Dominant Passion
Chapter One: Best friends

"So what else do you do for life?"

Itinagilid ko ang mukha ko sa kadate ko para malaya akong makasimangot. Kasi naman, ang boring niyang kausap at nalaman kong mama's boy pala 'to. Naturn off agad ako noong narinig ko 'yon. "I live," walang kwentang sagot ko.

I can't believe I wasted my time, my money, my makeup for this date. How I wish I could leave here right now. Kahit ano ay gagawin ko na para lang makaalis na ako rito nang hindi ko nasasaktan ang puso ng lalaking 'to.

Tingin pa lang niya ay halatang may gusto na siya sa akin. Mukha naman siyang mabait kaso hindi ko na trip ang mga lalaking mababait ngayon. Type ko 'yon noon but that changed four years ago.

My eleventh and last relationship ended four years ago. I got tired of being cheated on and still giving them the second chance. Na insecure ako noon sa sarili ko at lagi ko na lang sinisisi ang sarili ko sa bagay na wala naman akong kasalanan. I'm not ugly. They're just trash.

Tumahimik siya saglit.

"Uhm..." Hindi ko malaman kung paano ko 'yon sasabihin nang maayos. Ang wish ko lang ay sana may dumating na anghel at iligtas ako sa date na 'to. This guy would never see me again.

Nang mapunta ang tingin ko sa waitress ay may naisip akong paraan. Sakto na lang at nakatingin ngayon sa cellphone niya si Felipe, ang pangalan ng ka-date ko ngayon.

"Wait lang, ah," he excused himself but he didn't leave his seat. He just looked at his phone and started typing there.

Nang makalapit na sa amin 'yong waitress ay pasimple ko siyang hinila. Lumapit naman siya agad sa akin. Sinenyasan ko siyang may ibubulong ako kaya inilapit niya sa akin ang tenga niya para makinig. "May tip ako sa 'yo," sabi ko rito.

"Ma'am?" Takang tanong nito sa akin. Medyo malakas ang boses niya kaya napatingin sa amin si Felipe.

Hinila ko siya patalikod.

"Huwag ka munang maingay," wika ko rito. "How much do you want? Five thousand pesos. Just save me. Let me get out of that damn date." Bulong ko sa kanya.

Takang taka naman ang ekspresyon niya pero tumango na lamang siya. "Ano pong gagawin ko, ma'am?" Tanong niya sa akin.

Napangiti ako sa tanong niya. "Ah, I would like you to spill that drink," tinuro ko ang hawak niyang wine glass na may laman pa. "To my dress. That's all. I'll excuse myself to him and leave." Paliwanag ko sa kanya. "M-Ma'am?" Bulong niya. "Sigurado po kayo? Kailangan po ng cover sa drink na 'yon, ma'am. Sayang po. Wala akong pambayad."

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay bago ko kinuha ang purse ko sa handbag. Puro credit cards iyon pero may laman pa namang sampong libo. "Magkano ba 'yan?" I asked while looking at my purse. "O-One thousand, ma'am," she answered stuttering.

Hah. Lie. I know that the price is not that high but I still nodded.

"Deal," I smirked. "But first, get out and come back after a few minutes. Make sure you spill it all over my red dress. I'm going to tell him that I ordered a wine for myself."

Umalis siya sa harapan ko saglit, as I told her.

"What? Do you want something?" Felipe took a bite to his steak. "I really appreciate you coming here for dinner. When can I see you again?" He smiled sweetly. Oh no. Not that question!

"Uhm..."

"Hi ma'am, here's your wine---" tumapon lahat ng likido sa red dress ko. Halos buong laman ng wineglass ay napunta sa akin. "Hala ma'am sorry po," the waitress looked worried. Nice acting.

"Oh it's fine, it's fine," I laughed and smiled at the waitress fakely. I turned to Felipe. He looks worried too. "Pardon me, but I guess I have to leave for now. I can't let myself look like this in our date. I apologize." "No, it's okay! It's not your fault." He smiled at me. He looked at the waitress too. "It's fine." And he smiled at her. I saw how the waitress blushed so my face secretly formed to disgust. Felipe is good looking and I heard many girls wanted her in his company. And yes, he owns a company but guys like him are not my type. I think he's to sweet for me and I'm too sassy for him.

Peke ko siyang nginitian bago ako tumayo at pumunta sa restroom. Sumunod din sa akin 'yung waitress. Marahil ay gusto na agad niyang kunin ang pera. Hindi makapaghintay. Humarap ako sa salamin para tingnan ang repleksyon ko at ang damit kong ang gara na tingnan. Ang lagkit pa sa pakiramdam. Kinuha ko agad ang purse ko sa handbag ko. Bago pa man tuluyang makalapit sa akin ay ibinigay ko na agad ang pera. Halos isampal ko na ang anim na libo sa mukha niya. "There. Thank you." I immediately left after that. "What? Seriously though, you did that just to get out of that damn date?" Brelenn, my best friend, bursted out laughing like there's no tomorrow. It's an 'ugly' laugh but he made it look sexy. Ah, why am I thinking like this?

He lifted his dark brown curly hair up. I can't almost see his emerald eyes because of his laughter.

"You know what? I should've never told you about this." I rolled my eyes at him.

He still can't stop laughing. "Well, you did have a 'rough night' yesterday. Ah, why did I even expected something really 'rough'?" Finally, he stopped laughing and looked at me. "When are you planning to take everything serious, Jani?" He asked with a serious look on his face.

I smiled sarcastically, "I have the same question for you, Brelenn. When are you planning to take something serious in a relationship?" I repeated him. "I heard a girl from the airport yesterday cancelled her flight just to see you kissing another girl. Heartbreaking." Umiling iling ako.

Inagaw ko ang sigarilyo na ginagamit niya kaya bahagyang nanlaki ang mga niya dahil doon.

"That's used, why can't you use something new?" Tanong niya pero hindi siya sa akin nakatingin. Nakatingin siya sa labi ko. "You really keep surprising me everyday."

Brelenn and I are friends since when we were in sixth grade. I met him because I accidentally slapped him while fighting with my bully. Paharang harang kasi siya kaya siya ang nasampal ko. Napunta kami pareho sa guidance kahit wala naman siyang kasalanan. Halos buong highschool year namin ay magkasama kami lagi everytime na ipapatawag kami sa guidance.

Kaya ayun, simula noon ay naging friends na kami. Hanggang ngayon na bente sais anyos na kami at may mga trabaho na, siya pa rin ang kasama ko. Laking pasasalamat ko na lang at wala pa siyang nagiging girlfriend, baka masabunutan pa ako. Hays, kailan ba magse-seryoso ang nilalang na 'to?

Nandito kami sa isang bar sa Makati. Buryong na buryong na kasi ang gago sa condo niya dahil hindi siya makakuha ng chikas dahil malapit na ang exam niya. Nasa medical school pa kasi ang loko. Pareho kaming nakatayo sa harap ng bar

counter.

"You have such a high standards in men and you keep changing it everytime you read a novel. I'm confused." He shook his head while taking another cigarette from his pocket.

"Why? You want to meet my standard?" I joked. I can see how his expression changed from looking playful to shocked. "What? You really want to?" This time, I'm seriously asking. Bumalik din ang ekspresyon niya kanina. "You wish. I like you as a friend but you're not my type." He put the cigarette to his mouth. Doon niya na iyon sinindihan.

"Do you remember the last time you had a serious relationship?"

Inupos ko muna ang sigarilyo dahil paubos na iyon bago ako humarap sa kanya. "Why are you suddenly asking me questions like that?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Of course, the last time I ever cried for a breakup. What about it?" "Nevermind. I think it would just break you heart---"

"I already moved on Brelenn," putol ko sa kanya. "I already bawled my eyes out for two years. Tha pain is gone. I just feel angry. Hah, he's breaking up with me just because he flew back to US? Fuck him. What a lie. We started it with long distance relationship and suddenly he couldn't do it? That's the biggest bullshit I ever heard." I shook my head when that scene suddenly popped up in my head.

Where I begged for him to stay. Where I begged with both of my knees. I kneeled for our relationship but he never cared about me. Never.

"I thought you moved on? Bakit parang may hinanakit sa boses mo?" Ngumisi pa ang gago sa akin kaya mas nainis ako.

"Well, Mr. Who-never-dated-anyone-before, I moved on but of course that pain is still there. You've never been inlove so you don't understand what I feel. I've been with him for four years and he'll just suddenly end it one day." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Yeah. Whatever." Brelenn chucked. "Since I asked you earlier what's your type and you didn't answer, I'll ask you again. What's your type?" He questioned. Inupos niya na rin ang sigarilyo niya dahil papaubos na 'yon. "Why? Tell me why first."

Tumikhim siya. "Well I-I... I have a friend who likes you and... He's asking me what's your type of guy. He's been eyeing for you for a long time just to see what's your type but you keep changing your so-called standard." "What? He's eyeing on me for a long time?" Bulaslas ko. "What the hell, dude, binebenta mo na ang nag iisa mong best friend? Man, you have no mercy." I shook my head while drinking a glass of tequila. "He's been eyeing for you but not in a bad way." Paglilinaw niya naman sa akin.

"Well," I licked my lips when I finished drinking. It tastes quite bitter though, maybe because I smoked. "It's not for him but I'm going to tell you what's my type,"

"Yeah... I'm all ears."

"I want a guy who wouldn't use me for his own benefits only. I want a guy who can be good and bad for me at the same time. In short, I want a true guy and not a guy who's trying hard to be perfect. Dagdag na lang ang height na 6'2. Mga kasing height mo gano'n tapos matalino at mabait. Tsaka may plano sa buhay. Iyong hindi ako lolokohin kahit ang plain plain ko."

"You want a guy as tall as me?"

"What? Yes!" Sagot ko naman agad. "Sa lahat 'ata ng lalaking nakakita sa mukha ko na punong puno ng tigyawat at walang makeup, sa katawan ko na mukhang pulubi manamit pati na rin sa nakakita sa aking tumatae, ikaw lang ang nagstay." "I fit your standard." Bulong niya pero narinig ko.

"What?" Kunwari ay wala akong narinig. "Yeah... You're the standard of every little girl in your university."

"Nothing. I said that's what I expected. Majority of people now, cheat. Everyone has their own bitchy side."

"I don't think so..." I sighed. "I believe there's still a guy out there who can meet all my expectations so why would I settle for less if I know they'll just throw me away someday?"

"You don't take relationships seriously now. You've changed so much. Ah, I'm glad I never experienced loving someone. It must've hurt so much." Umiling iling siya at tumingin sa paligid. Marahil naghahanap ng mabibiktima niya ngayong gabi.

"I think we just haven't found the right one yet."

He looked back at me and smirked. "What do you mean by the term 'we'?" He questioned.

"You don't take relationships seriously too. We're almost the same. I think the only difference between you and me is I took a relationship seriously before because I thought it was love and I got heartbroken after. Unlike you." "Ah," iyon lang ang nasabi niya habang nakatingin sa mga mata ko. Tumingin din ako nang diretso sa mga mata niya. Maya maya ay bumaba ang tingin niya sa labi ko. Ganoon din ako sa labi niya.

I can feel it... I can feel myself.

"Hey... Do you want to make out?" I asked him. Naghanap ako ng isang babae hanggang sa makita ko ang isang matangkad na morenang babae na may straight na buhok at bangs. "Iyon oh, ang ganda niya."

"We already fucked," sagot niya agad sabay inom sa shot glass.

"Bakit? Ayaw mong i-try ulit? Hindi ba siya masarap?"

Hindi makapaniwala siyang tumingin sa akin. "No. You know my rule, right? One time only."

"What about me? We haven't fucked yet..."

He looked shocked when I asked him that. "But we promised each other we wouldn't fuck each other, right? What the hell, Jani... I think you're drunk. Let's go, I'll take you home." I saw how his ears turned red. He's drunk too. "What? Promises are meant to be broken anyway. So why not break it today?" I said and leaned closer to him. I was about to kiss him when he looked away causing for my lips to land on his cheeks. "What? What's wrong? I thought you would like it..."

"I... I-I don't want to break our promise, Jani..." He called me by the nickname which he created. "That's still my promise to you."

Nagulat ako nang tumayo siya bigla at iniwan ako roon. Oh my, galit ba siya? Hala! This is my fault. Why did I even asked him to do such thing? Fuck, I'm so reckless!

"Timothy!" I called him using his second name. "Timothy wait!" Tumakbo ako palapit sa kanya. Dire diretso pa siya sa paglabas kahit alam kong naririnig na niya ang boses ko.

Napunta kami sa parking lot. Doon lang medyo bumagal ang lakad niya kaya naabutan ko siya.

"Brelenn Timothy Raedwald!" Tawag ko sa buong pangalan niya dahilan para tuluyan na siyang mapahinto sa harap ng mismong kotse niya. "What's your deal?"

He looked back at me. "What's your deal?" He repeated. Diniinan niya pa ang pagbanggit sa salitang 'your'. "You, Jani, what's your deal?"

"What? If you don't want it then no. Fine! Let's not do it. I just suggested it because you stared at my lips." I sighed. "Let's go back inside." Hihilain ko sana ang kamay niya pero hinila niya iyon pabalik.

"I'm going back to my condo. I'll go ahead. I'll call someone to pick you up." Papasok pa lang siya sa loob nang sigawan ko siya.

"What? Are you hurt?" Sigaw ko. Nawawalan na ng pasensya. Ewan ko ba kung dahil iyon sa pagkalasing ko o talagang gusto kong lumabas iyon sa bibig ko. "You break other girls' hearts too!" Bulyaw ko sa kanya.

He glared at me fiercely and clenched both of his fists. Sa isang iglap ay hawak niya na ang magkabilang braso ko. "I'll take you home." Mahigpit ang hawak niya sa braso ko kaya nasasaktan na ako.

"Aray ko! Brelenn! It hurts! Let go of me!" Sigaw ko sa kanya habang pilit na tinatanggal ang kamay niya sa braso ko. Tinatampal ko pa ang kamay niya para lang maalis iyon. "Brelenn please!" Sigaw ko pa.

He finally let go of me and sighed. "Let's go home, Jarell," he calmly said. "You're drunk."

"Okay... Let's go home and come back tomorrow." Sagot ko na lang at pumasok sa loob ng kotse niya. Umupo ako sa shotgun seat at siya naman ang driver's seat. Malamang, hindi ko kayang magdrive dahil baka ibunggo ko pa ang sasakyan. niya.

"I don't play girls..." He said while driving the car. I was looking at the window when he said that. "I just don't date them. But to be honest though, I use them for my own pleasure. But they use my body too... They benefited from me and I benefited from them. I didn't took advantage of them." Halos pabulong niyang sabi.

Hindi ako nagsalita. Nagpatuloy lamamg siya sa pagsasalita niya roon. Diretso siyang nakatingin sa daan habang nagd-drive. Kita ko iyon sa peripheral vision ko.

"It's not true that I never took a relationship seriously. It's not true when you said I've never fell inlove. It's not true when you told me I only play girls' hearts. It's not true when you said that I never got heartbroken because I experience it every fucking day. And it hurts like hell." He sighed heavily. "I also believe that I haven't found the right one yet, like you,"

"Then why are you doing things like this?"

"You, why are you doing things like that?" Balik tanong niya sa akin. "I never wished for you to be like me. I never knew you'd be like this. But fuck, I liked it even more." Hinampas niya pa ang manibela pagkasabi niya noon. "How can cupid be this cruel..." He sighed again.

"Do you like someone, Brelenn?" I asked him. I don't know why I felt hurt. Maybe because I'm drunk and it's a side effect so I feel hurt.

"Y-Yes," he answered. "I like her for a long time now but I know she wouldn't like me back anyway so I don't care doing things like that. I love it when he scold me after doing a miracle with someone." He chuckled and shook his head. I'm looking at him now.

Is It just the liquor or he really does look handsome today?

But a part of me was hurt when he said he likes a girl for a long time now. Why do I feel like this? Is it because I'm drunk?

"I-I'm horny..." I whispered.

He looked at me. "You're what?"

"I'm horny, Brelenn," I repeated.

"What do you want me to do?" Brelenn cluelessly asked. "You want me to fuck you?" He joked.

"Y-Yes. Fuck me, Brelenn..." I said.

Napahinto ang sasakyan namin. Muntikan na ngang tumama sa bintana ang mukha ko kung hindi niya lang iyon nasalo at sinuportahan. "What the fuck, Jani... No." Hindi makapaniwalang sabi niya. "You're just drunk. I bet you can't tell me that when you're sobber."

I smiled at him despite of drunkness. "Ah, I can tell you. I'm a sober."

"Fuck please," he hissed. "Don't do this, Jani. Please don't do this." Hininto niya ang sasakyan.

I touched his lips. "Why don't you want us to do it? I've been here before you even became like that..."

"Jani please..."

"Am I ugly for you? Huh?" I asked him.

"Jani..." Pagmamakaawa niya.

"Okay..." Sumimangot na lang ako at nagbalik tingin sa labas ng bintana.

"Jani ayaw kong samantalahin ang kahinaan mo... at kahinaan ko. Lalaki ako, Jani. Please don't do this. Tsaka lasing ka. Don't say things like this. We promised each other back then when we were in college that we wouldn't fuck each other, right? Let's not break that promise. If you continue acting like that..."

"What?" I asked without looking at him. It's about a minute before he answered.

"Nothing. I can fight this." Napatakip siya sa mukha at muling pinaandar ang makina ng sasakyan. "I'm your best friend, we can't fuck. We can't have romantic feelings for each other."