Dishonor (Book 1 of the In Search of Honor series)
Chapter 15: The Lies of Life

Rodkissed my forehead. The skin tingled where his lips had touched me. “Dearest, Ihave to work. With the number of people that were killed in this attack thereis a lot of work to do. Do you want to stay here and watch the fire for us?”

Inodded, unable to speak. I couldn’t trust my own voice. If I tried to speak Iwas likely to start crying again.

“Whydon’t you sit down? I know you are still feeling dizzy.” I looked up at him andI could see the worry in his face. He was probably right. I should sit. Icarefully detached myself and slowly lowered myself to the ground and he stoodthere holding my hand as I sat down. When he let go I pulled my knees up to mychest and wrapped my arms around my legs.

Heleaned down and kissed my forehead. “Call out if it gets out of control OK? I…I’ll come back when I finish what I am doing.”

Inodded staring into the slowly dying flames filled with mostly burned bodiesand timbers. Born of fire, taken from me in fire. Fire.

Twopeople walked up and I saw Sandy and the little girl that had to be pulled awayfrom her mother. The girl had tear stains lining her face.

“Thisis da lil’ girl that’ll be livin’ with ya. Her name is Jade, n’ she is a rare agem. I was hopin’ ya would look after her while we work since ya are da leastinjured of da injured, but ya are in no condition ta work. Jade this is Liv.She’ll be lookin’ after ya for a while.” Sandy was frowning, and I couldn’tfigure out why. Did she disapprove of me, or the fact I couldn’t work, or thelittle girl that was now a problem for the community?

Iforced myself to smile for the sake of the little girl, “Come,” my voicecroaked and I cleared my throat and tried again, “Come, sit here next to me.” Iunclasped my hands to pat the ground next to me.

Thelittle girl plopped down next to me and leaned against me, and I wrapped my armaround her and held her. “Don’t worry Sandy, I’ll look after her. We both needmore time with our grief.”

Sandylooked like she wanted to say something more, but she looked at the little girland nodded before turning and quickly walking away.

Thelittle girl started to cry and I held her against my shoulder unsure of what Ishould do, but she started to talk, “Mommy always told me I haf to be strong.She always told me she might die. I…”

Whattype of place was this that parents would tell children such things? I had noclue what to say. How do you comfort a child? How do you comfort anyone? So Ijust held her.

“Shesaid… she said the child knappers might come one day, n’ she would… she wouldn’ever let me go. They pulled me away from her! I didn’ wana let her go!” thegirl was wailing now.

“Shhh”I gently stroked her shoulder length brown hair. “I’ll protect you from thechild knappers. My family and I, we’ll protect ya now that she’s gone. Butdon’t worry, even though you can’t see her, she’s still protecting you. She’sjust… She just can’t be seen anymore, but she’ll always be with you. Do youhave anything of hers?”

Thegirl was hiccuping, but she wasn’t wailing anymore. “I…I… I got her knife. Inmy room.”

Thatwould work, “When you get back to your room today I want you to put her knifeon a belt and wear it. It will remind you of her and remind you that she isalways watching over you now even if you can’t see her.”

“Really?”The little girl’s green eyes were wide and her six year old mind easily acceptedthe idea that her mother was watching over her.

“Yup.My dad’s there with your mom. He’s watching over me and protecting me.” Oh God.I… I had to eventually go back to the city. But was this a better life? This lifewhere disease could strike and people died in battles for no reason?

“Doya… ya have something of ye daddy’s?” The little girls eyes were wide. Hercrying had stopped but she was still hiccuping.

“No,nothing but my memories of him. He died defending me from child knappers, butunlike you, I was taken by them. But they could never take my memories of himnor could they stop him from watching over me and protecting me after he died.”My mother used to always tell me that in the cell at night when I was crying.She would hold me close and shush me. She would tell me that he was therewatching over me now, and nothing could tear him away from us now.

“I’mglad my mommy stopped the child knappers. I want to grow up to be big andstrong and… and…stop them.” I smiled down at the little girl my arms werewrapped around. So much bravery and such grand ideas in a small child. I hadbeen like that. I had thought I could solve problems even my father couldn’tsolve.

“Youdo that sweetheart. Grow up big and strong and one day you can stop them.” Itwas highly unlikely that she would ever actually be able to stop parents fromdying, but she might grow up to be a warrior like Sandy. Like all these people.

I realized the connection. These wars.. these people. No old. Few young. Child knappers. I want to stop the child knappers. It all made sense. The reason allthe women were obsessed with having children. The man wanting to take me awayto force me to have children.

Thosepeople had attacked for the children. In a place without good medical carechildren were hard to have and often died. That was why there was so much honorin women having children, and why all the women learned to fight. I would haveto confirm this, but I was fairly sure I was right.

Ilooked down at the little girl in my arms and realized she had fallen asleep.It had been an exhausting day for her and an emotional one. I held her gentlyand simply stared into the slowly dying fire. Tears slipped down my cheeks. Onefor my father. One for Annie. One for Fire. One for Jade’s mother. One for herfather. And one for all those who were still dishonored.

Ihad to get back there one day. I had to go back to the city. The only problemwas that I didn’t want to go back through the radiation zone. I didn’t want togo back. Who knew if the king would even believe me? I was a confessed plotteragainst the king’s life. But my honor. For honor’s sake I had to eventually goback. But this girl also needed me now.

Itwasn’t Rod who came to get me nor was it Kevin, but Dan. “So everyone hasimportant tasks right now or somethin’. Sandy sent me. Said I was supposed tatake ya ta ye new home where ya n’ Jade‘ll be stayin’. Ya’ll be my neighbornow. Me and my papa’s neighbor.”

Ismiled up at him gratefully. I was tired of watching the fire burn down tosmall embers, “Thanks Dan. I think Jade here needs to sleep. It’s been a longday.”

Itook my arms off of her and it was enough to stir her into being awake, “Youready to go home sweetheart?”

“Areya comin’ with me?” I couldn’t help but smile down at the adorable little girl.I hugged her and held her like I wished my own mother had held me after myfather had died.

“Yessweetheart. I’m coming home with you.” I kissed her forehead and took the handDan offered me. He pulled me up and steadied me as the dizziness hit.

“Yasound weird.” The little girl was standing next to me looking up at me with biginnocent eyes, and I couldn’t help but laugh a little at her frankness.

“I’mnot from your village. When I escaped the child knappers I found my way hereand was offered a place to live by everyone here.”

“Oh.I’m glad ye ‘ere.” I smiled at her simple statements that held so muchacceptance in them. She was a sweet child.

Danwalked me to my new home with my left hand on his shoulder for balance and myright hand gripped fiercely by the little girl on my right. I never wantedchildren. I’d never planned to end uploving someone either. But here I was inlove with Rod and an adopted child clinging to my hand.

Wewalked in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. The type of silence thatdidn’t need to be filled with jabbering, but was filled with unansweredquestions that couldn’t be answered in the present company. But for now therewas simply nothing to say except for useless talk.

Wecame up to house that was a small cottage made with simple wooden boards and agrass roof. It was identical to the places next to it, but it would be a placeto call my own.

Danstepped forward and opened the door and gestured for us to enter, “It’s nothin’fancy. Our village ain’t very old or fancy, but da house has sleepin’ loft, n’a livin’ area down here with a fireplace for cookin’ n’ a couple cabinets n’counters for storage n’ stuff. Even has a small room down here that Kevin cansleep in.”

Jadepulled me forward into the house with a childish excitement to be showing offher home. I smiled and let her pull me inside. I was starting to get used tothe vertigo from my head injury. I could walk even though everything felt… off.

Therewas a table and three chairs on one side and on the other side of the largeroom there was a fireplace with two cabinets and counters near it. There wasalso a wooden bench in front of the fire place, but I wasn’t given time toadmire the first floor.

“This‘ere is where me momma n’ papa n’ I sit and eat. Afterwards they tell mestories n’ then I go to bed in da loft. Let me show ya my bed!” She was almostbouncing with excitement and I let her drag me to the ladder, and I gripped theside going up so I didn’t get dizzy. At the top of the ladder was a space witha low ceiling and two short beds separated by a piece of cloth.

Shepulled me toward the side with the smaller bed “This is me room.” There were acouple carvings of different creatures set on a small table near a bed that wasmuch fancier than the furniture downstairs.

Thisbed had carvings all over the foot board and head board. There was a kittenplaying with yarn, a cow jumping over the moon, and a wolf howling at the moonthe cow was jumping over on the footboard. All the rest of the footboard wasfilled with the impressions of trees and small creatures in the forest. Theheadboard was watched over by a beautiful unicorn standing in a moonlit oceanwith a main and tail that fell into the ocean and became part of the foam. Itwas a work of art.

“Mypapa made it before he left. Or…” andher face scrunched up at this as if she didn’t like what she was about to say.“Or before she chased him out. Momma loved papa, but she was always a yellin’at him and then cryin’ n’ papa… One day he just wasn’ ‘ere and momma said heleft.”

Thepoor child. I wonder what had happened to her father. That was another questionto ask Dan when I got back downstairs.

“Jade,are you tired? If you want you can sleep now and I’ll wake you for dinner.”

“Mhhm.I wouldn’ mine sleepin’.” Suddenly she gave a huge yawn and rubbed her eyes.Children changed from excited to tired so quickly.

“Comehere. I’ll tuck you in.” she nodded happily and jumped into bed and I pulledthe covers up and over her.

“’NightLiv,” She said as she snuggled deeply into her covers.

“Sweetdreams Jade.” I told her softly as left the room and carefully made my way backdown the ladder gripping the hand rail for my life so I didn’t slip and falldown. I finally got to the bottom and breathed a sigh of relief.

Danwas there standing at the door scuffing his foot on the floor as if unsure whathe should do.

“Dan,could I ask you some questions?”

Heshrugged, “Sure. I’m certain ya have a couple question. I wasn’ sure if yawanted me ta stay aroun’ or…”

“ThanksDan, and I don’t mind your company.” I especially didn’t mind if he couldanswer the questions that were building up.

Isat down at the table and motioned for him to do the same. He sat watching meas if I was about to spook and run, “So, whatcha ya wana ask me. ‘Bout the kidsparents or sometin’?”

“Partlythat. Partly about this entire place and system. You said this village was newand didn’t have many big fancy houses. Why is this village new, and what arethese other villages like, and why were we attacked…”

Heinterrupted me by bursting out laughing. I glared at him and he finallysettled. “I hadn’ realized ya didn’ knowanythin’ ‘bout the village. I thought Fire covered everythin’.”

“Firetaught me a lot, and she hinted at fighting and battles and there not beingmany children, but she never straight out told me anything. I think I’ve kindof figured it out, but I want to know everything.”

“Tellme what ya think ya’ve figured out and I’ll confirm or reset it ta da truth.”And for some reason I trusted him. I trusted him to tell me the full truth.

“Thefight. That was about stealing children and women for another village wasn’tit. That’s why the women all learn to fight is so that they can protect themselvesfrom being stolen. And so that they can protect their children. And for somereason many women don’t have many kids or can’t or something like that, so kidsare a precious commodity. And thisvillage is a small new village where a bunch of people left from an older largeand bigger village that was well established and better able to protect itselfand its citizens from thieving villages, but it was overcrowded.”

Ihadn’t really thought about the last part much. I just realized it myself, butit made sense.

Andhe was nodding. “For da most part ya are correct. We do value our children. N’other villages do want ‘em. We value women n’ children ‘cause children often‘come sickly n’ die quickly. We donna know why this is, but it is. So we valueour children greatly. N’ we did come from another village, ‘bout ten years agonow. I was just a kid then, but I remember it well. Everyone was just too‘fraid ta leave da old place. They was too scared of the children snatchingvillages that were less peaceful n’ ‘stead of tradin’ they’d steal dachildren.”

“Wait,you trade children with other villages?” If children were so precious why wouldthey trade them?

Helooked away sadly and nodded. “When a child becomes an adult at fifteen, ifthey are related ta too many people they are sent away. Children from couplestoo closely related end up… messed up. My best friend, he was traded away whenwe was fifteen. Got Sandy out of the trade…” He trailed off and became silent.I guess the wound of her leaving him for Kevin was still raw.

Itwas also surprising that if she was the same age she was his instructor. “Whyis Sandy a fighting instructor?”

Helooked surprised, “I… well.. she was raised from birth ta fight. Same as mefriend. That’s why da trade happened. Two fight instructors both too closelyrelated ta the rest of da village. We just play at fighting, but for Sandy,it’s her life n’ livelihood, just as ya are a weaver n’ ya… ya… man, Rod… he’sa teacher.”

Wasit just my imagination or did he seem to not like saying that Rod was my man orwhatever they called relationships here. Probably just my imagination.

“Sowhat about Jade’s father. Why did he leave?” I wasn’t sure why I asked this,but suddenly the question was there.

“He…didn’t leave. He died. He mom was plannin’ on leavin’ him anyway, but a raidhappened n’ he died protectin’ them. She hid it from the girl and said he left.Even though she was often angry at him she still loved him, n’ his death hit herhard. She even convinced herself he’d just left and would one day come back toher. She was kinda a recluse.”

Thatwould explain it. It would explain Jade’s explanation, her confusion, and thefact that Sandy had told me she was an orphan.

“Whatabout the old. Why are there so few elderly?” Again that sad far off look.

“Mostdie in battle. When ya too old ta work, ya fight, or ya’ll die when ya cannaprotect yaself. My papa, he’s a strong old crazy man though, and he hasn’ diedyet. Ya last till ya die. Ya mind if I ask ya some questions ‘bout ya ownvillage or city or whatever ya call the place ya came from?”

Hehad turned the tables. Apparently he didn’t enjoy being drilled about thevillage.

Ishrugged. I could tell him the truth and he would either believe me or hewouldn’t, “Sure, why not.”

“Yasaid ya was taken by da child nappers, whatcha mean when ya said that? If yaplace had child knappers why’d ya never learn ta fight?” I could see thecuriosity and desire to know more, but he hit a nail with his question.

“I…Girls aren’t allowed to learn to fight in the city. There’s a king who rulesover the city, and my father tried to bring him down, and he was executed and Iwas imprisoned for being his daughter. I was eight. Not the same as your childthieves, but they stole my childhood from me.” And I felt the old desire forrevenge kindling in my heart. I only I could go back with my honor… No. I had achild to think about now.

“Whatis a king?” He looked so confused as if everything I had said was a foreignconcept.

“Aking is…” how would I answer that? A king is an ultimate controller of aplace…?

Thedoor opened and Rod walked saving me from answering that question. The secondhe saw Dan he was glaring at him, “What are you doing still here? Don’t youhave anything better to do with your time? Go on, get out of here!”

Rodwas yelling by the time he finished, and Dan was running for the door. I stoodthere shocked to see such strong emotion of dislike coming from Rod.

Icould hear footsteps coming down the stairs and I looked back to see a startledJade standing at the foot of the stairs.

“Whatwas that about Rod? I thought you wanted to get to know the people of thevillage better?” Why was he behaving so irrationally?

“Idon’t like the way he looks at you. I don’t trust him and I hate the fact thatKevin keeps turning to him to help you. That guy really bothers me.” He pulledoff his cloak and swung it over and chair and turned toward me staring at mewith his intense pale blue eyes.

“Ilove you Liv, and I don’t want you to get hurt.” And suddenly he was there withhis arms wrapped around me and he kissed me, and I couldn’t help but kiss back.This intense side of him scared me and shocked me, but I still loved him.

“Why’smy teacher here with ya?” Jade’s simple question snapped us apart.

“Jade,I’d like you to meet my man, Rod. Rod, this is Jade, the little girl we’ll belooking after.” I didn’t know what to say about what she had just witnessed.Would she be able to make sense out of it, or would it completely bewilder her?

Shesimply nodded and padded down to sit on the bench. I remembered her own motherand father used to fight. It must have seemed natural to her.

“Kevinwill be here with food soon. He’s planning on movin’ in with Sandy though.They’ve really hit it off.” He was looking at me as if expecting something, butI didn’t know what it was. I’d kind of been expecting Kevin to move in withSandy.

“Youloved him didn’t you? And he never saw it?” The look Rod was turning on me wasso intense it was almost scary. It was like he was daring me to deny it.

“Yes,I had a crush on him. I thought I might love him. I was afraid of my ownemotions though, and he only saw me as a sister. I… I wanted to think of him asmore because of how much he had always been there for me, but Rod, I’ve figuredmyself out, and I don’t love him the way I love you. You… I love him like abrother, but you mean so much more to me. I enjoy your company, I like beingnear you. I… love you.” I could fear a tear trailing down my cheek.

Iwasn’t sure why he was acting like this, but it was scaring me. It wasn’t howhe used to act. This place was changing him. Leaving the wall had changed him.

Andnow I had to defend my own feelings for him to him. Did he think I didn’tactually love him or something?”

Ireached out and pulled him toward me and into a kiss. I didn’t care if Jade sawit. I wanted to reassure Rod. I wanted him to go back to being the kind andnaïve man he had once been. I wanted him to stop scaring me.

Icould hear the door open, but I held Rod close to me till I heard a cough, andslowly I pulled away to see Kevin standing there holding iron pot. “I broughtdinner home if anyone is hungry.”

“Dinner!”Jade’s excitement for food made me smile. For the moment her dead mother wasforgotten.

“Yep,dinner is venison stew tonight.” Kevin put the pot on the table and went to thecabinet. “Jade, you want to help me set the table?”

Sheran over to the cabinet and grabbed out four wooden bowls. Kevin grabbed fourspoons from somewhere else in the cabinet and then both of them went to thetable and set them around the table. There were three chairs though, not four…

Andthen the door opened and Sandy came in carrying a chair. Kevin took the chair,kissed her, and then she was gone as fast as she’d come. And Rod and I werestill standing there just watching this.

Icouldn’t help it. I was suddenly laughing. Fire had just died. I just ended upwith and adopted child, Rod was acting strange, and suddenly Kevin is there asif nothing happened.

Andthe crazy laughter turned to sobs. My legs buckled and I went to my knees andthen sat back with my butt on my heels, sobbing. All of it was so normal. Somuch as if nothing had happened. It was as if I had already forgotten Fire andforgotten everything. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure how I wassupposed to act. Was I supposed to pretend like she simply hadn’t existed?

Everyonewas staring at me. I manage to bring my sobs down to a controllable level, butI could see them all looking at me like I was crazy, even Jade.

“Sorry…Everything’s… just so… normal.” Or they were acting like it was a normal day,and yet it wasn’t. Just… this town was just attacked, I was just injured. Firehad just died. And today she had been burned, my room had been moved to a newhouse, and I now had a child to raise. I was still in my blue ceremonial dressand my head hurt like hell and the world was wobbling and they were acting sovery normal.

Ifelt small arms hugging my front. I looked up at little Jade looking at me withlarge worried eyes. I had to stay strong for her. I had to teach her the valueof honor.

CouldI teach her honor with a clear conscious when I hadn’t fulfilled one of my ownpromises? I would go back one day. That had to be enough for now. I wrapped myarms around the little girl in front of me and felt warmth spreading through mychest. It felt good to hug this girl. Why had my mother always been aloof? Whyhad she not hugged me often? It was so harmless but brought so much comfort.

Whenshe pulled away Rod was there with a handkerchief for my face and a hand tohelp me up. I grabbed his hand and he pulled me up and passed me thehandkerchief. “Thanks.” I whispered to him cleaned up my teary mess of a face.Once my face was dry I pulled him close and gently kissed him on the cheek. Hewrapped his arms around me and held me tighter than Jade could.

“I’llalways be here for you dear heart.” And then he just held me close till dinnerwas ready.

Thefour of us sat around the table, and suddenly I felt the warmth and closenessof a real family. This was my family; not those people sitting back in a cellback in a city I didn’t want to remember. Not those people who had only shownme the coldness and the hardness of the world.

Ihad an epiphany. I realized that this was OK. I could be happy again. Familyand friends died, but there were still people out there to care for who caredabout me. Those that had died wouldn’t want me to mope around and memorializethem in misery. They would want me to immortalize them in my thoughts by livingmy life well. I had to go on.

Thatnight I slept soundly curled up against Rod. He was my rock that was alwayssolid and that I could hold onto. He was there holding me and stroking my hair.

WhenI woke he was sitting there watching me. “You sleep OK Liv? How's your headfeeling?”

Isat up slowly and I felt slightly dizzy for a second, but then it cleared and Ifelt fine. “I think I slept well. I feel... better.”

Henodded, “You slept like a rock. If you're feeling well enough Sandy wanted Danto work with you on strengthening exercises that shouldn't be too sudden orjarring for your head but would help get you better.”

“Ok. Guess it would be good for me to get out ofthe house. I would be all alone here.” Why was he still here? Didn't he have toteach? “Are... Is Jade at school already?” Best way to figure out what time itwas.

Helaughed. “It's OK, the kid's have the morning off today, so I also have themorning free. Figured I would spend it with you. Jade's off playing with herfriends from school.”

Ifelt relieved I hadn't had to ask more. He had answered all the questions Ihad. I looked down at myself and realized I was still in my dress.

“Umm,I need clothing, to work out in.”

“Oh,yeah. I have that for you. Your old clothing, the ones you were wearing...”

“Whenthe village was attacked. You don't have to be careful. I know what happened. Isaw...” God! I was getting choked up. I coughed to clear my throat, and itbrought on a fit of coughing which eventually cleared. “I saw it. I was there.It's not something I'm going to forget.” I would never forget watching the massfuneral pyre.

Henodded. “Sorry, I'm just... it's still kind of shocking for me. I'd neverseen...” He drifted off and looked away.

He'dnever seen death and hard conditions up close before. He'd seen it only fromthe safe confines of the Wall and at night walking in the city.

Hewalked out of the room and came back holding a bundle of fabric that he quicklypassed to me. “Liz passed this to me for you.”

Inodded and took the clothing. Liz again. That woman with such a similar nameand such beautiful dark skin.

“Thanks.Where did you meet Liz? She seems like she's a good friend of yours now.”

Hesmiled some, but the tint of red on his cheeks made me think he was alsoembarrassed. What did he have to be embarrassed... no. Did he love her evenwhen he was with me? No. I couldn't think that way. I wouldn't be the jealouswoman always worrying about his female friends. He probably just hadn't hadmany female friends before and the attention was probably embarrassing him.

“She's umm, a school teacher. She works withme. She was traded as a child to this village.”

“Traded?Why was she traded?” I remembered Dan telling me about this, but he only toldme about Sandy being traded

Helaughed. “It's nothing bad Liv. To prevent inbreeding villages will tradechildren who have talents in similar areas. Liz came from a village a long wayfrom here. Her village sent out a caravan with children to trade and at everyvillage they traded. This was the last village they traded with. Her originalvillage was one of the huge villages with lots and lots of people. Its’ almostthe size of our city from what she was telling me.”

Sothat was why she was so different from everyone else here. Rod turnedaway from me so that I could change, and I quickly stripped off the dress andslipped into the pants and shirt. A sudden mischievous inspiration hit me as Iwas looking at him with his back turned. I sneaked up behind him and grabbedhis shoulder, but he didn't jump. He simply turned and looked at me.

“Livdearest, you shouldn't sneak up on people...” He was smiling down at me withthat beautiful smile of his. At least I got a smile even if he didn't jump.

ButI didn't smile, I put on my best pouting face, “You were supposed to jump. Tobe surprised you know...”

“Mhm.”He was staring at me, and then he was leaning down and he was kissing me, and Iforgot about trying to scare him or anything else.

Thenhe pulled away with a satisfied smile, “Does that make it better Liv dearest?”

Fora second I almost nodded, but then I thought better, “No... but anotherkiss...”

Andhe was kissing me again. I loved the feel of his lips crushed against mine...

Kevin'svoice came drifting up to our part of the loft, “Liv! Rod! Where are you two.It's time to get going!” We sprung apart, and I started giggling. We were likenaughty school children.

Rodpulled me close and put a finger to my lips. “Shhh.” He whispered to me. When Icontrolled my giggling he asked, “You ready to go down now? I'm sure they areall waiting for us.” I nodded solemnly, and then he started to head out, but Igrabbed his hand. He stopped for a second and looked back at me, and thenpulled me along behind him, down the stairs and to the front.

Jadeand Kevin were both sitting there looking at us like we were crazy. Kevin gaveme an especially strange look, but said nothing.

“Rod,can you take Jade to school with you? And Liv, do you know how to get to thetraining grounds from here? If you don't I'll walk you there. Sandy showed methe way.” Kevin had really matured from this experience. He wasn't trying toorder us around, but at the same time he was providing suggested direction. Andhe was still devilishly handsome, but he wasn't ever going to be mine. He didn'tsee me that way, and he never would. And I had Rod now. And Rod was... God, wasI thinking of him as adorable? Yes. But sometimes he was also manly. God, Iwasn't sure what I was thinking. I just needed to be happy with this new life Iwas being given. One day I would have to leave it and return to the city, butnot yet.

“Liv?Do you want me to show you to the training grounds?” Oh, right. Kevin had askedme a question.

Inodded, “Sure, that would be great. Thanks.”

“Seeyou later Liv.” Rod pulled me toward him and gave me a quick peck on the lipsbefore taking Jade's hand and leading her toward the door.

Kevinheld out two slices of bread to me. “You need to get down here sooner to eat anactual breakfast.”

Inodded as I stuffed a slice of the delicious bread into my mouth. I would neverget over how good this food tasted.

Hesighed and motioned toward the door. “Come on Liv, lets go.”

Iled the way out the door with my mouth still stuffed with the chewy dry bread,and then I stepped to the side and waited as Kevin exited the house and closedthe door.

“You'reworking with Dan today. Sandy is working with some other people today and shethinks that Dan is good enough to train you. She might of also made somecomments about how you impressed her with how terrible you are...”

Heknew why I was so terrible! I had never learned to fight before getting to thevillage. I hadn't been allowed to fight! And he was laughing at me! How dare helaugh at me for how bad I was.

“You...you...”And I did the only thing I could think of, I shoved him to try to get him tostop laughing.

“Hey!You know it’s true!” He stumbled but caught himself. Too bad I would have likedto see him face plant in the dirt.

“Itmight be true but you don't have to rub it in my face. You know why I don'tknow how to fight! I am a girl and I was dishonored. Dishonored aren't allowedto fight!”

“Iknow, but it’s too much fun to see that indignant anger on your face!” He wasintolerable.

“You!I don't know why I put up with you.”

“Because,you love me. Everyone loves me.” Someone was full of himself today.

“Asif!” But then I saw it, the burned pyre. We were passing the center building ofthe village and the pyre. I grew quiet and Kevin didn't try to reply. Peoplewere cleaning up the burned fragments of wood.

“Bytomorrow it will probably be like it never existed. Sandy told me they willsweep the ashes into buckets and carry them to a hole in the ground. They willput up a marker there with the date of the attack and all the names of thedead.” Kevin was quiet and serious. He had seen death, but we had both been soclose to it ourselves. I guess the attack and the deaths were hitting him hardtoo.

“Liv,I killed some people in that attack... I've never taken a life before, but thisguy was coming at me, swinging a sword, and I... I took his life first. He hadhis sword raised up and I ducked under and struck his heart, and I could feelit... and then more came, and... and I think I killed them too. I can't reallyremember.” Kevin was shaking. I hugged him. I had no comforting words for him.There was nothing I could say that would make this better. I had never killedanyone. All I could do was hold him like he had held me when I had cried, buthe didn't cry. He clung to me for asecond and then pulled away.

“Sorry.I didn't know it would be that hard for me to tell you. I felt like... you hadto know. I feel like... a monster.”

“NoKevin, you could never be a monster. You care too much. If you didn't care youwouldn't feel this remorse. You would kill and feel nothing for the people youkilled. Everyone has different coping mechanisms. You did what you had to, toprotect me, to protect these people that have so openly welcomed us into theirvillage.” I wasn't quite sure about what I was saying or if it even made sense,but it seemed to help. He nodded like what I was saying was reasonable.

“Come,let's get you to that lesson so I don't have to protect you anymore.” He wasdistant. It was as if he had shown me a part of him he hadn't actually wantedme to see. I guess he had wanted to tell me he had killed people withoutbreaking down. I had already figured he had killed people though... It was partof... part of being an able fighter in a fight. Only a coward hid.

Wewalked on in silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts. We arrived at adifferent training area from the place I was used to, and Dan was waitingthere.

“Sorryye stuck with me, but Sandy's got others she's workin with, ones with moretraining than ya.

Inodded. I didn't need anyone particularly advanced to work with me.

Kevinturned toward me, “I'm working with Sandy this morning. She said she saw mefighting and I was rusty. She's got a group of us that she decided need extrapractice. Your Rod is only escaping because of his scholarly training in theWall. So have fun and I'll see you at the end of the day.”

“Seeya later Kevin,” He smiled at me and then left. So he was one of the peopleworking with Sandy. I didn't mind not working with her. She was a harsh taskmaster.

“Yafeel up to running?” Dan asked.

“Iguess. I mean I've felt fine most of this morning. I haven't collapsed oranything yet.” I had been dizzy sitting up this morning, but that was part ofjust sitting up fast and all the blood rushing to my head.

“Alright,then we'll take one easy lap 'round da wall. I want ya ta stay at my pace n' ifya get dizzy or anything just stop.”

“Soundsgood.”

Dantook off at an easy light pace and he kept looking back at me to check on me,but I was there. I followed him past the gates and around the simple woodenwall. I was feeling dizzy at the end, but I didn't stop. I didn't want to admitto feeling dizzy and we weren't running that hard a pace. Sandy made me run alot faster.

“Yastill feelin' OK?” He asked when we finished.

Inodded even thought the action of nodding made me feel a little light headed.“Could we get water?”

“Sure.”He led the way to a little well where he pulled up a bucket of water. There wasa ladle on the ledge of the well and he passed it to me first to drink.

Iquickly drank my fill and passed it back to him. He took a couple sips.

Mychest was hurting from the run, and a couple coughs tore through my chestbefore I got my breath back.

“Dan,what is your job other than training, and what is Sandy's job.”

“I'ma scout. I work with me pa after mid-day. I just train in da morning so I stayin fightin shape. Many of the scouts and guards simply train together, and mypa train with 'em, but I like ta train with Sandy or train others 'cause I'mbetter than most of them.”

Someonewas quite humble. I guess he simply saw it as the truth and saw no reason tothink of it as otherwise.

“AndSandy... “ He sighed and I could see this wistful look on his face, “She is dabest fighter. She is our fight instructor. Our village traded out my childhoodfriend Yonder for her, but she turnedout to exceed expectations. It was between her n' I for the next fightinstructor, n' when the old man that was the instructor died, she got theposition. In the second half of da day she teaches the kids of da villagefightin'”

Sofighting was Sandy's only job, and also technically Dan's only job.

“Come,on, let's work on ye sword work using the practice stick. Ya can go over theblocks, lunges, and footwork ye've learned for 'bout an hour”

Hepicked up a stick and tossed it to me, and I actually managed to grab it fromthe air. He showed me what to work on, and then I worked on it. Every so oftenhe would change what he had me working on. And before I realized it was alreadymid-day.

“Seeya tomorrow Lively Liz.” He called out to me. It was funny how he still calledme that sometimes. And surprisingly I didn't mind.

Ilaughed and waved. “See you then, Dan.” I was lucky Dan had been there thatfirst day. I had a feeling a lot of guards would have simply killed us. Wehadn't looked like a trading party. They might have thought we were scouts fora party of raiders, but Dan had trusted me.

Ifound my way to the cloth house and to what had become my loom. I found Ienjoyed weaving, and I had even started using already died threads to makepatterns on the fabric. No one commented when I turned in fabric that had asimple zig-zag pattern on it.

WhenI finished I wandered around the town till I found my new house. I went insideto replace Jade sitting at the table working out something on a black paintedboard.

“HiJade, how was school today?”

“Fine.I like the second half of the day where I get to fight, but teacher Liz says Imust work on 'rithmatic.” She glared at the board. “I think it’s dumb. I'mgoin' ta be a fighter, I've shown talent 'cording to Master Sandy, but teacherLiz still says its important. Somethin' 'bout troop numbers.”