Fairytale Green
: Chapter 38

After a long make-out session that I had to pull myself away from, I quickly drove to the Armstrong’s house and apologised to a not very patient Lana.

She eventually forgave me after thirty minutes in the car and when we pulled up at the mall. She became talkative as she started to pull me into every store to browse all of the clothes.

Lana waved a pink sparkly dress in my face as we entered our tenth dress store ‘This would look so good on you.’

‘Yeah, for a kids fancy dress party.’ I replied.

‘Ella, work with me here.’ She complained, ‘You have said no to every dress I have picked up.’

‘That is because you have terrible taste.’

‘No, I don’t! You are just a harsh critic.’ She argued while putting the dress back on the rack.

Our conversations had been a recurring pattern since we had arrived at the mall. The same exchange of arguing had happened in the past five stores.

Lana had flapped over fifty horrendous dresses in front of my face. I had to hold myself back fifty times from strangling her with the garment.

Even if the shopping experience was the worst thing humanly possible, I loved spending time with my best friend.

‘Why do you hate shopping so much?’ Lana asked as we walked down another long aisle of clothes.

‘I do not hate shopping.’ I said before adding ‘I just hate shopping with you.’

‘You need to pick something. I have at least ten dresses that I want to try on.’ She waved her occupied hands that were filled with extravagant dresses in a variety of colour.

Having had enough of her awful choices, I shooed her away ‘Just you go and start trying them on. I will keep looking and then meet you in the changing rooms.’

She left with a sigh and headed over to the dressing room at the back of the store.

This left me to check out the rest of the choices in peace. I explored every inch of the boutique, going from aisle to aisle, passing all different colours and shapes of clothes until I spotted a black dress.

It was quite short with spaghetti thin straps. I picked it up and examined the silk material that shined under the light. It did not look like something that should be worn to a school dance. The dress was slightly longer and a little more acceptable than a nightdress.

It had caught my eyes and I loved it so without much more thought, I wandered through to the changing rooms with it.

‘Lana.’ I called her name as I walked down the line of small, separated rooms.

She drew the curtain back from her little changing space with a pained face. I looked down to the cause of her expression and understood.

The dress she had on made her look ridiculous. It was light pink, and the short skirt part of the dress was frilly like a tutu.

‘You look like a marshmallow.’ I commented.

She glared at me before drawing back the curtain and disappearing without a word.

Hoping the dress that I picked out would look good enough, I made my way into the changing room next to hers and undressed. Once my clothes were spread all over the place messily, I pulled the silky material over my head and pulled down until it stopped mid-thigh.

I turned around and faced the mirror on the wall. I let out a small gasp and how well fitted it was. The dress hugged my body tightly and highlighted every curve. It left nothing to the imagination.

Just as I was weighing up the pros and cons, like the shortness of the dress, I heard footsteps from the other side of the curtain.

‘Get out here.’ Lana called ‘I want to see what you picked.’

I slowly pulled the curtain to the side which revealed Lana standing there as her jaw dropped.

She looked me up and down before hollering ‘You look beautiful, Ella. That dress really shows off your assets.’

My eyes rolled as she wiggled her eyebrows.

‘What do you think about my dress?’ She asked as she motioned her towards her new change of clothes.

Looking at her choice of dress, I tried to be as honest as I could be ‘It is very…orange’

‘That is what I was thinking.’ She said with a huff before retreating into her changing room and shouting ‘Wait there. I think this is the one.’

Standing there in the middle of the room, I felt overdressed and like an idiot, but I could not help but look down and compliment myself.

I wondered if Stone would like the dress.

A few minutes later, Lana walked out twirling with a red sparkly cocktail dress on. It suited her well and I could tell by her smile that she liked it too.

‘You look gorgeous.’ I gushed.

She giggled and then joked ‘We are going to be the envy of Leavendale High.’

‘You will be.’ I told her ‘Nobody will see me because I plan to hide in the corner of the room. Far away from the dance floor all night.’

‘No, you will not.’ She scolded before looking at me again ‘You look amazing, Freak Show. Really, your choice of dress is stunning. I think there may be hope for you in a fashion-based career.’

I scoffed ‘No way. I would never go into fashion. Everyone should just wear pyjamas all the time. As a society, we should encourage it.’

She laughed ‘Yeah, I see it now. Drizella Miller on a Milan runway with her Princess and the Frog pyjama set.’

‘What is wrong with my Princess and The Frog pyjamas?’ I asked before carelessly arguing without thought ‘Stone likes them.’

The last part of my sentence caught her attention and she questioned ‘ How has Stone seen what you wear to bed?’

Trying not to look guilty, I waved her off and shrugged ‘It is nothing.’

She pointed at me while looking far too excited ‘Have you slept with him?’

‘If you mean in the same bed as him then yes.’

‘How many times?’ Lana interrogated me enthusiastically ‘Also why did you not tell me?’

There was not any point in lying to her further, so I admitted ‘He has stayed overnight pretty much all week.’

‘Again, why did you not tell me?’ She shouted, ‘Have you two kissed?’

I told her the half-truth ‘I might have tripped and accidentally let my mouth collide with his.’

Lana laughed and grinned at the news.

I tried to lie to her ‘It does not mean what you think it means.’

‘What do I think?’

‘That him and I are together.’ I answered her.

‘Are you trying to tell me you are not?’

‘Yes.’ I let out sadly.

It was only then that it hit me that I was disappointed at the fact that I was not with him.

She laughed again and it was full-on belly laughing. She clutched her stomach trying to control herself.

Once she gained composure, she sympathetically said ‘Poor Stone.’

‘What do you mean Poor Stone?’ I accused ‘You are meant to be on my side for anything and everything.’

‘Not when you are being a fool. Ella,” She told me ‘I feel like hitting your head until you see sense.’

I put my arms over my chest as we both kept quiet. There was nothing I could argue back because the truth was that I knew she was right.

Lana shook her head and pointed out ‘We both are a mess when it comes to boys.’

‘What is going on with you and Brennan?’ I questioned gently, knowing that something was going on and the issue was sensitive.

She leaned against the wall between our two changing rooms and sighed ‘Brennan told me he loved me.’

‘You do not love him back.’ I stated rather than asked.

Her head shook and her eyes closed as she let out a sigh ‘I don’t know.’

‘What did you reply when he said it?’ I asked and then joked to try and make light of the situation ‘Thank you?’

Lana went silent and her face contorted to guilt. It was a dead giveaway that she did in fact thank him.

‘You did not!’ I said in shock, imaging the scene in my head.

‘I panicked!’

I made another joke because I had no idea what to say ‘To think people say I am the heartless one.’

‘Ella!’

‘I am just kidding. You know that.’ I said before I tried to make her feel better ‘I think it is better that you did not lie and lead him on. At least you did not tell him you loved him when you did not. At least you are being honest.’

‘Unlike some of us.’ She replied as she began jogging on the spot.

A normal Lana action was to jog on the spot when she was anxious.

She resulted to saying, ‘I am going to search it up.’

‘Search up what?’ I questioned as she ran and fetched her phone.

Lana came back with her phone in hand. She stood still for a full minute before she tapped her phone while replying ‘I am searching up what love is.’

‘Calm down, Barbie. It is not a big deal.’ I sighed and tried to hold back a laugh ‘Some people our age can’t even spell love. I am being serious. One of Chase’s friends spells it like l-u-v. Like the texting way.’

She ignored my attempt at a joke and read from her phone ‘A website describes love as an extreme feeling of affection and attachment. You do not just want them, but you need them with you. You respect them but want to challenge them in every way. You care and seek to know everything about them. With every decision you make, you wonder what they would think. You want to know what they are thinking about all the time. You can’t see your future without them in it. The symptoms and signs that you are in love include feelings in the chest and stomach, a desire to touch the person and—’

It all sounded too familiar. Far too familiar. It was so recognisable what she was describing that I continued her explanation.

‘— and you want them so much that it scares you. You want them around all the time. You want them in your English class at school and you want them with you for ice cream at the pier. You even want them in your bed to discuss books all into the night.’ I finished.

She nodded her head and encouraged me to go on.

‘It is teasing each other and hiding your amusement so they do not think that you love everything they are saying. It is appreciating that they know you. Know you so well that they take you to an Edgar Allan Poe because you love the poems, or they sit with you at your mother’s grave because they know you need someone there and not just anyone but them. It is knowing them so well that you know what their favourite childhood book was or how many tattoos they have got. It is the desperate need to know the newest one they have. They take you on the Ferris wheel and help you swim in the ocean because they want you to conquer your fear and you can’t help but fall for them and their desire to help you overcome your worries. It is the feeling that takes over your body when they say your nickname that is only designed for you. It is the bitten down laughter you get when they make fun of you. Mostly about your hair and height. It is everything about him. It is him.’

Once I had finished my revealing rant and I was panting for breath over my stumbled words, I looked down at the floor and let out a gasp.

Lana smiled joyfully ‘I cannot relate to anything you just said.’

‘But I can.’ I whispered.

This feeling was not foreign. It was just being discovered. It was just being brought to light.

It was like an emerald. Back in Ancient Egypt, Greek miners discovered the green gemstone and thought they had found something spectacular and rare. It was found and given a name in two thousand BC but the emerald had always been there. It had always been encrusted in the Earth since the beginning of time. It had just been waiting to be brought to the surface.

‘I am in love with him.’ I said aloud but more to myself in realisation ‘I am in love with Stone.’

Lana smiled and then she let out another giggle ‘Honestly, it took you far too long to figure it out. That is why I done it.’

‘Done what?’

She turned around her phone to reveal a black screen. Her phone had run out of charge and that meant she had not searched up what love was.

‘I did not need to put it into the internet for the definition.’ She uttered ‘You were already aware of what love was. You just needed a little push.’

‘How did you even come up with the first bit?’ I asked, shocked at her flawless definition.

‘I just recited what you have told me.’ She explained ‘All of those things that I said were what you have told me about Stone at some point since meeting him.’

I was lost for words.

The only thing I could do was laugh it off to hide my raw terror at my revelation ‘To think people say that I am the conniving and scheming one.’

She made her way over to me and grabbed my shoulder ‘Now you know. What are you going to do about it?’

‘Run away. Leave the country.’ I answered her ‘I have heard Antarctica is nice this time of year.’

‘Be serious.’ She told me off.

‘Okay fine. That is a bit drastic.’ I admitted before changing my plans ‘I just need to isolate myself. Just stop speaking to him until it goes away.’

‘Ella!’

My panicked state had not disappeared and I scowled at Lana ‘Why did you not tell me that I was in love with him?’

‘Everyone knows. I think you are the last person to realise that you are crazy about him.’ She informed me ‘It is not just going to go away, and I know you do not want to stop feeling for him.’

I hated how she could tell what I was feeling better than myself.

‘What am I going to do? I cannot just tell him.’ I ranted ‘What would I say? That I am so madly in love with him, and I probably have been since I met him, but I was too scared to let myself feel.’

That the thought of potentially losing someone else I loved just like I had with my parents scared the hell out of me.

‘Why not tell him that?’ She asked.

‘I can’t say that.’ I argued, ‘It would give him enough material to tease me forever.’

Lana went all gooey-eyed and dreamy ‘Also madly in love? You have become such a romantic in your old age.’

‘Shut up!’

She smiled wickedly ‘Nothing has actually changed. It has always been you two. You are just realising it. For someone as intelligent as you are, you sure are slow.’

‘Working out people has never really been my thing.’ I replied, trying to defend my ignorance.

Her smile turned warm, and her eyes held a bit of sadness as she spoke “I don’t think it is that. I think it is your self-esteem. For some reason, I think you think you are unloveable. I don’t know if it has to do with your mom or if it is something else, but you need to know that you are amazing.’

I kept quiet. I could not think of an excuse.

‘All my life, you have built me up and kept my chin high. Now it is my turn to repay the favour.’ Lana smiled at me as she continued her speech ‘You are beautiful and smart and so funny. Stone knows that. You need to have some confidence. You need to tell him.’

I could feel my lip start to tremble. That is why I shook my head and let out a small giggle ‘This is far too mushy. All this feelings and stuff.’

‘You need to tell him.’ She repeated.

‘What if he does not feel the same way?’ I asked quietly.

Her arms crossed and she looked slightly annoyed ‘You are just trying to replace an excuse to back away. It is not in your nature to just sit back and watch everything unfold. What happened to my best friend that threw popcorn at the TV screen when the main heroine would sit back and wait for her love interest to come and get her?’

My hands went to tug down my dress because I started to feel exposed.

‘You once told me that you despised Cinderella for sitting around and waiting for her prince.’ Lana added.

She was right.

I was not Cinderella, I was Drizella. Just like Stone had told me.

The words repeated in my head like a never-ending poem. I loved him.

All this time, I was not really challenging him. I was challenging myself not to fall for him and that failed miserably.

It was inevitable.

To others, he was intimidating and rude. To me, he was caring and selfless. He had a great sense of humour and never failed to make me laugh. He was smart and as big of a nerd as I was. He was the best guy I had ever met and probably always would be.

Only he alone could set my soul on my fire. He annoyed me like nobody else in the best possible way. He was the only one that could linger on my mind all day and all night.

I could compare it to falling off The Golden Gate Bridge. I was holding on so tightly to stop myself from descending, but it was inescapable. I was going to fall anyway. It was destined. Just because I convinced myself that I was not falling did not change the outcome.