Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 210

I was standing in a big living room, or room was the wrong term. It was a freaking hallway, a place to hold prom, wedding, and shit, except that it was the home of Jonah and Shailene that I was standing in, feeling myself sinker deeper into depression for every

minute I was staring at the photo of the incredible couple beaming back at me on their wedding photo.

Shailene wasn't here, and I was thankful for that; a part of me didn't want to see her, no matter what I had felt being pissed off, right now I was vulnerable, not ready to fight anyone that had the most gorgeous wedding dress I ever had seen, I beat it was f*****g expensive...

I sniffled, hearing Jonah cursing over something in the distance; as I said, this place was huge and expensive, making me not even want to breathe, afraid of knocking out some artwork worth more than I would make my whole life.

I couldn't stop staring at Jonah's face. He looked happy, he did, and there was no way around it. Like he really didn't have any problem f*****g me over when I had given birth to Kira, and I was left in the dark, him having this huge wedding that I didn't even know about.

F**k! I felt my hands shake from the hard ache inside me, my chest vibrating from the betrayal that had already started when he walked away, and I didn't trust him. I didn't, and that was so f*****g scary, knowing that I still loved him. Still, there wasn't a part of me that always wondered if he wasn't going to betray me again, just like he had done with her, no matter what his mother had told him. He made that choice.

"Andrea, I'm done; let's go!" Jonah was calling out when I didn't move, couldn't when I didn't want to cry anymore, but how couldn't I? I was never going to have what they did in the picture, support, and love from our family; everyone I had was someone that had felt sorry for me, taking me in the process, shit even Mary felt bad for not being able to help when I left.

"Andrea... please, let's just fucking leave before Shay gets back... I don't have the fucking patience to hear her cry right now...." Jonah stopped when he walked inside the living room, watching me, having a black trunk on his back, his clothes were changed, and he had showered. He looked brand new, just like the picture before me.

"You look happy." I made a sad smile, feeling the burning in my eyes, my throat snaring because of all the emotions that were coming back; maybe I never had gotten over just how bad he hurt me that time, even if he had done a lot of shit. I think him getting married was the deepest fucking cut he ever had done to me.

Jonah hadn't answered; he just walked up beside me, still holding the bag across his shoulder and staring at the picture, none of us speaking when he finally made a sigh when I was wiping the first tear of many that had made its way across my face silently, he really did look happy.

"I wasn't." He just said that still staring at the picture, his eyes piercing around the photo like he was examining it, same as me, that had never seen it before when I made a sniffle, not believing him. I knew him, at least his face, and right there when this photo was taken, outside some lake that was decorated, so pretty my eye hurt from the jealousy I was feeling, he was fucking happy.

"I wasn't, Andrea." He had turned his head, staring at me, looking serious when I made a scoff, sniffing and ruining the sweater with snot coming out. Who cared? I looked like shit compared to him, ready to take on the world like he always did. "Okay.... Whatever you say, Jonah...." I was too tired to fight him; the feeling of betrayal was exhausting me and mixed with being up all night and doing shit that didn't happen until I met him. Yeah, my body wasn't 24 like his.

"No, no, don't say that.... I told you before that people only see what the fuck they want to see, and see that? It's fake as fuck! I wasn't happy, Andrea. I just had a baby, and my mother threatened to kill you and her. Do you think that it has been so easy being married to Shailene? At least you were happy with Buck!" He accused me back when I didn't know what to say about that part. I was happy with Buck; that was the truth. I did love him, but not like Jonah.

"Yeah, I was happy.... But you have no idea, Jonah.... No fucking idea what I felt when you told me you got married..." I didn't know where all this came from. I had been so focused on us getting back together that I had forgotten this part, the fucking past of us. He wasn't the most trustworthy man to put all your cards on, no matter how you looked at it.

"You don't think I f*****g know? You tried to run me over... Andrea, don't even f*****g deny that you aimed at me when I got out of the car...." He made a small smirk like this was funny when it wasn't, and sure. I wasn't going to deny it. I had tried to run him over. "Fine... fine, I did try to run you fucking over. What are you going to do about it? Call the fucking cops on me...?" I smirked when he chuckled and put his arm around my waist. I wasn't over this, even if I had a small smile; it was just so hard, like life never gave us a break, no matter what we did.

"Sure, I'm going to call the cops and tell them that I fucking love you, just like I have since you yelled at me in fucking sweatpants..... making me want to knock on your door again..." he made a smile at my own stupid one. He loved those sweatpants no matter what he told me, that sucker...

I made another smirk when leaning against him, feeling slightly better, but I knew this would take more time than I had understood from getting back with him.

"Okay... let's be fucking real, I know you don't trust me, I'm not stupid, Andrea, and I am trying to make it right, but it hasn't been that easy for me either. I didn't marry Shay because of love, but you did, and that fucking hurts... my daughter calling the same guy I hired to protect you against Ma, her daddy, fuck...." Jonah made a sound that I didn't know what to call it; that hurt more than I thought he would be... making me feel bad. I did marry Buck, and he was Kira's daddy, no matter what Jonah thought. "Then change that." I looked back up at his face, eyes staring at the wall like he didn't want to start doing something like show feeling that wasn't him being strong. He hadn't changed on that part, blinking fast like I couldn't see that he was hurt and trying to hide it from me.

"How? Please just fucking tell me how the fuck I'm going to change that?! She doesn't know me, and to her, I'm just some guy she likes to hang out with. I bet she doesn't even care that I am her real father..." he made a huff like he was offended by that, making me smirk to his annoyance. yeah, I don't think she did because he didn't act like her dad, just some fun guy she hung with, the same as she had done with Sophia, Jared, and even Mitch... shit... I pushed that away when Jonah looked more annoyed with me having my arms around his neck, pulling him down, and kissing him softly. He was lucky I f*****g loved him.

"You think I fuckin know? I have no clue what I'm doing half the time, Jonah, kids don't come with a fucking manual, and now when I have the twins, Kira is.... Difficult...." I said the last part with gritted teeth when he was the one that smirked, kissing me back like he couldn't resist it, same as me.

"Oh yeah, well, she is a Sullivan.... We are difficult..." he made a light nibble at my lip when I wasn't sure how f*****g right he was. They were fucking pigheaded, all of them!

"Jonah, what are you doing?!" I was panting when he let me go starting to pull up my sweater. I wasn't stopping him when the kisses were making me dizzy, the small nips on my neck that made me melt when he kissed me, not caring he was undressing me in his home, the one he shared with her and not me.

"I'm fucking you right here, so you know that I don't care, not about being fucking married, not about losing my shit, and not what Ma is telling me. I want you, Andrea. You are my fucking soulmate, you get that?!" He was breathing faster coming back up from my neck, my core getting warmer from hearing that, his hands following down the bra and opening it; to my horror, my boobs were out. Shit, he really was serious about this...wasn't he?

"Oh, shit...." My eyes closed when my jeans were pulled down, taking my panties along when I was naked. I didn't even know how it had happened, only that I was squeezing my thighs together, trying to release some pressure from his hands all over me, still fondling my breasts, making me inhale hard when his hands were going down towards my hips, feeling every inch of my body, like he hadn't touched me hundredth times before.

"Jonah, you better get fucking naked if you're going to fuck me...." I was feeling the fabric when he stopped like he had forgotten that part, just wanting to fuck me when I opened my eyes, staring at him, staring to get undressed fast, making me chuckle like he couldn't wait to do this, some twisted fantasy maybe? Him f*****g me before his wedding photo, yeah.... It was f****d up, but I didn't care. I wanted him.

"Fucking naked..." he was grinning when I did the same, stopping him when he was coming back to me, making me stare at him. Shit. He really was so fucking good-looking, with or without clothes, the hardness making him look like he was a marble statue I had seen once in a museum. He had a bigger dick, though, hard and ready for me.

"Oh god... I don't think you know how f*****g sexy you are... I mean f*****g look at you, baby; you are a freaking God...." I was leaning my head to the side, sighing and smiling stupidly, not giving a shit if I was being ridiculous for just staring at him, taking the time to soak in the view, I did love him so much, and I was lucky someone like him wanted someone like me.

"Oh, I know...." He made a chuckle to my snort like I knew that too, but I wanted to tell him that I loved every part of him, body, heart, and all the darkness that came with it. Who the hell would love him as I could? Not Shailene, for sure.

"Now get over here..." he was holding his hand out when I took it, loving the warmness it was giving me when I was cold in the vast space around us, only focusing on the warm eyes that were staring at me like he was thinking I was the most beautiful woman on earth, scars and all, breast that wasn't that perky after having three kids and still he loved me.

"Andrea Louise Wilson, I fucking love you." I made a gasp being in his arms, hearing him say my full name, I had never told him, and still, he knew, making me bat my eyes, looking more stupid when he beamed back, rubbing my body, keeping me warm, feeling the goosebumps with my softness pressed against his hard-on, shit he did really love me didn't he?

"I don't know your middle name, Jonah...." I blushed when he chuckled at my insecurities. I didn't know shit. I didn't even know his last name until Austin told me Jonah always was a mystery to me, no matter how long I had been around him. "It's Patrick, you know, after Pat..." he made a bigger smile when my eyes got bigger. Wait! What?! So, he was named after Patrick Brown, Tom and Phillip's father!?

"Why?!" my eyes were still on him, making a small face like he would tell me something I didn't know. He always had fucking secrets, didn't he? That fucker... my shoulders were sinking down and waiting for whatever the hell he was telling me.

"Well, he is my uncle...." I made another gasp hearing that, No! No way! What!? He was fucking related to the Browns, fucking Tom!? I was still holding my arms around him, making him smirk more; seeing my shocked face, I wasn't sure what this meant, but I could figure it out, Tom and Phillip were his f*****g cousins!?

"What!?" I couldn't say more, Jonah still smirking when he was squeezing my ass like he didn't want me to lose track of what we were doing, and I didn't understand anything, just like always!

"Pat is Ma's older brother, but he didn't want to take over... not as she did so...yeah, she took over when he wasn't happy living like that, and he married Mary, and you know the rest...." Jonah was wiggling his eyebrows when I was still too shocked to speak. I mean, that explained a lot about why Mary and Pat wanted to see the kids, Kira was fucking blood, and I didn't even know!?

"Jonah.... Are you telling me... that Tom has been your fucking cousin all along and.... well fuck ..." I stopped, feeling embarrassed, and I didn't know why. I mean, he was still Tom, but when he said he had known Jonah for a long time, he really meant a f*****g long time!

"Yes.... what? he hadn't babbled about that part? fucking patsy always had a soft spot for you...." Jonah snickered when he was kissing my neck again, and I still was too shocked to say anything back; all the shit I said about Jonah to Tom, and he was his fucking cousin... shit...

"Jonah...." I held my arms tighter around him, still unsure what to do with this information. Were the Browns able to help him, and that's why Patrick wasn't afraid of Fiona? Shit, he really was her brother, wasn't he?

"Andrea.... Let it go... please, it doesn't change anything...." Jonah was snickering in my ear when I wasn't sure that it didn't, he could go after Fiona, and he would have support. That had to count for something?! I stopped him, suddenly losing my will to fuck when he told me crucial shit. Why had he never told me that??

"Baby, you can go against your Ma, listen...." I took a deep breath when he lost his playfulness. He didn't want to hear it, and I got it. I hated my mother, and still, the best I could do was yell at her for being a bitch. I really never had told her to f**k off no matter what.

"I can't. Andrea..... Just fucking listen... things will cool down eventually, and then I can talk to Ma, make her see fucking reasons for once, and that I do love you, as soon as I'm fucking free of...that... I'm going to marry you, and then she can't do shit!" Jonah was waving at the picture I had forgotten about, making me feel bad again. Oh, right, that part.... Him being married to another girl.... I looked down when he sighed, losing whatever desire f**k me too, and I felt terrible even more. I did want him. How he couldn't see the fucking broad sign saying that he could tell his mother to step down, no fucking bloodshed or anything. He had the rest of the family on his side, which had to make a difference. Shailene or not.

"I'm not marrying you for that reason, no way!" I said it cold when he looked back like he didn't get it. I was not marrying anyone else who saw it as a means to an end. I had two divorces behind me, and he wasn't even getting his wife to agree to have one! Jonah sighed like he finally understood. My heart went crazy afraid of what he was going to say, that he couldn't go against his Ma again? That would be f*****g original when I was covering my tits and feeling so cold when he wasn't holding me anymore, just staring back at me like he didn't know where to start.

"You are asking me to fucking coup my own mother, you get that, don't you? That might not end the way you want it...." He was looking so fucking serious when I gulped, I did, and I wasn't hiding it, yeah, well.... So what? I was sick of living in the shadow of Fiona Sullivan, and she had only met me once, and still, she was dictating my life with the man I loved.

"Either way, it fucking ends." I was trying not to look so nervous when he had his arms crossed, same as me, still naked and looking amused by my words like he was annoyed. Yeah, I just burned down a house yesterday! There was nothing I couldn't do! "Could end with me being fucking executed for being a traitor." I flinched, seeing his serious face. Was he fucking real now or what!? She was his mother, and he was her only son!? I would die for my kids, all of them! Not f*****g execute them! "You're not. Fiona needs to step the fuck down and see that you are happy with me!" I was taking a step closer, not wanting the distance between us anymore, this talk about execution was scaring me, and I wasn't going to hide it. He was my f*****g soulmate, and nobody was going to touch him. I would kill them!

"Andrea, she knows.... Don't you think I fucking tried to talk to her about us a thousand times? I told her everything. She was the first one. I said that Kira was my baby. I really thought that would make a f*****g difference..." he stopped talking, getting a wrinkle between his eyes when I was close enough to have my hands on his chest, wanting to plead that this could work. Still, he didn't seem to agree to my heart's dismay.

"Okay... okay... so we.... I don't know... we try something else...." I was rambling, and he knew it too, leaning his head down, meeting my face as he loved me for trying, but something wasn't going to change, no matter what we did. Shit.

I had my mouth slightly opened, and just looking at his smile that perfectly matched the beautiful eyes that were all I needed to forgive him, one f*****g smile and look. I was over whatever he did, like the stupid bitch I was.

"God.... I really wished we could burn this place down right now...." He made a snicker hearing my words, knowing I wasn't joking, but there it was. He was stuck as long as his Ma was in charge, a f*****g exile along with me.

"Let's just get back home... the kids are coming with Buck tomorrow and..." Jonah nodded like he knew that too, making my heart clench seeing that he hated Buck. I didn't blame him, I hate Shailene just as much, and I hadn't spoken to her, just almost f****d in her house, f**k I wished that I would have the time for that!

"Jonah, fuck me." he dropped the shirt he was holding like I wasn't serious. Well, I fucking was! I was not leaving this place unless he f****d me!

"You are so fucking, strange, baby... I love that!" He walked the last steps back to me when I wrapped my arms around his neck, my legs around his hips, feeling his d**k getting hard against me when I was smirking at his handsome face, having hunger in his blue- green eyes.

I f*****g loved him.