Heavenly Poison
Chapter 30

Damien Gray

“What?” I shouted in a growl, grabbing the collar of his shirt roughly with both of my hands. “What happened?”

“I don’t know, Damy. She was doing that when I got home to see Tania. Maybe she’s had enough,” Sebastian said, shrugging.

It surprised me that he didn’t even try to get out of the hold I had him in.

“You didn’t try to stop her!”

“She was set on leaving. There was nothing I could do. I ran here as fast as I could,” he said.

“She’s not going anywhere!” I snapped, letting go of him.

“I don’t know if you’ll be able to change her mind, Damy,” Sebastian shrugged.

It almost seemed like he was trying not to smile. It angered me that he was happy that Emilia wanted to leave. I knew that he didn’t like her, but just the day before he had told me to get my shit together with her. He was already celebrating that she was trying to leave me.

“Damien, you have to calm down,” Wayne said, as I passed by him.

I was getting out of the pack building as fast as I could, but Wayne, Randy, and Sebastian were all following after me.

“She’s not going to leave me! I’m her mate!” I snapped at him.

“I know, all I’m saying is that you should calm down,” Wayne said.

I didn’t wait for anyone else to give me any more unwanted advice. As soon as I stepped outside, I shot up in the sky.

I made it to the mansion in record time. My anger was driving me, but most of all, I was nervous. I never thought she would leave me. She’d only given me an ultimatum once before, and it had been a very weak one. Emilia had never threatened to leave, especially not her pack.

On my way inside the house, I bumped into Tania.

“Damien,” Tania said, widening her eyes when she saw me.

“Are you helping her?” I snapped, wanting to lash out at anyone.

“Helping her with what?” Tania asked, but she was smiling at me.

She looked happy that Emilia was leaving me. Both she and Sebastian had probably been excitedly waiting for Emilia to make that decision.

“Are you helping Emilia leave me? It was probably your idea, wasn’t it? She would never leave me! She would never decide this on her own!”

I closed my eyes and tried to level my breathing before I did something I would regret. I wanted to keep yelling at Tania, but I knew that was because I was angry.

“Are you accusing me, or trying to tell yourself that she wouldn’t leave you?” Tania asked. “I’m out of here,” she said, and walked away from me before I got another word out.

I had been about to sense Emilia out, when I noticed her on the very top of the stairs. She was holding a suitcase in her hands.

When I slammed the door shut, with more force than was necessary, Emilia turned towards me. She was frowning, even though I was the one who should’ve been mad that she was leaving without telling me.

I took the stairs two at a time. I was waiting for her to explain what she was doing and why. I couldn’t understand how she had come to the conclusion that leaving would be a good idea, but I was going to demand an explanation.

“What are you doing here?” Emilia asked, narrowing her eyes at me.

“I already know your little plan,” I told her in a low voice.

She slightly pulled back, and gave me a confused expression. I snatched the suitcase from her hands, and easily threw it behind me, far away from her reach.

“What are you doing?” Emilia snapped, sounding annoyed.

“Stopping you,” I retorted.

“What?”

“I know what you and Tania are planning. I know it was her idea. It’s not going to happen,” I threatened.

Emilia frowned at me, and tried to move passed me to get the case. “Why not?”

“I’m not letting you go.”

It was what I had been trying to avoid— spilling all of my thoughts to Emilia, but I practically felt them slipping out.

“What?”

“I love you. You know that I love you, Emilia,” I desperately said, trying to get everything out of my chest.

“I love you too, Damien,” Emilia softly replied.

“I want us to be together, but I don’t know if we’re ready for a baby. We’re sixteen, for God sakes. What are we going to do with a baby? Can you imagine? What if it’s born a mutant — a freak? We don’t know how a kid from us will turn out. I’m a freak enough as it is. I don’t need to be passing on all the bad in me to some poor child.”

“You’re freaking out, Damien,” Emilia calmly said.

“Of course I’m freaking out!” I snapped. “I want you so much it hurts. I hurt myself yesterday so that I didn’t feel turned on when thoughts of you came to mind. You were making me cry. Literally, you made me cry. You were projecting all of your emotions at me and it was making me cry. I love you, Emilia. I’m just scared of what mating and having a baby because of it will mean for us.”

“Is that what worries you?”

“Partly, but I know I don’t want to be a father yet. I can barely manage the pack as it is.”

“You’re doing a great job with the pack,” Emilia said, reassuringly.

“Barely,” I muttered.

“You’ve had a lot more to deal with than most Alphas, and you haven’t given up yet.”

“I’ve been close,” I admitted.

“But you haven’t done it. You’re here. You worry about the pack and you care for them even though they weren’t your responsibility. You’re a good Alpha, Damien. Hell, most Alphas take over at eighteen. You’re already doing it now. It’s a lot to take in, but you’re doing it.”

“I’m doing this for you.”

“I know, and I love you for it. There’s nothing to worry about with the baby thing,” she said.

“Yes, there is. It’s all I can think about now. I mean, what if I go to war with Layton and we lose? What if they come after you and the baby we have? What if they hurt you while you’re pregnant and I end up losing you? Or what if the baby kills you? I mean, is it going to be a puppy? Are we going to have a puppy or will it be a baby? Because I am pretty sure if you have a puppy, it would kill you!”

“That won’t happen, Damien,” Emilia said, in between smiling at me and tearing up.

“It can happen!” I snapped, because it was true.

I might’ve been getting paranoid, but all sorts of things could happen, and I didn’t know if I was ready to handle it all.

“Damien, we don’t shift until we turn thirteen. Once I get pregnant, I will have a baby, not a pup. And we call them pups, not puppies,” she clarified.

When Emilia tried to get in my arms, I stepped back from her.

“Don’t,” I told her, and the smile on her face disappeared.

“I think if you touch me right now, I’ll end up making love to you right here. I couldn’t think about anything else this morning and it was driving me insane,” I said, as I anxiously ran my hand through my hair.

“I don’t know what you’re doing to me, but I can’t think of anything but you. And when I’m not thinking about you, I’m feeling you and what you feel. It wasn’t this strong before,” I said, pacing the room.

“It’s normal. These feelings are usually leveled, but you were ignoring them for too long. They’re all shooting through you at once,” she explained.

It was a logical explanation that sucked.

“I was always able to feel you. I didn’t want to want you, but I did,” I told her, sounding defeated.

“Yes, but you tried to resist it. The bond, you shouldn’t fight it. It’s there for a reason.”

When I slumped myself in the ground, Emilia sat in front of me. I tried to push her away. I thought it was a bad idea for her to be touching me while I wanted her, very much.

Emilia ignored all my pleas, and took both of my hands in hers, making me look up.

“If you didn’t want to mate, you could’ve told me. You didn’t have to run away from me, and hurt yourself,” Emilia said, nodding down at the bruises still present in my body.

“I want to mate with you. I just don’t want the other thing,” I told her, looking down at her stomach.

Emilia gave me a half smile, and cupped my cheek so that I looked up at her. Her hand felt very small and delicate against my face. I enjoyed her touch— perhaps a little too much.

“Then you should’ve told me that. We could wait. You didn’t have to go through this alone.”

“And be around you while all I want to do is…” I said, and my eyes hungrily roamed over her body.

I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t usually as hormonal or out of control. I had gotten like that lately, ever since I had moved into the mansion.

“We could do other things,” Emilia said, sounding shy all of a sudden. “I don’t want to mate until it’s the real thing. I don’t want to do it until you plan to claim me, but if you have… urges, we can do other things,” she suggested.

Her hands, which had been resting on the side of my face, started trailing down my body.

She ran it teasingly over my chest, which was bare, until she reached my jeans. I grabbed her hand and pulled it away before she could continue.

I cursed at myself for stopping her, but I knew our conversation was far from over.

“Were you really going to do it?” I asked her.

She nodded at me, and tried to grab me again. I held a stronger grip on her hand and pulled her away. It took her by surprise, which was why it was easier to move her.

“I don’t mean that,” I said. “I’m talking about the suitcase. Were you going to go through with it?”

“Well, yes,” she easily said, not even thinking about her words or the fact that they actually hurt to hear.

“You were really going to leave me?” I quietly asked.

I wasn’t sure why I waited for her to answer when I already knew what she was going to say.

“What?” Emilia asked.

“Sebastian told me. I guess he got here while you were packing,” I said, looking away from her.

“What are you talking about? Damien, that suitcase belongs to Tania,” Emilia said, sounding genuinely confused.

“Tania?” I asked, frowning at her.

“Yes, this morning she asked me if she could keep some clothes here for whenever she stayed over with Sebastian.”

“What?” I stupidly asked.

“She took off with Sebastian. He dropped her off a little while ago. Tania just gave me the suitcase and practically begged me to put it away. She was in a hurry. I think Sebastian was going to take her out,” Emilia shrugged, causally.

I closed my eyes, and started taking deep breathes. They had played me. I couldn’t help but laugh, but I was still pissed off that they had done that.

“Sebastian ran into the pack building and told me you were leaving. I saw Tania on the way out. She said the same thing,” I explained, because Emilia looked lost.

“Oh,” Emilia mumbled, and she started laughing.

“It’s not funny,” I said, frowning down at her.

Emilia was shaking with laughter, and she leaned against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, even though I didn’t think it was funny at all.

After Emilia calmed down, I walked with her downstairs. Emilia leaving had obviously been a plot from Sebastian and Tania, who were probably laughing their asses off at my expense.

The only good thing about it was that Emilia couldn’t stop smiling and giggling at me.

“You’ve done worse things to me, and I didn’t leave you then,” Emilia said, while she started making some breakfast.

She turned to look at me and there was a glint in her eyes.

“That doesn’t exactly make me feel better,” I grumbled out.

“It’s not meant to make you feel better. You’re a jerk. I’m just saying that if I didn’t leave you the other times, I wouldn’t have done it this time,” she shrugged, leaning over and kissing my lips.

“You could grow tired of it. Give up and take off,” I said in a low voice, trying to see how she reacted to my words.

“I love you too much, Damien. I thought you already knew that,” she said.

“But we all have a limit,” I insisted.

“I love you,” she repeated, placing her hands on either side of my face.

“I don’t want a baby, not yet,” I said, because I wanted to make sure she knew that I wasn’t giving in on that.

“I can see that, really,” Emilia said, pulling away from me. “You made it obvious yesterday.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you. I just didn’t know what to say.”

It was a weak defense, but it was all I had. Telling her that I desired her, I just didn’t want to get her pregnant yet, didn’t seem like something she would want to hear.

“You hurt me more with the way you acted. Sebastian felt bad for me. Sebastian,” she said, emphasizing on his name.

“I know.”

“He was ignoring me all morning. But when he saw me, he felt bad for what had happened between us even though he didn’t have a clue what I had told you.”

“The other night, he didn’t mean to scare you,” I told her.

“He apologized,” Emilia said, and she grabbed the food from the stove. A calm silence settled around us while she served breakfast.

“We talked a bit, and Tania played intermediate. I guess we sort of patched things up,” she said, taking a seat on the stool across from me.

“That’s good,” I said, reaching out for her hand.

She nodded, and picked up her fork. We both started eating, but I could tell that something was bothering her.

“Are we good now?”

Emilia looked up from her plate. Her blue eyes started swirling with a dark color, which signified two things. It just didn’t seem like she was turned on or ready to shift.

“Are we?” Emilia asked.

“I’m asking if you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not mad, Damien. I guess I understand why you were gone yesterday. You were thinking. You were scared that I want to shove the baby idea in your face again. It’s why I didn’t want to tell you.”

“I’m glad that you did,” I said, frowning. “I wouldn’t want a surprise like that nine months later,” I said, and I could hear my tone sounded harsh.

“I wouldn’t do that to you!” Emilia growled at me. “I was going to stop you before it got that far. I just didn’t want us to mate because I knew this would happen,” she said, shoving her plate away.

I sighed exhaustedly, and ran my hand through my hair.

“You need to give me time,” I told her.

I felt selfish for telling that to her, but it was all I could do. Emilia widened her eyes at me, and they were starting to get watery.

“You mean, time apart?” Emilia asked, shakily.

“What? No! I mean, you need to give me time to get used to the idea of us mating, and when we decide to finally do it,” I explained.

Once I finished speaking, Emilia literally threw herself across the counter and straight at me. The stool almost toppled over, but I grabbed onto the kitchen island, steadying us.

“I can deal with that,” Emilia said, in a breathy voice against my ear