His Blue Moon Princess
Chapter 92

Where do you come from? A little girl shouldn't be here.

I'm not little! ...I'm with my brother.

A brother? Ok... Is he not with you?

He... Told me to go away, so I decided to walk. Are you alone?

For now, yeah...

...Is it really painful?

I said stop looking.

It's ok, I've seen blood before you know.

Where did you get that scar...?

....

***

I'm fighting to stay awake. My head is so heavy... I can feel his presence, somewhere in the darkness of that room. He is mumbling something, reeking of alcohol. That monster. I try to keep my eyes open. I look for my wolf. What happened to her? Marcus must have drugged me because I can't feel her at all. How many hours have passed?

Besides my wolf, I'm scared because I can't feel my bond with Damian anymore. Moon Goddess, I hope he is okay. I miss him so much already... Why did I ever think this could be only a wolf thing? I love him. I love him so much, so, so much... The memories of our time together, in his bed, warm my heart. His arms around me, his fingers caressing my skin... The way he stares at me, with his silver eyes filled with tenderness. His firm kisses, the spiky beard he kept because I told him I liked it... Moon Goddess, I miss him.

I need to replace a way to get back to him. I open my eyes again, trying to replace Marcus, but without my wolf, it's too hard. That psychopath can go mad at any minute. He is staying away for now, but his kick earlier was no coincidence; he may try to go at it again, and kill for good in the process. No way I'm letting him get close to me.

My wolf, I need my wolf...

I try to remember what Elena taught me. Tonia taught me how to fight, but Elena was the one to give me the clues to get closer to my inner wolf. She compared it to seeing myself in a mirror, reaching out for differences in my own reflection. My inner wolf is a reflection of myself. But getting to her is... No, she has to be there somewhere.

I need to reach her, in my... subconsciousness. I think I need to get unconscious again, that might help... Like some hypnosis. It might work.

It's not too hard. I've been fighting this urge to sleep all along, but what I am worried most is... will I wake up again after that? I feel the pain in my stomach, and the blood drying on my leg. I'm self-aware of my current state. Alec beat me before, but never this badly. I know this might be my last time closing my eyes, but... This is my only chance to replace my wolf and reunite with Damian. I have to.

It only takes a few seconds. I fall into slumber...

In a white room, I'm sitting in front of a great mirror. I breathe in and approach it slowly. Why is it that I have two reflections? On my right is my wolf, standing proudly, her perfect white fur shiny brightly. I walk towards her, but when I get close, she suddenly starts growling furiously. I can't approach her? Why is she rejecting me? I... Wait, is this really my wolf? She... Something's wrong about her. The scar! She doesn't have my scar on her left eye. She is perfect, her sapphire blue eyes glaring at me. She's different but... I still feel she is my wolf. I try to get close again, but she growls, warning me not to come closer. She will really attack, so I step back.

I turn around, looking at the other reflection. It's not a wolf... I walk closer. It's a little girl, curled up, hiding her face in her arms. It's as if she's crying, yet I can't hear any sound coming from her. I approach, and she lifts her face. She's... me. Me, when I was a child. I stare at all her bruises, cuts. She looks malnourished and weak. Her hair is a mess, and the scar on her face is slowly bleeding.

"Who are you?" She asks.

"I am you."

She shakes her head. "You can't be me."

"I am you, in the future, I think."

"I don't have a future."

"You do. You are... my past."

"Wrong," she says.

She's not? But she looks exactly like what I used to look like... I turn around, and the wolf is glaring at us, still growling. So, I address the little girl again.

"Who are you?" I ask

She shrugs.

"Who are you?" She asks.

"I...."

How do I answer that?

"My name is Nora."

"You're just a name?"

"No, I am... a werewolf, too."

She stares at me, in disbelief. What else can I say? Who am I...? Does she mean my past or my identity? My family? My friends? What do I do?

"I am you," I say.

"You're not me!" She yells.

"I am your future."

"I don't have a future."

"You do," I insist.

"I can't. I'm dead, you know."

She... wait, what? I shake my head. "You are not dead! You're just... The past, my past."

"No, I'm the one you killed. Look at me. You're not me anymore. So, I'm dead."

What she says is right, in some way, but... Why doesn't it feel right? I look at her again. The fresh cut on her face... Is she me from when I was seven, after my parents' death? It's when Alec and I lived in the slums...

"...I'm sorry," I whisper.

This time, she looks surprised. "Sorry?"

"Yes. Because I should have been stronger."

"I'm not strong... I'm hungry," She frowns.

I remember. Every day was a struggle back then. We didn't replace enough for both of us to eat and went many days without having anything. I hate those memories... Striving to survive, looking for scraps among the trash... My scar, too, probably wouldn't have been so wide and visible if it had been treated properly.

"It gets better," I say.

"Not for me. I'll stay here, hungry. I've always been here."

I don't get it. Isn't she a memory...? Why is she there? I turn to look at the wolf again. She is staring at us, looking annoyed again. Is she another memory, too? But I never was in that form without a scar... What is she, then? I turn to my younger self again. "Why don't you go to the wolf?"

"What wolf?"

She can't see her? I point to the wolf's direction, but she just looks confused. Why can't she see her? Oh right, I couldn't feel my wolf yet back then... Is this the reason?

But then, what can I do? There is no food here.

"What do you need then?" I ask.

She suddenly starts crying. "You should know! Why don't you give it to me!"

I shake my head, helpless. "I don't have any food..."

"I don't want food! I don't care about food! You never give me what I want!" She cries, tears overflowing.

I

She doesn't want food? She said she was hungry! I look at her crying, lost at what to do. What is it she wants, then? I don't have anything. Behind us, the wolf is calmly sitting down, staring at everything I do. Is she waiting for something too...? The little girl keeps crying, but I have no clue what she wants... What did I want back then? I was only starving... Day after day, it's only a blur now. I was lost after my parents' death, and Alec suddenly closed himself to me; I was all alone.

I was so lonely... I look down at her, and all of sudden, my emotions go back to who I was. I start crying, too, my heartbreaking from that loneliness. It was so hard... Cold, hungry, and lonely. There was no one to help me.

I crouch down facing her, and start caressing her hair gently. "It's going to be okay... We will make friends later. We will have so many people around us, you'll see! Damian, Liam, Nate, Bobo, Tonia..."

"You're lying!"

"No, I'm not! I promise. We have so many people caring for us in the future."

"It can't be. No one wants me."

"You..."

She won't believe me. Why would she? I never believed anyone would want me, back then. Suddenly, I feel awfully lonely, too. I want Damian... I want him to take me in his arms.

"I hate you," she says.

"I'm sorry..."

"You hate me, too!"

"I don't hate you!"

But she glares at me. I don't hate her... I don't hate my past. I learned to live with it, even the worst of it, even the saddest memories. What is she craving then?

Suddenly, I realize. I was so lonely back then, I had no one. No one wanted me, no one loved me....Not even myself. I stare at her again. She's the me I never loved. The weak me, the pitiful me. I remember Damian's words... He said it's okay for me to be scared, and it's okay for me to be sad. Did I ever allow myself to cry like this as a child? I convinced myself I had to be quiet... Alec convinced me I didn't deserve anything. But worse, I convinced myself of that, too.

I bow down and hug the little child against me, tightly. I caress her hair, trying to think of how I wanted to be hug back then.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry I didn't even love myself. I will learn, I promise. Forgive me."

She starts crying again, bawling out while holding on to me too. But the more she cries, the more relieved I feel. Behind her, I look at the wolf; not wanting to go to her anymore. That wolf isn't me. She is the one I've always wanted to be. The perfect, fearless, beautiful and strong white wolf.

But I'm not perfect, and I will never be. It's like Damian said. I have to allow myself to be weak sometimes, and to cry, too. I have to learn to rely on others, and to have faith in my friends. I need to accept their love and love myself. I don't need to be a perfect Luna for Damian. He probably wouldn't love me if I was. I think he said it before. He loves how fragile I can be, and how I make him doubt and wonder. I can be that girl. I can be... me.

"Thank you..."

As she whispers that, she suddenly vanishes from my arms, and a wave of warmth washes over me. I look at the wolf again, and this time, she has changed. My scar is there. She looks a bit thinner, too, and not as mighty. But that's my wolf. That's me. She gently walks to me, and I pat her.

"Sorry I didn't listen to you earlier... And sorry I wasn't more gentle with myself... With us."

She puts her head under my arm, and I keep caressing her for a while before she retreats to look me in the eye.

"We need to go back now... To Damian. I need your strength."

She nods, and we put our foreheads against one another. I finally feel her... All of her. As if I had only been hearing an echo all this time. This is me, this is my wolf. She starts growling, louder and louder. I feel a rise of power, something strong and beautiful coming from within.

I wake up to Marcus' yelling.

"What are you doing?! You slut..."

I suddenly get up. I don't know where I get the strength to. I am a she-wolf, I am her. I growl, ready to attack. He takes his g*n, but I jump first. I go for his wrist and bite it as hard as I can. His screaming echoes through the walls, but I don't care. If I back off now, I'll be dead. I bite again, and again, and again while he swears and struggles. Blood flows down all sides. I hear a gunshot, and suddenly he stops moving.

I stop and let go. What a scene... I'm not sure if I killed him, or if he unintentionally shot himself, but... Marcus is dead for good. His repulsive eyes and open injuries are gruesome, and I walk away from it. I stumble a lot. My leg is so painful... But I can barely see anything. I try to replace my dress and put on what's left of it, before walking to the door. I struggle to open it, and while doing so, notice something bright on my shoulders.

Moon Goddess, is that... my own hair? I turned completely white! I check again, but every dark curl suddenly turned into a pure white, like my wolf's fur. Wow, what is this? I don't notice any other changes in this darkness, but my hair is almost glowing. I will wonder later- I need to get out of here...

I finally open the door, and fall into what looks like a forest cabin, or some sort of refuge... It's barely enough for one person, but Marcus made this place a mess. And it reeks of drugs, too. I ignore it and use whatever strength I have left to make it to the door. When I finally open it, I see Liam running to me.

"Nora!"

He seems happy to see me, but as soon as I feel him hugging me, I lose balance, and darkness overtakes me again.