Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 199

"F**k!" I was screaming it when the car didn't move; in fact, nothing was happening except me going insane in the small space that was making me feel like I couldn't breathe suddenly! Wanting to get out and run, I couldn't do this, I f*****g couldn't do this! "Andrea, stop!" I was still screaming when the voice was piercing my own screaming, trying to get me back like I wasn't going to get f*****g raped and killed just five minutes ago, just five f*****g minutes more, and I would have been dead! F*****g dead! "Shut up! Shut the f**k up, you motherfucker!" I was screaming it, hitting the guy beside me, trying to get me to calm down when I couldn't! my lungs felt like they were burning, and my whole body was hurting! Everything!

"Baby, stop, f*****g stop! it's me, it's me!" Jonah was yelling it back like I didn't know that! I knew exactly who he was, and it was scaring me just as much as Austin! he was a f*****g mob guy, and they had talked about killing my child, my Kira! "Shut the f**k up! He was going to kill Kira!? Didn't you f*****g hear him!?" I was still striking him with the palms of my hands, crying even more over the hurt and fear that was all over me, consuming my body, and all he could do what tell me to calm down, that motherfucker!

"He won't, He won't! I promise, he just wanted to show that he was in charge, I swear! Evans wouldn't even look at Kira! He knows that I would come for him, and Ma too, no matter what shit he was telling inside of that shithole of a restaurant; Andrea, listen!" I was still trying to get air when his hands were on my face, rubbing small circles on my skin wet from tears with his thumbs, my eyes still flooded, and it didn't seem to stop, no matter what he was telling me. I didn't believe him! he didn't f*****g see Austin when he said that like he really was going to do it if Jonah didn't stop him!

"He was going to kill me...." I was still panting from the panic, suddenly staring into the green-blue eyes that got a darkness that knew that, too, causing my fear to blow up again. I was going to be tortured and raped, killed, and dispose of in fucking plastic, just like Chris!

"I don't want to be wrapped in plastic, Jonah, please!" I was begging him when my hands were replaceing his hoodie, grabbing the fabric like my life was depending on it, f*****g drowning! "Andrea, stop it! Nobody is going to kill you, you got that!?"

Jonah barked back when I was still holding the fabric of his hoodie so hard that I was going to tear through it when my eyes were closed, trying to make sense of what he said, still crying when I leaned towards him, exhausted from everything that was still spinning around in my head. Jonah saved me, saved me from Austin and his f*****g goons that wanted nothing more than just f**k me, make sure I was suffering when they did!

"I want to go home... I want my babies... I want my Kira..." I was bawling into his chest when I felt his arms around me, holding me so close like he never wanted to let go when I was howling into the soft fabric, making sounds that weren't stopping. I didn't try, I was so f*****g scared to die, and it was nothing like when James had me! I never feared him, not like this!

Jonah didn't say anything having his arms around me, not knowing what to do when I couldn't stop crying and curled up against him, my face leaning against his chest, wanting nothing more than wake up in my own bed, where I was safe and not this fucking nightmare of being dragged out for meeting the wrong guy that was holding me.

"Jonah... please..." I was begging him, and I knew he couldn't do shit at the moment. He couldn't just snap his fingers and make my children appear no matter how I was pleading with him in the back of a car with tinted windows, taking me somewhere in the night. I had no idea where still not sure how I even could take the shaky breaths that were filling up the luxurious car with leather seats.

"No. I'm sorry, Andrea, but there is no fucking way that I am letting you back to an empty apartment after what happened...." He said the last part with a slightly accusing tone that he didn't think I would pick up on, no matter how much I panicked. Did he just tell me he was pissed about me sending away Kira!? I didn't care, he wasn't in her life, and the small part he had been in was fucking laughable!

"I'm fine! You hear me; this is fucking nothing! Nothing that you or your world hasn't shown me before!" I still couldn't breathe when he made a scowl at the real accusation from me. He wasn't some goddam saint, either! He had talked about killing kids, and I had no idea how he could just stand there and watch me being held by that f*****g rapist negotiating with Austin like he wasn't planning to have me killed!

"Andrea, stop it! You are in shock, and I'm not letting you out of my f*****g sight before you calm down; you got that!?" Jonah's hands were around my arms, gripping me tighter like I had a chance to go anywhere in a movie car he had put me in. "Shock!?" I was saying it amused when he looked more annoyed over me mocking him. I couldn't help it, and neither could he when he made another mocking laughter that made me sound just as crazy as I was feeling right now, always with him. "Yeah, shock... and I am not letting you go out on the street looking...." He stopped when I raised my eyebrows, getting even more pissed at him; looking what!?

"Like a fucking whore?!" I snarled it back when his eyes drifted off like he couldn't finish that sentence knowing that it was making me want to rip his head off even more, that f*****g coward!

"Beautiful...." I stopped when he stared at me, making me stop too; whatever the fuck was happening around me paused when he stared at me with his eyes, making me come closer, not being able to help it, like a moth circling the flame, knowing he was burning me every time and still here I was, caught.

"What...?" my voice whispered when he did a small sigh like he knew he wasn't supposed to say that. Married, and he wasn't supposed to call me beautiful, meaning every word of it, etching it into my soul the way he was staring at me before letting go, leaving me even more hurt, more than I thought it would when he was showing me that he didn't want us anymore. I didn't either, I didn't, and still, I was trying not to start crying my eyes all over again, seeing him struggling to keep me at a distance.

"You called me baby...?" I was saying it like I didn't know what to do more than just wanting some explanation. I was so stupid! I still think that he would cave in like me, wanting nothing more than just kiss him, f**k him here in the car, and he was the one that was making sure that we didn't do shit. Fuck!

Jonah made a small smile like he had caught that too, making me want to die when he showed me with his eyes that he didn't mean to call me that, f*****g force of habit or something... shit... shit...

"I guess I did... I'm sorry...." He pulled me away even more, leaving me on the seat beside him when I started to cry, not caring that he saw me, f**k my pride! He had seen me do that so many times that I had lost count, and most of the time, it was over him, and he knew that too.

"Andrea... please... just stop, it's not going to change shit... "He sounded more strained when I didn't answer that. No, he was right, and it didn't change shit. Not anymore.

"Alight...I'm stopping...." I was wiping my eyes fast and sniveled when Jonah was staring at me, guilty of holding my head down, feeling more lost than ever. The hard rejection was pulling me back in time, making me relive when he told me he had married Shailene and shattered my heart.

"Andrea... please..." he sounded even more guilty, and I hated that. I hated that he felt guilty over making me cry when he shouldn't. I was stupid and always had been, believing somewhere in my heart that we would make it back, even when he wasn't around, and I had married Buck. I always fucking loved him like the stupid bitch I was.

"Okay.... Okay, no, really, I'm stopping... see?" I made the fakest smile looking back up and pulling my hair off my shoulder, trying to look like I had my shit together when he knew that I didn't, and he knew that.

Jonah looked more hurt, heartbroken like me, and still making a fucking stand against me. I should be f*****g proud of how much he had matured over the time we had been apart, even if I seemed to be that same crying woman feeling sorry for herself; the hot young guy to her left didn't want to fuck her.

"I'm not saying that you can't cry.... Shit, I would be fucking crying too if Evans had me, that fucker... "I looked at him in disbelief. Did he just say that? He would cry if Austin had him; that was so hard for me to imagine since he was so f*****g hard to reach with his feeling, always had been. When he finally did open up, you never wanted to leave him.

"What? Would you cry...? "I was still not knowing why he was telling me that. I had seen him cry, like, once or twice. Still, other than that, I think he didn't do it. He locked up every emotion he was having, walking around like he didn't give a shit. He didn't, about a lot of things, but he had a heart, he did, and it was f*****g beautiful.

"Fuck yes! I mean, that fucker is vicious, and we all know it; it makes me fucking scared sometimes, and I can't wait to get out from the same room when he is around...." He made a chuckle that was warm from nowhere. I stared at him in awe, not knowing I was doing it when he looked just like he did when he was himself, not hiding and just being the guy who loved me and nothing else mattered.

"He is.... Vicious, I mean...." I sighed slightly when Jonah's eyes were back on mine, having light in them that made him even more handsome, the great smile that could make anyone do his bidding. He used it so well, not even aware of the effect he had on people, he walked inside a room, and people wanted to follow him. He hadn't changed on that part, just looked more grown up, even in his hoodie.

"I know. I know, and... well, I don't want you to be alone, Andrea... even if I can't be with you with all that is going on, and Ma is not letting me take over shit if she sees me with you, and... well you fucking told me that you didn't want us so... yeah...." He stopped telling me to be much, and he knew it the second it was out when I just stared at him; there it was.

The truth.

Not that he didn't still love me. He did, and he wasn't denying it even if he wasn't saying it aloud. Still, I didn't need words when it came to him, not when he showed me everything, I needed in the clenching jaw and eyes that had so much more inside them than he would ever tell me.

"Okay." I just said that when he didn't believe me, almost looking like he was getting pissed that I wasn't fighting him. What was the use? He was right, I had told him to f**k off when I was married to Buck, and that was one me and not him, no matter how much that sucked to hear.

"Okay...?" Jonah repeated my answer, growing even more uncomfortable when the only sounds I was making were the sniffles of my nose, running from the panic attack that had made me want to do anything to come closer to him, tear down the walls I had when I didn't want to get hurt by him again and ending up feeling even worse than before, just my f*****g luck...

"Yeah... I mean it... okay, I mean, does it matter in the end, me screaming at your face and calling you a bastard, you are still going to drop me off with Tom and go back home to her...." I was biting my lip hard, wanting to feel the throbbing pain of something other than him looking at me like he had been caught and making me do a small, sad smile back at him; see? I wasn't going to scream over that when all I wanted was to curl up under the covers, call buck no matter the time, and tell him that I wanted to see my babies, nothing else.

"Fuck.... I hate when you fucking do that..." he was mumbling it when I didn't answer, looking out the window and still sniffling wishing that I had some paper, my beautiful makeup was a smear, and here I was stuck in a car with Jonah that just had declared that he didn't want to even give whatever the fuck that was between us a shoot, never did.

"Andrea, fuck you... why the fuck are you always making me feel so fucking guilty?! I'm trying to make it fucking right, and you are still crying more over me telling you that I can't be with you more than you are being held f*****g hostage, and we both know it!" I made sigh hearing him use his dark voice like my being passive had awoken that part that he didn't use on anymore but me, the f*****g darkness consuming him whenever I made him make, which was all the time.

"I'm not saying shit. You are the one that is telling me that we can't be together, and I'm not f*****g fighting it am !?" I was getting annoyed at his fucking accusations, fuck him telling me that I was crying over him more than being held, hostage. That was insane! "Oh, you are. Look at you stare at me like I'm supposed to drop everything that I had to rebuild when I was this close to just cutting all ties and leaving everything!" He was turning back against me, looking nothing like he did just ten minutes ago, f*****g sorry and wanting me to know that he tried to be a good boy. Well, that was just great!

"I never made you drop shit!? I was married to Buck, and you just came back telling me that you still were my fucking soulmate, and I was supposed to just leave with you. Make Kira do that!? She hates it here, Jonah; every fucking second she spends here, she gets angrier, and I can't do shit to help her, do you get that! I don't fucking care about your fucking pain, I have my kids to care about, and you are just a fucking selfish asshole that wants to take my baby away from me!" I was yelling back when Jonah made a scoff, like he was tired of hearing me using Kira as an excuse, but I wasn't! Why the f**k couldn't he see that the stupid fucker!

"Yeah, sure. Like, I couldn't see you all in that old guy, you know what? I think you have a thing for that, Andrea, just like you did with fucking James!" my eyes dilate in the hard anger that was engulfing me when Jonah made a smirk, he did, and there was no way around it. He fucking told me he hated James so many times, and right now, he was showing me that he wasn't sorry he was dead, not like Buck was. He knew my f*****g pain about all of this!

"James was more of a man than you ever would be, and he fucking loved me more! selfish mama's boy, fuck you!" my voice rose over the sound of the engine in the background. I wanted to f*****g smack him for saying that to my face; that was really f*****g pushing it! He had no f*****g idea!

"Sure he was, and now he is dead...." Jonah made a chuckle that pushed me over that small invisible line of not wanting to kill him when my hand was in the air, ready to slap him hard over the sharp jaw and cheekbones that you could cut yourself one when Jonah made a yank that made me yelp from the power of his hand around my wrist, holding me like I couldn't stand a chance against him, still holding my breath seeing the darkness in his eyes being pissed off over me wanting to slap him.

"You better not fucking do that, Andrea, or I'm going to punish you...." his voice was still dark when I took a couple of staggered breaths, not prepared for the feelings that unlocked inside of me, like he made me want to be bad, wanting nothing more than push him harder, I needed that fucking pain so bad right now!

"Fucking psychopath, mama's boy, coward...." I was staring right back, not knowing what to do with all my anger and fear, waning him to help me and still hating him more than anyone else on this earth. I f*****g loved him.

My face coming closer when he was staring at me like he was deciding if I was worth the trouble, getting closer when I pushed my boobs against his chest, getting that small groin, I wanted to hear, no matter what he was telling me to my face, he wanted to f**k me. I was going to let him, no matter what happened after this, right now I wanted him to f**k me and forget the pain around us.

The car came to a stop when I was still panting, our faces closer than ever, felling the hard breath on my lips, making my core get tighter from the smell of sweet mint that always had me hardwired to wanting him, like the f****d-up bitch I was.

"Not here." He said it sterner, pulling me away when I looked at him like I got it. He didn't want people to know.

I wasn't going to stop that, fuck I didn't even care anymore, so what? He was fucking married. He didn't want to leave that pretty wife of his, he was still mine, and nothing would change that when the door was opened.

I was sitting on the other end of the seat and looking like I was just waiting for someone to tell me that they were taking me home when Tom came closer, looking like he knew what had happened. He didn't like it, making me do a slight smirk when he was walking over to the parking lot that was in front of the building I lived in, seeing Jonah walking up to it, going inside, and knew that the second I was inside those doors, he was going to send Tom away.

"I hope you fucking know what you are doing pretty..." Tom made a whisper at me when I made a snort, fuck no, I didn't, but I didn't care anymore. I wasn't asking Jonah to leave his wife for me, I just wanted him to fuck me, and that was it, no matter how unromantic I must have seen poor Tom, being so in love with a girl that as everything I wasn't, sweet and innocent.

"Never fucking do, Tom...." I said it, still smirking when he walked inside the doors, seeing Jonah standing over by the elevator, looking like he was feeling the same way, f**k everything.

"Leave, and make sure that Shailene doesn't ask for me, keep her fucking busy..." I hated that it did hurt me when Jonah said that because somewhere, fucking deep inside of me, I wanted to believe that he only loved me and that he hated her when that wasn't true, he didn't hate her, only I did that.

Tom didn't answer, just nodding like he didn't approve of anything happening. Still, what the fuck could he do when I was already in Jonah's arms, holding my arm around his neck, seeing the doors close before my eyes? It was already done.