Grim and Bear It
Chapter Twenty-Four

Rule #35: Reapers are encouraged to review the activity boards, located at both the pier and in the barracks, and to join in daily events. Building a strong community is a must for a reaper. - The Reaper Code of Ethics, official handbook. Poppy

Whenever I read books where the main character did something stupid, I yelled at the pages, wondering how they couldn't see how they were messing everything up. I knew if I stopped to write down my actions over the past week and read them back to myself, I'd probably be disgusted. This knowledge didn't stop me from checking on Jake.

The room was dark, the alarm clock on his nightstand read 1:58 in pale white numbers. I listened to his even breathing, the sound reassuring. I didn't know what was happening, but it felt like we were careening toward something unchangeable. Devastating.

I knew I should've left. I definitely should not have walked over to the bed and pressed my hand to his chest to feel his heartbeat. I needed the reassurance that he was still alive, that there was still time to try to fix whatever was breaking. I gasped when he grabbed my wrist and blinked awake.

"Poppy?" His words slurred with sleep, but I had no doubt he was alert. "Are you Edward Cullen-ing me again?"

I laughed once. "I guess I am. Sorry."

He released my wrist and shifted his legs, then patted the bed next to him. "What's wrong?"

I sat on the edge of the bed. "I just wanted to check in on you," I admitted.

"I've been worried about you too." He brushed his hand with mine.

I soaked in the warmth of his touch. "Hey, I forgot to tell you. All the people from the storage unit? They were recruited via social media." I told him the details of my conversation with the souls, and he reached for his phone and made notes. "This just keeps getting worse." He set his phone down and sighed. "How are you holding up?"

I scrunched my face. "Dry heaved for a solid ten minutes after that."

He shifted his pillow so only half was behind his head, then fluffed it. "Take off your robe and come here."

I shouldn't. I needed to keep my distance. Doing this was only going to hurt more. I stood and took off my cloak, hanging it on a hook on the back of his door.

He lifted his blanket as I approached, and I slid beneath. He turned to his side and pulled me into his bare chest, resting his forehead against mine. He kissed the tip of my nose. "How was the rest of your shift after?"

"I hated it," I admitted. "But nothing tied to Vixen and no scary half souls, so not so bad in the end." I looked into his eyes and finally felt like I was home. "Kiss me?"

He ran his fingers through my hair, and I sank deeper into the bed, his scent, his warmth. I raised my hand and trailed my fingertips over the stubble on his jaw. I leaned forward and lightly brushed his lips with mine.

His hand cradled my head as he kissed me back, our movements slow. We savored each other for long minutes. With a breathy laugh, he pulled back. "I wish we had just ignored our parents and been together. We missed so much," he admitted.

"Me, too. Do you ever wonder what it could've been like? If we hadn't waited?"

This time his laugh was full sound. "Sorry, I just imagined your dads or Magnolia replaceing us in bed like this as teenagers."

I covered my mouth and pressed my face against his firm chest. "Oh no, I can't even imagine." I giggled. "We both would've been dead. Probably literally."

"Definitely literally."

I lifted my head back up, bumping his nose with mine. "We're not teenagers now."

He stole another kiss. "No, we're not." Kiss. "But Poppy, what are we doing?" Kiss. "Is there any way this ends happy?"

I pressed my hand against his cheek, my fingers running around his ear to the back of his neck. "I don't know. Nothing since the moment you saw me makes sense. All I know is that I can't stop kissing you."

He gave a low growl and his mouth found mine again. These kisses weren't soft and sweet, but sinful. Age and I assume experience had made him more confident, more in control, more teasing. I was melting from the inside out.

If he had kissed me like this when I was sixteen, I would've grabbed his hand and stolen a car. I would've denied my birthright. I would've done anything and everything to stay in his arms.

I didn't need to breathe, but I couldn't stop myself from gasping as his hand skated down my body, his thumb stroking the side of my breast before gripping my hips and pulling me tight against his. I nipped his bottom lip when I felt him against me. God, I wished I was just a normal human. He moved against me, and my chest filled with flutters, but the human pleasure I would've experienced if I wasn't a high-end skeleton was missing.

"I have a confession," I breathed against his mouth.

"Hmm?"

"I can't have an orgasm. I'm not even sure I can actually have sex. Wasn't sure I could even kiss you until today."

He tilted his head back to study me in the dark. "My head's a little fuzzy...not sure I'm following. You can't have sex?"

I made a face. "I mean, I'm surrounded by my family and extended family on a floating death island, so I haven't actually tried, but I'm basically just a skeleton animated with magic. I can't even take off my clothes."

He groaned and buried his head in my shoulder. "Of all the things you've told me about being a reaper, that's got to be the most depressing."

"You're telling me. I finally get in your bed and I can't do anything about it."

He lifted his head and gave me a kiss. "Honestly? Kissing you is the best thing ever. It's enough."

I gave him a saucy smile. "I mean, just because I can't take off my clothes doesn't mean I can't take off your clothes. I can think of some fun places I can kiss."

He groaned and rolled over on me, pinning my arms to either side of my head. "As much," kiss, "as I'd like that-love that," kiss, "let's just keep it mouth kissing for now." Kiss. "And maybe neck." He nudged my chin with his nose and kissed down my jaw and behind my ear.

I let out a breathy laugh. "I'm not complaining."

He pulled back. "Wait...how can I even kiss you? If you're a skeleton, how do you feel so human right now?"

"You know how ghosts have to practice moving and interacting with objects?"

He chuckled. "Oh yes. It's Sebastian's best excuse to not help with chores."

I released a breathy laugh. "It's like that. The more familiar I am with something, the more I can interact with it as if I were still human. Like if I go to the library, I can literally rearrange the shelves. But if I go to a new bookstore, the books slip through my hands."

"And I'm familiar to you." It wasn't a question.

I kissed the corner of his mouth. "I knew you better than I knew myself. You're the thing I'm most familiar with."

His lips smiled against mine. "Good."

He kissed me again and I got lost in him, the heat and the pressure of him erasing years of longing and need and loneliness. When we finally separated, he rolled us over, laying me on his chest. I put my hand against his ribs where his heartbeat was the strongest. Thud, thud, thud. With each beat, I thanked the universe he was still alive.

He ran his fingers through my hair and I snuggled deeper into his arms. "How did we survive without each other?" I asked against his warm skin.

He let out a single laugh. "Well, technically, you didn't."

I sighed. "Touché."

He kissed the top of my head. "I don't know. I don't even know what the hell I'm going to do when you inevitably leave tonight."

I turned my head and left a long kiss on his chest. "I'm here now."

He squeezed me tighter. "What was it like? Dying?"

I lifted up, looking at him. "Jake..."

"I know we're purposely ignoring that the most likely reason I can see you is because my time is almost up."

"It might not be!" I argued.

"But it could be." He traced my eyebrow with his fingertips, then drifted over my cheekbone, my jaw, and my bottom lip. "God, I wish I had days, weeks, years to memorize you again. I forgot about the way your lip dips here." He traced my cupid's bow. "This scar from when you fell off the swing-set when we tried to see if we could go over the top." He traced the memory that blended in with my jaw.

He leaned up and kissed the skin next to my mouth. "This dimple you only get when you're really happy." His lips brushed my eyelids. "The way you pretended not to watch me."

"That obvious, huh?"

"I was watching you back."

I closed my eyes tight as he kissed me again and again. It was even better than a summer day by the pool, than the smell of the rain, than my favorite book. I was warm and content and at peace. For just this moment, I was as happy as I was at sixteen on summer vacation.

He laid us back down, one arm behind his head, one around me, and I rested my head back on his chest. I could talk about the dark times, but only if I knew he was still breathing, still living. "I was lucky," I whispered into his skin. "Reaper deaths are usually peaceful, as long as they come before the natural one. I just fell asleep and woke up on a boat."

"You hate boats."

"I still get motion sick."

His fingers playing with my hair paused. "Seriously? You can't have an orgasm but you can get seasick?"

"Right? It's bullshit." I traced the outline of his muscles with my fingers. "I get my own room. And no, it isn't any more organized than when I was a teenager."

"I'm not surprised."

"If anything ever happens to you, I'm going to be there. I promise." It wasn't a promise I could technically make, but I'd figure it out. I wouldn't let anyone else be by his side. No matter what I had to do. "Then I have nothing to worry about." "You trust me?"

"Completely." He kissed the top of my head.

"So, what have you been up to for the last, I dunno, twelve years?"

He chuckled. He told me stories about his life until his voice faded, until his hand stilled, and he fell into sleep. I missed sleeping. It was a reset, a relief that I desperately needed.

A pull in my chest reminded me it was time to get back to work and all at once, my happiness vanished. If I could cry, I would've had tear trails down my cheeks as I kissed Jake softly and climbed out of bed. Every step away from his arms made me colder, and by the time I slipped the cloak over my arms, I was heavy with frost.

I walked through the door and came face to face with Sebastian.

"Do you know what you're doing?" he asked.

I looked back at the door. "All I know is that when I'm with him, it's the happiest I've ever been."

He nodded and bowed his head. "Then the turmoil's worth it."

"He's worth everything."

As I always did after my visit to the human realm, I pulled my hood up before attempting to walk through my usual portal. The gray mist around me felt heavy, as if it was judging me with how I'd spent my break. "You're just jealous," I grumbled, as if the mist were sentient and could possibly give a damn.

I raised my fingers to my lips, trying to hold on to the memory of Jake's mouth moving against mine. I closed my eyes for a moment and imagined what it would be like if I had stayed alive. If we had convinced our parents we were responsible enough to start a relationship.

I imagined the secret kisses and the late-night climbs through windows. Then as we grew up, vacations together, moving in together, getting married. Days and nights and days together. Silly fights, and hot-as-hell makeup sex, and doing dishes side by side. Endless adventures. Arguing about what we'd have for dinner or what movie we'd watch. Lazy Sundays curled up reading on the couch.

I covered my face with my hands, took a deep breath, and shook my head to clear it. That's not what happened. That wasn't what was going to happen. My brain had figured it out, and now my heart needed to listen.

With an expletive, I turned off my glamour and stomped through the portal door. Or at least I tried. It was like walking in wet concrete. My feet stopped moving and my hood came off. I raised my hands to replace it, startled when I saw they were still in human form. That was weird.

I paused and concentrated on removing my human form and turning back into a skeleton. When my hand was only a series of bones, I took another step forward and eased through the portal. I walked back to the human realm, then back to the reaper world with no hiccups. Maybe I just did it wrong the first time. I mean, I'd been doing it multiple times a day for twelve years, but my mind had been wandering.

The pull in my chest told me to get to the boat dock to meet Sylvia. With one last glance over my shoulder, I hurried to work.

To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Fletcher, I'm extremely disappointed with these trials and therefore am revoking approval. Please deliver the remaining unused product to the warehouse in Hayvenwood, Michigan, within 48 hours. When you arrive, we will discuss your future with the organization.

Sincerely, Somerset.

To: [email protected] From: G_Fletcher@unbelievable bodies.inc Somerset, I implore you to let me continue with the final two scheduled trials. I truly believe that if we adjust the dosing, we will correct the issue. Fletcher.

To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Fletcher, I'm not a pharmacist, but I'm interested to know how every test subject has died from a fentanyl overdose while trying our product-which should not contain any fentanyl-and how a dosing modification will prevent this?

Sincerely, Somerset.

To: [email protected] From: G_Fletcher@unbelievable bodies.inc That's impossible. We haven't altered the pills in any way. We are clearly being sabotaged!

To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Fletcher, You'll forgive me for not believing you. I suggest you replace the person who is sabotaging you and have them accompany you when you drop off the remaining product. This is your only warning. If you do not arrive at the Hayvenwood warehouse within your assigned time period, you will not like the outcome. And yes, this is a threat. Sincerely, Somerset.