Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 52

I was wrapping up when I saw James, he just made a small smile and didn't stop to talk and I didn't blame him, things where awkward between us to say the least since last night, him telling me that he liked me. God I was so stupid, of course he did, nobody was that nice and didn't want something in return, nobody.

I had been talking to Jonah back and forth over snap, and he was coming to pick me up. That made me feel better for some reason, I didn't want to see Tom after what happened this morning, it seemed like everyone around me just had this big dark secret that they didn't want to talk about, f**k.

I walked out slowly from my small office, I was starving, and I sneered at the empty packaging of salad I had made myself eat, it tasted like crap, grass and dirt when I made a sight feeling the blouse, I was wearing stretching out a bit more, making me more determined to not eat the chocolate bar stashed in my drawer, do not f*****g eat it Andrea, I'm forbidding you!

I cursed at myself closing the door and out from the warehouse, avoiding my coworkers on purpose when I walked out into the heat, already dying from it and moaning from it when I saw Jonah's car in the distance and made myself go faster to it. I missed him. Missed his face and his voice, his scent and presence, everything about him when I opened the door and got in, already smiling to see him again. no matter how stupid it was since he only been gone a day.

"Hey baby!" I sounded way to bubbly for someone that was like me, grumpy and just been almost attacked yesterday, but being here with Jonah that smiled at me back, looking at me with his warm eyes, that made me feel like nothing else mattered, not a f*****g thing.

"Hi...." He seemed more relaxed now, calm almost when I leaned over and kissed him, getting my breath taken away when he traced my lips with his tongue, and I made a small sigh from his fingers brushing my face leaving heat in my skin making it burn where he had touched me.

"How did it go? With Austin I mean?" I sounded serious again when I pulled back and stared at him change his face like he didn't want to talk about it and not me to ask about what happened either.

"Forget it Andrea, it's been taken care of and lets just leave it at that." he turned away, starting the car up and my mood fell, so he didn't want to tell me, but I was the one that was attacked, I deserved to know what happened to that scumbag!

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? I was the one that he tried to fucking rape and now I'm not even supposed to know what happened, no! no Jonah I'm not agreeing to that!" I was feeling hurt already that he didn't trust me enough to get inside his apartment and now I wasn't supposed to know shit about anything it seemed.

He didn't answer, just stared at the traffic making his jaw cleanse, I was good at that, making him mad, not that he needed that much to push him over the edge if I was being honest with myself.

"Are you even listening to me Jonah?!" I snarled when he got even angrier, but I couldn't stop, I was still f*****g upset about this, he should be f*****g thankful that I didn't have a meltdown and went all crazy like he did on me.

"Jonah!?" I was still pissed when he just stopped, making us fly over in the small car interior and I made a gasp of pain coming from my chest and stomach where my seat belt had teared into my flesh.

I was still trying to catch my breath when he turned to me, giving me his full face of darkness that made me pull back in my seat no matter if I wanted to or not, he did scare me looking like that, just like the first time when he pinned me down in the bed.

"I said that it's been fucking dealt with, what part of that don't you understand, are you fucking deaf on me again!?" I was trembling with my fingers at the button that would release me from my seat belt, the hurt still making me winch for every breath I was taking still being held hostage by his dark eyes, oh fuck Tom was right, Jonah wasn't a good guy, he really wasn't.

"Are you!? Fucking yes or no Andrea?!" I whimpered when he yelled the last part at me, I just wanted to get away, right now when he was acting like this, I hated this side of him, the one that lashed out at me and everything else around him.

"No...." I just whispered it back, head down to my chest feeling my eyes burn to his fuming anger, the chest rising and falling hard, knuckled white still holding the steering wheel and jaw tense. My own body aching, I was still making small noises of hurt from where the seat belt had made an impact, but he couldn't see it, not right now when he was worked up and trying not to blow up even more.

I made a fast decision and pushed my belt to release me and the handle at the same time, just wanting to get out, my chest was hurting like hell and I was desperate. I hauled myself into the heat when I made a small scream from the pain in my chest and heard him already coming after me, my eyes wild when he had stopped on the fucking highway of all places and I screamed when I felt his hand on my shoulder, pulling me back to him.

"Andrea, stop!" I was screaming when he was holding his arms around me, I just wanted to get away, from him, from anyone that was hurting me, my chest and stomach still throbbing from the pain that was consuming my every thought right now. "Don't fucking touch me!" I was struggling knowing somewhere that I didn't stand a chance, cars passing by on the highway and us standing on the intersection with Jonah holding me down, his arms tight around me, making the pain even worse whether he realised that or not.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, listen baby please!" he was still behind me, locking me inside his arms, heart racing against my back just like mine was, I started to shake my head, no I didn't want to f*****g listen to him, fucking monster!

"YOU ARE HURTING ME!" I was screaming at the top of my lungs when he finally seemed to understand that I was serious and let me go right away like I had burned him with my body all the sudden and I turned around, my mind racing, my heartbeat in my head and just the strong desire to run away from him still being the only thing that my brain was pushing for when our eyes met.

He suddenly looked nineteen and scared, desperate when mine where afraid and just as desperate to get away and he could already see that on me, I was never hard to read, not to him, not to anyone.

"Andrea... baby.... listen to me...." he was talking slowly and soft like he knew that I was going to snap even more if he kept pushing me with his own anger like he had done in the car when I just stared at him like a wounded animal. His hands raised to show that he wasn't going to hurt me or even get close when I made a small whimper from my right shoulder, f**k my whole body was feeling like I had fallen from the second floor hitting the pavement hard.

"I never meant to hurt you, I love you and I would never do that, I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry for getting angry at you...." He trailed off when I was shaking my head, not hurt me?! then why the f**k couldn't I breathe without wheezing after he made the car break like he was trying to kill us!

I snarled when he got one step closer, giving me no room to go anywhere on the freaking crowded intersection that we still were standing in, people giving us weird or bored looks passing, Jonah still just having his eyes trained on me, knowing that I would bolt the second he gave me the chance to do it.

"I love you Andrea, you got that?! I would never hurt you, never ever! I rather die then see you get hurt, fuck I'm so sorry for being an a*****e.... I know that you didn't deserve that, or that motherfucker coming after you, I just want to protect you baby, don't you get that!? I don't want to push you into my world, you are too good for that!" my eyes shifted when he was done ranting and I didn't know what to say, he didn't want me to be a part of his world.

"I am a part of your world you goddam bastard, whether you fucking want it or not, you can't just love someone and then not let them in! I already lived half my adult life with a guy that didn't want me, just pushed me away. I'm not doing that again Jonah!" My voice deep and darker, giving him a grim look, he thought that I was some pushover just because I followed him, well f**k that, I was my own woman and if he couldn't let me in, we were going to be done, for real this time.

He stopped coming towards me and made a face of pain knowing that I was talking about breaking up, he wasn't stupid, just fucking hardheaded and angry, making dumb decisions in the heat of the moment, just like me.

I was still panting, trying to take smaller breaths from the pain in my chest, shit I was going to be bruised as hell after this and I just knew it, could feel it forming on my skin in the unbearable heat that we were having a standoff in.

"I can't touch him Andrea." I looked up surprised, what?! He was talking about burning his house down and all the sudden he was standing here, looking defeated and shameful like he had failed me, couldn't protect me and I didn't understand anything as usual.

"I can't do anything.... fuck! I want to just go over there and kill him, making him beg for even looking at you that filthy old bastard, but I can't........" I was staring in shock over that he was trying to not start to cry, his eyes glazed over, and I wanted to cry too, fuck I really hated this, us not being able to trust the other, always fighting, it sucked!

"Why?!" I was demanding answers when I looked at his face, he looked so fucking helpless, I had never seen him like this, angry, yes, upset, yes, but not f*****g beaten and it scared me if I was being honest.

"Because it will start a fucking war." I took a deep breath, holding it when he was looking at me seriously, he wasn't kidding with me. Holy f**k.