussy against my face.

I slide my fingers back into her, and I take her clit between my lips. As I suck on it, her hips buck toward me as she becomes greedy for pleasure.

Her thighs start to quiver, and I know she’s right at the edge. I suck a little harder and thrust my fingers a little faster.

“Oh, God, yes, yes, yes!” she moans as her pussy tightens around my fingertips and a fierce orgasm rips through her. She clings onto me, her fingernails clawing at my neck as the pulses of pleasure surround her.

I keep driving my fingers into her and sucking on her clit as she crests through her release. I kiss her thigh as she lies fully back on the counter, and I murmur against her skin. “Fuck, baby. That gorgeous cunt feels so tight and perfect.” My voice is low as I think about how much I want her wrapped around my cock.

I’m not sure how we went from you hung up on me last night to this, but I’ll take this over fighting every damn day of the week.

All I can do is hope that I can figure out a way to break my historical pattern of fucking everything up. Because right now, in this moment, there’s nothing I want more than to be able to make those promises to her as I do everything I can to hold onto her.